Post: #1

I used to suffer from the perfectionist syndrome for a long part of my life. Any time there'd be a decision which was of importance, I would go into an extreme anxious state because I knew that I would not be satisfied with any outcome. I would always feel that the path I did not decide was the better one. And I would beat myself up with very negative thoughts. This all ended up in me delaying the decision to the point that I used to go into a sort of frustrated depression.

Nowadays, whenever I'm faced with that kind of a decision, I quickly make a choice and just dive into it after a little research. The flip side to this is that I'm never happy with what I get.

For instance, the fact that I had to hunt for a place to stay again made me very worried as I knew I would have to see around 50 places before I made up my mind. But I intentionally avoided this and settled for something which satisfied a few basic criteria. But now I'm unhappy as hell. Everyday I'm thinking it would be wonderful if I could reverse time. But I also know that the solution does not lie in simply changing the place, for I would get the same feeling again in the new place.

Has any of you struggled with this kind of indecisiveness? As of now I'm fighting that feeling and hoping that it eventually fades away.

Post: #2

The way you are thinking is making you unhappy - not the thing itself.

The psychology behind decision making and happiness is very interesting. And has become a boom area in psychology over the past decade.

I usually don't find this sort of thing that interesting. But the TED lecture below is one of the best I have seen. The research into how our minds are easily manipulated into being unhappy is fascinating.

Post: #3

(04-05-2014 05:22 AM)cardguy Wrote:  The way you are thinking is making you unhappy - not the thing itself.

The psychology behind decision making and happiness is very interesting. And has become a boom area in psychology over the past decade.

I usually don't find this sort of thing that interesting. But the TED lecture below is one of the best I have seen. The research into how our minds are easily manipulated into being unhappy is fascinating.

Holy Moly! That video was amazing. That Harvard experiment thing felt like he was talking to me personally about my situation right now! I'm off for soccer now, but when I come back I' gonna be spending a good one hour thinking about what this guy said and my current situation. Thanks a ton cardguy!

Post: #4

Yeah - the presenter in the video above is fantastic. I think he is the best lecturer I have ever seen.

This way of thinking comes easier to some than others.

I truly am the happiest person I know. And a large part of that is because I think very carefully before deciding whether or not I truly want something.

You may think you want a billion dollars - but do you really? It is worth remembering that most people with a billion dollars - immediately set themselves the challenge of making another billion dollars.

That isn't winning a race - that is condemning yourself to a lifetime on a treadmill.

The price you pay for a thing is different to the value you get. Which is why being a big reader is the most valuable thing you can ever develop as a habit.

As a rich guy with a fancy car. How much extra would he have been prepared to pay to get the same car? Let's say he bought the car for 100 thousand dollars. But - if push came to shove - he would have been prepared to pay 150 thousand dollars for the same car. And I am being very generous here - since as soon as you start spending more money - it is very easy to upgrade to an even better car.

So - in terms of the utility he has gained from his purchase - he has made a 50% profit.

Now - I can look at my bookshelf. If I just concentrate on my favourite books for a moment - I have about 200 books that I purchases secondhand (and sometimes new).

In each case - I spent from a penny (very common on amazon for a lot of books) up to about 20 dollars for each book.

And in each case - that book is worth to me about 300 dollars. That is about the maximum amount I would pay (since I am not that rich) - if I had to pay the top amount for how much that book was worth to me.

Even then - the amount I would pay for the book is dragged down due to the fact there are so many other great books waiting to be read.

So - if I paid a penny for a book - but would have payed 300 dollars for it (if I really had to). How much utility have I made a gain on? 30,000%

And for the books I paid 20 dollars for - I have made a profit of 150%

Overall - those purchases offer far better value that one which gives you a 50% gain in utility.

So - in my opinion - it is clear to me why being smart actually makes you richer than just having money.

Since - you get better value for money - since the best things in life are pretty cheap. Capitalism makes its money from ripping off stupid rich people who are trapped on a status treadmill they can never win.

The only thing that is valuable to me is more free time. But - how do you get that free time?

Do you kill yourself making loads of money so that you can take early retirement? Or do you take an easy job which gives you plenty of free time?

Both paths are pretty valid. But only one path has a guaranteed outcome.

Also - it is possible that too much free time might be a bad thing. Since there is no feeling better than the feeling you get at the start of a weekend. And it is a feeling you might miss when everyday is like a Saturday...

Sorry for the ramble! It is just something I have wanted to post for awhile - and I thought it might fit in well with the video above.

Post: #5

(04-05-2014 05:04 AM)testos111 Wrote:  I used to suffer from the perfectionist syndrome for a long part of my life. Any time there'd be a decision which was of importance, I would go into an extreme anxious state because I knew that I would not be satisfied with any outcome. I would always feel that the path I did not decide was the better one. And I would beat myself up with very negative thoughts. This all ended up in me delaying the decision to the point that I used to go into a sort of frustrated depression.

Yeah, I absolutely used to have that mentality, and even now there are moments when it comes up again. I think it comes from the contradiction of being far too outcome dependent but without any clear outcome in mind. If one focuses more on the intent and virtue of a decision then there's less pressure to agonize over the details of the final result; similarly, if one develops a clear vision of what they want then there's less room for regret and buyer's remorse even if it doesn't pan out.

Those are the two ways I deal with that mental trap and it's helped a lot. The tough part is that making mistakes is often unavoidable, since it's hard to know what you want until you know what you don't, but then that's just a part of the journey and there's no reason to regret that (especially in a world that's changing so fast that the wisdom of older generations applies very little to the challenges we face).

And one last thing...one of the few things I genuinely regret is that I've spent so much of my life regretting stuff. Regret does nothing for you and will never fix anything, always bear that in mind.