A ROOSH CHRISTMAS CAROL!!!!!
A Roosh Christmas Carol by the Captain Power:
One night Roosh was sleeping in an elderly Lithuanian woman's studio apartment that he rented off airbnb.com, when he was suddenly awoken by a cold spirit!!!
Roosh looked up towards the ceiling, and Virgle Kent was floating above him naked....
"Virgle is that you?"............ "How the hell did you get up there????"
"Rooosshhhhh, it is meeeeeeee Virglleeeeee.........You have been bad Rooosshhhh..baaaaddddddd......... Tonight you will be visited by 3 ghosts. Bewarrrreeeee, bewarrrreeeeeee!!!!!!!!"
And like THAT! Roosh woke up in a cold sweat....
"Was I just dreaming???" "Was Virgle Kent just floating in my room? "And why was he naked??
Roosh decided that it was just a bad dream, and he quickly went back to sleep....
About 30 minutes later Roosh was awoken by another cold breeze.......
"ROOSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
It was the Indian RACE TROLL!!!!
"Rooooosshhhhh" Come with meeeeeeeeee"""""""
And just like that, the ghost of the Indian Race Troll grabbed Roosh by the arm, and they started flying away together....
"Where are you taking me?" asked Roosh...
"Take a look down there!"....replied the Indian Race Trolll
Roosh looked down, and it appeared that they were somewhere in the Ottoman Empire around 1880.....and there is Roosh's Great Great Grandfather!!!
"Wow, that's him! " I recognize him from some picture's that my parents showed me!!!"
"That's right" replied the IRT......"But take a closer look"
"Wow, so it looks like he has 8 wives!!! Nice......and he also has a decent size house, some goats.....but what is he holding in his hand????"
"Roooosshhhh, he is holding a boat ticket to AMERICA" " A One way pass directly to Washington DC"....replied the IRT
"Wait, my great, great, grandfather has a nice home and 8 wives, and he wants to emigrate to Washington DC????"
"What is he crazy!!!!!" And with that Roosh started yelling at his great, great, grandfather......
"NOOOOO, don't do it!!!!!! Dc is horrible, and your family will be miserable!!!!"
"Its no use" replied the IRT........."He can't hear you.............."
"BTW, Roosh do you think that light skinned Indian men can score with European or light skinned Brazilian girls??"
"Oh Jesus" And with that Roosh Banned him again....
30 minutes later Roosh woke up......"Wow, that was another really bad dream."
When all of a sudden another image started floating above his head...
Its was Tuthmosis!!!
"Roosshhhhhh, you need to change your wayssss Rooshhhhhhhhh"""" "Come with meeeeee"
And this time Tuthmosis grabbed his hand and they started flying away together....
"Where are you taking me now??" asked Roosh....
"Remember last week when you filmed your youtube video about Big Ass Books?" replied Tuthmosis.....
"Yeah I remember"
"Well look at you now"..... "Its Saturday night, you haven't gotten laid in 2 weeks, and you are sitting in the living room making a You tube video about large books" "What ever happened to big titties Rooossshhhhhhh???"
"What??!??!".....Roosh was insulted by what this ghost had just asked him......
His response seemed to anger Tuthmosis, his face turned bright red, and suddenly he enlarged into a great giant!!!
"DO YOU NO LONGER LIKE BIG TITTIES ROOSH?????"
His powerful voice frightened Roosh.....
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry" Roosh replied....."I just got so bored of chasing ass, that I wanted to read some books....I'm sure some of the guys want to read about Ancient Greece!!!"
"I'll change my ways, I promise!!!!" Just please let me go back !!!"
And with that, Roosh awoken again....
"Wow, this is becoming a horrible night...I don't know what is wrong with me!!"
When all of a sudden ANOTHER spirit appeared in his bedroom!!!
It was Death!! The grim reaper had appeared....
"Come with me Roosh"...replied Death in his deep voice...
This time Roosh followed the grim reaper into a cemetery...
"What are we doing here?" asked Roosh.................
"Take a look at the tombstone" replied Death...
Roosh bent down to the ground to read the letters off a small tombstone.....
The letters started " Here Lies ROOSH"
Roosh started getting hysterical...."NO, No this cant be! Is this for real?? Am I dead??"
"KEEP READING" replied Death...
Roosh continued to read the rest of the writing "Here Lie's Roosh...Died in 2069 from complications with AIDS"
"Wait a minute......I died when i was 90 years old from AIDS???"
"That's not bad at all!!!! ........."So why did you take me here Death??"
"Nobody really dies from AIDS anymore Roosh, I just wanted to let you know that you are the MAN!
Power out!
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