Post: #1

Been seeing fuckbuddy #1 for about a month and a half now, met her via online dating. I've been banging her at her place in the city regularly, usually about two times a week when our schedules allow.

After the first couple times I saw her, she dropped the "I like you, where are we going with this" line on me. I blew her off then ("look we hardly know each other I think it's way to early to be talking about shit like that") and, at least indirectly, pretty much told her that she was a FWB. She hasn't brought it up at all since.

At this point, however, it seems she's starting to expect me to do more "girlfriend" type activities with her...instead of just meeting up at her place for the bang. At the beginning it seemed she might have wanted to be taken out for drinks or to grab dinner maybe one out of three nights, now it's definitely headed towards two out of three.

Went out again last night, this time to see a concert that one of her male friends was playing at. I wasn't really hip to the idea, but she's the type of young girl that, like most young girls these days, is active on social media and has a ton of male orbiters, so at the end of the day it's hard to avoid them all completely. We stay for about an hour to see his set and then prepare to bounce. He intercepts her on the way out and says to her "Hey so and so! I know this great bar next door! Come with me and hang out!" I'm getting a bit tired and want to head out, but she readily agrees. Feels kind of like this dude is insta-dating my FB to another venue right in front of me.

So they sit down next to each other and he buys her a drink () and they start chatting with each other and catching up. I interact politely for a few minutes, but then start feeling like a bit of a third wheel. Guy is sort of corny and pretty boring to boot, going on about his job. I don't know a thing about their past relationship so I have generally fuck all to add to the conversation.

I get up from the table and say "Hey, would you guys excuse me for a minute? Before I forget I just have to hit up the convenience store next door before it closes." FB gives me a look and says something like "Hmm? What do you need? Why do you need to..." I give her a smile and ignore her. Then spend about 20 minutes outside replying to text messages from a couple other girls.

I come back and she says "Oh hey! I thought you couldn't find the place again, haha. Get everything you need?" I smile and nod. We sit around for another 20 minutes or so and I basically let them talk. I'm pleasant and engage with the conversation when a topic comes up that I can comment on, but I've also got my phone on the table and am checking my messages every so often.

Eventually we head out. I give the guy a warm handshake, tell him it was a pleasure meeting him tonight, and thank him for keeping local music going and putting on such a good show.

We're driving home and I'm pretty quiet, feeling a little miffed. She senses this and comments on it: "You're so quiet! Is anything wrong? It was so great to see him tonight, it's been a while since we've caught up with each other."

It's getting late, and I had been thinking about just dropping her off at her place and heading home. But as she's saying this, I decide that this would be cutting off my nose to spite my face. She's going to be DTF when we get back to her place, and I know these FB relationships really can't last forever. Finally my goal is to lay as many strokes into her before she decides that she won't continue unless I commit, or I next her. So I just turn and smile and say "Don't worry about it, I'm just feeling a bit more tired than I should be tonight. Glad you two got to catch up, he's a really talented musician."

Then I go up with her to her apartment and absolutely pound the shit out of her for an hour. Afterwards she tells me "Ohmahgod, that was so great. You were so hard tonight. I think that's the best we've ever done. Wow." I explain that while it's fun to go out, these long evenings can take a lot of energy out of me. I tell her that next time we get together it's movie night and I just want to "netflix and chill", and she tells me that sounds fantastic.

I don't know if there was really a better way to "play" this one as a newbie, but in the end I got what I wanted.

Post: #2

You're headed towards the relationship zone, basically a BF by default man.

That dude straight up took your FB and chatted up with her.

I would've straight bounced since she was so interested. I'm not one to wait around, or AMOG'ed the guy. Sounds like he did that to you.

Sounds like they must've had some history or was a really old friend if they were going on for that much.

Another big mistake....you let HER lead your night, when instead you should be setting the night up.

Always keep FB's in the bedroom, especially if they aren't the best looking gal's.

RARELY do I bring FB's out for a drink after the initial bang, and only if they make my status with women look better.

I always let my FB's know that I work alot, then get out of the gym to meet them. They know for the get go that I'm a busy guy and don't have time to do shit other than hangout and fuck.

Most don't bother worrying about it and come over and fuck, or they get wise and bounce, or they get start giving me lip and the "what are we" stage.

In the latter case, I knock it down with working alot and being busy, or the "when I'm with you I'm with you, when I'm not, I'm not", or "I try not to overanalyze everything and let things have a natural flow". Usually soothes their hamster for awhile.

In the end you need to eject women who will give your more shit than they're worth.

Post: #3

(04-06-2016 03:32 PM)kaotic Wrote:  RARELY do I bring FB's out for a drink after the initial bang, and only if they make my status with women look better.

I always let my FB's know that I work alot, then get out of the gym to meet them. They know for the get go that I'm a busy guy and don't have time to do shit other than hangout and fuck.

Most don't bother worrying about it and come over and fuck, or they get wise and bounce, or they get start giving me lip and the "what are we" stage.

In the latter case, I knock it down with working alot and being busy, or the "when I'm with you I'm with you, when I'm not, I'm not", or "I try not to overanalyze everything and let things have a natural flow". Usually soothes their hamster for awhile.

In the end you need to eject women who will give your more shit than they're worth.

Yup. The difficulty is that my logistics aren't great - I live a good distance away from her (she's in the city) and she doesn't have a car. There's no public transit access to my place out in the suburbs. So I usually end up going to her place, and she seems to have gotten it in her mind that since she's providing a space for me to chill, that I owe her nights out to compensate. Or something.

I'd have a lot more ability to dictate the terms in relationships like this if my place were accessible by transit, and I could just say "If you want to come over and chill, come, and if not, don't." When the girl is hosting all the time, it seems she begins to dictate the terms almost unavoidably.

Post: #4

(04-06-2016 03:42 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(04-06-2016 03:32 PM)kaotic Wrote:  RARELY do I bring FB's out for a drink after the initial bang, and only if they make my status with women look better.

I always let my FB's know that I work alot, then get out of the gym to meet them. They know for the get go that I'm a busy guy and don't have time to do shit other than hangout and fuck.

Most don't bother worrying about it and come over and fuck, or they get wise and bounce, or they get start giving me lip and the "what are we" stage.

In the latter case, I knock it down with working alot and being busy, or the "when I'm with you I'm with you, when I'm not, I'm not", or "I try not to overanalyze everything and let things have a natural flow". Usually soothes their hamster for awhile.

In the end you need to eject women who will give your more shit than they're worth.

Yup. The difficulty is that my logistics aren't great - I live a good distance away from her (she's in the city) and she doesn't have a car. There's no public transit access to my place out in the suburbs. So I usually end up going to her place, and she seems to have gotten it in her mind that since she's providing a space for me to chill, that I owe her nights out to compensate. Or something.

I'd have a lot more ability to dictate the terms in relationships like this if my place were accessible by transit, and I could just say "If you want to come over and chill, come, and if not, don't." When the girl is hosting all the time, it seems she begins to dictate the terms almost unavoidably.

Ah logistics, always an issue if you don't have them locked down.

If you must, do some research on her local area, then when you go over tell her you have a plan in mind. She'll follow your lead.

If she doesn't want to fuck at her house, or she refuses to give it up. Next her ass.

Post: #5

OP is a great example of the "do I 'red pill' this or 'game' this?" false dichotomy we've seen floating around lately.

It's hard to straight up 100% avoid situations where you're around one of her guy friends or orbiters, and giving into the "miffed" means giving up on the "muffed".

But then again, hitting it to hit it while thinking "fuck this, won't be a LTR anyway" isn't that happy of an attitude, hatefuckfun aside.

Sometimes these situations are a harbinger of subtle disrespect to come, other times they're a test of your mettle, and she's clearly about your D.

Real test will be, does she learn from your "hey next time"? Good that you didn't get angry or lecture-y.

Another situation where abundance reality >> abundance mentality is at the root of how you proceed, especially if/when this happens again.

Post: #6

If she's really just strictly a "fuckbuddy" then I wouldn't be going out to concerts and other LTR signaling activities. At that point you're dating when you are doing extracurricular stuff beyond the bedroom.

If you want to date her thats fine, just be honest with yourself about it.

Post: #7

(04-06-2016 08:46 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  Eventually we head out. I give the guy a warm handshake, tell him it was a pleasure meeting him tonight, and thank him for keeping local music going and putting on such a good show.

(04-06-2016 08:46 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  Then I go up with her to her apartment and absolutely pound the shit out of her for an hour. Afterwards she tells me "Ohmahgod, that was so great. You were so hard tonight. I think that's the best we've ever done. Wow." I explain that while it's fun to go out, these long evenings can take a lot of energy out of me. I tell her that next time we get together it's movie night and I just want to "netflix and chill", and she tells me that sounds fantastic.

I don't know if there was really a better way to "play" this one as a newbie, but in the end I got what I wanted.

You should've thanked that dude for chatting & warming her up for your dick, haha.

She wasted your time for sure, but it's a first time thing (stupid American girl bullshit). Like Kaotic said, don't let her ever lead your night again. That passive aggressive Netflix suggestion was perfect.

Post: #8

I would have been flirting with other girls or a hot bartender at that point that she wants to catch up with a male friend.

Granted I'm associated with the music scene so I like to keep tabs on anyone working in music/developing a good relationship and would be engaging him about his stuff, but since you aren't I would also be openly stating that if she's going to catch up with a corny, two-bit "musician" then I would be enjoying myself at the bar. She can catch up over Facebook if she really needed too.

Post: #9

You took her on something that basically was a date. That's not what you do with fuck buddies.

Post: #10

Good responses so far, and I'm with kaotic on this one.

My only caveat is that it sounds like you're hovering between FB and dating. What messages do you think you may be sending, and how do you think she perceives your actions? Not looking for a detailed response, just something to think about. You may be certain she's low priority in your own mind, but I'm guessing she wants more. She wants to show you off to her friends, and will throw a subtle (or even blatant) fitness test your way to see if you're the real deal.

I don't think there's any issue with rewarding a girl with a more legit "date" if it's on your terms. Just keep it to about a 10% ratio. You bang 10 times or so, she gets to go and do something fun with you one day. She gets something to talk about for a couple weeks to her little gossip circle. But you lead and decide when and where. It's easy to forget their thoughts and conversations center around you often, whether you want them to or not.

Post: #11

(04-07-2016 01:46 AM)Gustavus Adolphus Wrote:  Good responses so far, and I'm with kaotic on this one.

My only caveat is that it sounds like you're hovering between FB and dating. What messages do you think you may be sending, and how do you think she perceives your actions? Not looking for a detailed response, just something to think about. You may be certain she's low priority in your own mind, but I'm guessing she wants more. She wants to show you off to her friends, and will throw a subtle (or even blatant) fitness test your way to see if you're the real deal.

Yup, the difficulty is a perennial one for me. She's well educated and fun to be around, cooks well, (relatively) low drama, and throws it down in bed.

But at the end of the day she's a "6", and when I've banged girls that looked like models in the recent past who either didn't end up sticking around, or I had to next because they were lunatics, it's difficult for me to be wholeheartedly into spending the energy it takes into keeping up a dating/LTR. She's very pleasant and even charming in her way, but still. I think part of the reason I like her is that, while she doesn't come out and say this directly, she's probably been exposed to "red pill" type stuff at some point (she's used the phrase "this guy has no game!" from time to time) and seems like the type of girl who knew she wasn't gonna compete directly with the "8s", so actually worked on improving herself in other areas, instead of being cuntish and entitled anyway.

Post: #12

My analysis.

You started out firmly in the driver's seat.

Then she tried to see if she could mess with the steering wheel and you kind of batted her hand away.

She then got you to drive her where SHE wanted to go and you didn't reframe or add anything to the plans for the night.

You're now a chauffeur for the night. Chauffeur's don't normally get ass.

You made some plays to be in the driver's seat again and she kind of took notice, but you didn't really floor it.

You pretend you weren't trying to be in the driver's seat (when you played off being miffed) but your ACTIONS were that you wanted to be firmly back in the driver's seat by fucking the shit out of her and then telling her you didn't want to do that stuff again (albeit somewhat weakly but you have the benefit of her being in full on afterglow mode).

Suggested next steps: Get back in the fucking driver's seat and stay in it. You're doing her the courtesy of driving to her no-car having ass to hang out. The least she could be doing is cooking you two a nice meal to share or giving you a good massage when you show up and not ask you to drive her to a concert that she pretty much had all the interest in and then mostly ignoring you afterwards to catch up with her long-time friend at best or her crush at worst.