Post: #1

Hi fellow forum mates!!! I apologise in advance for this long post. I am a corporate lawyer, by profession, aged 27. Lately, I have been taking stock of my life and have concluded that I have not managed to get out of myself anything near what I should have at my age and my chief worries are as follows:
1. My parents are growing old(father in mid 60s and mother in early 60s) and the thought of them gone tears me up. I do not know how I am going to remain emotionally stable, once they are gone. On top of that, I have no doubt been a bad son to them. While I live in a separate city from where they do, it is not very far and I visit them often enough.
2. I am not doing well professionally as I should be. I have a hysterical lady boss, who starts screaming if there is slight deviation from her plan, which is very difficult to determine. Sometimes, I wonder if I will end up getting fired.
3. Because of problems stated in no.2, I am obviously looking for other jobs. I have not got many other offers, to be honest. While I have graduated out of one of the best law schools in India, my academic record in college was somewhere in between(say in the early 40s in a class of 100). This may sound like an excuse but the real reason was that I did not adjust to law school life early on in my and scored lower marks in social science subjects(complete with feminism crap) and I was mostly in the top tier of class in corporate laws. Well, coming back to the issue, the job offers that I get are in general, in another city where the cost of living is 1.25x the cost of living in the city that I stay in and yet the kind of salaries that I get offered are 1.2x the current salaries. Further, the other city is far and I would not be able to see my parents as often as I do currently. However, I am being advised that if I worry too much about getting fired, I should may be explore opportunities in that other city, while I think I would not really be very happy there.
All of the above is affecting the clarity of my thinking. I just want to get my life in track. I have thought of changing careers but 27 seems too late in the day for me(especially, if I have to just change into an MBA).While I think that I should perhaps prepare very well for my interviews and try going for the broke in my own city, I wonder if I should not be averse to opportunities in other cities. Further, I wonder if I do get fired, whether I will get a job worth what I am earning now(which is not too much but not too little either). I cannot focus very well because of the underlying fear in my heart. Please advise how I should be making decisions in life and be able to ignore fear. Thank you.

Post: #2

Don't do mba. Take a look at cfa

http://forum.cfaspace.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=1782

Post: #3

Also go to the gym and lift. It helps with clear thinking

Post: #4

What do you want to do with your life?

I mean I understand the "getting life on track" thing. But seems to be playing by society's rules.

If you were not doing what you are doing, what would you want to do?

An MBA at 27 is no big deal. Lots of older people than that doing MBAs.

Just get it from a good school if you are going to bother with it.

Once again, what are your life plans and goals?

Post: #5

Maybe your lady boss is hysterical because she doesn't get enough dick. Is she attractive?

Post: #6

(07-27-2015 10:00 PM)Virtus Wrote:  Also go to the gym and lift. It helps with clear thinking

A second that.

The mess of a post I didn't even bother to read due to it being a mess is a clear indicator of a mess in a head.

Post: #7

(07-27-2015 10:00 PM)Virtus Wrote:  Also go to the gym and lift. It helps with clear thinking

Thanks for the advice. I am doing this already.

Post: #8

(07-27-2015 10:00 PM)Virtus Wrote:  Don't do mba. Take a look at cfa

http://forum.cfaspace.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=1782

Yeah, I have been exploring the idea of a CFA too lately.

Post: #9

Don't do MBA, seconded.
Is there a way to you can niche-down into some area of law? I once met someone who was an engineer and then did law to enter patent law. He'd been doing very well out of it. Is there any area of law that you've noticed high demand in but low supply?

Post: #10

Asian-American here - so I understand the "looking out for your parents" thing.

But - have you talked to them about that, and the rest of your issues? If your parents are like mine, more than likely, what they want more for you more than anything else is financial security and children, assuming you don't have them already. And my guess is they would be fine with you going to another city - and maybe even abroad outside of India - if it gives you both.

Note that I'm not saying you have to give them grandchildren now, or even ever. On that note, you may also find that your parents' wishes for you are in conflict with your own desires. As I explained in my relocation thread, my mother was against me leaving the US, but I think she was able to accept the fact that if she ever wanted a suitable mother for her grandchildren, I was more likely to find one abroad than in the US. For you, financial security and/or better women may be easier to obtain in another city or abroad, even temporarily.

Post: #11

(07-28-2015 02:39 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  Don't do MBA, seconded.
Is there a way to you can niche-down into some area of law? I once met someone who was an engineer and then did law to enter patent law. He'd been doing very well out of it. Is there any area of law that you've noticed high demand in but low supply?

Thanks..I will definitely undertake research in this regard.

Post: #12

(07-28-2015 03:08 AM)262 Wrote:  Asian-American here - so I understand the "looking out for your parents" thing.

But - have you talked to them about that, and the rest of your issues? If your parents are like mine, more than likely, what they want more for you more than anything else is financial security and children, assuming you don't have them already. And my guess is they would be fine with you going to another city - and maybe even abroad outside of India - if it gives you both.

Note that I'm not saying you have to give them grandchildren now, or even ever. On that note, you may also find that your parents' wishes for you are in conflict with your own desires. As I explained in my relocation thread, my mother was against me leaving the US, but I think she was able to accept the fact that if she ever wanted a suitable mother for her grandchildren, I was more likely to find one abroad than in the US. For you, financial security and/or better women may be easier to obtain in another city or abroad, even temporarily.

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, I have spoken to my parents about my issues and yes, you are right about they being in favour of the relocation.There is no pressure to get married and have grandchildren(incredibly rare for Indian parents), which is sort of a consolation.

As you would, no doubt, understand, what restrains me is my sense of responsibility, to "repay the debt", so to speak. They took lots of pains in bringing me up and I feel that I owe them something for those pains. I will definitely give your relocation thread a read.

Post: #13

No, there is no debt. Your parents made the decision to conceive you, and to raise you well, for their own selfish desire to have successful posterity. All debts must be agreed to by the counterparty, and since you could not give consent (unborn or infant) you could not have done so. You are free.

Post: #14

(07-28-2015 04:16 AM)Goelsaab Wrote:  Thanks for your reply.

Yes, I have spoken to my parents about my issues and yes, you are right about they being in favour of the relocation.There is no pressure to get married and have grandchildren(incredibly rare for Indian parents), which is sort of a consolation.

As you would, no doubt, understand, what restrains me is my sense of responsibility, to "repay the debt", so to speak. They took lots of pains in bringing me up and I feel that I owe them something for those pains. I will definitely give your relocation thread a read.

I understand. But I would say that you should repay the debt by fulfilling their wishes for you to be successful, and/or by passing the gains of that debt to your own children. With hard work and luck, you may even be able to come back to your parents temporarily or permanently, and/or send them gifts.

Post: #15

Read these three books by

Napoleon Hill.

1. Grow Rich with Peace of Mind
2. Outwitting the Devil.
3. How to Sell your way through life.

It talks about Fear and how to eliminate it from your mindset and a host of other positive thinking ideals.

Apart from exercise & your job, I think you need to find a side hustle you love to do and eventually see if that can be another outlet for you. I cant exactly tell you which one but you need to try new things, and not be afraid of failing man.

And if your hearts not 100% in your job, you might want to figure out what it is you love to do and pursue that, obviously something that will also bring you financial gain.

Post: #16

As a fellow Indian, my advice would be to stick to your current job till you have the new offer in hand.

So first things first, don't quit anything because you're emotionally drained as it is.

But during this time, don't just while it away in worrying.

Instead, focus on what is that is making you so worried?

You say your parents are not forcing you to get married and we both know how lucky you are on that count in our country.

You say its because of the lady boss, but what's to say some other factor won't pop up when you go in for any other job?

The problem is never the job, it's always you.

I'll tell you where the pressure of staying in a job originates - It originates from stupid desires to BUY things.

In India, the concept of minimalism is completely unheard of and even laughed at.
And yet, the consumerist attitude of our people is one of the major factors in why they lead such depressed fucking lives.

They're happy to spend a million or two in a wedding, and then whine when they are unable to source enough money for their daily living.

So have you got your mental and lifestyle based concepts clear?

I don't think so.

You need to think deeper about what it is that you really want to do.

I'll give you my own example.

I had somewhat supportive parents so I quit faking things and always quit jobs to follow my passion.

I failed and failed again till about 2 years back I finally started to get things right.

Now I run a solo photography business that I simply love.

But it's not just about finding something you love and then doing it. The main battle was won because every damn day I THOUGHT about what I really wanted out of life.

I realised after MBA that I was different from all my peers. I never wanted cars and gadgets and other BS.

I just wanted to do something which I was happy doing.

I adopted a minimalistic approach towards life and it catapulted my entrepreneurial journey because I was never stressed in an unhealthy way.

Even now I don't spend any money unless its on something I REALLY value.

Most of my money goes in investing back into my business and marketing it.

So my answer to you would be to find your true nature and narrow down on a kind of life you want to live and only focus on that.

When you realise you need very less to be happy, it'll take away most of your worries.

In India, you can live at a very low cost of living and that is something that is a blessing in disguise if you know what you are doing.

Live a minimalist lifestyle, enjoy the small pleasures and then get the hell out of here. That's exactly what I'm doing.

And make sure you pay a lot of attention to your personal development factors like grooming, hygiene, how you look, working out etc. In India, I've got a massive advantage over anyone else because I pay attention to these things and my appearance is enough to command respect. This is one aspect ignored by almost 90% of Indian guys and that is exactly why you have to pounce on it. You'll see how easy life gets for you when you look sharp.

Post: #17

(07-28-2015 04:16 AM)Goelsaab Wrote:  

(07-28-2015 03:08 AM)262 Wrote:  Asian-American here - so I understand the "looking out for your parents" thing.

But - have you talked to them about that, and the rest of your issues? If your parents are like mine, more than likely, what they want more for you more than anything else is financial security and children, assuming you don't have them already. And my guess is they would be fine with you going to another city - and maybe even abroad outside of India - if it gives you both.

Note that I'm not saying you have to give them grandchildren now, or even ever. On that note, you may also find that your parents' wishes for you are in conflict with your own desires. As I explained in my relocation thread, my mother was against me leaving the US, but I think she was able to accept the fact that if she ever wanted a suitable mother for her grandchildren, I was more likely to find one abroad than in the US. For you, financial security and/or better women may be easier to obtain in another city or abroad, even temporarily.

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, I have spoken to my parents about my issues and yes, you are right about they being in favour of the relocation.There is no pressure to get married and have grandchildren(incredibly rare for Indian parents), which is sort of a consolation.

As you would, no doubt, understand, what restrains me is my sense of responsibility, to "repay the debt", so to speak. They took lots of pains in bringing me up and I feel that I owe them something for those pains. I will definitely give your relocation thread a read.

Also, get over this mentality that you HAVE to do something for your parents because they brought you up and other crap.

Everyone in this life does only that which is selfish and promotes their own happiness.

While this may sound as something only an insensitive person would say, it really is the truth.

Your decisions should be based solely on selfish reasons because ultimately your happiness is what counts. If you do something because you felt like doing it out of debt, it's only going to subconsciously make you hate your parents.

I saw my mom take her last heartbeat when she passed away from cancer, so I do know where your fear of losing your parents originates. The fear of losing my father haunts me too everyday but you can't let these things come in the way of doing exactly what you want to do.

It'll all hurt but you just have to keep going. Figure out your path by contemplating things daily, harden the hell up and keep going.

Post: #18

samurai power

Post: #19

(07-28-2015 03:26 PM)testos111 Wrote:  Your decisions should be based solely on selfish reasons because ultimately your happiness is what counts.

I think we should make it clear that if helping others brings you happiness and/or purpose - as we are doing by contributing to this forum - then you should do that. However, you obviously have to balance that selflessness with self-interest and self-protection.

In other words, don't be a doormat (especially to your parents), but don't be a universal asshole either (ie, the guy who stabs his family and friends in their backs for a pittance).

Post: #20

I don't understand the idea of getting an MBA in your situation. It is nothing more than another credential if you already have two degrees (bachelor's degree & law degree). Start a business or get a different job where you have responsibilities other than just legal. It could be something like a smaller company where you do legal work as well as work in HR or purchasing, or work for business that provides products or services to lawyers, or a sales job selling to lawyers. Plenty of lawyers move up in the corporate world when they have broad experience that involves other skillsets and there are a lot of CEOs with law degrees. Take a pay cut if you have to because any pay is going to be more than not getting paid and paying tuition for an MBA program.

Also, testos111 has some solid advice earlier in the thread. Consider what he said and all the options you have. Don't get so hung up on your salary.

Quote:I have thought of changing careers but 27 seems too late in the day for me

Seriously? 27 or did you mean or 47?

Quote:Well, coming back to the issue, the job offers that I get are in general, in another city where the cost of living is 1.25x the cost of living in the city that I stay in and yet the kind of salaries that I get offered are 1.2x the current salaries.

I understand the part about moving to a city farther away from your parents but you are massively over-thinking things when you are comparing 1.25x cost of living and 1.2x salary. I would say you need to take a step back and look at the big picture but I think you might need to take about 10 steps back to do that.

Good Luck.

Post: #21

Hi testos111,
Thanks a lot for your response. I agree with you about the minimalism part. It is true that Indians laugh at it and I am laughed at it because I have not purchased a car(called a miser and all that regularly by relatives and friends) and I was certainly the last one among people I know to purchase a smart phone.

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I cannot have it all and sacrifices would be needed.

Post: #22

(07-28-2015 05:34 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  I don't understand the idea of getting an MBA in your situation. It is nothing more than another credential if you already have two degrees (bachelor's degree & law degree). Start a business or get a different job where you have responsibilities other than just legal. It could be something like a smaller company where you do legal work as well as work in HR or purchasing, or work for business that provides products or services to lawyers, or a sales job selling to lawyers. Plenty of lawyers move up in the corporate world when they have broad experience that involves other skillsets and there are a lot of CEOs with law degrees. Take a pay cut if you have to because any pay is going to be more than not getting paid and paying tuition for an MBA program.

Also, testos111 has some solid advice earlier in the thread. Consider what he said and all the options you have. Don't get so hung up on your salary.

Quote:I have thought of changing careers but 27 seems too late in the day for me

Seriously? 27 or did you mean or 47?

Quote:Well, coming back to the issue, the job offers that I get are in general, in another city where the cost of living is 1.25x the cost of living in the city that I stay in and yet the kind of salaries that I get offered are 1.2x the current salaries.

I understand the part about moving to a city farther away from your parents but you are massively over-thinking things when you are comparing 1.25x cost of living and 1.2x salary. I would say you need to take a step back and look at the big picture but I think you might need to take about 10 steps back to do that.

Good Luck.

Hi BC,

Thanks a lot for your response. that 1.25x part was a typo...should have been 1.5x but your point still stands. I am indeed overthinking it as I suggested in the opener. May be, that itself is the problem.

Post: #23

(07-27-2015 10:51 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  Maybe your lady boss is hysterical because she doesn't get enough dick. Is she attractive?

As much as too much dick harms women, none for a long period also harms them. Reminds me of this teacher I had in the equivalent of Elementary School. Youngish, severe, prissy and obviously (looking back) a very (sexually) frustrated woman. Was horrible to all her students, including in ways that would, frankly, get her a prison sentence in another time and place. Obviously as kids we didn't realise what her problem was.

Anyway, years later in High School I was walking down a corridor and hear this sweet voice calling out "Bad Hussar", "Bad Hussar", turn around and it's this harridan from Elementarry School who was in the building for a visit. But now totally transformed into a sweet seemingly normal woman. Turns out that she (somehow) got herself married, maybe some kids too. We all, male and female, who knew her from back when joked that her problem when she was teaching us was that she wasn't getting any of the first four letters of her name. Her name was "Miss Dickenson".

But more directly onto the OP's problem. Brodiaga's suggestion may seem flippant, but it actually has a high chance of helping. A lot of bitchy behavior in women is in fact due to unhappiness with their sex life. Either no sex, or more likely bad sex. Don't sleep with her yourself (no shitting where you eat), but try to set her up with someone who knows what he is doing and wants at least a medium term relationship.

Personally I wouldn't suggest you do an MBA unless you can get into a VERY good program. US top 10. Top 3 European. Otherwise it's much more difficult to justify the expense and time commitment.