Post: #1

So as part of my work on improving my body language, I've been trying to work on eye contact. I can definitely tell that I've had poor body language and eye contact in the past.

A brief detour: my old boss once visited me for a career fair when I was in college, and he commented to me that every single person he walked by on the sidewalk was looking *down*, and that he'd say "hi" to them and they'd just look the other way as if he hadn't said anything.

So what I've been noticing is that, out in the "real world", a lot of people seem to be much the same way. I go out of my way now to make sure that I am looking straight ahead, not down at the ground... and now I see it! Everyone else really *is* looking down at the ground! And when I throw a random "hi" at someone, I often *don't* get a reply. Just like my boss noticed, except this is just, say, at my apartment complex rather than back at my nerdy school.

Well, I guess people are caught up in their day-to-day lives. Whatever. But what's really getting me is that I'm noticing the same thing when I go out. I'm on the street, walking around. Often plenty of groups of people walking around, some guys, some girls, some mixed. You'd think that many of these people are out to "see and be seen." So you'd think that a decent number would at least glance my way, perhaps even make eye contact?

It's not seeming that way. It seems as though the people out at the bars, etc. are just the same as the people I see elsewhere: terrified to make eye contact with just about anyone. I used to not notice, because I often wasn't looking myself. But now I am looking, and it's hard to not notice. Even when they go out, the average random person seems to glance at me about the bare minimum possible to avoid running into me.

I'm not really looking for advice here so much as wondering: am I crazy? Do other people notice the same thing? Are these people distracted, or bored and zoned out, or actively trying to avoid attention, or what?

I guess what got me thinking this just now was speakeasy's comment in the Rio travel thread: "I know that girls that look like that here in the states will give you visual daggers if you even looked like you were going to approach them. It seems like hot girls in the U.S. don't even want to be talked to when they go out, they just dance in little circles of other girls and freak each other like attention whores."

Except this seems to be a more general phenomenon: I see it among girls of average or even mediocre looks. The ones you'd think would not be getting so much attention by default, and who you'd think would be more actively seeking it.

Post: #2

alrite this is going to sound really wierd, but i'm glad this topic is posted because eye contact has been drivin me nuts since i've gotton to college. You're not goin to believe this but at my college, things are TOTALLY different than the real world. when i walk to class or what downtown, EVERYONE makes eye contact as they are walking. for me to see somone looking down is a complete rarity. I am dumbfounded as to why this is. it actually pisses me off sometimes because i get the feeling like no one has any consideration. but honestly if i look down for like a minute, when i bring my head up.. ppl will be looking at me. it pisses me off. Seriously its like a big staring contest at my school and i have NO idea why. its weird too b/c theres 40k kids at the school. i wish ppl would just look down and mind their own business .. it would be so much more chill, but instead everyone is looking forward and looking at 80% of ppl that walks past them

Post: #3

(10-29-2008 12:25 AM)pimpc Wrote:  alrite this is going to sound really wierd, but i'm glad this topic is posted because eye contact has been drivin me nuts since i've gotton to college. You're not goin to believe this but at my college, things are TOTALLY different than the real world. when i walk to class or what downtown, EVERYONE makes eye contact as they are walking. for me to see somone looking down is a complete rarity. I am dumbfounded as to why this is. it actually pisses me off sometimes because i get the feeling like no one has any consideration. but honestly if i look down for like a minute, when i bring my head up.. ppl will be looking at me. it pisses me off. Seriously its like a big staring contest at my school and i have NO idea why. its weird too b/c theres 40k kids at the school. i wish ppl would just look down and mind their own business .. it would be so much more chill, but instead everyone is looking forward and looking at 80% of ppl that walks past them

you are suffering with complex...where you believe that everyone is watching you...you are introverted.

Post: #4

This is why some pick up artists suggest the "peacocking" thing where you wear something interesting that makes people take notice. An interesting shirt, necklace, way of wearing your hair, or something that will make you stand out. Halloween is a great night if you have a party to hit. Halloween is all about peacocking and letting your guard down and getting a bit crazy. Shit, I need to find a party and a last minute costume to throw together.

Post: #5

At my college, there's a fair distribution. Nerdish, dorkish guys look down, big men don't.

When girls make eye contact with you they:
1. Casually look to the side. (you're just another dude)
2. Jolt their face downwards (possible indicator of attraction or she's shy)
3. Extended eye contact, moves their head slowly away. (seems like a confident girl who's not interested)
4. Extended eye contact, then jolts their head sideways or downwards (probably the best possible result)
*5. Same as #4 (she's met you, kissed you, or fucked you, and you don't talk to each other).

I can't be sure, but it seemed like in Montreal, girls maintained eye contact much more often than at my school in the northeast.

Post: #6

(10-29-2008 01:13 AM)charmer Wrote:  you are suffering with complex...where you believe that everyone is watching you...you are introverted.

no ... thats how it is at school here. everyone walks past each other and looks at each other, which just happend on my way home from class. and i'm an extrovert.

Post: #7

In the big city, eye contact means inviting contact and possibly conflict.

- Don't know where y'all are from, but reckless eyeballing can escalate into a fight rather quickly. "what are you looking at" "what are you looking at"

- It invites homeless people to pan handle.
- If a chick gives you the eyes, it can be perceived as an "it's okay to approach me", even though it's not.

I honestly think it's an evolutionary thing.

What I notice, how many people scratch their heads in public.

Post: #8

(10-29-2008 02:21 PM)broken Wrote:  In the big city, eye contact means inviting contact and possibly conflict.

Maybe its because I live in a smaller city (~200,000), but what I'm seeing is a lot more women responding positively when I hold my head high and walk into a place like I own it.

I'll get noticeable stares and smiles when I walk around with my head up, making eye contact. I'll even do that downtown to the 'skanky' women with real douch-bag guys.. I don't care (I can hold my own in a fight pretty good).

I have yet to see 'conflict'... and so far, it makes me feel good when I get smiles from women in return.

Post: #9

(10-29-2008 03:56 PM)mcr Wrote:  

(10-29-2008 02:21 PM)broken Wrote:  In the big city, eye contact means inviting contact and possibly conflict.

Maybe its because I live in a smaller city (~200,000), but what I'm seeing is a lot more women responding positively when I hold my head high and walk into a place like I own it.

I'll get noticeable stares and smiles when I walk around with my head up, making eye contact. I'll even do that downtown to the 'skanky' women with real douch-bag guys.. I don't care (I can hold my own in a fight pretty good).

I have yet to see 'conflict'... and so far, it makes me feel good when I get smiles from women in return.

LOL, Women aren't going to get into a fight with you.

I'll leave the rest.