Post: #1

So I was under emotional distress yesterday morning.

I calmed down and five hours later I said I want to leave the house she said "I'm calling the police" for no reason and she started crying and manipulating the police and when they came the police took a dig and me thinking I was some sort of criminal and was being sarcastic. She definitely lied to the police.

I've never been so embarrassed in my life yesterday and I almost got a criminal record ending my hopes for the future. The police also seemed sarcastic.

Also, my dad phoned my uncle saying "he's going to give the house to my sister" and my uncle said at the Christmas party to my sister why does my dad say that and my other uncles started humiliating me. Why does he do that?

My dad also said "he suffered for me and my sister".

This is totally wrong, he's in charge of his own happiness. My dad:

1) He told my uncles' a few times he's going to give the house to his daughter embarrassing me in front of everyone and humiliating me. Also I believe he did that to spread rumours about me to protect his ego if I failed in life.
2) Whenever something happened on TV, he would turn around and look at me saying "see" in front of everyone. I was so shy and he put me on the spot.
3) He shouted at me harshly when I did not want go to the pub even though I did not want to go to the pub.
4) He would tell me to not to go out, not to even to make friends and stay at home and clean up over the weekend when it was my turn to go out. So every weekend involved staying at home and not going out like over teenagers would do.
5) He would blame me for everything in the house when I was in my early 20s.
6) When I dropped out of uni, he would deliberately ignore me in front of other family members.
7) When I was younger, he would laugh at me when I was reading a book and get angry if I wanted a education book to help me in school-this was incredibly harsh and lowered my self esteem.
8) My mother passed away a long time ago, he does the 'roti' thing manually where he struggles for one hour everyday where he could buy it from the shop at a cheap price and he complains "I'm dying for both of you". It's up to him to make it easier.
9) He put me down when I was in my early 20s which hurt.
10) He would tell me all the time in a harsh way I want you married at 24. And when my sister made trouble, he would say I want you married.

My sister is on high income but she never gives money to him. And I'll give money to him.

He says he's dying for us and we've never helped out but this is so absolutely not true, I've helped out around the chores many times and I'll help him out with income.

Also when I was younger he used to worry a lot who's going to look after him and when my sister goes out a lot he worries what people think of him.

Do you think my dad is manipulating me saying "he's dying for us".

Post: #2

I don't understand what's happening, but it does sound like your family is manipulating you. Who is "she"? Why did "she" call the police when you wanted to leave your house? Your sister called the police because you tried to leave? What?

How old are you? You're not in your early 20s anymore, so you're in your late 20s? What culture is your family from?

Post: #3

Sounds like your dad messed you up. Cut ties

Post: #4

'she' is my sister. I think she though she could not control the situation, however it was wrong to call the police which almost ended my career for no reason.

I'm in my late 20's and I'm an Indian guy.

I don't understand my father, why is he saying "he's suffered for both of us"? He's the one who he labours himself hard for one hour a day making the roti where he can just buy it from the shop for $1 dollar! I help him a lot around the house and yes he has given me a lot of money and I will pay him back. At least I will give him money when I'm in junior job unlike my sister who gives nothing and she is high up in her career and still living in the house!

Post: #5

(08-02-2017 09:24 AM)Keiswet7 Wrote:  'she' is my sister. I think she though she could not control the situation, however it was wrong to call the police which almost ended my career for no reason.

I'm in my late 20's and I'm an Indian guy.

I don't understand my father, why is he saying "he's suffered for both of us"? He's the one who he labours himself hard for one hour a day making the roti where he can just buy it from the shop for $1 dollar! I help him a lot around the house and yes he has given me a lot of money and I will pay him back. At least I will give him money when I'm in junior job unlike my sister who gives nothing and she is high up in her career and still living in the house!

OK, so if I understand the situation.

- You are in your late 20s.
- You are in India.
- Your sister called the police when you tried to leave the house.
- Your father is discouraging you from seeking an education and encouraging you to hurry up and get married.
- You no longer live in the house. (?)

I don't understand why the police would even come to the house for this? Is this some Indian thing I don't understand? What crime could they possibly charge you with?

I agree with Sonoma. You should limit your ties with your father and build yourself up independently of him. This all sounds very strange and confusing. From an American perspective, I used to know a man in a similar situation to yours, his father would always make him feel guilty and demand money from him because he was convinced that he was making sacrifices for his son. The son was 26 and the family discouraged him from moving out. It became increasingly clear over the years that the father was severely mentally ill.

I'm not saying your father is mentally ill, but this sounds like a very similar bad situation and that you should save yourself. Let your father and sister sort out their own dysfunctional situation between themselves without bothering you.

Post: #6

(08-02-2017 09:31 AM)Jetset Wrote:  

(08-02-2017 09:24 AM)Keiswet7 Wrote:  'she' is my sister. I think she though she could not control the situation, however it was wrong to call the police which almost ended my career for no reason.

I'm in my late 20's and I'm an Indian guy.

I don't understand my father, why is he saying "he's suffered for both of us"? He's the one who he labours himself hard for one hour a day making the roti where he can just buy it from the shop for $1 dollar! I help him a lot around the house and yes he has given me a lot of money and I will pay him back. At least I will give him money when I'm in junior job unlike my sister who gives nothing and she is high up in her career and still living in the house!

OK, so if I understand the situation.

- You are in your late 20s.
- You are in India.
- Your sister called the police when you tried to leave the house.
- Your father is discouraging you from seeking an education and encouraging you to hurry up and get married.
- You no longer live in the house. (?)

I don't understand why the police would even come to the house for this? Is this some Indian thing I don't understand? What crime could they possibly charge you with?

I agree with Sonoma. You should limit your ties with your father and build yourself up independently of him. This all sounds very strange and confusing. From an American perspective, I used to know a man in a similar situation to yours, his father would always make him feel guilty and demand money from him because he was convinced that he was making sacrifices for his son. The son was 26 and the family discouraged him from moving out. It became increasingly clear over the years that the father was severely mentally ill.

I'm not saying your father is mentally ill, but this sounds like a very similar bad situation and that you should save yourself. Let your father and sister sort out their own dysfunctional situation between themselves without bothering you.

Thanks for the reply and I'll take your advice on board.

I'm in the UK, not India and I'm still living in the house.

My sister said I needed help because I was upset, but they both (father and sister) exaggerated a lot of the stuff up. She did it deliberately. Maybe she is jealous? She does have a boyfriend and lies time to time to be with him.

Maybe my father is mentally ill, he used to worry about who's going to look after him when I was 19 quite a lot and he always complained when he was driving saying "why haven't my sister and I passed our tests" which is a ridiculous expectation.

He worries quite a bit and even said marrying at 28 is too late.

I also think he needs to protect his ego getting hurt and hence the controlling behaviour trying to get married, not allowing me to talk to females when I was young.

Also he could not stand up to me when my uncles was taking a big dig at me if front of others.

He even cried the other day saying if my sister goes out too much what will others think of him.

Post: #7

You need to move out and cut ties.

See a good psychologist (ie not liberal not feminist). Or, because a good psychologist is tough to find, in the meantime find a forum member who will meet up with you. You need encouragement from someone you respect to move out and cut ties.

You need to do what you need to do. You need to be autonomous from your family.