Post: #1

I have a very important interview, literally the opportunity of a lifetime, and I really don't want to screw it. I've done my research and I know it will be a bad cop interrogation designed to find inconsistencies, make me lose my cool or break under the pressure. My main worry is that, according to the feedback I get from people, even if I'm just trying to be cool there is a certain dominating, intimidating undercurrent emanating from me, which is not helped by the fact that I have a very deep voice. My experience tells me that men in an alpha position are very sensitive to anything they might interpret as a challenge to their authority.

I'm worried that, if I feel challenged, my primary instincts might take over and I might try to out-alpha them, even if unconsciously. For instance I expect a lot of questioning about my private life, a subject I tend to be guarded about, and I fear that, in response to a question like "How come you're not married? That's weird" I might reply "I can't see how this is relevant to the job at hand" instead of coming up with some platitude like "I'm commited to my career". At the same time, it's important to show I'm not a weakling who crumbles under pressure. I'm having a hard time trying to find the right balance in my head in terms of body language, voice tone, etc. Since this is extremely important, I would welcome feedback from you. Thanks.

Post: #2

Here's a start: separate and suppress the totally unnecessary need to

Quote:show I'm not a weakling who crumbles under pressure.

You can still be aggressive without being disrespectful by showing you are one of them. Be collaborative. Get their goals and make sure you express how you can help them get there.

Stop trying to turn it into a battle. It's not.

Source: I observe, conduct and manage interviews and consultants for a living and have seen established patterns across the board.

Post: #3

The situation you describe is a little vague - confrontational interviews are rare - but I'll offer some assistance.

First, your frame is wrong. You are already stressed about this. You are not coming from a place of abundance. Remind yourself how your current situation is good even if you have to stretch to do this. Think of the interview as a mutual discussion and you are trying to obtain info why would or would not want to work there.

Second, focus on how you will benefit them and what value you provide. Ultimately you have to provide value to others in this life and in most situations people with sufficient insight to recognize the value you bring will eventually reward you for it; we make errors when we focus on the rewards before the value we bring. So think through how you will work with these folks, how you can bring value to their company, what makes you a better candidate than others, etc. Write these out and focus review them at least daily. You don't need to recite them in the interview but the more you internalize the value you bring the more relaxed you will be in the interview and the less supplicating you will do.

Third, do the obvious and focus on softening your presentation - body language, voice, vocabulary, etc.

Fourth, try to anticipate their objections. I recently had an interview that became a bit hostile. Reading between the lines they were concerned that I would be too prescriptive and limit their ability to make choices. I told them "my job is to identify alternatives for you as well as the pros and cons of each alternative. I'm often not in the best position to weigh those pros and cons because I won't have access to all information like you do, so obviously you will have to make the ultimate decision but I will do my best to identify alternatives and the consequence of each." They liked that approach.

Besides your aggressive demeanor, I don't know what else about you they might object to but in your mind picture a conversation where they confront you about it directly and think through your best response. I find that scripting this well before the interview allows me to brainstorm more and also to cut out things that upon reflection I might say that might be bad. Also, realize that they probably won't vocalize their objections so you need to steer the conversation to them, lay them on the table, and explain why their objection is not valid.

Post: #4

Sorry if I'm being vague - I prefer not get into much detail for the moment. Confrontational is their modus operandi - that's how they separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. It's an old-fashioned macho environment. A reduct from an era before sensitivity training and corporate newspeak. That conservative outlook it's what makes me feel alert about some life choices they might regard as unorthodox, like not being married or this not being my first career. I'm aware I might come across as having career oneitis, but it is an exceptional situation. It's like running for POTUS. If you lose there is no consolation prize. You can't run for Canadian Prime Minister.

I know better than to be disrespectful, but I know there is a risk of coming across as antagonizing in subtler ways if pushed.

My money would be on a (most likely female) psychologyst and an older male senior figure. She will probably play the good cop and he will be the bad cop, although I'm sure she will sneak in some trick questions. I'm quite confident I will be able to "seduce" her, but I'm more worried about him. I will try to project a younger him since we are all narcissists to some extent and we tend to prefer people who remind us of ourselves.

Post: #5

If you're really that Alpha, I would forget the interview. Forget looking for a job where you work for someone else.

You will do a LOT better self employed. Start your own business, make it so successful that you not only are your own boss, but other people are desperate to get on board and work for you.

You will then be on the Alpha side of the interview table. That's how it's done.

Post: #6

You've put yourself forward for this position, and presumably you want it.

You are not an 'alpha' in this situation - you are going, cap in hand, asking the situational alphas for a job. You are not the dominant party, and you should be deeply aware of that.

The kind of example you gave is not an example of being an alpha, it is an example of being rude. You've come to them, asking for a job. You know they are likely to ask you these kinds of questions, which are clearly within the realm of relevance when it comes to your suitability for the position. Getting pissy about them, knowing they are coming your way, is not alpha it's just dumb.

The way to avoid a negative situation is to speak the truth in response to the questions, and to be living your life in an entirely congruent way. If you have to lie and deceive to get a job, the likelihood of it being a good fit seems slim to me.

Post: #7

I'm not saying I'm an Alpha in absolute terms. If I was I would be the President of the United States or the CEO of Google. What I'm saying is that, in my interpersonal relations, I tend to project a dominating/domineering vibe which may play against me in a context where I'm the Beta player in the relationship. If "Alpha" has some meaning it's contextual.

Starting your business is fine and dandy - been there, done that. But it's more important to do what you feel as your call (and pays well) than have some stupid YouTube channel so you can call yourself a businessman.

Post: #8

(09-23-2017 08:45 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  If you have to lie and deceive to get a job, the likelihood of it being a good fit seems slim to me.

First, I never mentioned the possibility of lying or deceiving. I just confessed I tend to get pissy when faced with a battery of personal questions as I would normally perceive them as an intromission, since I usually respond only to myself in my private life, while admitting they may be justified in this particular context.

Second, life is about compromise, whether you want to admit it or not. There is no 100% fit. Even the most powerful men on Earth have to reach agreements with other men they're not totally in synch with in order to obtain benefits for both sides or do things that make them uncomfortable in the short term in order to achieve long-term wins. I'm sure Putin doesn't particularly like to go around kissing babies in campaign, but he knows it's a hoop he has to hop though in order to get elected.

Post: #9

"Starting your business is fine and dandy - been there, done that. But it's more important to do what you feel as your call (and pays well) than have some stupid YouTube channel so you can call yourself a businessman"

Hey! I'm talking from REAL experience here and I'm talking about starting a REAL business not some YouTube ad revenue bullshit. Where did you get that idea from??

BTW, if that's the kind of abrasive answer you give in an interview my reaction as a business owner is NEXT.

Post: #10

If you can't control yourself in a 20 minute interview, you can't control yourself in the field where it matters. Be yourself, let them see your true colors and let the chips fall where they may. As long as you don't shoot your mouth off and say anything overty disrespectful, who knows, they may just like you. On the other hand, if they see their questions getting under your skin, guess what that shows? Shows you ain't even "alpha" at all and can get your panties in a bunch easily.

I had an interview once where there was a scencario question about standing up to your supervisor when you knew he was making a bad decision and your willingness to stand up to him. They wanted you to stand up to him and not just do whatever and go along with a call that could get someone killed. All depends on the organization and type of work. You say this is an old school macho environment, could be the case. Or it may not. Who knows.

If you pass your interview and get hired. You gotta drop your "primal instincts" though. If you feel challenged in an interview you'll definately feel challenged when you start work. You don't want to be that FNG who thinks he's a know it all and getting on everyones nerves. Gotta earn your place. If you feel challenged by other men and you're starting out in a new field you'll never learn anything. This could also mean your ego is way to fragile and pride way to inflated to be a sponge, learn from men who've gone before you, who are smarter than you, and most importantly learn from your mistakes.

Anyways, keep us posted. Let us know how you do. Good luck.

Post: #11

Part of being alpha is having the intelligence and self awareness to play it cool so you can get what you want. Having a little social intelligence and not being an aspie goes a long way.

Forget alpha. Useless term.

There is getting what you want or not getting it, and that is the only thing that matters.

Post: #12

(09-23-2017 09:39 AM)Spectrumwalker Wrote:  Anyways, keep us posted. Let us know how you do. Good luck.

I will. Thank you.

Post: #13

important interview - how to tame my inner keyboard warrior...