Post: #1

One of the main goals of this forum is to help men develop themselves by having them work out, dress well and approach women with a mind towards making them more confident and better able to interact with people. The observation has also been made by myself and other members that many girls can tell everything they need to know about a man in a few seconds. Women have told me that when they see men they feel a certain way about him, like their instincts have selected which men to date automatically. This seems to be analogous to a man being attracted to a woman from just a brief glance and being floored by her beauty and vivacity. Let us call this unspoken evaluation the “vibe”.

Much of the advice offered on this forum is focused on what to say in a particular situation. When telling your friend about a date you can tell him what was said, but you leave the most crucial part out most of the time, that is to say the vibe. How she said something and the emotions she was feeling at the time are more important that what was being said. Mindfulness is one habit that directly improves the vibe, that is to say the energy and emotion that is being transmitted by your body language and received by other people's perception. Think of a guy who comes off as really anxious or inhibited. The anxiety is palpable in this case. If it is this obvious to men it is going to be as perceptible as an air raid siren to women who are more attuned to this kind of thing. With enough mindfulness all your thoughts turn to positive ones. There is no anxiety, fear, neediness or any other psychological disorder that makes other people uncomfortable.

Mindfulness is a habit that when practiced directly trains your mind to be happier, more charismatic and confident. People who suffer bouts of anger, meltdowns, anxiety and other disturbances have seen them improve and eventually dissipate. Mindfulness is not easy at first. Most people will not have the discipline to consistently meditate every day. It is similar to exercising. At first your form is off and you are weak but eventually you improve and you grow strong and eventually enjoy your time at the gym.

Here is what you should do, step by step.

Step 1: The traditional advice developed over the last several thousand years is to be free of intoxicating substances and activities in order to be happiest and be able to have enough focus to effectively do mindfulness. It is hard in this culture because so much of our life is characterized by low or high grade addictions(sugar, porn, internet, cell phones, drugs, alcohol). In my experience the most widespread addiction in the younger cohort(under 30) is definitely pornography. My friends and I have quit porn over the last couple of years and most have gone through a withdrawal period and have seen more confidence and better results with woman afterwards(n=9). I estimate that over 50% of the population under 30 are addicted to porn, probably more like 90%.

Step 2: Sit cross legged with a pillow underneath your posterior, in the lotus position or in a chair or other position. Sit in a quiet room with as few noises as possible. Focus on the part of your nose where the breathe enters the nose. Breathe naturally. If you have trouble feeling this part of your body, breathe slightly forcefully for 10 breathes then return to the natural breathe. Do not be discouraged if your mind wanders and you catch yourself entertaining a thought. Gently shift your focus back to your nose. Do this for 10 total hours, 20 minutes per day.

Step 3. Shift your focus from your nose to the triangular area between the corners of your mouth and the top of your nose. Be mindful of all sensations in this area, perhaps a pulse or air currents. Do this for 10 total hours.

Step 4. Shift your focus to your upper lip and focus on any and all sensations that may arise there. Do this for total 10 hours.

Step 5. The actual vipassana(insight) technique requires a somewhat lengthy explanation. If there is interest I can try and dig up a recording. The previous steps are to prepare your mind to receive this technique.

If you start practicing at first you should feel relaxed after each session and your days should improve. From the people I have trained in this technique I have observed the following after the accumulation of total mindfulness time.

10 hours:
Noticable difference in moods, noticeably more confident, not afraid to say things as much.

30 hours:
Happy most of the time, some occasional bouts of anger that he had before

100 hours:
Drastic improvements in all relationships, happy vast majority of time, very laid back, almost never angry or anxious.

Doing it on your own consistently for this amount of time can be hard. The shortcut to this is to take a donation based Vipassana Meditation retreat. In the 10 day period there are over 100 hours of scheduled mindfulness time, although realistically you can expect to do 75-85. They are free to go to including free food, but they do accept donations once you have completed your 10 day course. This 10 days will be one of the most difficult things most people have done, but also the most rewarding. Try to make sure you can comfortably sit for 1 hour before attending, it may save some muscle soreness later.

Dhamma.org

Map of all Dhamma Locations

There are mindfulness center all over the world that offer the same standardized 10 day program.

After several hundred hours of mindfulness you should be quite a happy individual and quite charismatic. Being good with people is to a large extent about being fearless and offering them good companionship and pleasant conversation. Mindfulness, when practiced habitually, will make you a fun loving, emotionally stable, fearless, charismatic man. It is part of a pyramid of virtuous habits that will make your feel better than you ever have before. You must also avoid addicting activities/substances, eat real food and do the appropriate amount of exercise in order for you to be happy.

If I could go back and tell my 15 year old self what to do I would pull him out of school and have him do a mindfulness retreat and a daily mindfulness habit for a couple of months. This is that important. A hundred hours may seem like a long time but if you are anxious or depressed or have trouble relating to people you could feel miserable for 16 hours a day! Go, be mindful and come out of your misery and live a joyous, fulfilling life!

Post: #2

How did you get into this?

Interesting post.

Post: #3

Great post. It reminds me of a post at the Epic Hustle blog:

Quote:If you trained your mind to the same extent (that you trained your) body, do you really think anything would be impossible for you?

In fact, in the post I linked he actually recommends a Vipassana retreat.

I say this respectfully, but a major issue I have with many posters here is their motivation. They work out...to get girls. They dress well...to get girls. They learn a foreign language...to get girls.

What about doing these things because they make YOU happy? Because you want to be better FOR YOU, not for a woman? Because these things will help you meet higher quality people, have higher quality life experiences, and therefore improve the quality of your life?

IMO mindfulness is part of the solution.

Post: #4

An interesting and timely post. I just began reading "Mindfulness In Plain English" and just began meditating.

I recently discovered that I had been suffering from low-grade stress, probably for years. I had simply accepted the symptoms as a normal part of modern life, but I had a wake up call. I am now taking some proactive steps to address the situation, including meditation.

I agree with BLarsen. Trying to fill your life with anything, including women, in a quest to make you happy is a short-term fix and a long-term losing proposition. Live life and travel for adventure, knowledge, and self-fulfillment. Let the ladies be an added pleasure.

Post: #5

Good thread and a great tip.

My recommendation is to get a mediation stool for a Vipassana sit, or your arse and hips will be 5 different kinds of sore come day six and you will have enough to deal with.
The rational is these practices were developed in India, by Indians where sitting cross legged (or in lotus) for extended periods suited their smaller physiques.
If you are of western/caucasian decent, this isn't going to fly as well for your taller frame.
For home practice I just use a chair, works fine, keeps the blood in my legs and still allows me to drop the body.

To bring this into the stream, and relevance, of the forum at large, my take is this: These sorts of practices allow the subconscious to move a lot more weight a lot quicker as it is being given the time and space to do so.
This isn't something you drive, but by taking your attention elsewhere you're just "getting out of the way" of a natural process.
In my opinion, this is how learning occurs: Experience + processing (time) = Mastery.
Like with anything, enough hours in the field or in the forge brings results. It's my assessment mediation greatly speeds this process up.
So, if running game, the theory is more wisdom gleaned from time spent "in set". You still do the work, you still do the approaches. But you might just find yourself a bit calmer about the whole thing.

Post: #6

Normally I would say something...but today

I'm trying this.

WIA

Post: #7

This is the best review I found on youtube of the course. He says alot of the same stuff I said in my post. There are plenty of other reviews on youtube if you search for "10 day vipassana"




Here is a 52 minute documentary on vipassana in Indian prisons. It is long but worth watching.

(09-02-2013 09:49 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  How did you get into this?

Interesting post.

I wondered what made certain people have a certain charisma about them. Some people naturally attract other people with their vibe. They have a certain intangible quality, a presence that is soothing and makes other want to be around you. I stumbled upon mindfulness as the tool that develops this presence through trial and error and a long process of self improvement.

(09-03-2013 01:36 AM)Tail Gunner Wrote:  An interesting and timely post. I just began reading "Mindfulness In Plain English" and just began meditating.

I recently discovered that I had been suffering from low-grade stress, probably for years. I had simply accepted the symptoms as a normal part of modern life, but I had a wake up call. I am now taking some proactive steps to address the situation, including meditation.

I agree with BLarsen. Trying to fill your life with anything, including women, in a quest to make you happy is a short-term fix and a long-term losing proposition. Live life and travel for adventure, knowledge, and self-fulfillment. Let the ladies be an added pleasure.

Yes, the mindfulness allows you to become aware of thought patterns and anxieties that you have been experiencing for so long that you think they are completely normal. It puts distance between you and these thoughts so that eventually you can feel the effect that a thought has on your body without reacting to it. If you do this several times that particular anxiety will dissipate and will bother you no more. If you go through and systematically rid yourself of these thoughts over long enough of a time all negativity will be purged from your psyche.

Chasing skirts can act like a high for some people and to a certain extent it can be a cycle of misery. You have to ask yourself how much happier will having sex with that next girl make you? In alot of cases it will make you less happy. I stated the benefits in terms of girls because this is a forum focused on getting more girls. All your relationships will improve and for some guys they will be able to break free from the chasing girls -> temporary high -> chase more girls cycle by using this technique. Being free from a deep seated need for approval via sex is a very attractive trait that women can pick up on.

EDIT: Here is another video about vipassana in american prisons:

Post: #8

Chasing skirts isn't always about feeding your ego, or looking for validation. That is blue pill thinking.

Sex with new hot girls feels good in and of itself.

alot of these inner game, New age stuff is trying to pacify desires, truly an opiate for the masses.

trying to deny your manly urges is basically some bull shit

Post: #9

Meditation is great, has significant value, and can certainly have a positive affect on one's life. However, many people who religously meditate still suffer from their own everyday maladies like not being able to balance their checkbook.

I would suggest instead of using meditation to get rid of thoughts and questions, use it to engage them head on and delve more deeply into that area where angels fear to tread. Illuminating our thoughts leads to self-knowledge, which leads to transformation, which leads to a balanced checkbook.

Post: #10

(09-03-2013 02:39 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  Chasing skirts isn't always about feeding your ego, or looking for validation. That is blue pill thinking.

Sex with new hot girls feels good in and of itself.

alot of these inner game, New age stuff is trying to pacify desires, truly an opiate for the masses.

trying to deny your manly urges is basically some bull shit

Meditation doesn't have to be that way...Here's a page about that:

Toxic Meditations

To sum it up, I think he's basically agreeing with you WIA, pointing out that some meditation practices are specifically intended for monks, and not us regular dudes.

I've seen tons of benefits in my life since starting to practice meditation. I've actually signed up for one of these courses but I haven't decided if I will go yet. I'm leaning towards yes, though if I'm honest, I also can't help but wonder if there will be a lot of weirdos there or whatever (...I know, that's just a negative thought / overblown fear and I should not allow it to hold me back...heheh).

I'm rather fond of this Tao Te Ching verse, which to me rings true, and seems quite relevant here:

Quote:Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.

Post: #11

I have tried mediation and almost joined TM but it looked more like a cult to me. When/if I have time during the day to mediatate I would rather read a book.

Post: #12

(09-02-2013 09:38 PM)n0000 Wrote:  One of the main goals of this forum is to help men develop themselves by having them work out, dress well and approach women with a mind towards making them more confident and better able to interact with people. The observation has also been made by myself and other members that many girls can tell everything they need to know about a man in a few seconds. Women have told me that when they see men they feel a certain way about him, like their instincts have selected which men to date automatically. This seems to be analogous to a man being attracted to a woman from just a brief glance and being floored by her beauty and vivacity. Let us call this unspoken evaluation the “vibe”.

Much of the advice offered on this forum is focused on what to say in a particular situation. When telling your friend about a date you can tell him what was said, but you leave the most crucial part out most of the time, that is to say the vibe. How she said something and the emotions she was feeling at the time are more important that what was being said. Mindfulness is one habit that directly improves the vibe, that is to say the energy and emotion that is being transmitted by your body language and received by other people's perception. Think of a guy who comes off as really anxious or inhibited. The anxiety is palpable in this case. If it is this obvious to men it is going to be as perceptible as an air raid siren to women who are more attuned to this kind of thing. With enough mindfulness all your thoughts turn to positive ones. There is no anxiety, fear, neediness or any other psychological disorder that makes other people uncomfortable.

Awesome!

As far as mindfulness, I prefer to practice it while walking through mountains.

Our mind is our most powerful weapon. Why not exercise it and protect it?!?!

Psychedelic plants have also helped me become more mindful and thus more charismatic.

Post: #13

I wanna try some meditation, all the positives that apparently come with it sound great. I'm so fucking A.D.D tho... my mind is always racing around thinking about random shit...

I used to try an clear my mind when I was trying to fall asleep and couldn't do it, I'm not sure sitting somewhere with my eyes closed would be much different.

Post: #14

(09-09-2013 02:55 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  I used to try an clear my mind when I was trying to fall asleep and couldn't do it, I'm not sure sitting somewhere with my eyes closed would be much different.

Yeah, it is not easy.

Start with something simple like dancing, playing ball, swimming, singing kareoke, or day gaming, etc.

Anything that will take you out of your own mind and into experiencing reality through your 5 senses, not through the filter of your own mind.

The easiest way for me to do it is to go for a hike in nature. Maybe, try that..

Post: #15

(09-09-2013 02:55 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  I wanna try some meditation, all the positives that apparently come with it sound great. I'm so fucking A.D.D tho... my mind is always racing around thinking about random shit...

I used to try an clear my mind when I was trying to fall asleep and couldn't do it, I'm not sure sitting somewhere with my eyes closed would be much different.

I have exactly the same thing. The author of "Mindfulness in Plain English" refers to it as "monkey-mind." Just picture a monkey in a cage going nuts, bouncing off the walls, and leaping from one activity to the next. Those are the thoughts in your mind!

I began meditating a few months ago. It would take me twenty to thirty minutes for my mind to calm down enough to meditate. Now it takes ten minutes or so. Improvement comes slow, but it does come. Counting each breath works for me (count one through ten for each breath -- both for then inhale and the exhale -- and then begin over). It takes practice, but it clears your mind by forcing you to concentrate only on the numbers and your breathing. Then you can switch to just the breathing.

Even more importantly, I can now more readily recognize the monkey-mind in action and more successfully switch off those thoughts. I still cannot switch off while trying to fall asleep. For the time being, I do normal meditation before going to bed. It is a journey.

Post: #16

Sometimes I think this forum has covered everything. Then someone drops a gem like this.
Nice post

Post: #17

I'm bumping this interesting post, I haven't seen something like it before.

Post: #18

Since I wrote my last post in this thread, I read "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer.

It provides an excellent overview of this process and why it is important. The book is an excellent beginning point for researching mindfullness before you begin to try meditation. Here is an excerpt of a summary that he wrote. You should still read the book, however.

These steps will resonate well with anyone who suffers from over-active monkey mind. Step #6 is the key, which successful meditation will provide.

Quote:But how does one go about transcending the personal self and awakening to spiritual freedom? What is needed for this journey are succinct steps that are so universal that they can echo through the halls of any religion as well as support intellectual understanding. The following is a universal road map to Self Realization.

1. Realize that you are in there.
You must first come to realize that you are in there. From deep inside, you are experiencing this world. You are experiencing your physical body, your thoughts, and your emotions. You are conscious and you are experiencing what it is like to be human.

2. Realize that you are not okay in there.
Look to see what's going on inside. If you want to understand why you've done everything you have ever done, if you want to see what's really going on, just observe your mind and emotions--just experi­ence your inner state. If you objectively look, you will see that you are never completely at peace. You will see that you are not okay in there.

3. Realize that you're always trying to be okay.
At any point when you look at the state of your inner being, you will see that something is bothering you. You will then notice that this causes urges, drives, and impulses to do something about it. You will find yourself constantly trying to either get something or avoid something. All of this is done in an attempt to be okay.

4. Realize that your mind has taken on the job of figuring out how everything needs to be for you to be okay.
If you watch, you will see that your mind is always telling you what you should and should not do, what others should and should not do, and how things should and should not be. All of this is the mind's attempt to first create a conceptual model of what would make you okay, and then try to get the outside world to match it.

5. Realize that the process of defining how the outside needs to be is not going to make you okay.
You must seriously look at this process of trying to be okay. You've been at it your entire life--you've just tried different things at different times. While it's true that sometimes you manage to make it better for short periods of time, you know that you've never even come close to reaching a state of permanent peace. Watch very closely how you react to the things your mind has preferences about. You will see that if your mind gets what it wants, you feel joy; if it doesn't get what it wants, you feel disturbance. Likewise, when your mind experiences what it doesn't want, you feel disturbance, and when it avoids what it doesn't want, you feel relief. You will never be okay playing this game because the world will never match the conceptual model your mind has made up. Eventually, you will come to see that struggling to be okay does not work. At some point, you will try to find a different way to be okay in there.

6. Learn to not participate in the mind's struggle to be okay.
This step is about learning to sit in the witness, the part of you that notices the inner urges to be okay. You must become comfortable with sitting in there and not participating in the inner energies. You learn to relax in the midst of them. You come to see that there is a habitual process in which the moment you feel inner disturbance, you are drawn into doing something about it. You must learn to sit inside and not participate in this process. If you truly understand that going outside to try to be okay inside doesn't work, then you'll be willing to sit inside and simply allow the disturbance to pass through. It is not difficult. If you can do this, all disturbance will cease by itself.

7. Learn to go about your life just like everyone else, except that nothing you do is for the pur­pose of trying to be okay.
If you aren't so preoccupied with trying to be okay, you will be free to sit inside and quietly love, serve, and honor whatever naturally unfolds in front of you. When you reach this point, you are no longer living for yourself. You are interacting with life, but not for the purpose of being okay.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-si...29741.html

Post: #19

For anyone looking to get into meditation, I would avoid immersing yourself into books/theory/history/info on it. The less you know, the better.

This way you avoid setting up any expectations for yourself and filling your brain with unnecessary mumbo-jumbo and facts/quotes about the people who were involved in it. Also keep in mind you cannot "intellectualize" yourself into a meditative state, you must feel into your body.

The power is in the consistent practice itself and all you need to do is allow your mind to slow down and quiet itself.

Below is my current practice.

I like to focus on my senses while I'm walking about, otherwise I find it useful to ask myself, "How am I feeling right now?" And then do a scan of my body where I feel for any tense muscles, observe whether my breathing is shallow or deep and observe my body for whatever I am currently feeling (anxiety, discomfort, neutral, etc.).

I remind myself to breathe deeply from the diaphragm and allow a natural rhythm to occur. I'll also focus on progressively relaxing the muscles I've identified as tense (ex. shoulders, stomach, jaw, face, throat). Finally I'll remind myself to allow myself to melt into the moment and give myself "permission" to let go of thought and be mindful.

After some time this becomes autopilot and a way of "being" where you might just use a set of keywords to remind yourself of how to re-establish a state of mindfulness when required.

Post: #20

Here is another way that meditation and, more accurately, mindfulness will help in your life. I was reading another forum regarding travel to the Philippines that was geared mostly towards P4P (which I ignored), but it also had a good section on basic Phils travel issues and warnings.

There was a huge debate between two camps, one of which stated that you should keep nothing in your pockets while riding Jeepenys because of pickpockets and the other (mostly from one guy) who stated that all you need to do is keep your hands on your pockets at all times.

The main retort to that strategy was that was impossible because of the distractions offered by professional pickpockets, who operate in groups. By way of background as to how the scam operates:

Quote:Two guys sit down, one on your left and one on your right, then some ass outside the jeep acts like a crazy person and spits on the back of your neck, then this guy on you left offers to wipe the spit off with a hankey or something, while the right guy (who might have a large package or backpack in his lap that hides his hands) is already pillaging your pocket while you're busy being angry at the guy who spit on you while also facing the guy on the left, resulting in classic misdirection. Before you know it, the both guys get off on the same stop and you lose all your cash or your cell phone.

Here was the retort from the "just keep your hands on your pockets" guy, which I thought was brilliant -- provided that you actually take the time to train your mind:

Quote:What meditation does is keep your mind in the moment, not lost in thought or what happened last night with so & so girl or what might happen in the next bar you go to. Staying in the moment, which is the only moment you can actual live in, is very important to not being pickpocketed. I would personally advise everyone to do some form of meditation. It will help you in many areas of life.

Am I advocating that you learn to meditate just so that you do not get pickpockted in a Jeepney in the Philippines? Of course not. That is simply one example of how mindfulness can help improve your life. But think of how many other areas of your life would improve if you could simply live in the moment, instead of being victimized by having constant monkey-mind.

I have tried meditation, with some success. But I need to get back to it. I have begun to experiment with mindfulness (living in the moment without allowing the mind to wander) during long walks. It is very difficult for me, because I have a hyper-active mind. Right now, I can only manage to do it for a few minutes during an hour's walk, which highlights the extent of the problem.

But it is amazing the things that you notice, if successful. One day, I was walking, while lost in my thoughts. I suddenly decided that I wanted to engage in mindfulness, cleared my thoughts, and looked around. I was walking on a road along a hillside. To my right were the tops of trees that grew further down the hill.

So, I get into the moment and look to my right -- and there is a man hanging from the very top of a tree while doing some trimming! If my mind was not in the moment, I would have walked right by a guy dangling from the top of a tree without even knowing that he was there.

So, how much pertinent information do we really miss each day because we are thinking about other things, rather than simply living in the moment? It is probably a far bigger problem than most of us care to admit.

Post: #21

You can take 1.5-2.5 hr mindfulness classes weekly for ~8 weeks and get a massive benefit that lasts years. I'm doing one run by a hospital now. [They started it for patients with chronic pain, which is common for them. Not my issue.]

But you can just buy the book from Kabat-Zinn, and practice mindfulness starting at 5-10 mins, going up to 30-60 each day, typically in the morning. Best investment you'll ever make. In fact, I guarantee your game will improve 5x minimum if you read the book and do the exercises.

My guess is it improves by even more than that for most guys here. No joke. It has allowed me to pull sorority girls and models that are 8-9+.


Tonight only happens once.

Post: #22

(09-10-2014 05:14 PM)horn Wrote:  But you can just buy the book from Kabat-Zinn, and practice mindfulness starting at 5-10 mins, going up to 30-60 each day, typically in the morning. Best investment you'll ever make.

Which book? He has written more than a dozen.

Post: #23

The first one on his author page:

http://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-L...Q12GA_1_1?

There's also a CD I have not listened to.

Post: #24

I've had on and off experience with this, as well as friends who have done the 10-day vipassana course.

The best example I can think of is rowing (especially ergos) - although I did a lot of sport (running, hiking, etc), which are all great, I was always amazed at how my mind would 'switch off' while focussing on the rhythm, breathing, etc.

Post: #25

I was trying the exercise in the OP and trying to breathe through my nose but it was weird and hard to do because my nose always feel somewhat stuffed up, possibly due to drug abuse when I was younger, especially in my left nostril. So for as long as I can remember I have always breathes through my mouth. Can anybody relate and can anybody give me tips?