Post: #1

I have a family member that I care about very much, great person but like with most women when they are in a problem they blame everyone but themselves and talk about how they just want to give up, fuck the world etc

I introduce her to logic, I can tell her that this is her fault and all she has to do is accept responsibility and instead of complaining do what she has to do to fix it but its pointless, all she'll do is cry and complain some more and act like its the end of the world.

Now I think I have mentioned this in another post, if this was some random bitch I could give two shits about cool but its someone I care about, and she would be there for me if need be.

How do you usually deal with situations? The most I feel I can do is make her feel a bit better but ultimately she will figure it out, if this was a male I could talk to them and make them realize my view but females are just so damn frustrating.

Post: #2

You can't MAKE anyone change their thought process like that, male or female. All you can do is offer an alternative way to look at it and let them decide whether to accept it.

Post: #3

It depends upon the individual. I have a sister who was 250 lbs @ 5'3". She's had a number of health conditions that have contributed to that massive weight gain, but part of that was her not exercising and poor dietary choices. I carpet bombed her email with pictures of all kinds of nasty health problems that occur if you don't take care of your weight. So I used the "shock" approach, and wrote her a really heart-felt letter. I also called her a lot and told her about ways she can deal with her health issues.

I signed her up for the gym on the condition that she workout with me 7 days a week, no rest. She finally agreed. It took months of convincing, but I think she knew deep down that I care for her as my sister. She's already lost a lot of the weight, and is doing much better.

So in answer to your question, yes, you can get women to change.

But to be successful at it, you have to paint a picture. Women run off emotions, at least most of them. Give them alternative stories of doing nothing, and taking action. Obviously, the taking action to improve your life should have a much nicer story arc.

Last but not least, I recommend putting all this in a form of a letter to her. Why?

When she reads a letter, she can't argue with it. If she gets emotional, she can put the letter down, and come back at read it later. There isn't a "fight" over a letter. By the fact that it is a physical object, unless she throws it out, it will still be there to "haunt" her a bit. In a letter, you must paint a future that is better than the current one, while still telling her that she needs to take STEPS, A, B and C to achieve that goal. Give her a gameplan, just like I gave my sister one. Heavy on the love, but sneak in some practical wisdom.

Write that letter!

Post: #4

I usually talk about someone who has a bigger problem, but it doesn't always work. A girl I know lost her cell phone charger and acted like it was a huge problem, almost like she'd fought cancer or something. I kept my mouth shut then. Eventually she'll go through something that's actually hard, and have to make the decision to let it break her, or to endure it.

Post: #5

It's like telling a joke to a dog. No matter what you do, they can't get it. You might get them to react to your laughing, but they won't actually get the joke.

Post: #6

They could never see things as we do 100% but that's not the goal here.

The goal is to change her behaviour.

So what you want to do is reward any good behaviour she shows.

Whenever she shows control and restraint over one area of life, compliment her. It'll begin to bleed into other areas.

Be her personal cheerleader or motivational coach. They work because they don't convince with logic, they push your emotional buttons to get you to be the best that you can be.

Post: #7

You can change someone's mind, but most of the time it is not worth the effort.
If it's female - show her. Use less logic. You can use indirect shame as well.
If it's male - Use more logic but also show benefits (direct and indirect).