Post: #1

For this two-part installment of Real Talk Sessions, I want to talk about your self-confidence and women who act as confidence killers, a topic I recently discussed here.

Your Self-Confidence

As a man, you don't have anybody to there-there you when times get rough. We understand that life is difficult, it's a challenge that we have to look for any ways possible to enjoy before we no longer have it presented to us. A lot of men in this game have the game all fucked up. They're allowing their success with women to define them as men. So we congratulate the players, i.e. the guys who get all the sex and goodies from women they can handle, and we diss the scrubs who can't get a woman to respond to their text messages.

Validation is something that all human beings need in some form, however, the difference between a man's validation and a woman's validation is monumental: a man is validated by society when society recognizes he is of a high-caliber, it's his efforts that create a perception that other people will respect, follow, listen to, cater to, want to be around, etc. The fact that they do that is his validation, he doesn't actively seek it, it presents himself to it because he is worthy of it. Meanwhile, a woman actively goes after her validation. She posts a picture of herself in her best outfit and in full makeup, just so she can have a bunch of thirsty strangers tell her how pretty she is, the things they would do to her sexually, and the things they would do for her, all that, when all they allowed them to do is look at her.

Your path towards validation requires a body of hard work over a long period of time.

Her path requires the right angles and an IPhone.

Those who lack validation allow that to shape the opinion they have of themselves. That is to say, if a guy doesn't get women, then he won't have any confidence that he can get women. But again, you have the game backwards.

You are responsible for your self-confidence.

What are the things that you do in your life that give you the sense that you are a high-caliber man who other people would want in their lives?

That's a deep question that requires some real introspection.

I have a few things that I do to keep my confidence as high as it can be:

1. I take care of my body: I workout regularly and I adhere to a nutritional regimen that every once in a while I break away from to have something that I really want that isn't too bad for me.

2. I take care of my appearance: I only wear clean, wrinkle-free clothes when I'm out in public. I also get tapes -- the lining around my hair -- every week so that even if my hair is long, it looks neat. I keep my nails clipped and do other little things towards good, personal hygiene regularly.

3. I don't spend my money like a fool: I used to go out five times a week, regularly. I only don't now because the ROI on going out is too low in my opinion, even though I still enjoy a good party. I've always been able to go out so much because I didn't allow myself to spend too much money while I was out. I also don't need to be drunk to talk to women, so I keep the drinks to a minimum, over the past year I've only gone out sober. I went out with an acquaintance recently and he ended up spending $400 in one night, and now won't be going back out for a couple of months. I texted him the other night when I was heading out, and he told me "how lucky I was and he wished he could go out regularly".

4. I don't deal with confidence killers: Will discuss that more in the next part.

5. I do things that I genuinely want to do and reject anything that I don't want to do: Women will do shit like go to a club because it's someone's birthday, but act completely anti-social and have a bitch face the entire time that demonstrates they'd rather be anywhere else. Fuck that. If I don't want to be there, or do that, or whatever, then I'm not going to, and not going to allow anyone to obligate me to do anything for any reason.

I could go on and on, but I don't want to belabor the point. You have to have your own laundry lists of things that you do that make you feel good about yourself and your ability to go out into the world and kick some ass.

Don't allow a woman's reaction to you to define who you are as a man and where you're at in life as a result, you make your own definition, and either they understand you and want to be down, or you're over the heads and they don't/can't.

The Confidence Killers (Part 2)

When I previously spoke about women as confidence killers, I talked about a specific group of women, usually older, jaded women who fuck with a guy they know is the shit and then actively do some shit along the way to try to kill his confidence. Those women aren't the only confidence killers out there.

Most women will actively do things that will knock you off your game, but while the former do it to hurt you, the latter do it for self-preservation and other selfish reasons.

In this community we talk about hypergamy, a concept that is real and that I believe in theory, but in practicum, I don't think it's as hard-lined as others may believe.

The reason I feel that way is simply that most women, even though they may want a man who's an upgrade, can't handle a man who's an upgrade.

I used to date a girl who absolutely loved my fashion sense, and then after a while she started to resent it. She realized that she loved how I looked, and it was obvious that other women did too -- friends of hers would go on and on about how good I looked all the time -- so she asked me to tone it down, that I didn't need to look so nice all the time.

The way I present myself to the world is how I feel about myself. I don't do it to get attention from women. So to ask me to do something that is inherently a part of who I am is to ask me to be something that I'm not.

I immediately cut her off.

If you're with a chick who can't deal with the fact that other women would want to fuck you, that's a problem, mostly because it means she doesn't want to compete, and if she doesn't want to compete with other women to keep your attention, then that really means she doesn't want to compete for you. If a woman wants to stay at her best for you because that's how you want her, and she'll actively do the little things that help you stay on top of your game as well, then she's a keeper.

If she's the type of bitch that wants to slide you ice cream after every meal to fatten you up, change your wardrobe so that you look unattractive and average, and other little slick subtle things women do to knock you offer your game, you have to drop them off, immediately.

You're a man. The world is trying to kick your ass every day. You have to actively work so you can kick it's ass every day. You won't win all the battles, but the goal is to win the war. The goal is to be able to say you crossed the finished line and what you wanted in life was waiting there for you, validating all of your hard work, you're not entitled to a damn thing.

Do the work, avoid that which works against you, including many of these women out here, who will never care about you as much as they care about themselves, and honestly, most of them don't care about themselves at all, so that should really put into context where you fit in as far as they are concerned.

Post: #2

I definitely needed a reminder that some women out there are deliberate confidence killers. You can tell most of the time if a girl's likely to be one of these just by appearance.

You're right that paying attention to detail and being disciplined in what you say you're going to do is a huge part of self-confidence. It gives you the right to be confident, I'd say. When I've hit the gym 3 or 4 times a week for a month, nothing can get me down because I know I've put more work into myself than anyone who would try and find fault with that. If I can snap off Tiger Rag by Art Tatum or Scarbo by Ravel that's the result of my talent and devotion.

Every year a New Year's Resolution that they give up on, every year so predictable, and they think I'm listening to them out of anything other than politeness?

Words of wisdom as always Jariel.

Post: #3

This is excellent Jariel and something similar to what I'm writing about in my ebook at present as it's a great affliction on Indians. Point 5 applies to people of asian cultures whereupon they do what their families expect of them rather than what they want to do themselves.

Post: #4

These are great.

Post: #5

Its also funny that when you call these women out on their bullshit and have the power to immediately walk away, they realise how they fucked up and will sometimes do anything to get you back interested in them but its most likely too late as why would we want to waste time with these women? Well I guess theres the pump and dump but I've always loved the game of seduction more when meeting a girl that has true confidence. Bullshit attracts bullshit but not true confidence. True confidence attracts all.

I like your post OP but I didn't understand 'women trying to slide you ice-cream'. When does this ever happen? :/

Post: #6

Good post

Post: #7

Awesome simply awesome.

An old ex tried to fatten me up with ice cream and dropped the line "I will tell you when you are getting fat". She made me miss more than a few gym sessions, which I don't miss for anyone these days. I dropped her and when she hit 40 a few years later she called me about having a child, I ignored her.

There aren't many women that are not confidence killers, that is my experience.

Post: #8

(01-12-2015 08:09 AM)jariel Wrote:  If you're with a chick who can't deal with the fact that other women would want to fuck you, that's a problem, mostly because it means she doesn't want to compete, and if she doesn't want to compete with other women to keep your attention, then that really means she doesn't want to compete for you. If a woman wants to stay at her best for you because that's how you want her, and she'll actively do the little things that help you stay on top of your game as well, then she's a keeper.

This portion of the post provides a good explanation as to one of the reasons of the dissolution of my former LTR. I have yet, until this point, to consider this as part of the explanation. I knew she would get jealous and accuse me of flirting with every woman we encountered: cashiers, waitresses, etc; since they would flirt with me. I did not take the next step in realizing that she would not "compete."

Post: #9

Awesome thread.

My biggest red flag with these kinds of women were the ones that told me shit like, "Your muscles are too big" "You should stop lifting weights." etc. etc.

Like the Hodge Twins famously said, "FUCK YOU! I do this shit for ME! Not you!"

My favorite line I used to to drop on them was "I don't lift weights for you. You do you, and I will do me." Give them the cocky stare, and then change the subject.

Jariel was 100% on point. These women want a top notch man, but probably cannot handle one.

It is also a clue that you should date up or approach higher level women as well and stop dealing with average bitches unless they are just a last call fuck buddy when you strike out with every other lead.

Post: #10

(01-12-2015 12:02 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  My biggest red flag with these kinds of women were the ones that told me shit like, "Your muscles are too big" "You should stop lifting weights." etc. etc.

"Why do you want all those muscles? You'll get fat when you stop going to the gym"

"I'd hate myself if I had that kind of attitude, if I were that weak." - Arnold

Post: #11

Jariel

Why the fuck haven't you collected these into a blog ?

Another awesome post my friend, I'd rep you again if i could.

Post: #12

(01-12-2015 10:40 AM)DumbfromBirth Wrote:  I like your post OP but I didn't understand 'women trying to slide you ice-cream'. When does this ever happen? :/

It happens. Just like sometimes girls try to keep me from going to the gym.

Edit: It looks like TravelerKai and Benoit already touched on that. That just makes it clear how common it really is.

Post: #13

This shit is golden, funny how I always read shit on the blog that i thought about the past couple of days.

Post: #14

(01-12-2015 05:09 PM)kaotic Wrote:  Jariel

Why the fuck haven't you collected these into a blog ?

Another awesome post my friend, I'd rep you again if i could.

I'm with kaotic on this. When I saw the first "Real Talk Sessions" post I went looking on Google for the blog, or Podcasts. It was that good. At the very least make it an offering on ROK.