Post: #1

I fucked a girl on the second date, then on the third date she says she thinks things are moving too fast, and she wants to take things slower, and basically wants to put sex on hold for a while.

It appears that the reason she wants to do this is that she sees me as a boyfriend/provider and is worried that I think she's a slut, and won't want to be with her long term unless she convinces me that she's not really a slut. Another factor was that I did not lay the D down properly when we fucked (see my earlier thread about that). She does like me because she texts me all the time, gets upset when I ignore her texts for too long, gets upset if I'm near her work and don't stop by to see her, eagerly initiates makeouts, etc.

When she brought this up, I was very nonchalent, like "sure, whatever you're comfortable with." I figured that by not making a big deal about it, I could just ignore it and plow through any resistance later. That didn't happen though, and we didn't have sex on the 3rd date. She's sort of taken back control of the relationship.

How specifically do you handle this situation? I'm aware that it'd be good if I could reduce her feeling that I think she's a slut, and it'd be good if I conveyed a strong frame that she can't control things and will need to keep fucking me to keep me around. My question is: what is the best way of conveying these things to women in this sort of situation?

My top candidates are:

(1) Hey, I'm a sexual person and I like to date people who are open with their sexuality. That's your right to take things as slow as you want, but working through walls that people put up is not something that I'm interested in. (Basically, making it clear that I'm in control and about to walk away but also not making her feel too pressured).

(2) All my best relationships began passionately. I don't judge anyone for doing what they want to do if it doesn't hurt anyone. In fact I admire that a girl has the self confidence to do what she wants. (This is less pressure than the first option and focuses more on me not judging her).

...any big theme being missed here, or any better way of conveying the main themes?

Post: #2

This is typical female behavior. Once you've banged a girl she's lost a lot of the control, and this is her way of trying to reclaim it (by withholding sex). You seem to have come to a similar conclusion based on your post. When she brought it up initially you kinda blew it by saying "sure, whatever you're comfortable with." You're not cool with it, so why are you pretending to go along? Had you stuck to your guns you would probably still be banging this girl.

The key is to either push through and ignore her resistance and to punish her (figuratively) when she denies you sex. Otherwise you will never have "frame" or the upperhand. At the end of the day if she's not putting out, you should spend less time with her and far less time texting.

In your situation here, I would recover by doing what I recommended above and by only seeing her in a booty call format - in other words, invite her over late for a drink or invite yourself over to her place. No dates, no spending time or money on her. In your mind she should be in the dog house, not the other way around. In the meantime continue your pipelining, never get complacent with one girl, especially one who has already stopped putting out so early on.

Quote:(1) Hey, I'm a sexual person and I like to date people who are open with their sexuality. That's your right to take things as slow as you want, but working through walls that people put up is not something that I'm interested in. (Basically, making it clear that I'm in control and about to walk away but also not making her feel too pressured).

(2) All my best relationships began passionately. I don't judge anyone for doing what they want to do if it doesn't hurt anyone. In fact I admire that a girl has the self confidence to do what she wants. (This is less pressure than the first option and focuses more on me not judging her).

Whatever you do, don't use these. You are way over-explaining yourself and this is complicated and unnecessary. She's the one who should be apologetic, make her feel that way by punishing her. She will either get the memo or she won't, either way you win.

Should probably be in the newbie forum.

Post: #3

(09-29-2015 05:38 AM)Talekhine Wrote:  She does like me because she texts me all the time, gets upset when I ignore her texts for too long, gets upset if I'm near her work and don't stop by to see her, eagerly initiates makeouts, etc.

If that's the case then just go silent on her for a while. At the moment you're meeting on her terms, if she wants to meet you then it must be on your terms and only on your terms, and that means sex.

I hate it when girls do this, I do not have the patience, which is why I go silent. If they continue on this not having sex vibe then I just cut all contact all together and defriend on FB. One girl I did this to after I banged her came back at me several weeks later and asks what she did wrong.

My answer: I was bored of you (because I wasn't getting the sex I need).

Perhaps she just isn't very sexual or needs more time to unleash the sex addict she really is. Just depends how much patience you have I guess.

Post: #4

(09-29-2015 06:00 AM)Gmac Wrote:  At the end of the day if she's not putting out, you should spend less time with her and far less time texting.

I call that lowering her priority. Don't stop talking to her just delay your responses. If she texts you in the morning ...wait till lunch to reply. If she texts in the afternoon ...wait til 5 to reply. If she texts at night ...wait til the next morning to reply.

If she gets the hint she'll make it easier for you to hang out / bang. If not ...then there's your answer. Cut her loose.

Post: #5

(09-29-2015 06:00 AM)Gmac Wrote:  When she brought it up initially you kinda blew it by saying "sure, whatever you're comfortable with." You're not cool with it, so why are you pretending to go along? Had you stuck to your guns you would probably still be banging this girl.

Thanks. I went along because the plan was just to sort of brush it off and plow through. I thought she was just saying it to make sure I knew she wasn't slutty and she'd drop it later. When you suggest not pretending to go along, what does that look like in this situation? I figure being visibly upset is bad because it telegraphs that I care a lot. So I'm imagining just conveying the vibe of "that's weird, and I'm not into it." Maybe specifically just say "that's weird" initially and let the silence hang. Then if she presses it, maybe "It sounds like we have different ideas about dating. When I date a girl, we have sex.." Stuff like that?

Post: #6

(09-29-2015 06:34 AM)Talekhine Wrote:  

(09-29-2015 06:00 AM)Gmac Wrote:  When she brought it up initially you kinda blew it by saying "sure, whatever you're comfortable with." You're not cool with it, so why are you pretending to go along? Had you stuck to your guns you would probably still be banging this girl.

Thanks. I went along because the plan was just to sort of brush it off and plow through. I thought she was just saying it to make sure I knew she wasn't slutty and she'd drop it later. When you suggest not pretending to go along, what does that look like in this situation? I figure being visibly upset is bad because it telegraphs that I care a lot. So I'm imagining just conveying the vibe of "that's weird, and I'm not into it." Maybe specifically just say "that's weird" initially and let the silence hang. Then if she presses it, maybe "It sounds like we have different ideas about dating. When I date a girl, we have sex.." Stuff like that?

You're overthinking this whole thing. Since she has already "laid down the law" so to speak your only real strategy is to take your foot off the gas.

Quote:then on the third date she says she thinks things are moving too fast, and she wants to take things slower, and basically wants to put sex on hold for a while.

This is the sole opportunity you had to set the tone of your interactions with her. You've already had sex, she doesn't get to dictate things on her terms anymore. You should have been more dismissive (subtle or jokingly), not just went along with what she said.

Here's how it has gone down for me.

Ignore and escalate...
Her: Things are moving really fast, I want us to slow down.
Me: *stare at her for a few seconds and laugh*
Her: What?
Me: I thought you were serious for a second there.

or

Pretend to play along...
Her: Things are moving really fast, I want us to slow down.
Me: You're right. You should cook dinner for me first.
Her: *says something about not being a really good cook as a typical western girl*
...order take out, get a few glasses of wine in her, throw on a movie and seal the deal.

I assumed you had the original conversation with her in person based on your post, but if any of this is happening over text, you're doing it wrong. Only have these sorts of talks in person. If she brings it up, change the subject and make plans for your next get together. Your goal should be meeting up (preferably at your place or hers), so ignore what she says from now on, it's not important and like most women they flip flop with their feelings for you all the time.

Post: #7

Your only leverage is your time and attention. Give her less of it.

Don't complain, don't explain.

Or, now that I see it, as Gmac said above...
"...your only real strategy is to take your foot off the gas."

This is better than if she just moved on. Some chics will fuck you a couple times then act like nothing happened and you never really interact with them on a sexual tension level at all. They just wanted a good rompin.

So in your case, you can actually pull back attention, because she's still texting you...for now. Either way, you're in a precarious position. This isn't solid footing for a relationship of any type.

Post: #8

Bitches' logic. I slept with you, but don't want to look like a slut, so I'm no longer sleeping with you.....

Funny you post this OP, I had this happened to me just a few months ago. She was crazy into me and we bang first date. Bitch got a long distance boyfriend but I couldn't care less. Her boyfriend visited for a week after which she said she's no longer sleeping with me but still loves to hang out.

I made the same mistake as you. I think those of us who are beginners in game tend to play it cool too much so as to appear like we don't give a fuck, but the thing is we actually do give a fuck. Gmac has already given great advice.

At any rate I actually really didn't give a fuck and I just cut her loose and go on gaming other women. Met a really cute virgin chick who is now my LTR that absolutely blows the previous one into oblivion. Funny enough, she started texting me

"so do you ever want to talk to me again?"

This time I wasn't cool with it so I was like "To do what? You don't want to sleep with me and when we hang out you make me feel terrible"

She sent a long text to apologize and this is a very very arrogant bitch.

That's when a something hit me deep down. As a man you gotta be honest with yourself and only yourself. While tactically there's credit to playing it cool, trying to act like you don't care while you actually care is very bad inner game. The true player does what he wants, when he wants and if some random bitch isn't cool with it, he goes fuck a hotter one.


So go out and find yourself a hotter girl bro If and when she comes back, great, if not, one less thing to worry about.

Post: #9

Interested in additional feedback on this topic. Does it change if the sex stops after a long time, say years? Is the approach different for a FWB vs. a GF? It seems more tempting to try and “talk it out” with a longer relationship (either FB or GF). Helpful to explain and then reduce attention?

Post: #10

This has happened to me multiple times with women I fucked on the first date or at first sight in the last year- It caught me off guard every time because I am from the old school where once you fuck you are just fucking after that. Understand I am laying it down with these girls for at least 2-4 hours without a condom doing everything-then we talk and chill, they tell me everything-then they come back and we do it again full steam, and talk more-suddenly they pull back on the sex. These are always girls in their 20's.

The last girl who pulled this was 24, I was with her getting wasted and she passed out. I was pissed because I don't bang passed out chicks, so I got ready to go-then her phone buzzed. The text was from her "best friend" basically telling her not to fuck me and "reclaim the power" in the relationship- I went through her text history with this chick and it was all hate and shitty advice on relationships. Also I learned that this girl suffered from crippling anxiety exacerbated by social media.

How you deal with this is to understand that women are not friends like men are, they constantly compare themselves to their "friends" and actively sabotage each others relationships. Several of the girls who fucked me quick and ghosted end up calling me 3-4 months later after their "best friend " had a falling out with them. When a woman tries to withdraw her sexual attention from you and "hang out" with you and waste your time, tell her you are busy. If she calls you when you are with another woman, answer the phone and have a partial conversation and break it off because you have company(make sure she hears a woman in the background), borrow money from her and avoid her calls, call her late and ask her if she wants to fuck(if she says no, hang up, if she says yes go over and fuck her like you hate her -then pretend it never happened next time you see her)- in other words, play with her mind and emotions-it is what she really wants.

Post: #11

Bf/gf is supposed to involve passion. A woman who is really into you is NOT fully in control over their resistance. Her rational brain may be saying she moved too fast but once she's hooked she will not be able to stop on a dime. If there's at least some kissing and makeout she will be worked into too much of a lather for LMR.

So my guess is the sex was vanilla and subsequently she could take it or leave it.

Women's physical boundaries are really porous. They think it's safe to allow kissing or getting felt up through their clothes. They don't realize that once they get turned on enough they are not going to be in the same frame of mind they were when they were laying down the law over dinner. So any guy who knows how to foreplay like a master pretty much has her in the palm of his hands (literally). If you don't know how to do it, learn, stat. Don't negotiate. Just sexualize the relationship. Be a force of nature. Fill it with passion. If she complains even on the first kiss tell her you're not seeing her just to talk an arm's length apart.

Women are crazy that way. They will accuse you of only wanting sex, but deny the fact that sex is the difference between friend and lover. Sex first, the rest is a bonus. But no sex = no romantic relationship.

Post: #12

(09-29-2015 08:28 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  That's when a something hit me deep down. As a man you gotta be honest with yourself and only yourself. While tactically there's credit to playing it cool, trying to act like you don't care while you actually care is very bad inner game. The true player does what he wants, when he wants and if some random bitch isn't cool with it, he goes fuck a hotter one.

This all day. Pretending not to give a shit when you do (and have very good reason to) isn't alpha, is fear of being true to who you are, and there's nothing more reprehensible than that.

Post: #13

(01-12-2019 11:13 PM)questor70 Wrote:  Bf/gf is supposed to involve passion. A woman who is really into you is NOT fully in control over their resistance. Her rational brain may be saying she moved too fast but once she's hooked she will not be able to stop on a dime. If there's at least some kissing and makeout she will be worked into too much of a lather for LMR.

So my guess is the sex was vanilla and subsequently she could take it or leave it.

You're overthinking it and trying to isolate the problem too much. Atlanta man has it.

(01-12-2019 08:28 PM)Atlanta Man Wrote:  This has happened to me multiple times with women I fucked on the first date or at first sight in the last year- It caught me off guard every time because I am from the old school where once you fuck you are just fucking after that. Understand I am laying it down with these girls for at least 2-4 hours without a condom doing everything-then we talk and chill, they tell me everything-then they come back and we do it again full steam, and talk more-suddenly they pull back on the sex. These are always girls in their 20's.

The last girl who pulled this was 24, I was with her getting wasted and she passed out. I was pissed because I don't bang passed out chicks, so I got ready to go-then her phone buzzed. The text was from her "best friend" basically telling her not to fuck me and "reclaim the power" in the relationship- I went through her text history with this chick and it was all hate and shitty advice on relationships. Also I learned that this girl suffered from crippling anxiety exacerbated by social media.

How you deal with this is to understand that women are not friends like men are, they constantly compare themselves to their "friends" and actively sabotage each others relationships. Several of the girls who fucked me quick and ghosted end up calling me 3-4 months later after their "best friend " had a falling out with them. When a woman tries to withdraw her sexual attention from you and "hang out" with you and waste your time, tell her you are busy. If she calls you when you are with another woman, answer the phone and have a partial conversation and break it off because you have company(make sure she hears a woman in the background), borrow money from her and avoid her calls, call her late and ask her if she wants to fuck(if she says no, hang up, if she says yes go over and fuck her like you hate her -then pretend it never happened next time you see her)- in other words, play with her mind and emotions-it is what she really wants.

This behavior from the girls is a clear behavior defect. Sure, the friends are encouraging it, but its also what the media they consume is telling them to do. Just one of the many messages being spread to make men and women miserable.

The friend was right about power. It's dominance behavior. It needs a strong response to discourage it, whether you are still interested in the girl or not. It's likely she actually wants the sex with you and is disinterested in the power, but unattractive behavior is unattractive even if she's just doing what she's been told works.

You can play this playfully: "Naturally, you haven't even cooked/done my laundry/other feminine household activity." Playful responses are only for girls you might have a long term interest in. It's cuts around the message we need to be spreading.

Every other time you've got to dread it up. You can put a touch of playful framing on it if you want to, but you have to keep the message clear:

"I'm only in situations/relationships that move forward naturally."

"I've never see this piece of Cosmo bullshit end well"

You can soften things with a slow

"We just animals baby"

The "too fast stop fucking" meme needs pushback. It diminishes the happiness of both genders. It's not a natural status evaluation line of shit testing. It's a place where the culture war and game intersect.

Post: #14

One of my Tinder notches from 2018 hit me with the following:

"we should keep hanging but not have sex. Like I should ask you out for drinks, you should say yes, and we shouldn't fuck."

I said "ok, I'm gonna go." Walked right out of her apartment, blocked her number and that was that.

When they do that, you leave.

Post: #15

Women trying to say no to sex after the fact is equivalent to a beta orbiter suddenly stomping his feet and saying he's entitled to sex. It runs counter to the rules of the game. All guys wish they had the leverage to convert LJBJ into a lay and all women wish they had the option to reset the board after prematurely giving up the goods, but that's not how it works. The time for women to say no to sex and the time for men to push for it is at the start.

Post: #16

(01-12-2019 07:55 PM)nmmoooreland20 Wrote:  Interested in additional feedback on this topic. Does it change if the sex stops after a long time, say years? Is the approach different for a FWB vs. a GF? It seems more tempting to try and “talk it out” with a longer relationship (either FB or GF). Helpful to explain and then reduce attention?

This is a different scenario to the comments in this thread, which are dealing with a fresh relationship where the woman wants to retract her early bang and try convert the relationship into a beta provider one.

Your scenario is "LTR/Marriage game", the causes and solutions are different topic.

Post: #17

Ignore or change the topic in text. When you meet her, play along with the idea, agree and amplify what she says with a bit of a smirk but not too much so she's not sure whether you are serious or not. Just do what you did the other times you met that led up to you fucking her, fuck her, then tell her what a rapist and bad influence she is. Now the cards are in your hand.