Post: #1

Ok

This is the situation:
My life is a mess, 33 years old, working in a job that i hate (but earn good money) + i work as a freelancer in my spare time. I live in a foreign country with no friends at all (mostly because i have been working a lot, so no social life). My mother and sister live with me and depend on me to survive, and we dont possess a place to live (long sad story, so i have to rent).
Besides this gloomy scenario, i have achieved saving 100k dollars.( a real feat in south america).
I know that this kind of living is making my life miserable, and although i could still live like this for 1-2 years( saving more money in the process) i feel that i'm missing a lots of things to enjoy from life, and also this lifestyle is not healthy for me, I would like to travel, study or live by myself abroad for some time, but i fear quitting my office job would be an irresponsible decision. I thought about buying a home for my family, but i would have to spend all my hard earned money in that ( housing prices are skyrocketing in south america)
losing all my savings...
What the heck should i do?

Post: #2

The question comes down to how much of our lives should we give up for our family. Should you live a miserable life of work bondage because two adults (assuming your sister is an adult) cannot fend for themselves? What is mans duty to his family?

Sometimes it's good to think of an ideal scenario. Here's one for you: you move to some other country/another part of your country and get an even better paying job that you enjoy, which allows you more freedom to travel. At the same time your new job makes you enough money to send back to your family so they are not destitute and out on the street.

Post: #3

Do, or can, your sister or mother work? They should be working if possible, you shouldn't have to pay for everything. Don't let them depend on you for everything and assume you will take care of them no matter what. Of course you should help your family if you can, but you should not have to support them 100% just because they do not want to work. Don't let them be a drain on your life. You only get to live life once, don't let other people waste it.

Also, you do not have to buy a house. With 100k in the bank, you could easily rent them a decent place, quit your job, and travel for several years. Sometimes home ownership does not make financial sense. If you do not have a wife and kids, maybe owning a house isn't necessary. Many people think they must purchase a home, but really they do not.

Post: #4

Does your sister have a job? If not tell her to get one. Why are they living with you in South America and not the United States? What country do you live in? Sounds like a lot of pressure for one man, considering they are both physically able to work.

My suggestion is to give them a time frame to move out. Just because they're your blood relatives does not mean you have to bust your ass for them.

Post: #5

Yeah what's the deal with mom and sister? Why are they relying on you without pulling in an income themselves. They better have a medical excuse or I would kick them both to the curb.

I got kicked out of my house when I was a kid, best thing that ever happened to me.

Post: #6

(06-16-2012 04:57 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  Sounds like a lot of pressure for one man, considering they are both physically able to work.

He didn't say that. Perhaps the mother is ill and the sister must tend to her. Lets wait to find out.

Post: #7

(06-16-2012 05:13 PM)Fathom Wrote:  

(06-16-2012 04:57 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  Sounds like a lot of pressure for one man, considering they are both physically able to work.

He didn't say that. Perhaps the mother is ill and the sister must tend to her. Lets wait to find out.

True

Post: #8

(06-16-2012 04:57 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  Does your sister have a job? If not tell her to get one. Why are they living with you in South America and not the United States? What country do you live in? Sounds like a lot of pressure for one man, considering they are both physically able to work.

My suggestion is to give them a time frame to move out. Just because they're your blood relatives does not mean you have to bust your ass for them.

My mother cant work, she is old(70+) and a retiree. My sister is an adult yeah and also works,
but she doesnt earn a lot of money and her work is temporary unless she finds a new one or
stays at her current one(if she is told to stay).
I'm definitely considering quiting my office job and leaving abroad for some time, but still i will have to pay the rent (600 dollars a month) and without a steady income bothers me a lot..
PS: i not from the United States.

Post: #9

(06-16-2012 05:41 PM)Scarecr0w Wrote:  

(06-16-2012 04:57 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  Does your sister have a job? If not tell her to get one. Why are they living with you in South America and not the United States? What country do you live in? Sounds like a lot of pressure for one man, considering they are both physically able to work.

My suggestion is to give them a time frame to move out. Just because they're your blood relatives does not mean you have to bust your ass for them.

My mother cant work, she is old(70+) and a retiree. My sister is an adult yeah and also works,
but she doesnt earn a lot of money and her work is temporary unless she finds a new one or
stays at her current one(if she is told to stay).
I'm definitely considering quiting my office job and leaving abroad for some time, but still i will have to pay the rent (600 dollars a month) and without a steady income bothers me a lot..
PS: i not from the United States.

I was going by your profile information. What country do you live in? If you want to keep in secret for privacy purposes, that's cool too.

Post: #10

If your sister finds a steady job with better pay, she can contribute more to her and your mother's living expenses while you're away.

Post: #11

What's your line of work? What do you do on a freelance basis? Can the freelance business be scaled up and replace at least a good portion of your day job income? Can the freelance work be done remotely?

I don't think the answer is to just up and leave, but you could start focusing very hard on how to maintain at least a good portion of your income and be able to do your work remotely.

I'm working on the same thing myself. I figure it's worth it to spend 6 months to a year setting up a source of income that can move around with me instead of staying anchored to one place and taking sporadic, temporary trips.

Post: #12

(06-16-2012 06:06 PM)Rah Wrote:  What's your line of work? What do you do on a freelance basis? Can the freelance business be scaled up and replace at least a good portion of your day job income? Can the freelance work be done remotely?

I don't think the answer is to just up and leave, but you could start focusing very hard on how to maintain at least a good portion of your income and be able to do your work remotely.

I'm working on the same thing myself. I figure it's worth it to spend 6 months to a year setting up a source of income that can move around with me instead of staying anchored to one place and taking sporadic, temporary trips.

I work remotely as a freelancer in my spare time mostly as a systems administrator for some clients abroad. Is not a steady income, but maybe if i dedicated to it fulltime it could become steady. I just have to decide if leaving my office job now and take the risk of going freelance mode full time or keep my miserable life earning more money....

Post: #13

(06-16-2012 04:21 PM)Scarecr0w Wrote:  but i fear quitting my office job would be an irresponsible decision. I thought about buying a home for my family, but i would have to spend all my hard earned money in that ( housing prices are skyrocketing in south america)
losing all my savings...
What the heck should i do?

This is a 2 step process
1) how much $ does it cost for your family to live on
2) how much do you need to do what you want to do.

Once you do the math, you'll know if it's a good idea to set aside some cash for your family and what you can do with your own money.

WIA

Post: #14

(06-16-2012 04:21 PM)Scarecr0w Wrote:  Ok

This is the situation:
My life is a mess, 33 years old, working in a job that i hate (but earn good money) + i work as a freelancer in my spare time. I live in a foreign country with no friends at all (mostly because i have been working a lot, so no social life). My mother and sister live with me and depend on me to survive, and we dont possess a place to live (long sad story, so i have to rent).
Besides this gloomy scenario, i have achieved saving 100k dollars.( a real feat in south america).
I know that this kind of living is making my life miserable, and although i could still live like this for 1-2 years( saving more money in the process) i feel that i'm missing a lots of things to enjoy from life, and also this lifestyle is not healthy for me, I would like to travel, study or live by myself abroad for some time, but i fear quitting my office job would be an irresponsible decision. I thought about buying a home for my family, but i would have to spend all my hard earned money in that ( housing prices are skyrocketing in south america)
losing all my savings...
What the heck should i do?

yeah man this is a bit depressing . some of us are prone to frustration and depression (actually it seems like most of us on ths forum are prone to this).

unfortunately, the only one who can figure out what to do is yourself? ask yourself seriously what the fuck is it that you want to do?

personally if I had 100k in cash i would move to hermosa beach california for a year and chill there. but u cant let me decide what u want to do & u have to decide how u want to live a fulfilling life in your own way.

Post: #15

(06-16-2012 06:44 PM)Scarecr0w Wrote:  I just have to decide if leaving my office job now and take the risk of going freelance mode full time or keep my miserable life earning more money....

Sounds like an easy decision to me, especially with your savings. Worst case scenario -- you don't think you could ever find another job like the one you have now if you change your mind later?

Maybe start with trying to find at least one or two sysadmin clients that want to give you regular freelance work. Once you get that nailed down take the leap.

You're lucky in that you have skills that lend themselves to remote work, you should take advantage of that.

Post: #16

I think you should quit your job and make freelancing you full time gig. You already have some clients you said, so I bet you can get more. Read up on freelancing and how to build up your freelancing business. Learn how to position yourself to get top dollar so that you only need a handful of really good clients, as opposed to getting lots of low paying clients.

There's lots of good freelance info out there and people can make a really good living at it if you build up your marketing/networking skill set.

Post: #17

I'd suggest staying with your job and focus on saving cash and improving your lifestyle where you are. It is easy to think that just moving to a new place is going to make you happy but it sounds like you have some personal issues that are going to follow you wherever you go. In this economy, it makes sense to try to be happy where you are (see if your family can help out more/cut expenses, work on developing your freelancing business, try to develop a social life) before you take the big step of leaving your job, particularly if it pays well. Unless you are living in a complete hell hole, it seems like there should be a middle ground between giving up everything and being miserable in your current life.

Post: #18

Thanks for the replies guys. Finding a job that pays as the one I have will be very difficult.( small market + age + being unemployed if I go the freelance way).
Still I think I could find a job that could pay ok in worst case scenario ( if freelance mode turns out bad. )
I would like to live abroad some time but as you may know is not easy for Latin Americans to stay indefinitely in USA or Europe, but 6 or 3 months could still be great for me.
I think I will prepare the way to leave my full time job by December, so I have time to plan what to do and save a couple thousand dollars for my family to use while I
am abroad.

Post: #19

100k doesn't make you rich these days. If you aren't careful, you could spend it really quickly.

Post: #20

Scarecrow, you live in Latin America. You have a good job. You have 100 grand saved up. Besides living with your mom and sister (which I think is your biggest problem), 95 percent of this board is jealous of you.

Just trying to put it in perspective.

Get your mom and sister a separate place, and I bet you won't be miserable anymore.

Post: #21

It's a good job because of the pay,but I don't like it. One downside to it Is that I work on call fifteen days in a month and I don't get paid those extra hours if some shit happens. An anybody working in IT can tell you that shit can happen often specially when you work for a company that gives support to several clients. I'm tired of it, and it sucks even if the pay Is good

Post: #22

Scarecr0w, life is too short to spend it doing something you hate. You will never, ever get these years back no matter how much money you make, save or spend.

That said, if you choose to give it all up and just go traveling the globe and trying to freelance, I recommend you have a rock-solid plan because the guilt of leaving your mother sister behind while you're out seeing the world will weigh on you. You should go see the world, but you absolutely MUST have an airtight plan (as airtight as you can make it). You can very easily spend too much money traveling and living while trying to support your family back home and then the stress quickly sets in. You end up not enjoying your time away and before you know it, you're back home to "reset" and "try and figure things out" while working some shitty job making less money. Don't let this happen to you. Get your affairs in order right now, start planning your escape and go execute!
Good luck.

PS does this story remind anyone else of The Glass Menagerie? Classic play/book.

Post: #23

Reminds me of Kafkas Metamorphosis man.
The son busted his nuts to feed his family who could work but don't, and once he turns into some kind of beetle he got no thanks and died husk-like, miserable and alone in his shit of a room.

Your mother's dependent behavior is not good for your sister either. If she's single and under 30 she has to find herself a man pronto. You should tell her to get a better (not shitty) job in the States somewhere (can she speak English?), and both of you can help put up your mother in a retirement home or some such. This sort of arrangement (siblings, parents, etc in one roof) may have worked in the 1800s when you would marry the village girl, pump her full of babies, and inherit the family farm, but no more.

Women have different demands these days and will see this as baggage. If they are interested in taking care of your nuclear family then you probably have some kind of codependent rabbit boiler on your hands. I hate to say this but the biggest obstacle to your happiness is your family, so you must communicate with them and see what they want, before you build up too much resentment and do something cruel or fall into a deep depression.

The long and short of it:

Short term suggestion: Make a few friends, hang out with them for a while, get yourself a hotel room here and there and try to pick up girls at bars when you have free time. This will make life with the family tolerable. You also need practice making friends and attracting women, I would guess (?) .

Long term suggestion: Depending on your mother's expected longevity (cruel to imagine but a consideration you have to make since it's unlikely your sister will) this is what determines your long term strategy. Is it common for women in your family to live to 70, 80, 90, or even 100? If she is currently ill and probably won't live long my long term would be stay at home and keep her company, but work out so aging won't affect your pursuit of women. If she will live much longer (like twenty or thirty years), you have to make steps for her to live assisted somewhere else so you can get your own place. You three have to communicate and figure out a way for your sister to earn a not shitty income, and for your mother to live somewhere else, if she ever wants grandkids, anyhow.

Post: #24

(06-16-2012 05:41 PM)Scarecr0w Wrote:  

(06-16-2012 04:57 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  Does your sister have a job? If not tell her to get one. Why are they living with you in South America and not the United States? What country do you live in? Sounds like a lot of pressure for one man, considering they are both physically able to work.

My suggestion is to give them a time frame to move out. Just because they're your blood relatives does not mean you have to bust your ass for them.

My mother cant work, she is old(70+) and a retiree. My sister is an adult yeah and also works,
but she doesnt earn a lot of money and her work is temporary unless she finds a new one or
stays at her current one(if she is told to stay).
I'm definitely considering quiting my office job and leaving abroad for some time, but still i will have to pay the rent (600 dollars a month) and without a steady income bothers me a lot..
PS: i not from the United States.

1. is the 100k cash savings? or are you talking about things like retirement accounts, or some combination of retirement, investments, cash, etc?

2. Is the rent the only thing you have to pay for them? If so, and if you have 100k in cash, think of things this way. For $7200, barely over 7% of your total assets, you are buying yourself an entire year of your life to do with as you choose. or just go half a year for $3600 and spend the other half making it as memorable as possible. You return 6 months laters and still have around 90k.

Post: #25

(06-19-2012 07:10 PM)snoop Wrote:  

(06-16-2012 05:41 PM)Scarecr0w Wrote:  

(06-16-2012 04:57 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  Does your sister have a job? If not tell her to get one. Why are they living with you in South America and not the United States? What country do you live in? Sounds like a lot of pressure for one man, considering they are both physically able to work.

My suggestion is to give them a time frame to move out. Just because they're your blood relatives does not mean you have to bust your ass for them.

My mother cant work, she is old(70+) and a retiree. My sister is an adult yeah and also works,
but she doesnt earn a lot of money and her work is temporary unless she finds a new one or
stays at her current one(if she is told to stay).
I'm definitely considering quiting my office job and leaving abroad for some time, but still i will have to pay the rent (600 dollars a month) and without a steady income bothers me a lot..
PS: i not from the United States.

1. is the 100k cash savings? or are you talking about things like retirement accounts, or some combination of retirement, investments, cash, etc?

2. Is the rent the only thing you have to pay for them? If so, and if you have 100k in cash, think of things this way. For $7200, barely over 7% of your total assets, you are buying yourself an entire year of your life to do with as you choose. or just go half a year for $3600 and spend the other half making it as memorable as possible. You return 6 months laters and still have around 90k.

Just 100k cash savings thats it.
Well the most important thing that i pay is the rent ( which is the most expensive cost that we have), but also i help with other things like food, and utilities. Still your assesment of point number 2 is possible.
I'm also wondering if its a good decision to study a master's degree abroad, (not the US because its outrageously expensive for foreigners) but maybe in europe. I could earn a masters degree while living abroad for some time...
what do you think?