Post: #1

Hi everyone,

I am a 23 year old man and I am new to this forum and generally new to gaming. I've always concentrated on my studies and I am generally really awkward with women. In addition to that I am clinically diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder.

So, the idea was to just get out there and interact with people (and mostly girls) without putting too much thought into it. The idea is to get out of my comfort zone and get used to being outside of my comfort zone in the hopes of diminishing my anxiety and shyness.

My goals are:
- becoming more social
- building up a network
- getting laid
- becoming a bit more "alpha"

I know it will be hard and I will have to put much effort into it, so I wanted to ask if anyone else has experience with this?

I am also going to a club later this week and I will practice approaching and dancing with girls. Any tips?

Post: #2

Adopt the three second rule.

See a girl you want to approach, and within 3 seconds of the thought inception, you move in without hesitation. Its not easy, and you'll most likely fumble, but with practice, it'll sharpen your quick thinking skills and make you more adaptable and fluid in social interactions.

Post: #3

I've been in your situation so I know what it feels like. You have a reasonable set of goals and if you put in the time and effort you'll make it. It'll be hard of course, but don't give up when you hit some bumps on the road.

That being said, don't forget to hit the gym hard and watch your nutrition. Improving your physical appearance can have a significant effect on your self-esteem, helping you get rid of the anxiety.

Post: #4

OP you say you've always concentrated on your studies. what do you do for work?

Post: #5

I would not start by direct approaching in clubs, first I would start by small talks here and here to get used to talking with girls.

if you have been diagnosed with anxiety and social phobia maybe you should try to integrate into a social group and get comfortable there first before a night game. If you are super sensitive and have some ego issues night game may hurt you more.

I won't repeat what others wrote above: gym, nutrition, dress, style etc.

Good luck!

Post: #6

I am in a similar situation to you and am reading on to become 23 myself in about a month. I'll try and list off some things that have helped me and maybe they could help you as well.

1) Learn to be patient with yourself. Learning all the ins and outs of socializing and interacting with people, especially girls, takes time. There will be plenty of situations where you might feel like a chump watching other people seeming to do what you want to do seamlessly. Don't fight the feeling. Accept you are at where you are at, take breath, and then keep plowing forward.

2) If you don't have one already, get a casual shitty job (if you can afford too) where you can dick around a little bit and have fun with coworkers, and also where you are interacting with multiple customers each day. This is a gig where you can learn to bullshit and mess around with people, men and girls alike. It can help teach you how to be friendlier and you're obligated to go to your job so it's harder to back down and make excuses NOT to interact with people.

3) Make sure you have an outlet where you can let of steam and enjoy yourself. I take classes on singing and improv because they both challenge me to put myself out there, and I have fun doing them. You could pick up an instrument, write stories, take dance classes, or whatever. It's good to have something you can look forward to, and bonus points if you can take a class on it and meet people in the process.

4) Make an effort to genuinely compliment people when you think they're funny, get a new haircut, do something cool, etc. You would be surprised by how many people DO NOT say what's on their mind even if it's positive and would brighten other people's day. Sometimes I find out people liked certain things about me after a class was over and I probably would never see them again. Which is bullshit. If I got some fly kicks on my feet, I gotta know. Genuine compliments + positive energy can only help.

5) Learn to get phone numbers from guys you want to hang out with and from chicks you want to bang. Then try to make plans. They will probably fall through, and that's a good thing. Learning to deal with rejection is a process. It can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so take things in stride and take a moment to cool down or get really pissed off if you need to. I like to yell at traffic when I get pissed. This is where having an outlet can help out.

God speed, my dude.

Post: #7

I don't recommend dancing at a club for starting.

Clubs can be terribly venues even if you're experienced.

I've been out at clubs and I'm near positive of the hundreds of people there, nearly no one banged a random.

I'd start by just being more outgoing in your day to day life. Say hello to everyone, be friendly. It's rewarding in the small sense.

If you can't go chat up the old lady at the checkout line then there's no way you're going to be effective with the hot bitchy twenty year old

Post: #8

If you need something more structured, then you could consider volunteering for something like witness support at your local court. I was talking to an old woman at my local coffee shop who used to do that. *She quit because it got politically correct and she couldn't talk about 'paddy wagons' etc, or use other parts of her vernacular, and she had to fill in forms detailing what kind of ethnicity everyone was rather than just having a fag with them and talking about the latest TV soap dramas.*

Anyway, the point is, when she went there, they actually gave her a bit of coaching on how to talk to strangers who were in unfamiliar and unfriendly environments, who were about to undergo stressful situations (ie giving evidence against people who'd hurt them/people they loved/liked). They did some role playing and that sort of stuff on getting people chatting about themselves, and taking their minds off their situation. Then obviously she got a ton of experience talking to people from all walks of life for real on the job. Long story short, she's a very engaging old bat, and a delight to talk to occasionally over a cup of coffee. If you can get a rape victim laughing and joking in a court 10 minutes before she testifies, then you are going to be well equipped for getting girls to open up to you.

At the rate things are going you'll soon be hard pressed to find a girl who is not a victim of sexual assault, so this kind of training may be a particularly valuable investment for any aspiring player.

Post: #9

Jordan Peterson had some good advice about anxiety problems, his advice being that the worst thing you can do is avoid things that make you anxious completely.

His example was, if you get anxious in shopping malls, go to the mall and stand at the edge of the parking lot. If you can handle that, then walk right up to the door and stand there, outside the door to the mall.

Enough for one day. Come back the next and go a little further.

That seems like good advice and transferable to anxiety and shyness in general. I would suggest starting out talking to people who have to talk to you and who have to be nice to you.

Salespeople, baristas, people who stand next to registers. Just extend the conversation a sentence or two. Saying "How's your day going" to anyone anywhere almost always works. You say that, then listen to what they say. Then say, "Cool" or "Sucks" depending on what they say.

Do that for a while, then extend it to two sentences, and then include the next person in line in the conversation.

Only thing I would add to what Peterson said, and it took me years to learn this, is give yourself credit for doing what is hard for you to do. Don't harp on how far you have to go or how much better other people are at this.

Just say to yourself, I was scared to talk to strangers, and I talked to two strangers today, so I did good.

I would echo what H1N1 said about putting yourself in a situation where you have to connect with others, say by volunteering. I have volunteered with a charitable organization in my area, and they are starved for volunteers, and really take the time to see what you are like and what you would be comfortable with.

You can set up a mini-bootcamp for yourself for four hours a week and get better that way, by volunteering. I have found myself learning new skills by doing this, one that I haven't sought out, but that are really useful.

Just last week the volunteer coordinator was teaching me cold calling, how to get past gate-keepers and to the decision makers, and ask for donations.

She told me that no other volunteer was willing to do it because they were used to texting and not comfortable on phones.

A solid social skill learned, and doing good at the same time.

Give yourself some challenges, give yourself credit, and you will be on your way.

Post: #10

Quote:I would suggest starting out talking to people who have to talk to you and who have to be nice to you.

Salespeople, baristas, people who stand next to registers. Just extend the conversation a sentence or two. Saying "How's your day going" to anyone anywhere almost always works. You say that, then listen to what they say. Then say, "Cool" or "Sucks" depending on what they say.

I would give similar advice, only the opposite.

He should interact with people whom he has to be nice to.

In other words, get a job dealing with the public. Barista or register worker like you suggested. Social skills are a muscle that need constant use, just like anything else. This is a good way for him to get some experience dealing with people under his belt, and get paid to do it, while unconsciously, slowly building his game skills. I'm a firm believer that simple, small steps are super important (and much overlooked on the internet because everyone just wants "the answer!") for developing life skills.

OP also made a point to say he's studious which means his social skills are likely underdeveloped. He has everything to gain and nothing to lose, then.

Post: #11

Post: #12

Depending on how serious you are about fixing this issue, RSDMax has a pretty cool product called Fearless. It includes a number of video 'challenges' which are actionable baby steps for overcoming social fears. He explains the challenge then does it himself so you can see it first. The cheapest version will still set you back a few hundred bucks, but it WILL help if you put in the work.