Post: #1

A Girl I've been trying to get on a date flaked on me, should I send her something like:

"I have a three strike rule, you're already 2 in l, one more and that's it?"

Or is that too aggressive?
Should I just give the cold shoulder at this point

Post: #2

I struggle with the same thing myself. I've found differing philosophies on this forum. However the general idea is the same.

If a girl flakes on you there are only a few reasons why and they are all bad. She doesn't respect you, she isn't very attracted to you etc. The idea is you can pre-emptively affect these things by building rappart, attraction, and having a proper frame. However, there is very little you can do after the fact and not only that it would set a bad precedent for future interaction.

So your options are fairly limited in terms of what has the potential to be successful. Think of your goals. If your goal is just to fuck this broad and move on. Sure, go ahead and grasp at straws; try to rebuild attraction and re-establish your frame. LTR potential is probably as close to zero as it will be as disrespect this early is going to be very bad for you and whatever you might have later. You are going to have a tough time recovering from a flake and frankly most of the time it's just not feasible.

I do not advise you to send this

Quote:I have a three strike rule, you're already 2 in l, one more and that's it?

because that will translate into

Quote:You can disrespect me some arbitrary amount of times before I say something.

(and the question mark is just baffling to me and pretty beta, don't ever play her games. You want her playing yours).

Easy answer is to next. Hard answer is to attempt some kind of recovery. If your ego can handle it go ahead and try, it probably won't work.

Good luck.

Post: #3

How legit is the prospect? Be honest. If she's flaking before you've got any investment and you don't have a valid reason to keep pushing just go next. Ultimatums don't work on people who don't give a shit (in fact, they don't generally work as intended at all) so telling her she's on two strikes will probably just make her next you first.

Post: #4

(01-23-2017 08:21 PM)Boldoff Wrote:  A Girl I've been trying to get on a date flaked on me, should I send her something like:

"I have a three strike rule, you're already 2 in l, one more and that's it?"

Or is that too aggressive?
Should I just give the cold shoulder at this point

If you call her out, then she won't ever want to see you. You would be doing that to validate yourself and briefly satisfy your ego.

What was her excuse? Did she apologize or try to reschedule?

Post: #5

A true flake is if you are sitting at the bar and she never shows up, or keeps texting you "on my way" for an hour. Anything less than that is not worth getting bent out of shape over. Simply go dark on her, without any butt hurt comments. Unless she is truly taking your time or money, its not worth burning a bridge.

Post: #6

The prospect is pretty legit (I thought), she said she said "something came up" and apologized and this was like 4 hours in advance.

Vaun, what do you mean by going dark, you have an example?

Post: #7

(01-23-2017 09:43 PM)Boldoff Wrote:  The prospect is pretty legit (I thought), she said she said "something came up" and apologized and this was like 4 hours in advance.

Vaun, what do you mean by going dark, you have an example?

Sounds like she didnt flake. Unless you were planning some crazy elaborate date. Men need to practice not being butt hurt so much, and overreacting less.

Just dont text or call her back if she flakes or acts annoying. If she comes back then you know you've got a live one and she has a shred of integrity. If she cancels before the date, which is not a flake, just say cool and leave it at that, then ignore her, then wait to see if she comes back. You should be moving on anyway at that point.

Post: #8

At best is accomplishes nothing.

At worst it burns the bridge on a genuine prospect.

Women love to be indignant, it's like fucking drugs for a woman to have something a man did to be angry about. They hate being happy.

Move on to other prospects. If she re-initiates, and you can bring it up in a non-confrontational butt-hurt manner, you can use it when planning a meetup.

Post: #9

3 strikes?

Wow - I have one strike for any real flaking. They get the message this way via actions.

You are right to wonder if you should say something but it will backfire in your face. It would be heard by the woman as "I am a petty little boy who doesnt get many dates, and you can screw me over as a low priority but i really want to have a mini tantrum about it and i know you wont care but i feel better saying it."

Post: #10

Flaking from a chick doesn't necessarily mean she's not interested.

It can also mean that she is interested and that she knows sex is likely to occur. Flaking is her pre-emptive resistance to that happening, which could be for any number of reasons - doesn't want to feel the internal shame of being a slut (and a myriad of other emotions chicks feel post first-date sex), on her period, or simply can't be fucked.

Post: #11

Just ignore and move on.

If a woman is flaking on you then it is likely things will never work out, so don't end up making yourself look like an asshole. Best case scenario you will possibly get a small percentage of the women to actually see you again, and worst case scenario you ruin your reputation. If you don't behave like an asshole there is also the possibility that she will restart the relationship herself, which, although rare, can happen.

You have to realize that flaking is something that is going to happen if you are approaching women in any significant number. Nothing you can say or do will stop this unless you pretty much stop approaching and only go for the once in a blue moon sure things.

Post: #12

Doesn't sound like a true flake, more like a change of plans. It's mildly annoying but the best defence is having more options.

Post: #13

No matter how long you've been in the game, bitches are going to cancel/flake on you. As others have said, and I fully agree, the best defense is a good offense: Adopt an abundance mentality/have other options.

As long as you have some other chicks to call, you're going to care a whole hell of a lot less about any one bitch in particular canceling on you last minute.

Post: #14

Depends on what you mean by "flake", how long and well you know the girl, etc.

If it's rather fresh then calling her out usually means it will be over.

Post: #15

OP, the worst thing you could do is give her an emotional reaction. Why? Your making it known her absence greatly affected you and that your days and evenings fall apart when she doesn't show. Women want the guys that can live without them and will fall in line for those who don't chase. Any women who doesn't honour her obligations regarding time and commitments should be treated like a domestic terrorist. She chose to waste something you can never get back which is your time. You wouldn't have to post a thread on RVF if one of your boys pulled this on you.

What I would do?

Delete her number. She's shown what her character is comprised of. The solution to the rise in flaky behaviour is dudes going, you know what? I don't need your pussy or your time, I'm just fine without you. Once enough guys begin to do that and the price on attention from even the average guy goes up, these bitches will fall in line. Don't be spiteful in the future if she reaches out because shes bored and wants attention, just turn on the read receipts on your phone before you open the message and then don't reply. I disagree with a lot of the common notions that you have to keep trying to seduce and beg a girl just for a "+1". If you ever want to get to the point where your fucking dimes, you need to be prepared to walk away at a moments notice from a girl. Start now and build your resistance with small exercise like this.

Post: #16

Giving a flake a passive-aggressive message will never work. Just ignore her or attempt a re-open at a later date. Women that flake on you without any attempt to reschedule (emergencies do happen sometimes, it is the counter-offer that ensures she is genuine) aren't worth your time or effort.

Post: #17

Quote: Women want the guys that can live without them and will fall in line for those who don't chase.

I don't know that this is 100% true as I just lost a girl for not making her feel "special and missed".

Maybe it's mostly true In early stages.

Post: #18

(01-23-2017 08:21 PM)Boldoff Wrote:  A Girl I've been trying to get on a date flaked on me, should I send her something like:

"I have a three strike rule, you're already 2 in l, one more and that's it?"

Or is that too aggressive?
Should I just give the cold shoulder at this point

Unless you're Jon Hamm or a Hollywood producer who wants to offer her a million dollar acting gig, why would she care how many strikes you do or do not give?

A little bit of a "there's a thousand yous and only one of me" attitude is great, but it's better to be understated about it than overstated. Let's be real - an American girl is going to find a text like that funny as hell, and her girlfriends that she shows it to will also!

Post: #19

Dupe

/thread-57139.html

Post: #20

(01-24-2017 12:07 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Quote: Women want the guys that can live without them and will fall in line for those who don't chase.

I don't know that this is 100% true as I just lost a girl for not making her feel "special and missed".

Maybe it's mostly true In early stages.

Your story is a little different from just flaking IMHO, special and missed is just another term for "give me all your attention" - you wouldn't commit to her like that in the long term, she got mad - (the whole gay political talk) was just excuse for her to bounce.



OP listen to the guys in this thread - shaming almost never works in the initial stages of dating. Yes you can put a bitch in check, rarely if never in the beginning.

You've got a few options:

1. Ghost on her, radio silent, see if she responds.
2. Ghost on her and follow up with her later in the week.
3. Next her.

A text like 3 texts, just shows you're weak and that you're under her thumb.

Post: #21

(01-24-2017 12:20 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  Dupe

/thread-57139.html

The question is asked often enough, and there seems to be such universal consensus about it that it should probably be added to the FAQ.

Post: #22

I think we should probably draw it out a little bit better. Seems to me like there are different situations in which flaking occurs and mean different things.

Hard flake - girl says she'll be there at 7:00PM, cancels from 5:00PM-4everghost

Soft flake - you ask her if she wants to do [x activity] and she says yes and ghosts out when you try to follow up.
Or
A girl respectfully cancels for a seemingly good reason and follow up plans are made

plate/miniltr/ltr flakiness - girl you've already been fucking flakes out on a date/fuck session/etc

I'm sure there's a few more. Are the core game principals really the same on all of these? Seems to me soft flakes can be recovered from. Plate/ltr flakes can be dealt with. I think we need a more unified definition of "flake" because I see people claiming all the time "that wasn't a real flake" or something of the sort and members using a fairly broad definition for the same term.

Post: #23

^ There are only two kinds of flakes. Counter offer or no counter offer.

In either case "shaming" is fucking dumb

Post: #24

Shaming is stupid. If for some reason it works or gets you somewhere that leverage could be used more effectively elsewhere.

But I think some flakes you can recover from.

Post: #25

Either ignore or crack a joke like you dont care because you dont. "That's it, im breaking up with you and keeping the puppy." Then if she still dosent respond be a nice guy and say, "not sure why youre not responding, but good luck. I hope you find what youre looking for."