Post: #1

I know this has been discussed on the ok cupid thread but that thread is vast and a summary on this specific question would be useful.

When you are sending out a first message on an online dating site, what are proven, tried and tested first messages?

I know some mention of something specific on their profile would be good but the guys who are good at this must at least has some set templates that they can riff or improvise on.

Thoughts?

Post: #2

Bring me some pizza

[if she doesn't reply]

No dick for you then

Post: #3

I've thought about this a lot. I don't think there's going to be any one magic universal opener that will blow the doors off any and every girl. There's so much variation in personalities that every chic may react differently. Some girls respond well to complimentary openers, some don't. Some respond well to cocky, edgy openers some see right through that and call you out.

Ultimately 90% of it comes down to what you look like. This is why I prefer Tinder over OKC. Just cuts the bullshit since all that matters most the time is your look.

I will say this though, if it's a dating site that has in its messaging service a subject line, I like to put a cliff hanger in there as a way of practically guaranteeing she reads my message. So rather than type "hey Anna" or something generic like that I might type, "I noticed that..." And then continue the statement in the body of your message.

Post: #4

I don't have any "proven" first messages, but one of my friends is successful and he just writes, "hey" or "sup" in his first message. It's the second message that he uses to really get them interested. Makes sense to me.

Post: #5

I use to have an OKC and POF account. I'm black and the majority of the women on each site weren't. One that ALWAYS ensured a reply back was "I hope you aren't racist". Not "hey" or "whassup" or any of that shit. I guess they always replied so that they could validate themselves somewhat so that they don't feel guilty or racist if they didn't reply. Idk tho but it always got them to reply. Which is all you need to get the ball rollin. And I sent that to EVERY girl. Black, white, orange whatever.

Post: #6

Proven: have a quick wit and send original tailor made messages.

Post: #7

(01-26-2014 05:24 PM)daddysanchez Wrote:  I use to have an OKC and POF account. I'm black and the majority of the women on each site weren't. One that ALWAYS ensured a reply back was "I hope you aren't racist". Not "hey" or "whassup" or any of that shit. I guess they always replied so that they could validate themselves somewhat so that they don't feel guilty or racist if they didn't reply. Idk tho but it always got them to reply. Which is all you need to get the ball rollin. And I sent that to EVERY girl. Black, white, orange whatever.

I wonder what the reaction will be if a white guy like me sends it. Then will come up with some BS, like "I got a DNA test and found out that I'm 2% Asian. You don't mind that, do you".

Post: #8

(01-26-2014 05:32 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Proven: have a quick wit and send original tailor made messages.

Agree with El Mech - wit matters. It's the only way you separate yourself after you qualify on her acceptable looks scale.

If you do have an opener for online that works. DON'T post it on an open forum..! Many examples of guys putting lines up on here and within days being called out for it because every third message she receives is your own opener..

http://www.tinderlines.com is a good place to find stupid shit. Stupid shit is second only to clever shit online.

Post: #9

A quick cold-read of their ethnic background works decently for me at getting replies. Short brunettes are usually Italian by me. "typical" American looking girls German/Irish mix. Some look Eastern European.

Doesn't really matter if you're right or not. Just gets things going in a more interesting way than "hey".

Post: #10

(01-26-2014 06:48 PM)Wargasm Wrote:  A quick cold-read of their ethnic background works decently for me at getting replies. Short brunettes are usually Italian by me. "typical" American looking girls German/Irish mix. Some look Eastern European.

Doesn't really matter if you're right or not. Just gets things going in a more interesting way than "hey".

I like this one from the web site: What do i have to do to get on your drunk dial list?

Post: #11

You could always send Bitch suck dick.

Nah,
Either something witty or something attention grabbing and cute, no beta suckup shit. Assert that you are your own man early on.

Post: #12

I actually read their profile and respond to something I find interesting about it. I message girls that are clearly DTF by their answers but don't just go in there saying "yo piece of shit whore let me anal you" as they probably get that 10x a day. Instead I try to be a little sophisticated, then move it of OKC to facebook so they know I'm not going to murder them/text, and then meet up.

Post: #13

Pictures > Words. In a seller's market like this it's best to let the ladies shop for you online. The OKCupid math dude proved that. All the work he put in and the one that messaged him he girlfriended up.

I need to put up some better quality pics. It's kinda hard when you're interests are programming, drinking and trolling forums.

Post: #14

Anytime a girl has an obvious travel photo, it's an easy opener:

"looks like you've done some traveling, where are you going next"

"what places are on your 2014 travel bucket list"

If you recognize the city (NYC can be super obvious) "I was just in NYC, had a blast, how did you like it"

etc.

Recently I've been accusing them of looking like trouble. The Reverse Taylor Swift. I've gotten good response rates. I word it like this:

"hmmm, you kinda look like you could be trouble"

or if she looks super slutty I'll be more direct:

"yup, you're definitely trouble"

Post: #15

Most guys here don't like posting their online dating messages here because they get scooped up by random lurkers and used until every girl within a 30 mile radius of a major city has seen them.

Post: #16

I had above average response rate with:

"Ryan gosling would like to know if you are single?
He is to shy to ask for him self.."

Post: #17

There's no script that will get amazing results from every type of girl for every man. The best advice is know your audience. The message that you write for a party skank is different from an artsy girl is different from a corporate drone, etc. Wit plays well regardless, but fine-tuning your messages improve your response rate. Within those categories, I've observed some patterns for success.

Party slut- Here's where being suggestive in your messages plays very well. Bold is best for them.

Artsy- Off-beat humor works very well for this category. They usually have longer profiles, so look for something for an original joke.

Drone- this is the hardest for me because these girls want to keep everything boring and their profiles give you nothing to work with. I try to pick out one incongruent detail and hope that she will emerge from her shell.

I go back and forth on whether asking a question or making a statement is a better opener.

Post: #18

You. Me. Lounge at the Radisson. 8 o'clock.

You in?


Depends on the broad and her mood at the time for what works. The above has worked on random occasions on POF and OKC trim.

Post: #19

I just try to get their attention in the first message instead of writing a long winded specific message about something in their profile. They will usually check me out and not respond. Then I'll call them out on it and they respond. Maybe there's a way to get the to respond to a first message, but I think they have a lot of anxiety about in general.

Post: #20

Tailoring messages to each girl's profile is the way to go. However, if you're doing mass messaging like I do then you simply can't take the time do break down each girl's profile unless you want to make an afternoon out of it.

The line I've been using to message chicks is:

"Hey I checked out your profile and you seem cool. What are you up to?"

By saying I checked out their profile it implies that I did actually check them out which I didn't, I just look at their pictures. I messaged this to a girl one time and she responded with "I don't have much on my profile, but thanks...blah blah blah". She had like 5-6 lines total on OKC but it doesn't matter.

Edit: Here it is:

   
Now, when a girl visits your profile before you check theirs out I always send:

"Hey! You checked me out and didn't say hi"

   

It has a very high return response rate. D&P writes about it here:

http://dangerandplay.com/2011/11/16/how-...d-looking/

As for the first girl, the convo ended prematurely, but I have a date Friday with the second girl. I'm not going to say these lines always work, but I don't think any line does. Girl's who visit your profile are much more inclined to want to meet, because they clicked on you for a reason (i.e. You're attractive, in their age range, and live near them). Which brings me to my last point.

As others have mentioned, it really comes down to looks. That's why I stay away from the cute, silly openers. It feels incongruent to me. No girl is going to want to go out with some weird looking guy just because he has a witty opener. The reason I advocate my original line is that it is more complex than just simply saying "Hey" or "What's up", but it's not too outrageous that it will turn a girl off.

Post: #21

(01-27-2014 12:12 PM)soup Wrote:  I just try to get their attention in the first message instead of writing a long winded specific message about something in their profile. They will usually check me out and not respond. Then I'll call them out on it and they respond. Maybe there's a way to get the to respond to a first message, but I think they have a lot of anxiety about in general.

I like this. I never bothered with the girls that check my profile and then didn't reply.

Post: #22

I've used this on a lot of sciencey types going for their PhDs and Masters. Think Cornell, MIT, and Harvard.

Quote:So a Higgs Boson walks into a church.

The priest looks at the Higgs and says, "I'm sorry we don't serve your kind here."

The Higgs looks at him and says, "But how can you have mass without me?"

It's worked a couple of times for me. Just know your audience.

Post: #23

use the quickmatch on your smartphone and then get matches and really that is your opener.

Post: #24

Co-sign the "you checked me out and didn't say hello." I also have a very high response rate when I call out girls who visit my profile but don't message me.

Post: #25

Heres one:

Have you had any luck meeting people off of this site?