If it wasn't for the condoms, she would've found something else.
I had this too, girls digging around and making that one little tiny hole to a gaping black hole, accusing you of some bullshit, in order to level herself into a superior position.
IMO this was essentially a shit test, one of the german kind. You know, german girls love to fight for political power in relationships with this kinda stuff.
So , whenever a girl starts to unbalance status quo in her favor by accusing you of something, you need to stop and question everything.
You need to stay in place like a rock and don't let her accusations move you around.

Honestly though, you're better off without this girl. You seriously would want her to sniff around in your private stuff on regular basis?
She seems the kinda girl who seeks to find a relationship in which she'd put out sex like a master gives his little dog biscuits.
Does he sit? Has he been good today?

Regarding travel, take a step across the eastern border and it'll give you a whole another perspective, that woman also can be humble and not controlling.

Remember, as soon as she tries to shift power by accusations, stop , do not let her take it, or more important, don't give it to her.

(01-08-2014 06:08 PM)scorpion Wrote:  The best thing you can do when a girl gets mad and picks a fight with you (whether she has justification for doing so or not) is to get mad right back and turn it around on her. Blame the situation on her. Tell he she is a terrible person and you can't believe she's trying to pull this shit. Honestly, what you're saying doesn't even have to make logical sense. You just need to be mad and blame her. She is not going to respond to logic anyway, only emotion. After yelling at her and blaming her, kick her out. Note: you have to seem very angry, like bordering on violent, for this to work.

I actually do this pretty often, but I've never really dissected it like this post did. Good shit.

It's even more effective if you can sense that she's on the verge of getting mad and beat her to the punch. I would have gotten pissed as soon as she asked me about the condoms. Even better if OP could have caught her in the act of counting them.

"Why the fuck are you going through my stuff? Jesus Christ, I'm being searched and interrogated in my own home! You know what, I can't even take this shit right now...I think you should leave"

"But...wait, I-"

"Just go. I need some time to think about this"

Before she's even had time to rationalize her findings into anger, you've already dropped a nuke on her tiny little hamster village.

(01-08-2014 06:08 PM)scorpion Wrote:  The best thing you can do when a girl gets mad and picks a fight with you (whether she has justification for doing so or not) is to get mad right back and turn it around on her. Blame the situation on her. Tell he she is a terrible person and you can't believe she's trying to pull this shit. Honestly, what you're saying doesn't even have to make logical sense. You just need to be mad and blame her. She is not going to respond to logic anyway, only emotion. After yelling at her and blaming her, kick her out. Note: you have to seem very angry, like bordering on violent, for this to work.

Worst advice ever.

(01-11-2014 04:10 PM)JJ Roberts Wrote:  

(01-08-2014 06:08 PM)scorpion Wrote:  The best thing you can do when a girl gets mad and picks a fight with you (whether she has justification for doing so or not) is to get mad right back and turn it around on her. Blame the situation on her. Tell he she is a terrible person and you can't believe she's trying to pull this shit. Honestly, what you're saying doesn't even have to make logical sense. You just need to be mad and blame her. She is not going to respond to logic anyway, only emotion. After yelling at her and blaming her, kick her out. Note: you have to seem very angry, like bordering on violent, for this to work.

Worst advice ever.

This was the best advice on this thread, true player shit. Scorpion knows his shit.

Why don't you throw some advice instead of coming on here and criticize?

The advice to throw it back at your girl worked for me just the other day. Except our interraction was a calm one. But it went from her telling me "this is the last time you will see me" to the next day her coming over to my place after I get off work with food to cook for me.

(01-08-2014 04:28 PM)augen sehen Wrote:  This all went down about 30 minutes ago.

We were in my room, and she saw my condom box (big mistake since we aren't using condoms anymore) and checked inside, and saw that there weren't the same amount as when she last looked. She asked me if I was using them and I truthfully said, until last December yes. We've been seeing each other since September and never had an exclusivity talk. I started seeing the other girl in October.

Then she asked me who the other girl was, and I told her you don't know her, but her name is ____, and I broke it off with her because I wanted to be exclusive with you.

Long story short, she got pissed and left. Now I don't know how to handle it. I'm not the crying/bawling type, but I don't know how much emotion to show. I do want to keep seeing her, and I in fact was planning to drop the other one for her so we could be exclusive, but now I don't know whether she even wants me back or if the relationship would have started on a bad note with my "cheating".

I asked her if she thought I was lying and she said "yes of course and I don't know how you can do something like this, but I can't." One other thing she said was that I should have told her, that having unprotected sex with her wasn't safe if I was also with another woman, even if I was using condoms with the other one.

Fuck. I don't know why I didn't just lie, because I was super careful to keep both of them from knowing the existence of each other but figured that now I wasn't seeing the other one anymore, I could tell her the truth. Now I know I guess. What should be my next steps? Silence for a day or two? We were talking about going out to a sushi place a few days from now, should I make reservations and tell her to meet me there to talk?

First off, you could have averted this easily by not saying anything!

shoulda coulda woulda

DELETE NUMBER.

if she comes back cool. if she doesn't cool. either way you're still gonna be in search and banging new pussy.

the end

(01-11-2014 05:09 PM)poutsara Wrote:  Anyway, point is in all of these cases the girl in question got over it and continued on with me despite the "cheating". Note: in no case was there ever an exclusivity talk but that will mean nothing to them if in their emotions they were exclusive with you.

This is so true and makes so much sense. It's all in the emotions that she is feeling, not the logical analysis of how A, B, C happened and that leads to X, Y, Z. If she felt exclusive and had the rug pulled out from under her, then that's it, that's what she'll feel.

(01-11-2014 05:09 PM)poutsara Wrote:  They want some reassurance that "they are the main one" even if they were not the only one. A common fantasy for a girl is to land the guy that bangs all the other girls, but leaves those other girls for her. You can play into that. Tell her you fucked a lot of girls and that's how it is.

I agree with this, and in most cases that's what I've done, but this girl literally just got her stuff together and left in 5 minutes and then no contact afterwards. She never even gave me a chance to talk her down. That's why I question her commitment to me in the first place. If she can let a relationship of a few months go just like that, she wasn't that into me in the first place. This is how girls are these days, and this is exactly how I treat them, I don't know why I was thinking that she's different. Fucking oneitis.

One update: She just RSVP'd yes to a meetup that I'm organizing next week.

Dude, stop worrying about whether your paths are going to cross accidentally. Given your current state of mind, I would avoid her at all costs. It's really depressing to read this. You are the victim of a serious bout of one-itis. You are over-thinking and over-analyzing and over-complicating. There's absolutely nothing you can do actively that will not make things worse.

(01-12-2014 05:53 AM)augen sehen Wrote:  I agree with this, and in most cases that's what I've done, but this girl literally just got her stuff together and left in 5 minutes and then no contact afterwards. She never even gave me a chance to talk her down. That's why I question her commitment to me in the first place. If she can let a relationship of a few months go just like that, she wasn't that into me in the first place. This is how girls are these days, and this is exactly how I treat them, I don't know why I was thinking that she's different. Fucking oneitis.

I had a girl I went on like 3 dates with... before some drama with a chubby girl I friend zoned. Chubby started spreading rumors in the church this girl went to, and ended up calling this girl up to let her know I had asked another girl out after our third date.

We weren't exclusive by any means. The girl I was dating.. she just told me we shouldn't see each other again. She was cool, fun, not really my long term type though - I could see that. She probably saw the same thing. Regardless, I tried to talk to her about it - she blew me off, I've never heard back.

It was an ego blow but the big thing was if she was truly into me she'd have talked to me and asked me if any of the rumors were true.

A girl will move mountains to be with and rationalize it all if she's in love with you - 'tis the point to learn. If she's not... she's not in love.

She wasn't in love with you; she liked you, liked having a 'boyfriend', but she wasn't entirely sure if you were the guy she wanted to continue dating long-term (this is obvious by her still seeing you; but looking for possible pretexts, too, such as even paying attention to condoms). This came out, she made her decision. My thoughts. Because you weren't desperate, or anything like that - you were assertive and honest, she may come back in the future, but don't count nor plan on it.

A girl I started seeing shortly after took 2 weeks to tell me she loves me and this girl, when faced with those same rumors (it got worse; chubby girl called up my girl's family, too, to add on pressure) - immediately went to me, talked to me, and started sharing everything she was told with me so I could address it quickly. She was willing to go the extra mile to be with me.

A girl who fell in love with me, I dated her for almost 3 years, she moved across countries to be with me. Island of Mauritius to Kansas City. She was willing to go to any extents to be with me. She found out about my indiscretions while we were long distance, and broke down, but then she worked harder to make me happy.

Say your goodbye's with this girl, walk away cleanly. It wasn't going anywhere in her mind, because if it was, she'd be talking to you now. There's tons of girls out there - go meet some of them.

you should have just denied everything, brushed it off like it's nothing. you will never regret that approach.

you should not have given any details whatsoever. instead you told her directly that you have been Fing other girls, and even told her the other girl's name !

from a male perspective, your reaction was admirably honest

from a female perspective, your reaction was indiscreet, hurtful, and naive

i guarantee she lost some respect for you when she saw that you were selflessly honest. she sees it as weakness... like you couldn't handle your guilt and spilt the beans out of a lack of emotional control - because that's the only reason she would ever be honest.

she'd rather you were ruthless

but going forward, all you can do is learn a valuable lesson. girls DO NOT VALUE HONESTY. being honest with girls is like fighting with a hand tied behind your back, against someone who has four arms.

(01-11-2014 04:55 PM)Fujiwara Wrote:  The advice to throw it back at your girl worked for me just the other day. Except our interraction was a calm one. But it went from her telling me "this is the last time you will see me" to the next day her coming over to my place after I get off work with food to cook for me.

Yeah, this is a good approach in the case where she has gathered evidence and you can't deny any longer.

gf went into my phone, and called a girl, chatted and discovered that one time I "went to the gym" I was actually banging the girl. gf confronted me with the evidence. I said, OK, now you know, so we have to break up, get your stuff and leave. She did an immediate 180, became even more affectionate, and never mentioned it again.

This will almost always work because if she went out of her way to gather evidence etc, it's because she's really likes you and won't leave when push comes to shove.

never apologise
never tell the truth
put her on the defensive

(01-15-2014 01:13 AM)Tubesteak Wrote:  gf went into my phone, and called a girl, chatted and discovered that one time I "went to the gym" I was actually banging the girl. gf confronted me with the evidence. I said, OK, now you know, so we have to break up, get your stuff and leave. She did an immediate 180, became even more affectionate, and never mentioned it again.

That's downright solid right there. Complete indifference. "K, get on out then since you found it." Not giving a shit about it.

(01-15-2014 01:13 AM)Tubesteak Wrote:  I said, OK, now you know, so we have to break up, get your stuff and leave. She did an immediate 180, became even more affectionate, and never mentioned it again.

haha I had a very similar experience before. Same result.

Ok, so on Sunday I called her. I remembered that girls rarely call, and if I was going to wait for her to call it was a fool's errand. She picked up. I told her that I was feeling like she wanted to talk to me and that's why I called. Then the call dropped. I called again and told her that I was traveling, and that I'd call her later, and to have a good night.

Then the next day I texted her to meet in the evening and she said she was busy, albeit after a few hours' delay. I didn't respond, and she texted me on Tuesday, asking if I wanted to meet on Wednesday. I said yes. Then she texted me on Wednesday and we arranged the exact time and place.

Apparently she was really hurt when she found out that I was fucking someone else, but I knew I was in because she couldn't help but smile when she saw me, or whenever she looked at me. I kept the cockiness to a minimum. She was hurt, and she felt that I didn't care when I didn't try to reach out for so long, and my texting was apparently shit, and very selfish since I was only talking about my interview and my food so she didn't know what to respond with. She said that she felt we were more than just friends who fuck, and I said I felt the same thing, and that she can be my girlfriend, if she wants that.

Anyway, we are together now. It was like the first date again, the escalation was slow and had to be completely led by me from touching to kissing to making out to taking her to dinner to trying to bring her back to my place, to getting her naked and finally having sex, she kept saying no to each step. It was fun though.

I rewarded her with my thoughtful behavior by having her see the ice skates I had bought for her but never told her about, all that was after she came to my place so it was kind of a bonus for her and not a desperate move for attention. She was surprised that I used her friend to find out her shoe size.

So you guys are in a serious relationship now? It seems like it, just confirming. Good luck to you, it sounded like you wanted to be serious with her. Glad it worked out, just don't be surprised about shit that may or may not happen. There has been plenty posted all over this forum to make a sane man want to be extremely careful.

Be well.

My last long LTR started with the chick finding out that I was still communicating with my ex (who was on the other side of the globe with no way of getting to me) and she blew her top. Crying, wailing, everything.

Many years later, she admitted that she felt like she had to fight for me and she was insanely jealous of the other girl even though she was prettier, which made her fall head over heels in love with me.

I think this is a solid move to pull in the beginning if you like a girl, to show her that you have options.

(01-16-2014 06:28 AM)augen sehen Wrote:  I rewarded her with my thoughtful behavior by having her see the ice skates I had bought for her but never told her about, all that was after she came to my place so it was kind of a bonus for her and not a desperate move for attention. She was surprised that I used her friend to find out her shoe size.

It seems like she blew up and you offered more commitment when you got her to talk to you more. You're conceding your frame not just because you offered more commitment, but because you offered multiple rewards for her poor behaviour (her talking to you and still being into you, maybe somewhat apologizing for her actions is not worthy of the multiple rewards you gave her). Yes, she may still be enamored with you now, but if you continue to do this the tingles will diminish and she'll dry right up.

I really think the appropriate play here would've been to comfort her and let her know that you have strong feelings for her and that you had considered making her your gf (exclusive) but that this recent behaviour makes you hesitant. Then escalate/game as usual with the eye towards comfort for the near future.

That said, enjoy it if it makes you happy, but keep a VERY keen eye towards managing the relationship.

^^ I wholeheartedly agree. She has all the power. You're not necessarily 'badly' off as the situation put you in the upper hand to start, but be very careful in how it's managed else you'll find yourself in a very stereotypical relationship.

Thanks guys, I will keep an eye on things and not be hesitant to next if it starts to not work the way I want it to. I have had a couple of very red pill relationships so luckily I know what to look for, for the most part.

I think me not going after her immediately was good because it made her feel uncomfortable. Better for her to feel uncertain and then have me mollify her doubts than for her to be certain and kill all the tingles.

Last time a woman got mad at me over something I was doing, I kept doing the same thing even more while being a total asshole to hrr. A week later she told me she loved me and then I kicked her out. She still tries to talk to me.