Post: #1

The jokes about white boys thread made me wonder why we never had a woman jokes thread here. Sorry if I'm just missing it - did a search and do not see it.

I don't typically jump on the women hating that goes on a lot of the time, but a sense of humor is a must, and I love a good misogynist joke. Especially to tell at parties in front of girls to polarize the mood a bit.

These three below are a sequence I often say one after the other (shit-eating grin a must). This triple dose of woman hating will get you some arm slaps, etc - it's just too overboard to say this shit in front of girls for them to take seriously. If they do, they're not worth talking to anyways.

Surely you've heard the first one as it's a common, played-out one, but I think it still works as a lead-in to the others.

Q. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A. Nothing you haven't told her twice.

Q. Why'd the woman cross the road?
A. Who gives a shit - what's she doing out of the kitchen and who the fuck gave her shoes?

Q. What's the definition of making love?
A. Something my girlfriend does while I'm fucking her.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #2

Woman: What's on the TV?
Man: Dust!

Q: Why don't women need watches?
A: There is a clock on the oven.

Q: Why are women's feet smaller than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.

My favorite:

Q: What still sucks after five years of marriage?
A: Your job.

Post: #3

Q: Whose fault is it if you run over a woman?

A: Yours: why the fuck are you driving in the kitchen?

Post: #4

It's a video but anyway...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=701...=2&theater

A good source of photo woman jokes is just typing "women drivers" in the Google Image search page
https://www.google.ro/search?q=woman+dri...1&tbm=isch

Post: #5

HER DIARY

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

Today the Giants lost, but at least I got laid.

Post: #6

Q: Why is divorce so expensive?

A: Because it is worth it.

Q: What two words makes a woman put on 40 pounds?

A: I do.

Q: What type of cake makes a woman put on 40 pounds?

A: Wedding cake.

Post: #7

(01-11-2014 08:08 AM)cardguy Wrote:  Q: Why is divorce so expensive?

A: Because it is worth it.

Q: What two words makes a woman put on 40 pounds?

A: I do.

Q: What type of cake makes a woman put on 40 pounds?

A: Wedding cake.

Post: #8

Jokes about fat chicks and feminists also welcome in this space.

Oh, wait...that's the same thing.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #9

Q: How do you get a fat chick into bed?

A: Piece of cake.

Post: #10

Why is a man so much smarter during sex? He's plugged into a know it all.

Post: #11

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That's not funny!

Post: #12

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
A: Slap her around.

Post: #13

I have a good one...




Womens Rights!!!

BAHAHAHA!!!

Post: #14

Quote: Q. Why'd the woman cross the road?
A. Who gives a shit - what's she doing out of the kitchen and who the fuck gave her shoes?

That made me laugh out loud, great one.

Post: #15

What do a junkie chick and a hockey player have in common?

They both change their pads after 3 periods.

Post: #16

Q: How many feminists does it take to
change a light bulb?

A: 0: Feminism doesn't change anything

Post: #17

What do you call a woman reading a blank sheet of paper?

A woman reading her rights.

Post: #18

Q: What do you call a letter from a feminist?
A: Hate male.

Q: How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?
A: She fits into your wife's clothes.

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: a knife has a point.

Post: #19

   

Post: #20

My shit:

Q: Why do women have two holes?
A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.

Q: Why do women have two holes?
A: So you can carry them around like a six pack.

"A woman's place is in the wrong."
-James Thurber

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: You marry it.

Post: #21

Q: What do you find when you go down on an 80-year-old woman?

A: Depends™.

Post: #22

How can you tell when a woman is lying?
Her lips are moving.

Why don't women fart?
Because they don't shut up long enough to build up any pressure.

Post: #23

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They're both fun to ride until your friends see you.

Post: #24

You want to hear a joke?........












Women's Rights.

Post: #25

How can you tell that your girlfriend is too fat?

When you're going down on her and you can't hear the stereo anymore.