Post: #1

One tactic that helps with approach anxiety or social anxiety in general is to get yourself out of a solipsistic mindset; in other words stop imaging the world revolves around "you" or that everyone else is thinking about "you".

This mode of thinking seems to be a centerpiece in many disfunctional modes of thought, ranging from mild anxiety to actual mental disorders such as paranoia and high functioning autism.

It's helpful to first always remind yourself that everyone else is the center of "their own universe", and no one cares about you for better or for worse beyond the ways in which they are relative to your life.

People with approach anxiety often get into a mode of thinking that everyone is "watching them, judging them, waiting for them to fail".

However this really stems from unwarranted self importance, something which may be encouraged by today's era of social networking, where people are given free platforms to blog and rant about their personal lives with the illusion that anyone cares.

In reality the 'hot girl' could care less about you whether she's impressed by you or not; she's much more worried about what she's going to have for dinner, her work schedule, or what she's going to post on Instagram than she is whether or not you come across as a beta or an alpha. And any other douches at the bar looking to poke fun at you if you screw up aren't really concerned about "you" either, they're just bored and looking for someone at random to amuse them while they worry about their careers, their child support payments, or whatever else they have going on in their boring lives.

Starting with a mindset that you are a non-entity and that everyone else fixated on themselves rather than "you" makes for a great starting point for making any approaches, and is a mindset I believe will help in other areas of life; whether making friends, applying for jobs, or anything else.

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My view is that both the beta mindset and the asshole mindset are two sides of the same coin; the beta feels that everyone else is judging him as inferior from an imaginary position of authority, while the inconsiderate asshole feels that the entire world is made up of peons who exist solely to bask in his grace.

In truth though both come from a lack of mindfulness and being caught up so much in one's own little world that they fail to perceive what's actually going on and instead assume.

Post: #2

This has been my biggest hang up in approaching sets situated in high traffic or ultra visible areas - not necessarily what the target or her friends might think (I truly don't care about that), but what other people in the establishment might think about me approaching and/or failing. Great post. I needed to read that. Especially in a town like Seattle where no one seems to approach so it sometimes feels like you are going to be thrown in jail for approaching.

Post: #3

A great point, and it's good to keep this in mind every time you go out and try to approach.

Post: #4

This is actually an A+ post and a great reminder that a lot of people should read.

It has to do with getting caught up in your own head. People psyche themselves out of things for no good reason other than an imagined sense of self importance - like the whole world will be judging you based on a potentially lame approach, or not looking busy while you are waiting for a bus. Ultimately no one cares, and more importantly, even if they do fuck 'em.

The IDGAF mindset is a tough one to adopt but arguably the most rewarding. When you can literally go about your day in the public eye completely carefree and stress free, well that is power. Power that people will actually be able to see and vibe off of.

I don't have this mindset right now. Not at all. I am aiming to cultivate it, though.

Post: #5

Like anything though, too much of an IDGAF mindset can be self-destructive.

I remember here in Sopot last summer, meeting an awkwardly-dressed RSD guy spam approach highly improbable day time sets, like a group of four sitting on park benches. I remember even seeing him leave the vacation area with bags in tow, still approaching everything in sight in the middle of the day. Briefly meeting him, it was clear his IDGAF mindset even extended to his appearance, given his awkward manner of dress, not to mention behavior.

I was going to say that this advice was for intermediates, since newbies typically have too little of an IDGAF mindset, but I actually think it applies to newbies too.

Why?

In my opinion, in this case, this newbie used the IDGAF mindset as a shield from negative feedback. As a result, he won't learn anything. You could even say he wasn't really trying - he was just going through the motions of the approach, without aiming for any results.

Post: #6

There is certainly some truth to that. You need to socially calibrate yourself. What I'm talking about is just being and looking comfortable in your own skin where ever you go and whoever is around.

I always think of The Dude in The Big Lebowski. Sure he dresses in lazy-Sunday loungewear 24/7, but he is as cool and carefree as it gets. Everywhere he goes he's as comfortable as being in his own living room. Straight chillin' and not worried about what people think. Unapologetically himself.

Post: #7

(04-14-2016 03:29 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  This is actually an A+ post and a great reminder that a lot of people should read.

It has to do with getting caught up in your own head. People psyche themselves out of things for no good reason other than an imagined sense of self importance - like the whole world will be judging you based on a potentially lame approach, or not looking busy while you are waiting for a bus. Ultimately no one cares, and more importantly, even if they do fuck 'em.

The IDGAF mindset is a tough one to adopt but arguably the most rewarding. When you can literally go about your day in the public eye completely carefree and stress free, well that is power. Power that people will actually be able to see and vibe off of.

I don't have this mindset right now. Not at all. I am aiming to cultivate it, though.

My best luck with picking up girls is when I was able to get into this 'flow', sometimes with barely saying anything at all.

Thinking either too nervous or too egocentric tends to cause akwardness.

My thought is that the 'mindset' of a true alpha man isn't just on himself, (that's actually the mind of a child) - his mind is always on his mission and his surroundings.

(This is also why I believe every guy needs to have a real purpose or mission in life; the "outer game" won't work in the long run or with very limited results if the guy is just trying to fake confidence).

Post: #8

(04-15-2016 03:20 AM)262 Wrote:  Like anything though, too much of an IDGAF mindset can be self-destructive.

I remember here in Sopot last summer, meeting an awkwardly-dressed RSD guy spam approach highly improbable day time sets, like a group of four sitting on park benches. I remember even seeing him leave the vacation area with bags in tow, still approaching everything in sight in the middle of the day. Briefly meeting him, it was clear his IDGAF mindset even extended to his appearance, given his awkward manner of dress, not to mention behavior.

I was going to say that this advice was for intermediates, since newbies typically have too little of an IDGAF mindset, but I actually think it applies to newbies too.

Why?

In my opinion, in this case, this newbie used the IDGAF mindset as a shield from negative feedback. As a result, he won't learn anything. You could even say he wasn't really trying - he was just going through the motions of the approach, without aiming for any results.

As someone who has had chronic anxiety for many many years during my youth, IMO the IDGAF attitude is a necessary evil as a first step.

Yes, you will lose some girls due to an over aggressive, and misguided mind set, but what it will teach far outweighs the negative.

Eventually you learn [And this is inherent for many people] that you can blow out completely with a girl and it is just about the most insignificant thing on planet earth.

Over time you build that confidence to say and do whatever you want, and as men, the subsequent thought process is always: "Okay, now I'm not afraid to say anything, but how do I figure out the right things to say in the right moments"… [Yes there are example like the guy above: And the stubborn man is always at a handicap] But...

If you have an open mind for feedback, and re-calibrate according to results, men will always grow, adapt and overcome… But we have to start somewhere, and for an overly anxious guy: An IDGAF attitude is a good starting point.

Post: #9

Excellent post OP...Now that we know you can do it slow down on the quantity and focus on bringing the quality.

Again...good job. This is very insightful

Post: #10

This kid in my English class once said, "Everyone is the protagonist of their own universe." I think about that anytime I'm gaming a girl.

Post: #11

These ideas can be summed up by a great quote by David Foster Wallace:

“You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.”