Post: #1

If it was just me and her i wouldn't give it a second thought.

Last night however i had a couple of people over. Some random show was playing on the muted TV & she said "Oooooh wow, he is soo hot" and did that hand fan to the face theatrical gesture. I pretended not to have heard or seen anything but everybody's eyes in the room darted towards me to gauge my reaction. Kept it cool and finished my cigarette.

It was one of those situations where if i said something I'd be dubbed as insecure and the fact that i didn't say anything was slightly value lowering as well.

What would you have done?

Post: #2

obvious nuclear shit test in front of all of your friends. decide whether to put a stop to it, or dump her soon.

Post: #3

"So, he's like the male equivalent of Olivia Wilde?"

Post: #4

You have a few options if you want to save face:

1) Take your belt off and spank her right in front of everyone

2) Pull your pants down and demand she give you a blowjob right in front of everyone

3) Get up, walk over to the TV, pick the TV up, and then throw the TV out the window (bonus points if the window is closed)

I'd be more concerned you have friends you invite over to your house that actually think this event lowered your value. Unless this is something that your girl friend does regularly, in which case you have a bigger problem.

Post: #5

I'd just go with a disinterested reply, like glancing over at her and saying "Cool." then slowly looking away and focusing on something else. This move is usually my go to for when a girl does some dumb shit to try and get attention or shit test you. Gets the hamster wheel spinning for sure.

Post: #6

Ignore it.

I almost feel as if telling her to cut it out is such a weak move. Another alternative is just to say how hot every girl on TV is, and I think she'll subtly understand that although you know she thinks he's hot, she doesn't need to voice it.

Post: #7

(03-27-2016 02:54 PM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  If it was just me and her i wouldn't give it a second thought.

Last night however i had a couple of people over. Some random show was playing on the muted TV & she said "Oooooh wow, he is soo hot" and did that hand fan to the face theatrical gesture. I pretended not to have heard or seen anything but everybody's eyes in the room darted towards me to gauge my reaction. Kept it cool and finished my cigarette.

It was one of those situations where if i said something I'd be dubbed as insecure and the fact that i didn't say anything was slightly value lowering as well.

What would you have done?

AtB my man, this goes back to the "validity of jealousy" convo we had. Like most things, it's important to be honest with yourself and how something made you feel. You don't necessarily have to express this to her or anyone else, but you need to be honest with yourself. No one is perfect, and everyone slips up, but there is certainly a difference of degree. As for your reaction, it was probably the right one in the moment, as you didn't really react at all. If you're honest with yourself about how it made you feel, that usually gives you a good roadmap about what to do next.

Post: #8

She was American, right?

I would make a mental note to make sure to bang her out harder.

Post: #9

This is what's known as relativizing. She's saying, "You're not The One, just one of the many". She's doing it unconsciously, and there are different reasons why. To try and deduce what those reason are would be speculation without knowing more about her, you and your relationship.

It never feels good to be relativized, especially when done in front of others.

There will always be more attractive/more interesting people in the world then ourselves, but for our significant other to make a point of making us aware of that shows a huge amount of dis-respect.

We talk about red flags on the forum, and when a woman attempts to relativize me her standing with me goes down several pegs.

As far as how to handle it, that depends on your relationship and what you want from it. In the heat of the moment, you could look at her and say, "What did you say?" in a very firm tone. If she repeats it then you can choose any number of things. Look away, walk out, or engage. It doesn't really matter at that point because you let her know that you will call her out on her shit, and you're not ok with it.

If you don't want to do that, but want to stay in the relationship, you can attempt to mirror her behavior later on so she learns how it "feels". When she brings up your behavior, you can act dumb and say you thought it was ok because she did something similar a week ago. Then it's out in the open in a way she can't just accuse "you" of being "insecure".

Where it goes from there.....who knows. Either way, realize if you want an LTR/Marriage with this girl you will be trying to grow a garden in poor soil.

Edit: And I would react the same way if we were alone and she did it.

Post: #10

Agree and amplify.

Post: #11

Make fun of her "crush." Say something like "You should marry him."

She'll back down.

Edit: Don't make fun of the guy. Tease her for liking him.

Post: #12

   

   

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #13

I wouldn't have reacted, not caring about her blabling.
Who cares what random pleeb thinks about you?

Post: #14

(03-27-2016 03:28 PM)The Ligurian Wrote:  Agree and amplify.

Obviously, hindsight is twenty-twenty, and one of the problems about this sort of test is that it comes out of the blue, when you are relaxing, and just not ready for it, so I am in no way saying that I would have reacted any different than you did.

A blank face is almost always ok, but in this case it seems like it plays into her frame a little because you aren't being proactive, you are only showing her she isn't getting to you.

I have been getting some mileage out of the phrase "sad face" lately.

What would have happened if, when everyone looked at you, you had said "SAD FACE!' with a blank expression? Then looked back at the tv.

Or pretended to cry.

Or looked to the heavens and said, "Why?"

She is trying to hurt you for no reason, which is a sign of her own insecurity, like she is trying to show you she doesn't need you, because she has. . .wait for it. . .famous actors on the television.

Don't let it get to you. Has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the fact that when a woman has a negative emotion, she reflexively tries to spread the joy around.

Post: #15

(03-27-2016 03:31 PM)Bacchus Wrote:  Make fun of her "crush." Say something like "You should marry him."

She'll back down.

Edit: Don't make fun of the guy. Tease her for liking him.

That is a great response. I think your doing more than teasing her with it. You're:

1) Calling her out on her shit

2) Inferring she's not worthy enough for a celebrity

3) She should marry him, because she has lost a chance of marrying you.

Especially if you say it in a light-hearted but sarcastic tone.

You're accomplishing all the above with 4 words, said in the right way.

+1 Rep from me. I'll be using that next time.

Post: #16

Chuckle and say he's way out of her league. Even if it is an obvious joke, she's bound to dwell on that comment forever and think twice before trying that particular shit test again.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #17

(03-27-2016 03:31 PM)Bacchus Wrote:  Make fun of her "crush." Say something like "You should marry him."

She'll back down.

Edit: Don't make fun of the guy. Tease her for liking him.

Came here to post this.

I'd take it even further... "you should marry him and have 6.5 children"

A&A.

Post: #18

(03-27-2016 03:48 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Chuckle and say he's way out of her league.

Or you could say she is way out of his league.

Post: #19

The best guy in the game I know told me he usually responds it like this (we discussed this few months ago): '' The three of us should have a threesome, I want to see him fucking you''. I don't really like his response even though he usually has good come backs.

I usually wait for the next sexy woman to come on TV and I do the same and I amplify it. ''She is so sexy, oh my god, that is a real woman, if I was dating her, I wouldn't even look at other women in the streets''. Make sure she becomes insecure.

(03-27-2016 03:48 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Chuckle and say he's way out of her league. Even if it is an obvious joke, she's bound to dwell on that comment forever and think twice before trying that particular shit test again.

I like this response too.

Post: #20

Seems more like she just hit you outta left field. A sucker-punch so to speak.

Like the other people have commented, wish her luck at getting that, water off a ducks back.

"good luck" with a chuckle would have been sufficient.

I don't even see that as so much of an insult really. I think I got too used to other cultures. Ones where I could directly say to almost any chick I was with to look at that other girls ass/tits/face/body and said girl would agree or disagree as to how nice they personally thought it was.

*
Could also have commented something like, "You're right, doesn't he looks like that old photo of your dad I saw?" But that's a bit tryhard.

Post: #21

The part that has me thinking, is when the other people in the room looked at you.

I get the impression your girl made a real scene out of what she said.

The obvious answer is not to act jealous but to make her feel stupid, so I would say mocking her and her gesture would be the best reply to that silly shit test.

I would also return the favour with the next hot chick that came on the screen and make a simple comment like she is perfect.

Post: #22

"shutup bitch" followed up with a grin and a head nod or funny high five with one of your boys.

Post: #23

Probably though if it was me, im the moment without thinking about it i would have just furrowed my brow or raised my eyebrows, like "this bitch". Or slung some shit back at her relating to an insecurity like "better lose 10 pounds then", " better shave an inch off that beak", "better get your ass a real job". Something she is insecure about. Shut that bitch down but be funny and mean not butthurt.

Post: #24

(03-27-2016 03:27 PM)Onto Wrote:  This is what's known as relativizing. She's saying, "You're not The One, just one of the many". She's doing it unconsciously, and there are different reasons why. To try and deduce what those reason are would be speculation without knowing more about her, you and your relationship.

Seen it a million times. She is mad at OP for something. Likely, he made HER jealous. Since OP doesn't seem to know what he did, its probably one of the other girls in your crew, who has been talking you up.

Drop miss TV chatty box immediately, turn to your left and immediately smash that girl who is currently staring at you. Same night would have been perfect.

Post: #25

(03-27-2016 02:54 PM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  If it was just me and her i wouldn't give it a second thought.

Last night however i had a couple of people over. Some random show was playing on the muted TV & she said "Oooooh wow, he is soo hot" and did that hand fan to the face theatrical gesture. I pretended not to have heard or seen anything but everybody's eyes in the room darted towards me to gauge my reaction. Kept it cool and finished my cigarette.

It was one of those situations where if i said something I'd be dubbed as insecure and the fact that i didn't say anything was slightly value lowering as well.

What would you have done?

Had a very similar experience.

Was on a date with a girl and there was American Football on the telly in the background. Half way through the date the girl said 'guys who play football are so handsome.'

I said nothing and continued as normal.

Now, what did that mean? Perhaps exactly what she said in my case and in your case - an observation that reflected what she found attractive. Nothing else, nothing more.

Or was it an (un)conscious fitness test? We can speculate but not know. However, one could assume that it was - I think that the best thing was not to acknowledge her comment. By acknowledging the fact in any way, you let her divert the flow of the conversation from what is your goal. What matters, at that very moment, is you and her in that very space, not some guy(s), however handsome, on the telly.