Post: #1

Having a few issues at home recently. Live with 2 other couples long time friends.

I am finding that i am getting consistently challenged by one of the woman and the other one backs her up. Over all sorts of insignificant crap. The main instigator is an alpha female bitch personality. The only reason i notice this, is that it never happens to the other guys in the house.

My questions are why is this happening? Do they sniff beta on me?

I try not to get wound up but it seems so unnecessary it annoys me. The course of action i try to take but not always manage to follow is to just be nonchalant and not argue back. Whats the thought on managing this behavior?

Post: #2

(07-24-2013 03:49 PM)Bricks Wrote:  Having a few issues at home recently. Live with 2 other couples long time friends.

I am finding that i am getting consistently challenged by one of the woman and the other one backs her up. Over all sorts of insignificant crap. The main instigator is an alpha female bitch personality. The only reason i notice this, is that it never happens to the other guys in the house.

My questions are why is this happening? Do they sniff beta on me?

I try not to get wound up but it seems so unnecessary it annoys me. The course of action i try to take but not always manage to follow is to just be nonchalant and not argue back. Whats the thought on managing this behavior?

Can you give some examples? Living with non-feminine/agreeable women is a bad, bad idea in general. Why are you living there?

Post: #3

(07-24-2013 03:54 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

(07-24-2013 03:49 PM)Bricks Wrote:  Having a few issues at home recently. Live with 2 other couples long time friends.

I am finding that i am getting consistently challenged by one of the woman and the other one backs her up. Over all sorts of insignificant crap. The main instigator is an alpha female bitch personality. The only reason i notice this, is that it never happens to the other guys in the house.

My questions are why is this happening? Do they sniff beta on me?

I try not to get wound up but it seems so unnecessary it annoys me. The course of action i try to take but not always manage to follow is to just be nonchalant and not argue back. Whats the thought on managing this behavior?

Can you give some examples? Living with non-feminine/agreeable women is a bad, bad idea in general. Why are you living there?

Interesting point. Didnt want to live with people i dont know. The room came free so i jumped at it.

Examples:

I stood up from a chair and it fell down the stairs leaving a very small hole in the wall, i was alone at the time. I owned up to everyone and said i would get it fixed when my friend who is a builder is coming to stay. Last night it got brought up again about "how easy it would be to fix" they both started nattering about how they could do it easy (lol) and how i should just do it. I reiterated the builder was coming to stay, Then it comes to "I dont care i just want it done" all aggressive at me.

Another time i had an angry girlfriend downstairs so when i finished my meal i wacked my plate down and nipped downstairs and talked to her. I NEVER leave my plates etc unwashed. We all cook and clean one night each a week. I get back upstairs and the bitch has dumped my keys in the sauce on the plate and left. Have seen the other guys do this on multiple occasions and get their plates washed.

I understand that both of these are things that are my fault but my point is if it was the other guys they would get off scott free where as i get targeted. any thoughts?

Post: #4

Wow - that just sounds like they are crazy. Especially the key thing.

Do you have a history with them - you mentioned they are long time friends. Is there anything besides your examples that you might have done in the past that is unresolved? Women seem to hold on to bitterness and grudges. And reasoning with them is hard. You might have to apologize just for them to get over it. After all they have hamster brains and the shit just spins around in their heads.

Post: #5

(07-24-2013 04:19 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  Wow - that just sounds like they are crazy. Especially the key thing.

Do you have a history with them - you mentioned they are long time friends. Is there anything besides your examples that you might have done in the past that is unresolved? Women seem to hold on to bitterness and grudges. And reasoning with them is hard. You might have to apologize just for them to get over it. After all they have hamster brains and the shit just spins around in their heads.

Me and the alpha bitch did get into a political argument. It was dumb and my fault she got red in the face and pretty much started hyperventilating, but i brought it up. I did apoligise for bringing it up the next day but not for my stance to which she couldn't seem to handle. This has kind of put us in adversarial positions i guess, but since i was over it the second after it happened i assumed she would be also. This is quite possibly the correct answer.

The other female probably goes along with her as she she is a weaker personality.

What are your guys thoughts on dealing with this kind of behaviour?

Post: #6

(07-24-2013 04:27 PM)Bricks Wrote:  

(07-24-2013 04:19 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  Wow - that just sounds like they are crazy. Especially the key thing.

Do you have a history with them - you mentioned they are long time friends. Is there anything besides your examples that you might have done in the past that is unresolved? Women seem to hold on to bitterness and grudges. And reasoning with them is hard. You might have to apologize just for them to get over it. After all they have hamster brains and the shit just spins around in their heads.

Me and the alpha bitch did get into a political argument. It was dumb and my fault she got red in the face and pretty much started hyperventilating, but i brought it up. I did apoligise for bringing it up the next day but not for my stance to which she couldn't seem to handle. This has kind of put us in adversarial positions i guess, but since i was over it the second after it happened i assumed she would be also. This is quite possibly the correct answer.

The other female probably goes along with her as she she is a weaker personality.

What are your guys thoughts on dealing with this kind of behaviour?

What was the nature - more specific. Obviously, you hit a nerve and she started hyperventilating. Has she ever hyperventilated before in an argument with you?

Point being, is this normal for her. Or very unusual. If it is very unusual, well it might have required more effort to make it alright. And I assume this happened before the other two incidents, correct? If the guys are your friends, maybe you need to casually bring up this argument and see if you can figure out how much damage it did. Regardless if you are right, it is all about their feelings and how they see you. I know all the alphas wanna say be tough about it. And not give a shit. But consider if this disharmony gets worse it may start to impact your dynamic with your guy friends who have to deal with these women. Remember, you live there not like you are just visiting and can go somewhere else. So I suggest not making it worse. Either you patch it up, move, politely ignore it. Don't add to it.

Any form of communication with another human being is not just words. Body language, your way of being and your intent (sincerity may be another way to see it) all matter. On a personal note, some asshole who was doing his 12 step program wanted to apologize and say he was going to be a better man, etc. I just heard him and hung up. I didn't believe him, he was full of shit. And I dislike him so much that I didn't care to tell him, I didn't believe him. I could have been of service to him and said, "I don't believe you, I don't think your heart is in this." and maybe he could have had some personal growth. But like I said, he is an asshole and I didn't care to talk to him more than I wanted. The point of that story is an apology is meaningless without sincerity. At the same time, if you are not sorry - fuck it don't apologize. I am not saying she is right, blah blah. I am saying you can be strategic and end the headache or deal with it. But don't make it worse - always unintended consequences with crazy chicks. You don't need the police showing up over some false claim. Or just move.

That will be a nickel for my services.

Post: #7

(07-24-2013 04:31 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  What was the nature - more specific. Obviously, you hit a nerve and she started hyperventilating. Has she ever hyperventilated before in an argument with you?

Point being, is this normal for her. Or very unusual. If it is very unusual, well it might have required more effort to make it alright. And I assume this happened before the other two incidents, correct? If the guys are your friends, maybe you need to casually bring up this argument and see if you can figure out how much damage it did. Regardless if you are right, it is all about their feelings and how they see you. I know all the alphas wanna say be tough about it. And not give a shit. But consider if this disharmony gets worse it may start to impact your dynamic with your guy friends who have to deal with these women. Remember, you live there not like you are just visiting and can go somewhere else. So I suggest not making it worse. Either you patch it up, move, politely ignore it. Don't add to it.

That will be a nickel for my services.

Checks in the mail.

It was only an argument on her end, really weird situation when i disagreed with her opinion it was like i was attacking her whole being. She does get wound up. There isnt much else i can do to patch up, i apoligised?

what about peoples thoughts on how to handle this?

Being aloof and assholish probably isnt the ideal option.

Post: #8

(07-24-2013 04:41 PM)Bricks Wrote:  It was only an argument on her end, really weird situation when i disagreed with her opinion it was like i was attacking her whole being. She does get wound up. There isnt much else i can do to patch up, i apoligised?

what about peoples thoughts on how to handle this?

Being aloof and assholish probably isnt the ideal option.

Wrong. It wasn't an argument on her end. Women RARELY are able to debate without getting emotional and treating it 100% personally. You attacked HER (regardless of what your intent was, this is how it came across to her which will always be her reality). You can't interact with women as you do with men. You can't expect them to behave logically or separate your picking apart her opinion with you picking apart her.

This is your mistake. You made a big one since you got her so upset she was hyperventilating. If you want to stop this behavior from her you need to address her firmly, but from the direction that you're sorry you hurt her/upset her and that it won't happen again. You need to point out the things she's been doing "blowing up" at you for small things and that what you did was not okay, but that her doing those things is not okay either and you want to move past it.

Tell her you understand that she's still upset/angry with you and that you finally realized that's why she keeps reacting so strongly to the small things you've done. Don't reason with her really, just show her that you understand and have some compassion for her. Just like her recent behavior, your behavior to her in that argument didn't make any sense to her and was bewildering and upset her and put her on the extreme defensive/offensive.

This is only if you think it's worth salvaging the living situation. If they aren't worth it, move the fuck out. Why you'd want to live with two women who behave that way is beyond me, but maybe all you need to do is the above to make it a livable situation again.

Post: #9

Dropped your KEYS in the sauce plate? Ah hell to the motherfucking no. I would have drop kicked her.

Get your $$$$ together and get your own spot. Sounds like crazy bitches to be living with.

Post: #10

What up Bricks.

1) A lot of the story is missing
a) why you living with 2 other couples?
b) where are their boyfriends in all of this?
c) what are you doing to get out of this situation?

2) the scenario - Do they smell beta?

Maybe, maybe not.

The real issue here is that they've sufficiently ground down their boyfriends and now they look @ you, the lone wolf as the next person to put under their thumbs. They generally do not have that fear of a strange man that they SHOULD have. It's one thing to nag your boyfriend, but this other dude? He might slap the shit out of you, and your weak ass boyfriend ain't gonna do shit about it. - that's what should happen, and that's what typically happens when you're at a bar, and your chick is half-way sensible. That dude might bump into her, but if she cares about you, she's not gonna get you into a fight.

But they're trying to beta-ize you, even if you aren't beta. In the dating context, the alpha things that attract her are the very things she'll try and destroy if she gets into a relationship with you - and then she'll leave you.

They may be doing this consciously, but I suspect that the feminine imperative is what is at work here. Something deeply disturbs them about living with an unattached guy - and maybe in their minds you need a woman to civilize you. There might even be some hidden sexual tension as well. This is part of the reason, I really don't blame women for being how they are. This is them. (Feminism though, that's some other shit, that ain't the typical female unconscious behavior on the individual level but something far more malevolent)

But throw in the "herd" mentality, if one goes against you, the other goes against you just so that their in accord. Maybe behind closed doors it's a different story. Girl B might think Girl A overstepped her bounds, but she's going to present a united front.

Also throw in the fact that their men aren't keeping them under control.

If my broad were to get angry with and try to control another man, IN MY PRESENCE AND IN MY HOUSE, I've really lost "hand". No other man should be able to pull her emotional strings like that. (that's the idea at least, the reality is that she's an open book to the best of us)

In this situation, if she's bothered by something that you did, she should tell her boyfriend, and HE should talk to you man to man. To voice her opinion on her own means that Her Boyfriend is put in a spot.

He can't back you up and still live with her, even though he wants to.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOOK HIS SIDE! OMG, YOU ARE ALL THE SAME"

And God Forbid she says something like "this asshole tracks mud onto the carpet, RIGHT HONEY" - Then now you and him have potential beef.

This behavior is common with individual chicks. Throw in a 2nd chick and now you've got some hell on earth.

As to whether you are beta?

There's a commonly held belief in this version of the manosphere, that if you're Alpha enough a bitch just stays docile, cleaning house, cooking food, sucking dick. The only time you see that is in non-Western countries, and even then, those men all exist by the motto, "happy wife, happy life". It's like women were genetically designed to come into your life and think that they're supposed to shape you up. And the second they manage to bend you, they rule you, and get disinterested and go look for another dude to break.

This is what they all do to all men. If relationships are about compromise, best believe you are doing most of the compromising.

So you could be Alpha as fuck, her beta-izing mode will be triggered regardless.

3) As to how to handle the situation

a) Using female shaming language against her - Again, you need to be well versed in girl-ese and have strong frame to do this. But essentially, you're trying to make her hamster spin by using their language. I don't recommend this unless you're an expert. I certainly would not attempt it.

b) Approach the dudes - "Homey, handle your bitch" - You will be greeted with, "man I know dude, but fuck...I can't get away with shit and i'm fucking her..."

c) Fuck em - dismiss everything they say out of hand.

Them -"OMG, you left the chain off the lock, we coulda been raped by roaming Cubans"

You - "So"

d) Fuck em - actually sleep with them. - this may backfire in all sorts of ways, but sometimes some dick will shut the bitch up.

e) Imply that they both want to fuck you - "I don't ever see you get this worked up around your man, you tryna hit this?"

f) Jealousy I - Bring hot girls home regularly. Younger especially.

g) Jealousy II/Chess - One of them likes you more than other, play them against each other.

Girl A - "Why did you DVR that MMA Fight, you're such a violent misogynistic pig"
Girl B - "Yeah, why Bricks, I wanted to watch the Real Housewives of Sheboygan"

You - "Girl B, you always seem to follow girl A, like *insert some other incident unrelated to the DVR* - Does she control you?"

Everytime they throw something you DID, you ask them about who they ARE.

They focus on action, you focus on person.
Then approach them one by one and start sowing seeds of doubt.

Women are notoriously fickle about their friends. I'd say 90% of the guys I knew 20 years ago, I'm still cool with.

How many chicks can say the same about their girl friends?

But we all know the right answer is H.

H) You need to move the fuck out, ASAP.

Let us know how it turns out.

WIA

(07-24-2013 03:49 PM)Bricks Wrote:  Having a few issues at home recently. Live with 2 other couples long time friends.

I am finding that i am getting consistently challenged by one of the woman and the other one backs her up. Over all sorts of insignificant crap. The main instigator is an alpha female bitch personality. The only reason i notice this, is that it never happens to the other guys in the house.

My questions are why is this happening? Do they sniff beta on me?

I try not to get wound up but it seems so unnecessary it annoys me. The course of action i try to take but not always manage to follow is to just be nonchalant and not argue back. Whats the thought on managing this behavior?

Post: #11

Rule #4 of happy household relations.

Don't live with women or gay men.

Also, you should move.

Post: #12

Amen.

(07-24-2013 09:12 PM)McQueensPlayboyRules Wrote:  Dropped your KEYS in the sauce plate? Ah hell to the motherfucking no. I would have drop kicked her.

Post: #13

(07-24-2013 09:12 PM)McQueensPlayboyRules Wrote:  Dropped your KEYS in the sauce plate? Ah hell to the motherfucking no. I would have drop kicked her.

Get your $$$$ together and get your own spot. Sounds like crazy bitches to be living with.

This. I would lose my fuckin shit over that one.

You say their boyfriends are your friends? Well, then they are fucking pussies. They need to put their bitches in check. If the girl is having a problem with you, she should be a lady and take the problem to her boyfriend, who is your friend, and let him handle it with you.

I would never date a bitch so classless that she would drop my friends keys into a plate of spaghetti sauce. I would grill her ass for that.

Of course, my ex girlfriend was very sweet and polite so she never had any problems with my friends, as it should be. Who wants to date some mouthy bitch who goes around dropping peoples keys into spaghetti sauce? Man-jawed bitch.

Post: #14

Man i love this forum. Solid perspectives and advice always.

Wasnt super clear from the beginning but the sitch is complicated. The main chicks Boyfriend is my boy. She just completely dominates him, she is very organised and capable but unattractive he is tall handsome chill guy everyone loves but he kind of needs her to do everything for him. They have this symbiosis where they work well as a team. He doesnt question her on bad behavior just gets uncomfortable.

They are moving out in a month and the room is being left empty so it will be alot more chilled.

I was just wondering why this was happening along with venting. It amazes me people can be so oblivious to the way they come across.

Post: #15

@andriodocean

The point about having to treat woman differently in every sense then men holds so true. You cannot disscuss controversial topics with them like you can a man. Lesson learned.

@westindianarchie

You nailed it about "losing hand" when your girl is acting in such a manner. He has no hand to begin with, but his SMV is so much higher then hers she isnt going anywhere.

Post: #16

I was just in a dominant female household a few months ago. I started planning on getting out. They're very territorial and emotional about where they plant themselves. There's no solution because you can't physically intimidate them in America.


You say you have some communal cooking deal so that is different than my situation.

The main technique I did was just wash all my dishes immediately, just say polite hellos when I saw the queen bitch, and stay in my room so I had no contact with her at all. SHE started trying to make conversation with ME. I didn't bite, just stayed like a ghost until I got a new place.

If you are not even around there is nothing for her to bitch about unless she is genuinely mentally ill and thinks you are a CIA agent or the like.

It's a last ditch, alienating thing to do, but You have some assurance she can't keep contacting you about BS.

+1 for not debating women. You can't change her mind, you can only change her mood. Usually for the worse

She also may be displacing the shit she doesn't like about her BF onto you because you are politically weaker.

I had put in my sublease that I was to get my deposit back within 48 hours of moving out. At first she didn't respond to texts, then I texted that I would just come over to pick up the money. Then she met me and gave me my money.

Post: #17

She is not oblivious of her behaviour she is very aware of it. You should have left right when that key situation happened and you should have called out your "boy". Also there is no such thing as an alpha female thats just a girl who hasnt faced any real consequences to her actions yet just like a bratty child who hasnt been beat up yet. I had to go through something like this my boy got himself a girl with a mother hen complex, she hated me from day one. At first i thought it was just fun and games.. It wasnt, remember that this is not a girl shit testing you this is a bitch outright bullying you and bullies dont stop until you make them. My boy and i arent talking anymore who do you think hes gonna side with? And that girl wont even look at me in the eyes.

Post: #18

(07-25-2013 09:53 PM)dog24 Wrote:  She is not oblivious of her behaviour she is very aware of it. ....

... remember that this is not a girl shit testing you this is a bitch outright bullying you and bullies dont stop until you make them. ...

+1, calling bitches like this bullies is a sharp call, they just get off on pushing people around. I have trouble spotting this in people 'cause it seems to make no sense, but it's real.

Post: #19

dupe

Post: #20

The dropping of the house keys into the unwashed food dish should have been met with you smashing the plate on the floor and leaving it for someone else to clean up.

When confronted you would then have the opportunity to explain yourself and make no apologies, "That cunt over there vandalized my property and this caused me to make a statement that I will not accept that behavior."

If you aren't willing to start doing out of line shit like this then you need to find somewhere else to live. By yourself. Without female roommates.

Honestly I'd just move if I had the means. Not worth risking an escalation that will land you in jail but if you must stay and you want to keep your balls your going to have to make everyone who lives there miserable when you get fucked with.

Oh and I completely concur that this girl is a bully.
This is also the reason why I won't live with guy friends because if they get a live in GF she will act like she owns the place since she is fucking one of the roommates. I don't like the idea of being a guest in my own home.

Post: #21

Quote:But we all know the right answer is H.

H) You need to move the fuck out, ASAP.

This.

Post: #22

Only two things will keep a woman in line: fear and respect. (You would think love, too, right? Nope. Love to a woman means nothing without respect, and quickly degenerates to loathing).

If a woman doesn't feel one of these two emotions towards you, she is almost certainly going to fuck with you. The shit tests will be constant and progressively more irritating.

So based on this woman's behavior, it's quite obvious she neither fears nor respects you. That leads me to believe that you haven't been carrying yourself the way you should.

She is like a child who keeps poking at a dog with a stick. Some dogs would growl in response to this. Some dogs would bite.

You're the dog who just sits there and moans or gets up and walks away.

And that is why she is doing what she's doing.

Post: #23

what happened here? what was the outcome? someone just resurrected a months old thread