Post: #1

On this forum recently, the discussion has skewed a lot further towards more serious relationships than it was before.

There have been a lot of threads of men asking advice on how to handle a certain mistake a girlfriend made or a certain flaw that she has. The general consensus of the replies always seem to be a cookie cutter response of "cut her off", "next her", "spin some more plates" or something along those lines without really attempting to address the problem at hand.

My game is not great so maybe I don't understand but do you guys really live like that? It's totally understandable if she's just part of a list but if it's a serious relationship, like these threads have been about, it doesn't seem to be a very feasible or realistic attitude to have.

Most of these "flaws", the man knows already coming into the relationship. A lot of these "mistakes" could be equally interpreted as a failed "shit test" on the man's behalf. As infuriating as that kind of drama and those kind of games are for most men, it's just what women do , whether that be in the USA, Thailand, or Colombia, and that's never going to change. Dumping her and moving onto the next woman, who is still a woman, won't change that and surely the same problems will crop up again however many months into the relationship and you're back to square one?

Is this how you really handle relationships? If not, let's get some more thoughtful and constructive discussion going on these threads and I'm certain that most members have a lot more experience and insight into managing relationships than they are letting on, which I for one would love to read.

Thoughts?

Post: #2

Its a very thoughtful and constructive way to handle women in my opinion. If a woman know you can't cut her loose with a smirk any second, she'll run wild and make you miserable.

That mentality comes from an abundance mindset, and ironically makes the women in your life minimize the nonsense they'd otherwise throw your way.

She'd try harder for you, to be with you, and to make your life pleasant. And is that not what we're all after.

To keep her, you go be ready to cut her loose.

For LTR's especially where kids, half your income and assets are at stake, I imagine its more difficult, but that's what game teaches you: you can't turn a ho into an housewife. Use her for her whatever, but never wife up.

Post: #3

@El Padrone yup I agree with that totally.

You and her both knowing that you could cut her loose and be just as well off leads to a healthier relationship.

But I'm not talking about knowing that you could, I'm talking about actually ending the relationship when any flaw or problem comes up.

Post: #4

This mentality you're talking about is coming from the seasoned players mainly and mostly directed towards the beginners just learning about game and the red pill.

For example, if you look in the newbie forum there are many many posts about a girl they managed to attract and fuck her maybe once and get oneitis over her. At this stage it's useless to tell them anything but cut her off because, once you've lost a girl by her seeing you as low value/low quality there's very little you can do to bring her back around. Most of the seasoned players know this fact. That is why they don't make too many mistakes and avoid being in those situations where the girls loses interest.

A lot of newer guys think that "this girl is special", despite reading many many stories/field reports if failed pulls and failed bangs because the guy became low value, he still thinks she's "different" or "it won't happen to him". In reality, she's the same as every other girl they'll meet for the next 5 years and forgetting that will to failure over and over.

Post: #5

Yeah Dream, I get it. The thing is, as I'm sure you're aware, is she working that shit out by herself???

A broad I was going through the nailing motions with asked me to bring shit along when I was coming for our meetup. I cut her off. Next time we spoke, she basically admitted her shit and became more pleasant, open to my wishes and stuff.

Another during a day out at the bar pissed me off over shit I can't recall, I simply left the venue and left her hide there sitting alone. She was shocked. I think it was the first time she witnessed it.

Result- she bacame more sensible and receptive to me. Open to doing whatever shit I wanted. Prior to this, we were neither here nor there.

Another case was when I was pining over some broad, I felt my masculine power and energy ebbing. When I saw her for who she really was, and threw her off the pedestal I put her, her behaviour improved, and my power over women restored.

Thing is I'm just a normal guy, but I've had several women, in effect PROPOSING marriage to me simply because they saw me as an asshole who doesn't give a damn.

If she makes me unhappy, I sit her down and lay out my position for her.

Its her job to align and improve.

I'm putting in the effort to have a great life, so if she wants along for the trip, she pays the fare of COMPLIANCE.

If not, Then our ways must diverge.

Having done this with several women betas would die over has formed my opinion.

You're the leader. This is the way God intended it.

It places certain responsibilities on you also, like not living a lie, and ruling over her right.

Post: #6

As kinjutsu said, this is the go to answer for newbies. Most of the time, when. You have to ask advice about a girl, chances are you fucekd up. Good cats know how to turn this around, and funnily the most effective way to turn this around is to hit on other girls.

When it comes to a serious ltr, there's also a big difference between boobs and players. The players enter a ltr after having carefully screened the girl for quality, thanks to his experience.

Assuming this is true, the MO change a bit, but it is very situational.

Here's the deal, people make mistakes. What's left is: can it be forgiven, and can you do it?

I do believe you have to pay for every mistake in Iife, but when you are the judge, you got ta be fair minded.

Lotta time girls who love you fuck up, or get on your nerves, but they don't do this out of spite or malice. Girls need to be taught and considering her intention I would judge my punishment.

If she fuck up and she lies, she s out. No drama.

If she fuck up, confess immediately and is sincere, I would put her on probation and see if she learned from her mistake. Thinking back I m glad I did that for some, not for others.

If it's due to you being incompatible I would next.

If it's you who fuck up, but you a bad nigga who ain't answer to no womyn, cut her off and smokes on. If you think there's something to learn from each other, stay with her and grow together. Sometimes it's surprising what you can learn from a woman who loves you

Post: #7

One response that should also be cookie cutter is "improve your value as a man."

Catch is most newbies want a quick and easy answer.

Post: #8

First:

Are you a high-quality male, relative to the men in your vicinity and accessible to the woman you're seeing (Within a 100 mile radius).

If no, improve yourself until the answer is "yes." If yes, move on to question two...

Second:

Is the behavior you're currently experiencing from the girl something that can reasonably be corrected, or is it part of a deeper issue with her psychology? If it can be improved, move on to question 3, if not, dump her....

Third:

How much are you willing to put up with to correct her behavior? In other words, is this girl worth the time and effort to "fix" or would you be better off replacing her? This is a simple cost/benefit analysis. She's either in or out.

That should solve 90% of the questions about LTR's on this forum....

Post: #9

Some guys definitely overuse the "just cut her off line" as a glib dismissal of a situation, to give themselves a trite little feeling of being wise.

"Hey guys, my beloved wife of 10 years has stopped buttering both slices of bread when she makes me my lunchtime sandwich. How do I address this situation with her?"
"Next."

"Hey guys, I caught my long term girlfriend watching fight club the other day, and I felt she looked a little too longingly at Brad Pitt in that movie. How do I deal with these feelings?"
"Clearly on the cock carousel behind your back. Delete her number."

Sure, "next her" is valid advice if it's clearly unsalvageable, which often newbies can't bare to see for themselves. But put a damn explanation next to it, or shut up and leave the thread to others who're willing to advise.

Also OP it's not a "mentality", there are some situations where cutting off is the least you can do, or when you should let it go, or when you should do something else. It depends, but often for these newbies who don't want to accept the situation, they do need to be told to move on.

Post: #10

(02-02-2017 01:31 AM)the-dream Wrote:  There have been a lot of threads of men asking advice on how to handle a certain mistake a girlfriend made or a certain flaw that she has. The general consensus of the replies always seem to be a cookie cutter response of "cut her off", "next her", "spin some more plates" or something along those lines without really attempting to address the problem at hand.

I think you got it wrong.
That is exactly addressing the problem at hand.
I currently spin 2 LTRs. Once a quarter, if she inserts more drama than I tolerate, I tell #1 to fuck off, and she comes back and amends (for a few months).
Not to boast, but that helps.
Frame is crucial. Usually the flaws are major.

(02-02-2017 01:31 AM)the-dream Wrote:  My game is not great so maybe I don't understand but do you guys really live like that? It's totally understandable if she's just part of a list but if it's a serious relationship, like these threads have been about, it doesn't seem to be a very feasible or realistic attitude to have.

That is the underlying problem.
You feel that your game is not that great. All advice above - to work on your game - take it.

As per serious relationship - it is less feasible. But dread is still a good weapon in your arsenal and may be used softly (like flirting in front of your LTR). See CH 16 commandments of poon.

(02-02-2017 01:31 AM)the-dream Wrote:  Most of these "flaws", the man knows already coming into the relationship. A lot of these "mistakes" could be equally interpreted as a failed "shit test" on the man's behalf. As infuriating as that kind of drama and those kind of games are for most men, it's just what women do , whether that be in the USA, Thailand, or Colombia, and that's never going to change. Dumping her and moving onto the next woman, who is still a woman, won't change that and surely the same problems will crop up again however many months into the relationship and you're back to square one?

This is where your frame is weak. That is true, but so what?
PEople sometime kill people but we won't accept that. Girls getting on my nerves need to change their behaviour, or I dump them.
You assume that behaviour cannot be changed. That is wrong - as learning game proves (as one example).

(02-02-2017 01:31 AM)the-dream Wrote:  Is this how you really handle relationships? If not, let's get some more thoughtful and constructive discussion going on these threads and I'm certain that most members have a lot more experience and insight into managing relationships than they are letting on, which I for one would love to read.

Thoughts?

It seems that you latched on to the more "powerful" tool. It seems that sometimes people fall into the law of instrument/Masslow's hammer:

Quote:if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail

Let's get some more options on the table:
1. Ignore - Sometime people say stupid shit. One may ignore it.
2. A&A (Agree and Amplify) - When she's giving you shit, you smile and say: "You are right. I'm the worst ever". This may crack her up (good) or make her loose control. In the latter case you do not flinch and continue to talk calmly.
3. State your claim - if you come across behaviour that you do not tolerate - tell her. This is done in a commanding manor, and when she is not throwing a tantrum. Done appropriately, this will reduce the behavior.
4. Withdraw - Simply leave the place, or lock yourself in a room. Explain that you don't care for this sort of behavior. Even cancel plans if necessary.

The common denominator - FRAME. Maintain your frame.

Post: #11

I have not been in a "serious" relationship in 4 years. I certainly live by this mentality.

There are a few reasons you see this seemingly canned response a lot.

As others have said newbies often ascribe too much value and put too much effort into one female that is not worth investing in so the best advice is to move on from that girl. It's like why put $2000 into a car you bought for $1000 when you can buy a nicer car for less than $3000. It's about being smart with your time, energy, and your heart...

Now, when it comes to veterans talking about long term relationships like in VincentVinturi's case, then there comes a point where you uncover flaws or issues with a female, yourself, or the relationship in general which may very well compromise everything going forward.

Part of the forum guidelines here is that we ascribe to the model of abundance. This simply means that one must always be aware there are practically endless options for women out there, and if you uncover unrecoverable issues with one woman you are sweet on then another better one is just around the corner. Some issues are not fixable, and as Roosh states in the "Do You Need Girl Advice" section, once you spoil the milk it can't be unspoiled.

If a woman loses respect for you or gets bored with you then nothing will fix that. Often times the best advice is to cut your losses as early as possible and start fresh with a new canvas.

Post: #12

(02-02-2017 01:50 AM)El Padrone Wrote:  Its a very thoughtful and constructive way to handle women in my opinion. If a woman know you can't cut her loose with a smirk any second, she'll run wild and make you miserable.

That mentality comes from an abundance mindset, and ironically makes the women in your life minimize the nonsense they'd otherwise throw your way.

She'd try harder for you, to be with you, and to make your life pleasant. And is that not what we're all after.

To keep her, you go be ready to cut her loose.

For LTR's especially where kids, half your income and assets are at stake, I imagine its more difficult, but that's what game teaches you: you can't turn a ho into an housewife. Use her for her whatever, but never wife up.

this is very well said.

acting this way gives you continuing benefits both in the relationships you maintain, and keeps you out of relationships that aren't worth maintaining.

I was close to becoming very serious with one woman in particular. Something happened and I laid down the law. I was able to continue the relationship on a basis that was beneficial to me. When a better job opportunity arose in a city that I wanted to relocate to, I was not conflicted. I had already mentally put the relationship in a next category so I didn't end up trying to make a housewife out of a ho. I think its easy to do that on some level if you don't come from an attitude of abundance and if you don't have a specific plan or criteria.

finally, while this standard is easy to explain, the challenge will always be in living up to it. I certainly have not upheld it perfectly.

Post: #13

Nexting is sometimes necessary but the insta-nexting in serious relationships that the OP is talking about is usually being pushed by guys who over-estimate their knowledge of women and human behavior.

Guys want to criticize women's faults but they don't want to look at their own faults.

Guys want to blame women for their bad behavior but they don't want to consider the mistakes they made that led to the woman's bad behavior.

Guys want to talk tough on the Internet but every time I meet a forum member with serious game - I meet a guy who is aloof, not controlling, and accepts that women are emotional/irrational so accepting that these women will make mistakes is part of the game.

(02-02-2017 02:29 AM)kinjutsu Wrote:  This mentality you're talking about is coming from the seasoned players mainly and mostly directed towards the beginners just learning about game and the red pill.

I disagree. WIA and XXL usually suggest the opposite of this mentality.

Post: #14

birthday cat----

I have a strong feeling you didn't read the prior 7 page thread from 2 months ago regarding Vincent and this topic.

If you had, you'd see that the "next" advice was well founded.

Post: #15

(02-02-2017 12:32 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  Guys want to criticize women's faults but they don't want to look at their own faults.

I would suspect that most of the nexting advice stems from that fact that most men overreact towards women, in most, if not all situations. For an LTR, continual overreacting, calling her out constantly and not picking your battles will only drive her completely away from you. Whether thats over the course of several months or years.

So men need to check their behavior as to why she's acting the way she does. And instead of instantly saying next, maybe a little retreat for yourself is a better option. Not to purposely instill 'dread', but to take a mini time out and reassess yourself. What are you doing wrong here? Why is she talking about that guy, treating you that way, etc. Soft nexting, or merely taking a time out from regular contact, can help you do that. It looks like a next, but in reality, you really just need to get your head together. And you dont have to tell her this. This happens with all women. If you want to say there is a misperception here, its that only girls in the west act this way. They ALL act this way, in every corner of the globe.

I would agree that you have to discuss this big stuff, INFREQUENTLY. But doing so calmly, rationally and clearly, with no anger, butt hurt, jealousy, or ridiculous posturing comments is the challenge. Soft nexting yourself for a minute may be a better way to look at it.

Post: #16

I've been dating the same girl more or less exclusively since the end of the summer. Banging online slutz was fun for a while, but what some of the guys here said was right: I'm not really cut out to be a player long term at this point in my life. Which makes the "True Player" tag over there on the left a bit ironic...

She's a sweet girl, but...girls gonna girl. There have been a couple times where she shit-tested me pretty hard, like turning down sex for no good reason, just to see if I'd be OK with taking my marching orders from her.

And she found the answer was...no! I made sure to very much give her the impression "You can do whatever you like. But I'm willing to walk, no problem at all."

It's been going pretty good and I've had no real reason to next her. I think partly because I set the frame early on. She doesn't try to run standard-issue "scarcity mentality" girl game on me because she knows I know it's not true, there are plenty of other girls out there who would be willing to sign on, the scarcity is a bunch of nonsense.

It frees me up to be a "nice guy", yes, even "beta" sometimes. I treat her good, and she treats me good. I've found that just the "intrinsic alpha" in her knowledge that I will certainly walk if she stops treating me good, goes a very long way.

Post: #17

(02-02-2017 12:41 PM)Resolute Wrote:  birthday cat----

I have a strong feeling you didn't read the prior 7 page thread from 2 months ago regarding Vincent and this topic.

If you had, you'd see that the "next" advice was well founded.

I read that thread and I responded in his follow-up thread saying the girl might need to be nexted or downgraded because it was a long distance relationship and she had given him problems in the past but she shouldn't be nexted because of a minor transgression like asking permission to have a platonic friend.

I also read this and this from XXL.

I'm not a game expert like some of these guys. But I am an expert on "too much red pill not enough game" because that was me until I got enough advice from guys like WIA and forum members that I met in the real world.

If you stick around here long enough and meet some guys then I think you will see the connection between what XXL is saying about "too much fucking politics even in game section" and this insta-nexting phenomenon.

A lot of guys here are frustrated with women because of feminism or whatever and talking about insta-nexting is one way that frustration manifests. The problem is that "too much red pill not enough game" is usually also "too much keyboard jockeying not enough game". This insta-nexting simply doesn't happen in real life.

There are legit players who next girls very quickly but the biggest reason is that those guys aren't in serious LTRs and are focused on their next targets. Guys like XXL and WIA aren't insta-nexting because that concept obviously annoys them. So who is actually doing this insta-nexting? Are we supposed to believe that guys who aren't efficient at attracting a lot of hot girls are insta-nexting? It's not happening in real life bro.

Post: #18

Insta-nexting is very real and very easy when you are high value relative to your competition, as I posted above.

Do you live in the West? Than of course, insta-nexting doesn't make sense. Come spend a month in Asia, tell me how much you're willing to put up with. LOL!

Post: #19

^ We are talking about insta-nexting in the context of a serious LTR so your comments don't make sense. Nexting a serious LTR for a minor transgression isn't going to be very easy because the fact that you are in a serious LTR implies that you care about the girl and have been with her for some amount of time. Me spending a month in Asia doesn't apply because it wouldn't be nearly enough time to get into an serious LTR. (I have spent more than a month in Asia and lived on 4 different continents.)

Resolute - you seem to be more interested in winning an argument than adding value so I won't respond to any of your comments in this thread or the other thread with a similar topic. You can have the last word.

Post: #20

Not so birthday. Merely a misunderstanding.

But for the record, what you and I view as "minor transgressions" seems to vary greatly. I don't look at the action, I look at the intent/meaning psychologically behind it, which obviously can vary from woman to woman.

The action may not be significant, but if it comes from a deep rooted problem, then it becomes far more than just whatever action it is. That's where you seem to lose sight of the problem. It's not just what shows on the surface, but everything beneath as well.

"Having a platonic friend" and "meeting random guy from the internet, oh, I meant the bang app Tinder" are NOT even close to the same thing.

CONTEXT MATTERS!

Post: #21

(02-02-2017 01:55 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  A lot of guys here are frustrated with women because of feminism or whatever and talking about insta-nexting is one way that frustration manifests. The problem is that "too much red pill not enough game" is usually also "too much keyboard jockeying not enough game". This insta-nexting simply doesn't happen in real life.

Frustration with ultra-left feminism is certainly understandable, but really shouldn't dictate one's game behavior IMO. It won't get you laid. It makes life harder for the next guy. It's not really productive.

There is no "magic" in red pill, intrinsically.

Quote:There are legit players who next girls very quickly but the biggest reason is that those guys aren't in serious LTRs and are focused on their next targets. Guys like XXL and WIA aren't insta-nexting because that concept obviously annoys them. So who is actually doing this insta-nexting? Are we supposed to believe that guys who aren't efficient at attracting a lot of hot girls are insta-nexting? It's not happening in real life bro.

There are only really two situations I've done it, either very early on in the interaction when I come to the conclusion that the girl either has a bad attitude, or some "issues" beyond normal girl behavior, or she's a terrible lay or she's a real stringer who wants to string me along for ten dates before anything happens. Very early, talking second or third outing kind of timeframe. More a part of screening, really.

And the other is when some severe boundary is crossed, say cheating for example in a relationship you expected would be exclusive. I did break it off with one girl for "cheating", but honestly in hindsight I played it badly, because I was trying to player/fuckbuddy her without having any other girls in rotation, and I got butthurt when she spent some time with another dude. Hey, what did I expect? My fault for trying to have it both ways, really.

I was hurt and sad it went that way, but finally not angry about it. She was what, #7 of the ten or so girls I've banged since the end of 2015? It does wonders for your confidence. I find very little reason to sweat the small stuff with chicks anymore.

I'm not super-efficient at attracting hot girls by any means, but efficient enough.

Post: #22

This simple "insta-next" works smoothly if you can keep yourself very emotionally detached from a girl. Easy shit with a girl you are not very serious with. I've cut girls lose who wanted more from me than I wanted to give them. I've turned girls away whose personality began to grate me. I've parted ways with girls who I decided I was tired of having sex with and spending time with. In fact, I think it is far easier to keep a girl in the game if you aren't serious about her because the major issues don't really affect you. For example: a girl with kids is an instant dealbreaker for me when it comes to a committed relationship, but I have had plenty of plates who had kids. Hell I have 2 or 3 right now who have kids. A girl who is close with a lot of men and still has exes in her life is a dealbreaker for me, but my "main" girl right now is still "friends" with a few of her ex-dicks. I don't care because I'm not marrying the bitch and she isn't my girlfriend.

Cutting off a girl you are committed to is far more difficult. That said, everyone has their own threshold. Folks will post about their situations on the forum to get an unbiased third-party/anonymous opinion. This can be helpful because it is more objective. That said, you still need to recognize when a girl/relationship is beyond repair. Like I said in my previous post, when a girl loses respect for you or gets bored of you - you can't game/frame that shit back. She's a lost cause. Spoiled eggs. Nexting these girls is harder but often times has to be done.

All these being said, I personally can't give a very accurate answer about legit "insta-nexting" an LTR as I haven't been in one in years. All I can do is speculate what I would do in such a situation given the new knowledge and wisdom I have gained since then. A True Player™ tends to keep all his interactions with women pretty casual and surface level so as not to end up in such sticky situations.

Post: #23

(02-02-2017 02:34 PM)Resolute Wrote:  Not so birthday. Merely a misunderstanding.

But for the record, what you and I view as "minor transgressions" seems to vary greatly. I don't look at the action, I look at the intent/meaning psychologically behind it, which obviously can vary from woman to woman.

The action may not be significant, but if it comes from a deep rooted problem, then it becomes far more than just whatever action it is. That's where you seem to lose sight of the problem. It's not just what shows on the surface, but everything beneath as well.

"Having a platonic friend" and "meeting random guy from the internet, oh, I meant the bang app Tinder" are NOT even close to the same thing.

CONTEXT MATTERS!

Resolute - fair enough.

You are correct that context matters. And this thread is in the context of many repetitive suggestions of nexting in many threads about LTRs.

This isn't only about VincentVenturi's threads and I don't think guys should have to read 10 pages in multiple other threads to understand what we are talking about in this thread. You are correct that the girl met the guy on Tinder but there were loads of other details that suggest she wasn't really interested in him and was just testing VincentVenturi which is why I'm not convinced her actions came from a deeply rooted problem. You disagree and I respect your opinion but let's agree to disagree and leave that discussion for that thread.

Getting back on topic...

Can anyone give examples of why you have nexted or broken up with girls that you have been in a relationship with for over 1 year?

Post: #24

Nope Im not afraid to humiliate myself with them denying me repeatedly. I'll next some girls if they're not responding but if I'm getting lukewarm response I "backlog" that bitch and hit her up in a month or 2

Post: #25

Cheating and not having enough intellectual curiosity are the two reasons I've broken up with LTR's in the past before.