Post: #1

Basically what the title says.

Two obvious examples would be if there is something you are very good at, she knows you are good at it, is it acceptable then?

Or if it is something you suck at, she knows you suck at it (for example, bowling), is it acceptable then?

Looking back at my more beta days, I feel I used it too much. But should it be cut out entirely or is some level acceptable? Also, what is a good substitute?

Post: #2

I wouldn't use depreciatory humour, why downgrade yourself? But you can use it in a way that doesn't lower yourself, making a comment about how you painstakingly spend hours upon hours(an over-exaggeration) on the skill with a slight smile on your face(dismissive of her comment, showing that it's nothing to you).

Other Options:
Cocky comment
Be humble and grateful about your accomplishment

If it's something you suck at - deflect it. "We are just having fun bowling, not trying to compete for the olympics..."

Post: #3

A Man Stops Saying Insecure Things And Finds Success With Women
From Heartiste.

There is a place for self-depreciating humour, such as when people can clearly see you have a lot of value. It can make you seem light-hearted and as though you don't take yourself too seriously.

That said, cutting it out completely isn't going to lower your chances with women.

Edit: If you make self-depreciating humour at something you suck at, it can often come across as whiny. In the bowling example, it might ruin the atmosphere because, if you don't do it right, now people are thinking that you aren't having a good time, which will make them have less of a good time, because everyone wants everyone else to have a good time.

Post: #4

It depends. I'm British, and self deprecatory humour is a distinct part of British humour. When used well it shows that you dont take yourself seriously and actually conveys value - 'this guys sense of himself is strong enough to be able to laugh at himself.' However, a lot depends on the other person's ability to 'read' that. I therefore dial it down if i'm with continentals, or yanks, as generally they don't get it.

Post: #5

It's always second to confidence, but a touch of it can help a girl rationalize that you're not a complete asshole

Post: #6

I'd be careful with self-deprecating humor. Though it can make you look like-able/humble/modest/realistic. Some girls, maybe the LTR variety, dig that.

IMO there are two instances where it can be useful:

1) When you already demonstrated high enough value where only it makes you look vulnerable and like-able, not like a loser.

2) When the girl already knows you inside and out so she would think it's cute and endearing.

Other than that, like the other poster said, there is little to no reason to use it.

Post: #7

The real answer here is: Yes, self-deprecating humor is fine - under the right circumstances.

The problem is when you yourself are not seen as high value and are already fighting an uphill battle. The even tougher problem for newbies is being able to determine (not assume) if you are actually being perceived by other women as a "high value" man.

I realize that sort of sounds like re-hashed pseudo PUA nonsense, but its the truth. If you're a guy who has his shit together.... meaning if you are easily the center of attention when you go out and your game is tight, your logistics on lock, style, communication skills all fine tuned, and you exude confidence naturally, then by all means be that self-deprecating guy.

If you are not that guy who can afford to seemingly lower his own value, don't be self-deprecating. It will only serve as anti-game.

It's really as simple as that. The key lies in knowing where your real value is perceived, and that is an ever-fluctuating variable from person to person. If you are just starting out or are considering self-deprecation as a strategy to entice women you might otherwise not be able to, I don't recommend it.

Post: #8

I use it. But I naturally come off cocky.

Sorta. Don't be self-deprecating...be self-effacing. Self-deprecating reflects poor self-esteem. Self-effacing means you're honest with yourself.

It's best used in the past tense, with humor, which would presumably be couched within a story. "So I'm standing there, this normal dude from the midwest standing in front of Kate Upton at a Tigers game, and all I can think is, don't look at her boobs, don't look at her boobs. I was so nervous I didn't even have a boner. She probably thought I had parkinsons I was so nervous."

If you suck at bowling, don't be self-effacing...be really funny. Throw left handed. Thrust your hips when you get one pin. Tease the girls and tell them you let em win. Make fun of the guy throwing strikes because he brought his own ball and shoes. I suppose this requires some cockiness too.

Post: #9

Of course you can. If your frame is strong, and you know people won't believe it, yes. It takes self confidence and social awareness as well to do this correctly.

Post: #10

Answer to someone writing on the newbie forum:

No.

Stick to developing your verbal skills around amused mastery, irrational self-confidence and agree-and-amplify. Once you've got all that down and your game is tight, reintroduce the self-deprecation as a way of communicating an unfussy attitude. I use it now to convey some things I just don't want to defend myself on or argue about (with men or with women), but back in the day I used it as an attempt to be funny, which failed miserably because unattractive guys aren't funny and it conveyed a lack of control over my world.

I got a buddy who's an insufferable beta, mid-20's virgin - uses self-deprecation a lot, all it does is unilaterally destroy his frame and social value in the eyes of the girls he's talking to, suggests he doesn't have a backbone or any pride in himself.

Post: #11

I see it as something to be used very sparingly, for the purpose of making her feel more comfortable when first meeting you, if necessary. It's much better to emphatically announce that you don't know something than make a joke about your intelligence...do it more than once in a rare while and you are inviting her to do the same to you. Bad juju.

On the other hand, I did have one girlfriend in particular who was really into self-deprecating humor, and she loved it when I spoke negatively like that.

As a rule, I stay away from that kind of talk unless I'm with my buddies and I said something off point or something.