Post: #1

Good day,

I would like to start off by introducing myself as an introvert for the first two decades of my life. Over the past year, I traversed through numerous Manosphere sites such as these and found myself intrigued by the communities. At the current age of 21, I am endeavouring to improve the weak points in my person. One such weak point is my low level of networking.

As mentioned, I am introvert. From that, one can deduce that I would be more inclined to solitariness and would rather ponder on the thoughts in my own mind than do almost anything else unless it can benefit myself benevolently in the long-term. Small talk is a chore for myself which would explain why I have detested various pointless conversations in the past with both many men and women who ramble on with their incessant yapping on trivial matters. I am no extrovert and I will not try to be something I am not as soon or later the true side of oneself will reveal itself.

With regards to networking, my request for advice is how do I properly identify the right people to network with for social and occupational purposes? Upon identifying these individuals, how does one approach them and benefit out of the connection? I have noticed that despite there being plenty of people surrounding one's self, not everyone has anything more than the sole pleasure of company.

I look forward to any advice and I would request that posters not hold back with false pleasantries.

Regards.

Post: #2

For starters stop calling yourself an introvert. The introvert/extrovert thing is a false dichotomy.

Secondly you don't really need to be all that extroverted to network effectively. You need to be able to make contacts based on commonalities or circumstance(e.g. running into people at a scheduled event) and then be a good listener. If you're trying to be a loud "extrovert" and talk a lot that's pretty counterproductive. Most business managers like to talk about themselves. Your job is to indulge and just listen to them while making them feel good about themselves for doing so.

The 2000 world champion of public speaking Ed Tate has a concept which I like (although it's admittedly into "motivational speaker BS" territory): intangible reciprocity. If you want people to do something for you then you need to figure out what you can offer them. More often than not this doesn't mean you're paying them, but that they receive an emotional or social payoff for helping you.

When it comes to networking the currency you offer people you meet is social validation and an ego boost by being interested in their expertise. Being slightly introverted works better then: you achieve that trade by being a good active listener. You don't achieve it by talking a lot on your end. Don't think of it in terms of being "extroverted", think of it as actively processing and pondering the information that people are giving you when they open their mouths.

Post: #3

"The introvert/extrovert thing is a false dichotomy."

I wouldn't say that, there is definitely a spectrum from "autism" to "radio you can't turn off".

I just look at it the same as bodyweight. There is a sweet spot somewhere in between too skinny and too fat. Likewise you don't want to be too introverted that you miss out on the goods social interaction can bring, but neither do you want to be so extroverted you never get any work done.

OP, just start off talking to people for the sake of it. You get information from them, they get it from you, you both learn a bit more about the world. You'll get the hang of it by doing more of it; reading is counter productive.

Post: #4

I think there are extroverts and introverts.

However, since your goal is to move forward, try not to think about it.

You are a man, you have the gift of logic and the ability to work hard/discipline.

I understand small talk is a chore, but if you get out there enough, you will meet some people that can do better than small talk.

Now having said that, small talk is the way communication with strangers start.

So as an introvert who probably has good thinking skills, if your goal is network, then one should have small talk skills.

It might help by not labeling stuff (I label/judge stuff also) - by not commenting about anything being bad, you will have less resistance to it.

Good luck!

Post: #5

I share your pain.

However, the way I've begun to look at networking now is from a logical perspective. Instead of just making small talk 'just because' I do it because it's gong to get me something. Definitely not the best way to go about creating relationships, but its what works for me.

I also HIGHLY recommend 'Never Eat Alone' by Keith Ferrazzi. It's very comprehensive and will give you practical advice to meeting people.

Post: #6

I would start off by asking people questions about themselves. A lot of sales books advise their readers to ask questions and just let people talk about themselves. People who lean towards introversion tend to not initiative conversations or ask other people too many questions so maybe give that a try.

Also booze and adderall

Post: #7

Just man up and do it.
Remember all you are not networking or idea extraction.
You are making conversation
Simplify it.

Post: #8

The way I see it, men were not put here to have small talk. We were put here to fuck and get shit done.

Post: #9

(07-20-2015 01:30 PM)Phoenix Wrote:  "The introvert/extrovert thing is a false dichotomy."

I wouldn't say that, there is definitely a spectrum from "autism" to "radio you can't turn off".

Key word there is "spectrum". It's not as black as white as people make it out to be. For example I know a couple people who appear very gregarious but have admitted that they are drained. They're more like batteries that need to be recharged after a few hours of heavy use.....technically introverts but calling them "introverts" doesn't do it justice.

Post: #10

I agree with Easy_C about listening to people. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you listen to people and boost their ego, you will make them feel important. Everyone wants to feel/be important. Can you give that to people?

IMO, most people aren't worth your time to network with.

Post: #11

I feel the same way. I don't waste my time with trying to be 'extroverted' anymore. It seems most people considered extroverted just talk a lot about stupid shit. In general at least.

I recommend playing to your strengths. To find out what these are, you have to test them. Usually against other people. However, I've noticed that when I see my interactions with people as a test, I tend to be more satisfied with them if not entirely comfortable.

Post: #12

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Post: #13

Drink alcohol if you're at networking events, just don't get too drunk

Post: #14

Wow, can't believe I never saw Thomas's post till now. That should be stickied.

Post: #15

I second "Never Eat Alone."

I'd also say, everyone thinks about the part of networking where you need help--a job, a connection, etc.--and you reach out to the network of people you know. Fewer people think about the part of networking where you realize someone you know could benefit from someone else you know and you put them in touch.

Maybe I have gotten lucky, but in my life I've

--introduced a friend to a girl I thought he'd like. They got married.

--When I heard from friend A that he was leaving a job that would be perfect for friend B, told friend B about the upcoming opening. Friend B got a job with A's old organization (one step below A's old job because they promoted internally) and still, 15 years later, works in A's industry.

--Connected a friend who was interested in filmmaking with an ex-fb who is in the local theater community. She suggested an organization to join through which he's made a number of important writer and actor contacts.

--Offered job contacts in her field to a former lover who I saw on facebook was having trouble with her job search. She did not find a job through those contacts, but much goodwill was generated which helped lead to future sexy times.

As an introvert you're probably good at listening and paying attention. If you cue yourself to look for opportunities to connect people you'll probably see them.

Post: #16

What type of "networking" are we talking about?

When I hear that word, I recall "college alumni networking" nights and professional networking events. I'll straight up say that 95% of these are a complete waste of time and are geared more towards women. I've yet to meet anyone who was able to land a job at one of these events.

As men, our "network" is much smaller but more easily able to be leveraged. Do you have any close friends from school/college? What about friends from special interests groups (church, sports league, gym etc)? Heck, what about professional contacts? You have to be cool with some folks at work.

Your network should include friends both professional and social. These are the connections you should leverage.

Lets start with the basic question, do you have any friends and are you able to hold a conversation?

My experience networking:

- Leveraging an internship in entertainment through a family friend (fucked that up, very embarrassed)
- Introduced a girl to an old middle school friend of mine. Most likely to get married.
- Had a job opening and filed it with a friend of mine who was still living at home two years after college ended.

I'd personally like to use the RvF forum for more networking, though i'm not sure how to go about this safely. Hilariously a thread I opened up a long time ago is appearing in the possibly related threads below.

Post: #17

I'm strongly introverted, but I've always been a good natural networker. My inherent skill appears to be in finding something of interest in another person, so when we get talking, we're talking about something interesting instead of just chit-chatting/bullshitting. They in turn feel I've taken interest in a core facet of their personality.

It might be useful to approach "networking" with someone as "what can I learn from them in 10 minutes' time?" Things to consider: hobbies of theirs, special professional skills (accounting, science, investing), their educational background (ask about a topic in their major), common places you might have lived/visited (ask about a particular restaurant or tourist site), or music/films they like (ask their opinion on a band's arc or a movie's themes).

Post: #18

Another aspect of networking is putting your networks together...I heard about a guy who has a weekly to-do item to introduce two of his friends to each other. That alone can get you some merit across social circles and raise your value in the very ways personal networking can do, with a fraction of the face-to-face work.

Post: #19

You're 21 years old.

Best advice I can give you is to approach women like during the day on the street.

Best venue and technique for your age.

Networking is not as relevant for you now as is basic social skills. I think you may be lacking those somewhat(and that's okay).

Gaming will help you build these skills. If you were a 35 year old with more life experience, I would give different advice.

Post: #20

You don't really understand your own problem.

What you think you want is the ability to walk up to complete strangers, make some small talk, find a commonality and then parlay that commonality into some sort of physical reward, be it a job or some sort of other favor.

The idea is that if you build up enough of these weak ties, you will always have a safety net of people to fall back on.

This mentality keeps you blind.

What are you really after?
By meeting these phonies and playing their game, what do you hope to achieve?

Can you get what you want without them?

And the most important question, what do they want from you?

WIA

Post: #21

^^ gifworthy. Sounds cynical but that's like saying computers running off 1s and 0s is cynical.

Post: #22

I'm still learning this myself but here are 3 things:

-adapt your communication to the type of person you are networking with. I've found a phone call is 100x more valuable than email when networking with a baby boomer, and regardless of generation in-person is best

-be flexible in the interaction, not outcome-dependent. Maybe you were hoping to get a job lead from a friend of a friend but instead he offers you an introduction or an invite to a party or such. Take what's on offer, especially if the person is a successful person.

-relax and don't build up the interaction to be a life or death kind of thing. Don't be afraid to be honest about what you're looking for. Most successful guys can appreciate honesty. Maybe they can't help you with what you want at the moment but down the line they may be able to.

Post: #23

I've compiled some info on networking into a 50 page pdf. Maybe it will be useful to you. Link below.

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Post: #24

All solid advice.
Having been there myself, here are a few tips to get you started:
1. Go to meetups on subject matter that interest you. Just talk to people about that which you find interesting (and they find it as well).
Within a few meetups it will be easy7 for you to "network".
2. Join some groups, again on things you find compelling. This will help you get "respect" and/or "status" if you do stuff there.
Then people will "approach" you.
3. The 100 approaches challenge - approach and talk to 1 girl every day for 100 days. Just talk at first, when your confidence builds up - ask for the number.
This as stated by Cobra
4. Go to networking events and lectures on networking - talk to people at those events, ask them to describe how they do it. If it is a lecture, wait till the end and talk to the one giving the lecture.
5. Patience - This is a process that will take time - months or even years. Do not beat yourself up and try to stay focused.

Good luck