Post: #1

I know there are various threads on oneitis and harems, but I wanted to discuss something very specific that I could not find despite intense searching.

There is a girl I have been seeing on and off for more than 10 years.

I have gone very long periods with absolute zero contact (this wasn't difficult since we lived in different countries anyway) but always wind up reconnecting with her. She has never once refused to speak to me, and will always reply to my requests to talk or meet again even if we haven't spoken in years. I think the fact that we have so much history together (and met when we were both young) is the reason she has a different classification than other girls I meet. She hasn't hit the wall yet and still is able to give me a solid boner.

My question is this:

If you have a girl in your rotation for more than 10 years is she a permanent ONEITIS or is she a permanent HAREM girl ?


Despite discovering game and the red pill, and having banged many girls since then, I find myself never being able to completely remove this 1 girl from my life. I definitely don't pedestalize her like I did in my blue pill days, but I find myself unable to remove her from my life even though very often I feel that I should.
I have tried many times, but I just can't do it.

I mean even emperors and kings who were 100% alphas had favourite girls from their harem that they kept their whole lives.
Is that oneitis or not ?

Before anyone asks why I didn't marry her, it's because she is already married.
I have no problems with the "moral" side of this.
I am a Mercenary in many aspects of my life, hence the username.


So, who here has had a girl in their rotation for more than 10 years ?
And how do you decide if she is a permanent oneitis or a permanent harem girl ?


...

Post: #2

Delete

Post: #3

I've recently felt that guys think they can cheat human nature with game.

You knew this girls for a long time, since you were young. You dont give enough details but it seems like the relationship between you two are stress free. A sexual relationship for that long period of time inevitably create bonds between you two, whether you want it/are aware of it or not. Unless you are a pyschopath, which I hope not.

I think this is a question you can only answer for yourself. If both of you are fine with how things are, why do you feel the need to define the relationship? Let it go on until it can not, then shed that part of your life away.

However I would not drag myself in too far with that kind of thing. Messing long term with married women/taken girls can have serious consequences. Who knows how her husband will react?

Post: #4

Well any chick who has been readily available to be your jump-off for two decades is by default low-quality.

She is probably fat and/or facially unattractive.

I don't even need to know the particulars of your life, if every time you find yourself in a drought, you go running back to her old pussy, because that speaks for itself.

What you're talking about is worse than oneitis, and please miss us with the harem talk because you're no king.

You're running loser game, I would check where your life is at the moment, because wherever it is, that's why you are in a certain state, and subsequently, she's still around.

Just a note, I'm getting a little over guys coming here and bullshitting us about how they've fucked so many chicks, yet they're still stuck on some pussy they previously had, but trust them, it's not oneitis, it's not pedastalization.

I have never met anyone who finds themselves in that predicament under those circumstances.

Dudes who get a lot of pussy have a "next" mentality.

It's just natural when your dick has been in so many holes, it's inherently desensitizing.

Guys in the bag you speak of usually don't have options, and their choices are clear indicators that they don't have options.

The fact that you've had a girl in your life for 20 years, but you don't want a real relationship with her?

20 years and she doesn't have the juice to get and keep a man instead of just being a warm box for your dick when you need it served up?

I don't know man, FOH, she's a loser female and you're no player to me.

I'm done.

Post: #5

(02-08-2016 04:04 PM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  I've recently felt that guys think they can cheat human nature with game.

You knew this girls for a long time, since you were young. You dont give enough details but it seems like the relationship between you two are stress free. A sexual relationship for that long period of time inevitably create bonds between you two, whether you want it/are aware of it or not. Unless you are a pyschopath, which I hope not.

I think this is a question you can only answer for yourself. If both of you are fine with how things are, why do you feel the need to define the relationship? Let it go on until it can not, then shed that part of your life away.

However I would not drag myself in too far with that kind of thing. Messing long term with married women/taken girls can have serious consequences. Who knows how her husband will react?

The original post clearly said 20 years (twice), and now the OP has changed it to 10.

I can't help but feel that a woman has no value if she's in a position to just be a guy's jump-off for such a long period of time.

Women with value can get men to commit to them.

At the end of the day, the OP isn't rich and famous, he's just a regular guy, so why else would a chick be hung out on some regular dude's dick when that's all he's offering?

Because no one is offering her anything else.

Why?

Because she doesn't have any value.

Men who fuck with women who don't have any value, your value is by default on par with hers, because if you could do better, you would do better.

Post: #6

(02-08-2016 04:06 PM)jariel Wrote:  She is probably fat and/or facially unattractive.

She is neither.
I have never fucked a fat or ugly girl in my life.

(02-08-2016 04:06 PM)jariel Wrote:  What you're talking about is worse than oneitis, and please miss us with the harem talk because you're no king.

Never claimed I was any king.
Just saying I see new girls regularly but this one has stayed in my rotation for more than 10 years.
Im trying to make clear that sometimes even the most red pill men have favourite girls they keep on the side their whole lives.

(02-08-2016 04:06 PM)jariel Wrote:  I don't even need to know the particulars of your life, if every time you find yourself in a drought, you go running back to her old pussy, because that speaks for itself.

I don't go to her during dry spells...I'm talking about a personal connection as well. A woman you enjoy talking to and being around even when you're not having sex.

Post: #7

(02-08-2016 04:14 PM)jariel Wrote:  Men who fuck with women who don't have any value, your value is by default on par with hers, because if you could do better, you would do better.

Jariel, your writing on this subject has fundamentally changed my approach towards women.

Here's the a thought experiment I do in my head whenever I have a question about a situation with a chick:
How would I treat her if I had a dozen other girls hotter than her blowing up my phone wanting to fuck me?

The answer to that question invariably leads me to the correct behavior.

Ex wants to reconnect? - No fucking way.
Girl flakes on me? - No need to get butt hurt and lash out, just move on.
Girl tries to get me to qualify myself? - Uh-huh, and what do you bring to the table?

Chicks assess your value largely from how you view yourself and your subsequent behavior. On the street, nobody knows who you are. You could be a billionaire baller laying low for a day or a chump who spent his last dime on a fake rolex. Behavior tells the truth better than looks, money, clothing, fitness, etc. Chicks instinctually know this - dudes have been trying to play them their whole lives. Guys who want to be in the game better know it too.

Post: #8

Chalk it up to her boredom and inability to be a good wife. Like recovering heroin junkies, you both are chasing that original "high" of younger care-free days. To get rid of her for good you will have to stop servicing her with your most valuable export-your attention.

I have had women try this with me several times; some have been married, fresh off relationships rebounding, or with new or longtime bf's. If you let them, they will bleed you of time and attention without adding a damn thing to your life.

Of course, there are a couple ways you can play her. Personally, the last time an old flame tried to shoehorn her way back into my life I made her "prove" her newfound loyalty by helping me solve a couple financial issues I was having. This woman is married, so naturally her ultimate loyalty (her body withstanding) lies with the husband. What do you think she is doing in the years in between contact? In my prior example, I held no such illusions that the chick had a special jones for me. I'm convinced she wanted some familiar dick, and a possible soft landing place for her feelings. Ultimately, all she got out of me was some costly reminiscing.

As expected she started getting flaky, once she found a guy who knew nothing her of past who she was able to start fresh with my phone stop chiming. Last I knew she was engaged. Time will tell, but she's 0 for 1 in the marriage department already. Once she got what she always dreamt of (marriage & his allegiance) she pissed it away. Buyer beware.
Bottom line- If she is a "off and on" fling, she's not a part of your harem she's what I called a straggler. Treat her as such.

Take some advice from Patrice O'Neil- don't be any woman's "Time whore".

Post: #9

(02-08-2016 04:06 PM)jariel Wrote:  Well any chick who has been readily available to be your jump-off for two decades is by default low-quality.

She is probably fat and/or facially unattractive.

I don't even need to know the particulars of your life, if every time you find yourself in a drought, you go running back to her old pussy, because that speaks for itself.

What you're talking about is worse than oneitis, and please miss us with the harem talk because you're no king.

You're running loser game, I would check where your life is at the moment, because wherever it is, that's why you are in a certain state, and subsequently, she's still around.

Just a note, I'm getting a little over guys coming here and bullshitting us about how they've fucked so many chicks, yet they're still stuck on some pussy they previously had, but trust them, it's not oneitis, it's not pedastalization.

I have never met anyone who finds themselves in that predicament under those circumstances.

Dudes who get a lot of pussy have a "next" mentality.

It's just natural when your dick has been in so many holes, it's inherently desensitizing.

Guys in the bag you speak of usually don't have options, and their choices are clear indicators that they don't have options.

The fact that you've had a girl in your life for 20 years, but you don't want a real relationship with her?

20 years and she doesn't have the juice to get and keep a man instead of just being a warm box for your dick when you need it served up?

I don't know man, FOH, she's a loser female and you're no player to me.

I'm done.

You went a little hard there, but this shit is gold. You have to agree with the analysis: OP's girl is probably fairly low value, even if not in the eyes of OP himself.

Think about the context—twenty years. That would mean this thing started in the 90's, and since then, this girl has just been floating around getting smashed by this same guy over and over when he isn't with another girl.

You would be hard pressed to find a high-value girl stuck in that kind of rut in the "sexual liberation/anti-slut shaming" era we live in now, never mind the 90's.

Like juriel said, OP's post seems to reflect a fundamental lack in understanding what the harem mentality even is. If a girl is in your "rotation" for anything more than a decade, you're not holding a rotation, that's a relationship.

It's not spinning plates when your hands never left the first one.

Post: #10

(02-08-2016 04:22 PM)Mercenary Wrote:  Never claimed I was any king.
Just saying I see new girls regularly but this one has stayed in my rotation for more than 10 years.
Im trying to make clear that sometimes even the most red pill men have favourite girls they keep on the side their whole lives.

Yeah, you're looking for guys to co-sign your level of "game", and I doubt many want to publicly declare they're on that Sixers-esque roster with you.

Guys don't come here to learn how to be stuck on the same chick for two decades.

If you're stuck on the same chick for 20 years, then at least tell me that's your wife who is the mother of your children, not she's just someone you have a "personal connection" with and get boners from.

That's just wack.

You're in and out of her life, so you don't really care about her, and please don't front as if you do.

She's your safety net, and you use her as such.

Fortunately, the fall from the bottom isn't too far.

Post: #11

(02-08-2016 05:15 PM)jariel Wrote:  Yeah, you're looking for guys to co-sign your level of "game", and I doubt many want to publicly declare they're on that Sixers-esque roster with you.

Don't really get your hostility.

Post: #12

(02-08-2016 05:21 PM)Mercenary Wrote:  Don't really get your hostility.

I've addressed my issues with your situation in other posts.

It has nothing to do with you personally; however, I will say, your posts have some contradicting signals, you're red pill, you've fucked a lot of women, but you either have oneitis or falsely think you're a player.

Furthermore, the fact that you changed the 20 years, which you wrote twice in your original post, down to 10 is rather telling.

These kind of posts have been showing up more and more, so it's hard for me to keep the kid gloves on at this point.

If you want to call it tough love, cool, if you want to take it as personal hostility, then that's cool too.

I write about this kind of stuff all the time, so I'm giving you things to think about; what you want to do with that is up to you.

Post: #13

Damn, Jariel went in on OP. But that's why this forum is so great, no bullshit to placate, just realness.

Post: #14

There are numerous threads here about how guys bang girls they don't "connect" with mentally just for the notch count.
I can relate to this a lot.

Most of my girls are new, but some stay in my rotation for all different reasons. Sometimes cause they are feminine and pleasant to be around, sometimes cause they do me useful favours, and sometimes just cause they know how to give really good blowjobs. But most of all, they are girls I "connect" with on some level. Good chemistry with a girl is not easy to find, and it has a lot of value to me on those occasions I find it.

There is no reason for me to next this woman I'm talking about if I enjoy spending time with her, we have a nice vibe, and she does things to make me feel good....inside (or outside) the bedroom. She married a beta provider, but she makes time a few times a year to see me.
So what ? I'm not ashamed of anything.

I think it's pretty stupid to keep nexting everyone when you want new pussy. Just because you have someone in your rotation doesn't stop you from getting new girls. I thought that is what harem management was all about anyway.

I'm asking for opinions from people who have had a really long term side plate, and how they viewed the situation. Whether oneitis comes into it or not.

Post: #15

^This post is wrong on so many levels.

The fact that you started a thread about a girl you have known 10 or 20 years, says it all.

If she is married, that makes it worse. I don't deal with married women ever.

Jariel came hard on you to wake you up, you got butthurt.

Post: #16

Not sure why Jariel is attacking Mercenary so hard. I've personally seen OP in action and he is a player and he has no trouble getting laid in situations where a lot of other guys blow it.

Post: #17

(02-08-2016 07:32 PM)rudebwoy Wrote:  ^This post is wrong on so many levels.

The fact that you started a thread about a girl you have known 10 or 20 years, says it all.

If she is married, that makes it worse. I don't deal with married women ever.

Jariel came hard on you to wake you up, you got butthurt.

That reminds me of a general rule of thumb:
If your thread is about a particular girl or situation it most likely belongs in the newbie section.

I really like this rule. If you a create a thread in the Game section it should be generally applicable to many situations and be something general that comes up through interactions with many different women.

In general I think people confuse the ability and willingness to walk away from any particular girl to mean that you should cut ties at the first sign of trouble and constantly be looking for new tail. I think there is value to keeping one woman around for an extended period of time - but you should always remember that she is replaceable! As soon as you forget that you open the door to her walking all over you. Woman are constantly testing your boundaries and making sure you're still the guy they should be with. You are always replaceable to her and will be replaced as soon as she senses you're no longer willing to walk.

Post: #18

(02-08-2016 08:09 PM)Suits Wrote:  Not sure why Jariel is attacking Mercenary so hard. I've personally seen OP in action and he is a player and he has no trouble getting laid in situations where a lot of other guys blow it.

There's a difference between players and men who get laid more than the average man, and I can still say I'm no player so I can make that distinction. My own mentality is still getting there in all honesty.

What Jariel is saying is right. If you're seeing a woman for 10+ years on and off, you're the farthest thing from a player. Even I would tell her to fuck off if she talked to me. A player is a person who goes for and maintains the highest quality women they can get in their life with minimal effect on their way of life. Any woman that OP described is in no way he highest quality he can achieve if what you are saying is correct. Not to mention she is effecting his life to the point that he has to start a thread about it. She's already got him by the balls.

OP is getting gamed and doesn't even realize it. He might think it's his own decision but he keeps going back to her as her side dildo. Being a player is a state of mind. Not a ton of notches on your belt.

Post: #19

(02-08-2016 08:09 PM)Suits Wrote:  Not sure why Jariel is attacking Mercenary so hard. I've personally seen OP in action and he is a player and he has no trouble getting laid in situations where a lot of other guys blow it.

I can see why. I've read the stuff Mercenary posts and he seems like a legit dude, but in this specific instance, he's putting forward an odd picture and if he wants advice, jariel gave it to him.

Looking at it, he flips from a 20 year to a 10 year persistent fling with this girl and acts like he's working a harem, when in reality he's using this one girl as a crutch and seems more like oneitis or an easy way out of droughts. The title of the post is him asking "permanent ONEITIS or permanent HAREM girl," and jariel came in cutting through the bullshit and telling him what he needs to hear.

If the girl is married, that makes things even messier. I agree with rudebwoy's assesment and jariel's assesment (and the way he presented it), because it's in the spirit of the forum to be direct, they're both answering the question OP is asking, and it seems obvious to me that if you have to ask if a girl is a "permanent harem girl," that girl isn't in your harem. You're in her harem.

I don't see much hostility from jariel as much as him just being direct. And he's clarified that. He never said OP had shit game or insulted him, just that he's kidding himself here. And I agree.

Post: #20

So, no one here (older than 30) has the guts to admit they have kept a plate for a really long time (while still gaming new girls) cause they liked banging her, and they also liked being with her when they weren't banging her.

Well, I admit it.

I have a plate that has been in my rotation for over 10 years.


She's staying in my rotation until she hits the wall.

Post: #21

(02-08-2016 08:47 PM)Mercenary Wrote:  So, no one here (older than 30) has the guts to admit they have kept a plate for a really long time (while still gaming new girls) cause they liked banging her, and they also liked being with her when they weren't banging her.

Well, I admit it.

I have a plate that has been in my rotation for over 10 years.


She's staying in my rotation until she hits the wall.

Then don't ask us as a form of confirmation bias.

Post: #22

(02-08-2016 08:09 PM)Suits Wrote:  Not sure why Jariel is attacking Mercenary so hard. I've personally seen OP in action and he is a player and he has no trouble getting laid in situations where a lot of other guys blow it.

Thank you Suits.

Post: #23

I don't want to come across as standoffish, so despite the slight misunderstandings of my intial question I'd like to thank everyone for their thoughts.
Yes, even you Jariel.

You have all given me a lot to think about and I appreciate your advice to keep improving.

Post: #24

(02-08-2016 08:47 PM)Mercenary Wrote:  So, no one here (older than 30) has the guts to admit they have kept a plate for a really long time (while still gaming new girls) cause they liked banging her, and they also liked being with her when they weren't banging her.

Well, I admit it.

I have a plate that has been in my rotation for over 10 years.


She's staying in my rotation until she hits the wall.

So a more general thread idea would be: What's a longest a girl has stayed in your rotation? That's a general question that may be of interest. First you'd have to think about what does being 'in rotation mean'. Typically I wouldn't consider a girl in rotation unless I was seeing her at least once a month. Otherwise she's back in reserves waiting to be called up again. So yes, there are girls I've slept with on an irregular basis over the course of many years but usually not more than once a year - they're pleasant to be around and if I don't have anything else going on, why not? - but I don't consider them part of the team.

Post: #25

Cant she be just a friend that you like spending time with from time to time and who mutually enjoy fucking each other?

Game is not complicated. It becomes complicated when you throw a bunch of rigid terms. "Oh, I care for this woman, was that beta?" "Oh, I fucked other women, she must be just a plate in my rotation."

Its just sex. Enjoy it. Shes just a woman, enjoy her company too.