Post: #1

The basic problem is: How do I increase the likelihood of reciprocity?

1. Example: it was about giving a seminar which meant talking to a former business colleague of his (sales department) and finding out if there was interest. He did and found out was no interest because they lost a pitch and my topic therefore came to nothing.
My take would have been trying to sell it with motivation (and not giving up instantly) meaning if plan a doesn’t work use plan b, c, d and not having to wait for a 10 minute conversation 10 months and then being explained that he’s just did me a (big) favor.
Well, the return would have received a good commission if we succeed (that he was told several times), more time with his family, no part-time job, higher standard of living.
There was no generosity on my part at the beginning to advance his business or private agenda. I doubt it that a couch potatoe would have hurried up.

2. Example: Yes I’m going to do it but blabla … (I’m too lazy) Yes, I really want it, but I’m tired blabla ….

What’s the best way to make this their self-interest? Are there any examples how this is done properly since motivation is part of sales?
I get the idea but something is definitely not going the right way.

Post: #2

Your very question shows why your approach won't work.

All you can think about is, "What's in it for me?" That will show through in the words you speak and the way your body moves.

The best way to get reciprocity is to ask how you can deliver value to someone else.

By putting yourself first, you'll come off as a slezy used car salesman.

Post: #3

You have to have a genuine interest in building relationships with people. If they dont like you, they dont do business with you. Giving stuff away for free to win business, attention, time, etc, only works when you dont give a shit if you get it back and not pressuring the person aggressively if they dont like you. I have seen indifferent people turn around over time, but when you burn a bridge, you burn it for good. Unless they have to work with you...

Post: #4

Thank you for your answers.

(10-01-2013 01:15 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  The best way to get reciprocity is to ask how you can deliver value to someone else.

That’s what I actually meant with advancing his business or private agenda without demanding anything in return. So I’m actually on the same page. Rereading my post and your answer, yep I sound like a taker.

Just to give you a rough outline on the way I look at value so that you see that I didn’t completely fall on my head when it comes to networking.
Fun / positive emotions and a connection
Add value to health and/or wealth and/or relationships (Maslow pyramid)
Find out what their passion is and add value to it.
What truly matters to the person.
Expand their thinking, Make them feel better

I also know when building a relationship trust, loyalty and reliability are on top of the list, but would be the second step.


Let me please go into detail with the examples. I wanted to make it short in the first post but saw that it distorted the picture a bit.
What I forgot to write is that I’ve known those people for up to 25 years so there was a personal relationship built in advance. In other words we’ve known each other for a long time, like each other and had a connection and kept in touch with some interruptions. This examples happened 1,5 years ago, so I do it better in the meantime. These were just some really nice contacts.

In the first example I explained / soled the idea to him and he liked it and wanted to talk to the people. I send him parts of the slides he liked them. The only thing I could do for him the commission part above and that he adds value to his network. I tried to create a win-win situation.
Like I said 10 months nothing because he is lazy. He gave me the feeling that he wanted to do it and what he uttered was congurent but then as soon as you have to do something actively you come up with fake excuses just to avoid work.

Sometimes you can add a lot of value but don’t get anything in return because they are stuck in their laziness and change is an uncomfortable feeling. They are too blind to see that an opportunity arises to fulfill some of their “dreams”.

Don't get me wrong I generally add value because I also like helping people and putting a smile on their faces (even though my inital post didn't seem like this) and I also get reciprocity but sometimes I just meet those couch potatoes that have good value for me or I just make mistakes.