Post: #1

Hey guys,

I wanted to share a few things that I've been doing that have really been game changers for me. I don't take credit for these as they've been written about either on RVF or elsewhere, but I wanted to make this thread because I've felt as if I've been hitting my stride and peaking in several ways and these things have been working in synergy. I've not going to write too much about exercise and diet, since these have been staples for me for over a decade.

1) Bright Light Therapy - 30 minutes a day 10,000 lux intensity first thing in the morning (5 or 6am). Lizard of Oz has an excellent thread on this. Better mood, more energy, and I believe higher testosterone. I found a study that it increases LH, which I totally believe. I already have a high sex drive, but after starting this my sex drive has increased even further.

2) Cold Showers - Nearly every day and at least 20 a month. I keep track on a whiteboard. I especially force myself to take one when I feel like I'm making excuses.

3) REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) - Dusty has a great thread on this which I've read fully twice. But basically I found a guy who does this around here and attended to a few sessions. It's excellent for eliminating and identifying rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs and getting rid of bullshit thinking.

4) Deep awareness of my thoughts moment to moment. Related to REBT, I had to really make a conscious effort to monitor my thoughts, and not go on autopilot. Using REBT I successfully have been able to identify activating events for unproductive emotions and behavioral states.

5) I stopped comparing myself to others and just focused on myself. While doing REBT exercises I noticed that I would go into negative thought spirals and negative emotions when I would compare myself to people who I thought were 'better' than me. This was becoming unproductive because I would then start thinking about the past and paralyzing myself through procrastination in the present. Thing was I had already analyzed my past mistakes, but I'd get into this loop where I'd think about 'maybe I should have...gone to x school, done this instead, etc. etc. etc.' which leads to...

6) Asking myself "Is this up to me?" or "Is this under my control or not?" This is straight out of stoicism. I was and am very diligent about focusing on this now. In the past I'd lose my cool or become upset about things that I really had no control over whatsoever. I think about it like shooting an arrow at a target, I do my best to control aim and hit the target, but I can't control the wind, or other forces of nature that could cause me to miss.

7) "Accepting reality, but still being a dreamer." This one takes a little bit of an explanation. I have a theory that people that are too realistic and too grounded don't achieve wild success. It's my opinion that you need a hint of irrationality, that the possibilities are endless. If you don't, you just shut yourself down before you take a course of action. Let me give you a few examples as I decided to test this for a month.

For 30 days I decided to just accept that nearly anything was possible for me and it led to some startling results, I started doing things and acting in ways where in the past I'd stop myself before the attempt. One change happened in my BJJ class. Against guys who were more skilled, I tended to already lose mentally before beginning sparring. But this time I told myself "I'm not going to give them an inch, I'm going to take every advantage, and I'm going to put so much pressure on them and make them quit." I didn't change anything else. I got several comments about how much stronger I was, and my performance improved significantly.

At my job I decided to just started emailing executives to network. Now my work culture is big on networking, but again I don't think anybody does this, at least I haven't heard of anyone doing it. But I said what the hell, I have nothing to lose. I remember a video from Steve Jobs who said that nobody has really turned him down if he asked for help and the difference is between people who ask and people who don't.

Surprisingly they(their admins) set up several meetings. I go to meet with one this guy, and just talked for a while, nothing out of the ordinary, but I showed enthusiasm. Within a week, I get an email from this hiring manager who asks for my resume for a potential transfer. The job is for more money and pretty interesting. Again never would have happened.

Creatively, I've been on fire with ideas for so many projects there's no way I can finish them all.

8) Related to above, show enthusiasm. This is something that can't be faked, but when you're enthusiastic and feeling like you can conquer the world it shines through making opportunities open up.

9) “How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

I took this to heart. How much time was I wasting thinking about others, playing the status game, or having conversations about 'so and so'? Or even reading articles that amount to nothing?

10) Related to REBT, there is a concept of doing 'shame attack' exercises which is basically doing something that you would feel stupid doing in public. The point is getting out of your comfort zone. I've been in the game long enough that approaching doesn't bother me much, but still I had trouble doing certain exercises which compared to cold approaching were nothing. But it's like working out, you can take Lance Armstrong and put him on a mat and he'd gas in a few minutes, just because the training is different. Hence getting out your comfort zone can be different.

What I really wanted to do was force myself to be uncomfortable every single day, so I started doing a few weird things. One day I wore a pair of bright red sneakers around all day. I remember in the morning putting them on and saying to myself 'You look like an idiot.' Nothing happened, I'm not even sure people noticed. Did some other things, but this post is already long.

Anyway, I know a lot of this isn't new information, but if even just a few guys can get some good takeaways from this list this post will be worth it. So I hope this helps.

Post: #2

Great post. I've read a lot about light therapy but was never really swayed until now - just picked one up on Amazon. Really looking forward to higher energy levels in winter, especially with the weather kicking in in November and December.

Post: #3

Great post, congratulations on the success at work. I think paying careful attention to how your thinking is affecting you is key in this world of constant distraction.

Post: #4

Great stuff. Repped!

Post: #5

Thank you. This is a great post I am 54 and going through a complete life reorg and this stuff is on the mark.

Good journey!

Post: #6

Another one:
"What's the worse that can happen?"

When you ask yourself that, it seems that most things are virtually harmless.
You can go ahead and just do it.

Post: #7

(11-12-2015 09:14 AM)TheMaleBrain Wrote:  Another one:
"What's the worse that can happen?"

When you ask yourself that, it seems that most things are virtually harmless.
You can go ahead and just do it.

I often have similar conversations with my associates.

I ask them "Of all the things you've worried about and got stressed about in the last 1/2/5 years, how many have actually happened"?

The answer is always 0.

Post: #8

I really enjoyed reading this, congrats on your success so far!

Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.

Post: #9

I realised that waking up at 5am would give me some more time to exercise, learn italian, and practice an instrument each morning.

The idea would be something like

5.30 am wake up
5.30-5.45am shower
5.45-6am weights workout
6-6.30am learn Italian
6.30-7am practice instrument
7-7.30am breakfast
7.30-8am commute

In theory, fairly easy morning. just need to wake up one hour earlier and it means I can get a lot more done in terms of my hobbies. evening then I can do more gym/sports and catch up on tv/films. Although, I realise I would have to be ideally asleep by 10pm to get 7 hours sleep with this method, but given I finish work late sometimes it makes sense to get an extra hour in the morning when I am fresh.

Post: #10

Neo,

This is a great list of ways to improve our lives. Can you speak more about #10 shame attacks and any list of activities you have tried?

also, bump it up

Post: #11

Ball,

Definitely man. So I wrote that post about a year and a half ago and I'm still doing these things regularly. I highly recommend guys try them for themselves. Like anything, it's better not to take my word for it and see if they work for you.

Specifically to your question about 'shame attack' exercises. This is a term coined by Albert Ellis.

Around the time I wrote this post I was reading a lot about REBT and did a few sessions with a therapist who trained directly under him. I wasn't having any life issues per se, just mentioned I wanted to learn more, he was welcoming. I asked him this exact question, do you have a list of shame attack exercises?

He told me that Al never had a list and he kind of sprinkled them through his works. Here's a few I've gathered.

1) Say the name of the next stop out loud so that people can hear you on a train or a bus. I did this on a long train ride, and basically besides a few weird looks nobody cared. When the train was approaching the stop the conductor would announce it a bit before, but right as we pulled in I just yelled 'DC!', etc. etc. at every stop. Sounds easy, but it's like cold approaching it's not.

2) Go into a busy department store and start singing a song while people are shopping. Haven't tried this one, but might as well.

3) Get onto a crowded elevator, but don't turn around, so you are facing the back as you ride. I did this a few times and not much happened, people just kind of look at you funny. (which is the point, to become nonreactive)

4) Get a red clown nose, put it on and walk around in the busiest nearby city. Haven't tried this one either.

5) Wear strange t-shirts or clothes out in public.

Those are some off the top of my head, but it can be almost anything so use your imagination.

The guy I went to see said just follow two rules: It can't be anything illegal and it can't hurt anyone. Pretty simple and common sense.

The point is to desensitize yourself to potentially embarrassing social situations and realize that the vast majority of the time the imagined consequences don't match the reality.

In my opinion practicing game (in real life, the internet doesn't count) is a shame attack exercise in and of itself since most guys simply don't approach women they don't know.

Hope that helps.

Post: #12

Bumping this up, some good recs all around.

Post: #13

Just read this, some great insights here in this post.

I guess the only thing I do sometimes is cold showers.
For me it's unpleasant, but I do it in the morning so the rest of the day can only get better.
It also gives me energy.

Post: #14

do you guys have any recommendations on the diet side of life? have you considered water fast diet?
I recently changed to overnight oats with strawberries for breakfast.

great post btw, been on cold showers & bright light