Post: #1

Old ex gf -- we have an amazing connection together on all levels.

We broke up early in 2007, and we started 'seeing' each other in October 2008 again... slept together (no sex) a couple times - sex came damn close - intense kissing, and touching naked bodies.

She pulled away the last month saying she isn't ready for sex and the complications that can arise from sex.

She has pretty much admitted her feelings for me, and we actually argued the other night, where again, she 'more or less' admitted feelings for me without actually flat out saying so. We go out on 'dates', ending in some pretty good kissing, but no sex and no more 'sleep overs'.

She is a great woman - one I would not want to push out of my life if we never did have a sexual/romantic relationship -- however, she turns me on - all the time.. and kissing drives me wild - and she's admitted to how 'wet' she gets when we kiss.


Any one with some ideas on what you'd do in this situation? I don't want to risk sounding 'beta', but really could see this woman as being 'the one' too. I love everything about her, aside from her lack of sex drive at the moment. we don't see each other often - right now only a few hours a week... but talk & text daily.

(as a side note, I haven't been without sex for 2.5 months, lol -- I have options available to me... so it's not like I 'need' sex from this woman).

As usual, thanks to all for some ideas.

Post: #2

I personally think when you think of a girl as "the one" a lot of complications arise. Not only do complications arise, but I wonder if there really is such a thing as a love of your life. Love is a feeling really, and before you know it, after you talk to a few other girls and get to know them too you will see that there are other girls out there that are different and good in their own way.

This has happened to me myself. Right when I break from a girlfriend, I get this immense feeling that I lost something huge. Not really in the long run. There was a reason I broke it apart, but the period afterward, especially if it is a stagnant period, can be difficult emotionally, but you have to PLOW through it.

This is where good friends and such comes handy, and, if possible, living in a big city environment.

The challenge comes when you don't have those two necessities for one reason or another. That's where it becomes most difficult and getting back with your ex seems like the best idea... but it isn't.

Take a trip. Meet some new people. Get to know others. Open yourself up. And before you know it, you will have moved on to a different level and will have ideally realized that life does not necessarily need to be shared with only one person, but can be shared with many.

Just remember, move forward not backward, and keep yourself open to new experiences.

Post: #3

I like what Kerouac wrote.

Let me add...

from experience here!

If she's not giving you what you want sexually then tell her. Tell her you want to come inside her (when you're in bed and you're both hot)- I've done that recently - its really honest and knocks their socks off. Tell her you find it frustrating to play around and not go there. I know its hard for guys to be honest, but you've got to tell her this. Then its up to her how she responds. Give her a few days for it to work its way through. Tell her kindly and in a non accusatory way -just matter of fact. I mean the main thing is you communicate where you are at with her. If you express yourself in a really heartfelt way and she doesn't care about you - well then you know she's not the ONE.

I am amazed how guys think they can just not say anything.

If you push her down in a friendly way when you're making out and she says no sex, again and again, its going to get pretty frustrating after a while and you're going to feel pretty used in the long run. Basically - you deserve more than a slumber party.

Post: #4

Looks like she's using you to satisfy her emotional needs, and will keep doing it as long as she can. Think if the roles were reversed and you just had some chick on the side that you could bang whenev but had no intentions of making her the one. And she just sat around all day, hoping that you would make her LTR date-night chick material. Everytime she asked you to take her out to a movie or what not, you were just like nah. But when you're drunk and it's almost last call at the bar w/ no options, you just rolled in her bed and did the damn thing?

You have other options on the side, thats great. I'd say play a lil distant, ease off the text/talking and see her response. You gotta have hand in relationships man, bluff a lil and see what happens.