Post: #1

Last week I got rejected for something I badly wanted. It was a competition and while I can cope with losing my entry was not even longlisted. It was the best example of my work and I have been told by professional writers that it is very strong. They have mentored me for a while and I believed I was improving.

Not getting longlisted hit me harder than I expected it to. I've put in endless hours writing, studying technique and improving. The Elements of Style is my bible.

Now, I know this an industry where you have to grow a thick skin. Previous rejections haven't been this bad, and believe me there have been a few. I know, however, that writing is what I want to do however long it takes.

So my question is: How do you turn rejection around? It is far easier if you get feedback with the rejection as I would have done if longlisted then not got further.

Post: #2

One way to help is to always know that failure and rejection are necessary steps on the way to an end goal. You say you're determined to do this however long it takes. It sounds like you are focused and on a strong path. Embrace the rejection as it is necessary. We all dislike getting rejected but one thing that lessens the sting is to quietly smile and know that we are one step closer to the goal.

(04-06-2016 11:19 AM)Monolithic Wrote:  They have mentored me for a while and I believed I was improving.

You most-likely are improving. Do not change your internal talk because of someone else's opinion. Hold your frame and omit the "I believed" out of that sentence above.

It is definitely easier with feedback since it is usually actionable advice and also a sort of closure. Keep your head up and keep pushing forward man. Good luck.

Post: #3

It's pretty tough to get kicked in the balls and make a positive out of it. Having done what you believed to be your best work, then not even making the slush pile is just such a blow.

I would start by going to these mentors and asking them for input as to where the shortcomings of your piece actually are. Do they agree that your piece perfectly fit whatever the parameters of the competition were? If what they point out as being "wrong" doesn't add up in your head as reason enough to have been passed over, then maybe you should consider different mentors.

If there were any way to speak to whomever the judges/editors were who juried the competition, you may gain valuable insight there. Make this a quest not so much about what you may have done wrong, but rather what you need to do better.

One important point here. You put your work out there in competition with others. I'll presume that whatever the competition was, it was juried, and was expected to receive high quality submissions. This in itself is an advantage over the millions of writers-in-waiting, who never even try.

Post: #4

There are two aspects to rejection:
A) Experts aren't always right (often they're not). Gatekeepers fuck up all the time and reject awesome ideas. Rejection in and of it self means nothing about you or your work.
B) That said, take an honest look at what you submitted. Why do you think it failed? Is there anything you'd do differently next time? Did you need to know your audience better? The second step is harder without feedback, but feedback isn't gospel, take the time develop an appropriate level of self critique. Learn how to listen what other say (or what you think they might have said) and decide for yourself how it applies to you and how you want to incorporate it (or not) going forward.

Post: #5

The only responses to rejection are this, imo:

1. Realize that you are on a continuum of skill and that, no matter how good you think that you are, you will be better tomorrow. That process of getting better is one of continuous application of what you do. As long as you keep doing it, and thus getting better, you will one day cross a threshold where you will begin to see a much higher rate of acceptance. However, you must keep "approaching" so to speak to give yourself the chance to get accepted/rejected.

2. Keep plowing. Volume will be your friend both in terms of getting predictably better and in terms of giving yourself the chance to be accepted. Just keep your head down and keep working. Flinch no more at acceptance than you do rejection. Concentrate on the work, regardless of outcome.

With certainty, writing is one skill that only gets better with repetition. The more that you keep doing it, the better you get. Take solace in that fact and, again, make the work-output itself the goal.

Post: #6

In the long run, when you are able shift from eternal motivators like medals, money, praise and the like (which are important on one level and not to be dismissed) to internal motivators such as doing it because you have a passion to do it, because it fulfills your sense of purpose or because it is the right thing to do; you will become like a battery that recharges itself.

It is a change in your frame that begins a deeper process of internalization and becoming the better (more ideal) man that is deep with the block of marble that you simply chip away and release.

Of course there is the external objectification of your work and the determination of what you can do to better it and yourself, but my point would be that this is a natural effect of the above cause or shift to internal motivation.

Post: #7

There's an anecdote about a stone mason who hammers a chisel into a piece of marbel 100 times.

Each blow is delivered with precision and focus, but not a single crack or fault can be seen in the stone.

On the 101st blow the rock cracks perfectly down the center.

It's not uncommon for famous writers to have the same story. Ray Bradbury had similar experiences I think as did T.S. Elliot (I think).

Hang in there.

Post: #8

(04-06-2016 11:19 AM)Monolithic Wrote:  So my question is: How do you turn rejection around? It is far easier if you get feedback with the rejection as I would have done if longlisted then not got further.

It's true what others have said that you need to view rejection as a necessary step along the path to your success as a writer.

I would suggest finding a book about a writer who became successful but faced many challenges along the way. If you can't find something like that, perhaps an athlete or someone who overcame large adversity. You can find comfort you can convert into confidence and the determination (action) to not only view rejection in a new light, but to focus on the long-term goal and understand that every step, even a mistep, is not a failure.

Also, the quote at the bottom of my signature is the most succinct answer. I learn it to be true more and more every day.

Post: #9

(04-06-2016 11:19 AM)Monolithic Wrote:  Last week I got rejected for something I badly wanted. It was a competition and while I can cope with losing my entry was not even longlisted. It was the best example of my work and I have been told by professional writers that it is very strong. They have mentored me for a while and I believed I was improving.

I can feel that you are confident in yourself. You know it was your best work and you know you're going to get even better.

Consider it your 'Michael Jordan getting cut from varsity High School basketball team' moment. You know you're good. You will succeed eventually. Sometimes competitions are horribly subjective and the rightful contestant are often overlooked. And one day this failure will be attributed to those who failed to see the mastery it was.

Post: #10

You have a mild form of oneitis.

The usual cure applies: don't have a one true goal, have many casual ones.
Work on perfecting your habits and averages rather than trying to salvage a single situation.
Goes for your personal projects as well as the people you're pitching to.
Put neither on a pedestal; don't get weighed down by a sentimental project or a desire for approval.

Post: #11

Thank you and apologies for not replying sooner. I was away with my day job.

I'm grateful for your advice and am regaining confidence. The story of the stone mason helped see failure in a different light as did Test Pilot's advice about changing the way I see value. I will still want to win but perhaps I am not giving enough value to completing well-polished pieces of work.

The advice about reading about a writer or athlete also helped. I have Alastair Campbell's Winners and have been dipping back into that. I've also started a new writing project.