Post: #1

Pretty much what the title says. I'm a 20 years old currently attending a Big 10, but its my first year since I transferred. Either I'm studying, at rugby practice, or stuck in my room browsing the internet. The rugby team has parties about every other week or so, but like every other party I've ever been to I just end standing around awkwardly. Then when I leave I'm pissed because everyone else around me is either hooking up with someone or actually having fun. I try to hop in conversations but like always I never to know what to say, or they ignore me; this happened tonight during rugby practice and it's just so frustrating.

I've been shy and awkward my whole life, and I've made some effort to improve since highschool where my self esteem was pretty much zero, but I feel like despite this I have barely improved.

Not trying to be all woe is me but it's just frustrating how I've never had any proper friends my whole life, at most it's been acquaintances from work or school. However, I did meet a guy off the forum who I'd consider my only genuine friend so I'm grateful for that.

I can barley hold a conversation with a guy, so obviously when it comes to girls it's no better.

Anyways, I don't just want to wallow in my self pity for the rest of my life, but I don't know where to begin so any advice is appreciated.

Post: #2

Practice. Go out with guys, no women around. No pressure. Observe how they interact and try to do it too.

Are you autistic or have ADHD or anything?

Post: #3

No. Your only hope is to cut off your genitals and join a monastery.

Was is with these pity-seeking posts?

Post: #4

You need to go out and make an effort to talk with people. Random strangers... anybody.

Start out in small steps, like asking for the time or directions. Move on to full conversations when you get the hang of it. Join meetup groups or look for hobbyist groups where you can socialize with people you have stuff in common with. Or join a toastmasters or improv group.

Post: #5

@SBRoberts, I know right? It sounds like they just need a pat on the back and a pick me up.

OP, have you even read any of Roosh's books? College is a pussy paradise and you need to act on it before your opportunity is gone!

Post: #6

Talk to 1M girls. You will bang one of them. Start today. It´s all a numbers game. One of the girls might have a fetish for awkward boys and you bang her. Talk to girls. Talk to girls. Talk to girls. Nothing else. In the meantime record what they enjoy. If one story gets a good yeld. Tell it. Rewind and repeat. Rewind and repeat. Now in the process your ego will get crushed. That´s ok. A balance will happen latter than sooner. And the tradeoff will stop being so soul crushing.

Post: #7

If you are born ignorant, do you conclude that it's better never to study anything?

Post: #8

There are usually lots of clubs on campus. Find a club that suits your interests and make friends amongst those who share your interest. If you are genuinely socially awkward, it is better to work that out first with men who can be friends first, then once you've overcome whatever your issues are, move on to women.

Post: #9

If this aint a troll, then you should pursue guys. It is a win win situation for all of us here.

Post: #10

1. If you fap, especially to porn, stop. Porn has always been my number one enemy between lays and often makes me feel socially awkward.

2. Start lifting weights. Going to the gym is a good hobby to start and will make you feel and look better. Also the health benefits are enormous.

3. Start chatting with people at Omegle. Yes, I really recommend you to do this. You will get some experience with chatting random people and maybe even an online friend. If you do it on video, even better. It's of course far from real talk, but you have to start somewhere. Online chat is better than not chatting with anyone at all.

Post: #11

(01-21-2017 02:33 AM)calidude Wrote:  Pretty much what the title says. I'm a 20 years old currently attending a Big 10, but its my first year since I transferred. Either I'm studying, at rugby practice, or stuck in my room browsing the internet. The rugby team has parties about every other week or so, but like every other party I've ever been to I just end standing around awkwardly. Then when I leave I'm pissed because everyone else around me is either hooking up with someone or actually having fun. I try to hop in conversations but like always I never to know what to say, or they ignore me; this happened tonight during rugby practice and it's just so frustrating.

I've been shy and awkward my whole life, and I've made some effort to improve since highschool where my self esteem was pretty much zero, but I feel like despite this I have barely improved.

Not trying to be all woe is me but it's just frustrating how I've never had any proper friends my whole life, at most it's been acquaintances from work or school. However, I did meet a guy off the forum who I'd consider my only genuine friend so I'm grateful for that.

I can barley hold a conversation with a guy, so obviously when it comes to girls it's no better.

Anyways, I don't just want to wallow in my self pity for the rest of my life, but I don't know where to begin so any advice is appreciated.

I can totally relate to what you describe. It sounds like my college experience, and even some workplace experiences I've had. I'm glad to hear you made a friend from RVF; the same happened with me, and I consider it one of the greatest advantages of being here, because now I have someone to help me with lifting and other masculine pursuits.

There's a good chance that what you're experiencing now, you'll continue experiencing in various ways for the rest of your life. You'll have a few close friends, but you'll continue being socially awkward, because some people just don't have a talent at socializing. People at places like RVF talk about self-improvement; about taking the talent you already have, that's currently latent (huh, I just noticed that "talent" is an anagram of "latent"), and honing it into a sharp skill. Yes, this is good advice for the vast majority of men, and we should shun premature defeatism, and encourage those demoralized soldiers who can get back on their feet to do so.

But some people just lack talent in an area. (Ever been at a workplace where there was a chick who just could not understand computers, or math, at all, no matter how many times you explained it and showed her?) Maybe you have some talents that don't involve socializing. Maybe that's where a lot of your effort is focused, because you can more easily be successful at those endeavors and feel a sense of accomplishment. That's basically what Asperger's is all about -- these guys are like little professors when it comes to their area of expertise, and can carry on a conversation just fine with someone as long as they stick to that area, and maybe be best buds with someone with the same passion. But outside of that area, they have trouble, because they just don't care about other topics, and they suck at the "meta" aspects of social interaction. Then can learn a few principles of socializing, but it takes them longer, and there is such a variety of social situations that it's hard to figure out what to do in all of them, because new situations with unfamiliar dynamics are cropping up all the time.

The ideal position to be in, is to be the guy whose main talent is understanding and socializing with other people, because then you can become socially dominant, and have the privileges that come with rank. That's what it means to be alpha. But even alphas describe a sense of aloneness. As Hunterdrew writes:

Hunterdrew Wrote:As a masculine male you are a rare creature (at least in the United States). Your demeanor leads to people either flocking towards you, attracted to your aura of power and confidence or it repels them as you are a mirror that forces them to look at their own mediocre existence. This life is incredibly easy, yet filled with more challenges than women or weaksauce men will ever be able to comprehend.

So even if you win, in a way, you lose. It's like if you're playing a one-on-eleven soccer match against a team of five-year-olds. They won't be able to keep up with you; you can just run past all of them and kick the ball into the goal as many times as you want without trouble, but even though you score a shutout victory, it's somewhat empty because they never had a chance, and you feel alone in your superiority.

Donald Trump defeated all of his opponents to become President of the United States. He has the admiration and attention of millions; he's always been able to bang hot young women (who continued to love him even years after the divorce papers were signed, because of those peak experiences he gave them); he's been able to use his skill at dealing with people to amass a fortune. Yet I'm sure, in some ways, he still feels alone, because when you're at the top, you may have assistants, admirers, and so on, but you don't have any peers. Even Vladimir Putin and Rodrigo Duterte are not true peers of his, because they have not achieved anything on the same level as becoming commander-in-chief in the country that is by far the greatest superpower in the world.

That kind of aloneness may seem like a minor disadvantage, in comparison to the benefits of superiority. After all, the unsuccessful are lonely too, because generally, no one but other losers want to hang out with losers. So if you're going to be alone no matter what, may as well get some mileage out of it.

I think the key is to distract oneself from the loneliness by accomplishing something useful that will produce a sense of pride, and also maybe attract some admiration from supporters who matter to you. Form a few close friendships, as you're already doing. If you're up to the challenge, try to make a relationship with a chick work, and start a family. (The challenge there is that in order to keep a nubile chick around and avoid dead bedrooms, you have to actually be able to continually find ways to game her, rather than just try to negotiate desire; and some men are really weak in the area of game.)

I'm not saying that all men who have trouble socializing should just give up. I'm saying that there's a spectrum of talent at socializing, with some men at one end of the spectrum being natural alphas; and some men at the other end of the spectrum being chronically weak at socializing (to the point that even with effort, they won't be able to improve much); and then most men falling in the middle, where they have some latent talent available that they can sharpen into a stronger skill.

As much as we may admire Donald Trump and say that we should all try to learn from him and cultivate some of his characteristics, hardly anyone will be able to reach Donald Trump's level even if they try their hardest, and some people not only don't have it in them to reach the top, they don't even have it in them to reach the middle. But given specialization and the division of labor, we can look at this as a team effort where none of us are really defeated unless the whole team loses.

For example, when we look at what goes into banging a chick, there are many organs involved. The brain has to figure out a way to game her, the hands have to escalate kino, the penis has to actually enter her, etc. So one can't really say, "It's because of my mind that I was able to bang her," because the brain only played a coordinating role; there were many supporting roles.

In the same way, consider that, for example, the software on which RVF runs, MyBB, is an open-source program that probably many incels sitting in basements have contributed code for. Yet, because men were able to use that software to exchange ideas on how to game chicks, much pussy was obtained by those men. I'm sure there are many cases in which opportunities to bang chicks would've slipped by, had men not been able to use the advice on this board to their advantage.

So banging those chicks was a team effort. While it wasn't a true gang-bang in the sense that not everyone's penis went into her, some satisfaction was still obtained just from being able to contribute to others' success and happiness. In being part of the team that ultimately produced the bang, everyone who participated was able to share in the glory.

And so my message is, look for opportunities to be a useful part of the winning team that our society can be, even if you have to do so as the less prestigious halfback or fullback, rather than the captain of the team who gets to bang all the hot cheerleaders and be the life of the party. As long as you're hanging out on that end of the field, you can at least fit in with the other fullbacks, maybe, and find some camaraderie with them, even if you don't fit in with the captain of the team and his crowd of alphas.

It's not so bad sometimes to toil in obscurity with only a few friends. The less you have, the less you have to lose, and the more freedom you have. This may seem counterintuitive since people are always talking about success as giving you more freedom, because you end up with more resources at your disposal; but success can also cause you to tie yourself down with golden handcuffs to whatever you are successful at, or censor yourself because you're worried about your reputation. If people already don't like you, though, then you're freer to say and do as you please.

This is why dissidents tend to be weirdos, and third party candidates are the ones speaking their minds and putting forth the most original ideas. It's because they already know that no matter what they do, they're going to be outcasts rather than fitting in and being accepted. If that's the hand you've been dealt, then I say, make the most of it. Be the one who stands out rather than fits in. Be an agent for the kind of change that everyone else is too socially savvy to try to pursue, because they have better things to do (chicks to bang, parties to attend, etc.) or because they want to avoid being ostracized.

Post: #12

I was the same way at your age. Awkward as hell. 20 years old and never had a girlfriend yet. What I did, got away from the same crowd I was hanging around with. They weren't helping the situation, it was a dead end there. I bought some new clothes to look better. Found a new crowd to hang around with in town. People I didn't think I would like, actually I thought they were all stupid. But I did it anyway, just for exposure to new social experiences. Then bang, a girl noticed me, and before long I had a hot 18 year old redhead girlfriend. This was before all the online shit out today. But it was just about getting out there with new people.

Post: #13

go to the newbie forum, join the 100 approach thread makers.

Post: #14

I've made a few posts on this recently. At the risk of repeating myself, what you really ought to try doing is simply to talk to everyone, at every opportunity you get. Try something as simple as looking a cashier in the eye, smiling, and asking if, 'it's always this busy/quiet in here on a Saturday'. 9/10 times they'll be thrilled to talk to you. They'll say, 'Yes, it's always mad in here - I'm actually annoyed because I'm supposed to be stocking shelves and I've been made to cover tills' or something like that, and you can ask them why one is better than the other, how long their shift is, whether they are going to be stuck on tills the whole thing, etc etc. You needn't just go through the motions either. Such seemingly innocuous questions sometimes lead to interesting answers, or moments of quite touching humanity where a stranger will open up to you about something that is on their mind, or will give you the inspiration to say something you both find funny and can laugh about. These little bonds are essential threads in life's tapestry. The more of them there are, the richer the overall design. My cashier this morning told me that he was frustrated he had to be in work because he'd dropped his wife off at hospital and she'd just been diagnosed with a gut condition similar to someone close to me. I was able to pass on some of the advice I'd had, and some of the things I'd observed as being helpful. This guy's day was enriched (as was mine, significantly), and some of the helplessness he was feeling dissipated. All because of an innocuous conversation about how busy the store was. On the surface of it, this chap and I were a world apart in social background, wealth, appearance, education, etc - yet between us we had this enormous common ground of emotion and experience, and for five minutes whilst he packaged up my larks' tongues we were extremely fond of each other. If you get in the habit of talking to those around you, you'll be amazed at how often this sort of deeply rewarding stuff happens.

I also understand where you're coming from - my natural state in normal company was always to be socially awkward, as I grew up in a boarding school for highly academic children where a very individualistic streak was fostered, where the vast majority of the conversations were pretty intellectual, and people were happy to drop the small talk and noone was offended because we all found it boring by comparison. The big mistake is in thinking you need to have something significant, or memorable, or punchy to say in order to contribute to the conversation.

If you're of a sensitive disposition, as I am, certain types of people can be particularly wearing, and their conversation grating. Rugby players are often brash and laddish in large groups (though I know many who are very kind and thoughtful) and I find that tedious to be around. Perhaps you are the same and need to cultivate a wider group of friends.

Whatever the answer, talking to people, enjoying their company, and having them enjoy yours is a learned skill, one you have a hundred opportunities a day to practice. If you apply yourself to it, you will find the process brings you rich and sometimes surprising rewards. I would personally council against 'talking to a hundred girls' or whatever PUA specific advice might come your way - that kind of outcome dependent conversation sets you up for 'failure' should you not get the outcome you want. If you simply learn to enjoy talking to people, and to get good at understanding them and forming connections with them, then you'll find that talking to a beautiful girl is no easier or harder than talking to an old woman or the guy packing your vegetables. When the conversation is the ends in itself, it is much easier to find yourself naturally moving on to seducing pretty girls when you do find yourself talking to them.

Post: #15

I would date and bang a hot chick that is socially awkward over an average chick with a bubbly personality.

Post: #16

(01-21-2017 02:42 AM)etwsake Wrote:  Practice. Go out with guys, no women around. No pressure. Observe how they interact and try to do it too.

Are you autistic or have ADHD or anything?

Nope, just been really shy my whole life. At times it's not an issue and I can be really social without issues, but I'm just trying to be like that more consistently. Also I get stuck in head too often, so I overanalyze and worry about what other people are thinking about me.

Post: #17

Appreciate the advice guys; definitely going to put it to use. We have a mixer with some sorority tonight, so my gain goal will just be to force myself to talk with a good amount of people, and not really focus on trying to hookup.

Looking back at my original post it did come off as really pathetic, but I was just feeling really shit at the time and for the most part it doesn't bother me too much; I know if I don't take risks and put myself out there I'm not going to improve. Also, I think I made myself sound more socially retarded than I actually am lol.

Post: #18

It's the most important thing you could
possibly do, especially because you have the knowledge here of how to avoid the friend zone and get rid of females looking to mentally abuse you.

Post: #19

Social skills can be learned.

Post: #20

You play rugby. Anything a girl can say or do (aside from herpes) will never hurt as much as what happens to you during a rugby game.

Just tell her you're on the rugby team and you're already half way to getting laid. It's important to walk into every interaction knowing women want to fuck you instead of assuming the opposite. That confident premise alone will make up for most of your social game deficit.

Post: #21

Did you even read Day Bang yet? It gives a very good framework for indirect approaches. That way you'll know whether or not the girl has any interest early on so you don't get a cold rejection. It's good for gaming within your social circle or social circles of friends in college.

Not to mention it's probably not a good idea to go direct on girls in a college setting especially within social circles. Going direct has the potential to hurt more than help since once you damage your reputation you're pretty much screwed.

Greek life is pretty huge part of getting laid at a B10 school. In addition to the brotherhood and social network you get access to all the top tier sorority girls, which is impossible as a gdi.

Post: #22

Super easy step: make a habit of forcing a friendly smile to at least 20 strangers per day (while you're crossing paths, not while sitting near them). They can be all girls or half girls, just be sure many of them are girls.

Guaranteed, most will smile back.

No need to force conversations yet, just start smiling at people, no strings attached. You should quickly see that others pick up on, and many will mirror, your apparent frame. You should even start earning a reputation as a friendly guy, even though all you've done is smile when you didn't want to.

Once you realize that people naturally smile back when you smile at them, it's just a case of taking the next step in faking it until you make it. . You're not being a phony, you're merely learning how the naturals do it. Practice enough, and it will become much more natural to you, too.

PS: a nerdy teenage virgin years ago, I tried this method with startling success, all because I thought to myself one day, "I don't smile enough at others". Boom, instant change.

Post: #23

Women wont fix anything. Youll end up being the akward guy that's sexually satisfied. Ask yourself what caused you to be socially akward in the first place. Maybe it could be from your childhood. The relationship you had with your mother,father, bullying and etc. Start to build a intimate relationship with yourself and begin healing your wounds. It seems your problem is a fear of intimacy. Don't worry about women because they will be there. Your still young so you have plenty of time.

Post: #24

I've been socially awkward, then confident, then socially awkward again. Although, my experiences and upbringing will probably be drastically different from yours.

Here's an anecdote and advice;

I lost my mind on acid a few years ago. My personality dissolved and I had to build myself back up. If you're ever in a situation where you feel out of depth, that's a good thing. Its character building.

My advice? Get out of your head

Post: #25

Fuck Yes!!!

Being Socially Awkward + Pursing Girls = entertainment, fun, excitement, paradigm shifting, mind-blowing, action, and personal evolution!!!

The early stages of game growth are often the most enjoyable!

I was once socially awkward. I had no idea how to talk to girls... Through much trial and error, I got better.

Keep your sense of humor no matter what!

Trust me, it will be worth it!

Study the vibe of your favorite comedians!

Here's another tip:

When in public, SPEAK UP!

Have fun learning the language of sex!