Post: #1

I simply never feel satisfied with my life, I am at the best spot in my life right now, have a decent woman by my side, have a decent car finally, have a decent job that pays the bills and plus some..but at 28 years old, still feel like something is missing, I feel like I should be out in the world traveling and banging chicks, drinking and having fun (I guess thats my idea of fun), instead of seemingly slaving away at a job to pay bills and have extra for some stuff here and there, I have love for my woman but I rather be on a beach somehwhere with some random chick I can bang and move on from, I feel like I should be accomplishing more in life than what I am..

Every few months or more I get this feeling (right now) and it will go away for a few and come back, it sucks because I have regret, I could have done some things in life that could have put me in a much better position than I am and I wasted them, I feel like I will be another cog in the wheel never truly living life in my terms..

Its nice to fantasize about being a world traveler banging chicks and seeing new places but reality is different, I cant do much for now accept work at my job and pay my bills, save some money, it just feels shitty sometimes and I can never shake this feeling..

Perhaps I have never truly grown up and want to still party and live carefree but that doesnt pay bills, being an adult sucks but I am still 28, no kids and no major responsibility's per say so its nice to say I still have hope but...how?

Post: #2

Hey man, welcome to the United Slave States of America.

Because let's face it, that's what the elites and the world want to make you into. A pawn. They tell you what to want, what to think, where to work, etc. It's the prison that so many people find themselves in without even knowing. The good news is, you can break out of it too. The bad news is that it isn't going to be easy.

My man, I would bet a good amount of money you are operating your life in the absence of a plan. This isn't something that can be taught, which is why so few people get to experience it. Your plan has to be so ironclad, that a few bumps in the road aren't going to throw it off. No, it's gotta be tough. Bulletproof. Waterproof, and airtight.

That feeling that you should be accomplishing more in life tells me I'm on the money. The elephant in the room, is you're operating your life without a mission and without a purpose. The regrets are creeping up because you're more concerned with what could have been, because you're not moving forward towards what will be.

"So IB" you say "That's some nice hippy shit, but what does this have to do with me being depressed? How can I use this to change my life?"

No problem. I've got you covered. Let's take a journey back into history, yeah?

Your ancestors lived short and reckless lives. They hunted, fed, and fucked without abandon knowing that they could die on any given day, either at the hand of their fellow man, or at the maw of some savage beast, or most likely of all the changing of the climate. Men lived, procreated, and died, many before they reached the tender age you now find yourself at. They had one purpose: live long enough to pass on their genes.

Then came subsistence farming. Man toiled under the sweat of his brow to provide for his family. Life was hard, and some winters he went hungry after the crop yield was just not enough, but even under the scorching sun, he persevered. Each men fed his family, and lived life with one purpose: live to pass his genes, and then hopefully long enough afterwards to see his spawn grow and flourish into the same niche.

As ages past, fewer and fewer were needed to farm in order to sustain population centers, and that left man with a question, the one you now face: what do I do now to make use of this heady and substantial power for creativity and thought? No more was it confined to a few hours of leisure by a fire, or after the fields had been sowed. It was now the forefront of conscious thought. A man could make himself into anything. Some rose to power as kings, while others chose to invent, or write the classics of literature. Some turned to scholarly pursuits, while others trained with militaristic discipline. Although the morals of the past prevented a man from occupying whatever niche he saw fit, his choices were far greater than his caveman ancestors. He would give himself to a pursuit, and let that pursuit become him. From that pursuit came certainty, and masculine confidence. There's a reason we view masters of a craft as masculine, as mastery is a masculine trait.

So I ask you now my friend, what in your life are you the master of? What is it that calls you to action? That one burning desire, that one singular passion that grips you, that you fantasize about in the dark?

Find it. Don't let go of it. Hold on to it. It will become the foundation for what I'm about to say next.

Then, you let your life become it. Not through passivity and inaction, hoping for something to happen. No. Those are the means of the feminine woman. A man takes. What are you taking now? It seems, not enough considering you feel that your achievement is not where it should be and you ruminate on past actions.

So, let's revisit the plan I talked about earlier. Your plan is the series of steps you must take in order to make your life's mission successful. There are going to be a number of detailed steps you have to take. Many of them will be difficult, and likely take years to accomplish. Your mission will take years, most likely even decades to accomplish. However, the amount of time it will take will no longer be daunting, but a much anticipated journey you leap out of bed every morning to continue on. That is the power of your mission. When you are so singularly focused on achieving your life's mission through a detailed plan, a mission you are so overwhelmingly passionate about, everything else will become noise. Depression is no more when you take action daily, and build for yourself a life, a life your ancestors and their singular purpose could not have imagined.

Let them look upon you in awe, as you proactively strive for this mission. A good mission will help you start your own business, and break free from the "trade time for money" mentality that plagues the American workplace. A good plan will tell you if you really want to travel, and indeed, where you need to travel to, in order to accomplish your mission. A good plan will help you decide which opportunities will help your mission, and which may hurt them, banishing the demons of perceived missed opportunities.

Above all, your mission, and the plan that goes with it will help you kick the malaise of a man beaten down by what "society" tells him to do. It will prevent you from being another neat little cog in the machine, and help you seize the life you want, and cure the malaise of your mind and soul.

If you want more specific advice on this OP, please don't hesitate to PM me. This is your call to action.

Post: #3

We all feel like we should be doing a lot of things.

When I got into MIT I thought I was going to be the next Bill Gates, Ray Stata, Tom Perkins, or Eli Broad, I ended up in a Lab in the suburbs of Massachusetts building optics and programming tactical data systems for the DOD making 32k per year..... I was depressed...

When I got into contracting for the Navy and USMC overseas in a war zone. I thought I was going to be a thought leader for what I was working on. I lived in a shipping container and spent 27 months getting fucking screamed at about quotas... I was depressed....

When I left that job and joined a startup, I thought I was going to be the guy that made out like a bandit on my options package in two years. The company took 7 years to IPO..... I was depressed...

After 3 vesting periods for the aforementioned startup I left the USA and joined the French Foreign Legion. I thought I was going to become a soldier of fortune. I broke my leg 20 weeks into training jumping out of a plane and went back to the US.... I was depressed...

I took up training as a saturation diver in the Northwest thinking I was going to become the next Jacques Cousteau. I ended up doing demolitions and pipeline NDT testing on oil rigs for 1.5 years.... I was depressed...

I went back to the French Foreign Legion fully recovered and commenced training again. I completed it and was assigned to a regiment. I was ready for combat. They sent me to Djibouti where I sweated my balls off and entered South Sudan with a loaded rifle I could not use during a Genocide.... I was depressed...

I left Djibouti to go to Afghanistan. Finally it was my chance to become Rambo... 47 operations later I got shot.... I was depressed...

I rehabbed in Germany got my shit together and went back to my regiment. Did two operations and I got severely shot (again) which ended my military career... thus my Rambo fantasies were over... I was depressed....

Started my own business and today make very good money and am location independent.... I still get depressed...

My point is no matter your goals, if you're highly motivated nothing you ever do will be enough for you. Anyone that tells you they are 100% happy no matter their station in life are full of shit.

During the aforementioned, I was married once, bought 3 condos, lost one and paid alimony. I made money and lost money. Contemplated killing myself many times during this time. I survived some pretty fucked up shit and still have not had a great nights sleep since.

But my father drove into my head when I was a kid... no matter what someone always has it worse than me.

I'm in my mid 30's now... I live abroad and very financially secure. I still get depressed.

Mostly I get depressed over shit out of my control. In these cases I do my best to focus on what's within my control. I'm actually pretty horrible at this and my temper can be out of control sometimes.

But I still actively do my best to focus on what I can do to progress my career and better the lives of my partners and other people I work with including close friends.

Most times this means taking the focus off of me during those times of depression.

I'm currently battling some regulatory bullshit in Eastern Europe. It's depressing me right this moment. But I've been sitting back some nights reflecting on my past and thinking I'm a pretty lucky mother fucker to even be sitting here dealing with this bullshit.

It's not bad. But always remember. Wherever you go there you are.

Post: #4

Check out these threads:

/thread-46677.html

/thread-39799.html

The advice given therein has helped a few people I care about, and would have helped many more had they simply stuck to it/given it a sincere try. Sometimes the answers to seemingly big problems can be rather mundane. Additionally, more advice from TLOZ in another thread, make sure you are getting enough sunshine during peak hours over the spring and summer. The combination of all of these things could really help you out. It's not glamorous, but it really has done good things for friends with the same listlessness.

Post: #5

(05-20-2018 02:41 PM)nola Wrote:  We all feel like we should be doing a lot of things.

When I got into MIT I thought I was going to be the next Bill Gates, Ray Stata, Tom Perkins, or Eli Broad, I ended up in a Lab in the suburbs of Massachusetts building optics and programming tactical data systems for the DOD making 32k per year..... I was depressed...

When I got into contracting for the Navy and USMC overseas in a war zone. I thought I was going to be a thought leader for what I was working on. I lived in a shipping container and spent 27 months getting fucking screamed at about quotas... I was depressed....

When I left that job and joined a startup, I thought I was going to be the guy that made out like a bandit on my options package in two years. The company took 7 years to IPO..... I was depressed...

After 3 vesting periods for the aforementioned startup I left the USA and joined the French Foreign Legion. I thought I was going to become a soldier of fortune. I broke my leg 20 weeks into training jumping out of a plane and went back to the US.... I was depressed...

I took up training as a saturation diver in the Northwest thinking I was going to become the next Jacques Cousteau. I ended up doing demolitions and pipeline NDT testing on oil rigs for 1.5 years.... I was depressed...

I went back to the French Foreign Legion fully recovered and commenced training again. I completed it and was assigned to a regiment. I was ready for combat. They sent me to Djibouti where I sweated my balls off and entered South Sudan with a loaded rifle I could not use during a Genocide.... I was depressed...

I left Djibouti to go to Afghanistan. Finally it was my chance to become Rambo... 47 operations later I got shot.... I was depressed...

I rehabbed in Germany got my shit together and went back to my regiment. Did two operations and I got severely shot (again) which ended my military career... thus my Rambo fantasies were over... I was depressed....

Started my own business and today make very good money and am location independent.... I still get depressed...

My point is no matter your goals, if you're highly motivated nothing you ever do will be enough for you. Anyone that tells you they are 100% happy no matter their station in life are full of shit.

During the aforementioned, I was married once, bought 3 condos, lost one and paid alimony. I made money and lost money. Contemplated killing myself many times during this time. I survived some pretty fucked up shit and still have not had a great nights sleep since.

But my father drove into my head when I was a kid... no matter what someone always has it worse than me.

I'm in my mid 30's now... I live abroad and very financially secure. I still get depressed.

Mostly I get depressed over shit out of my control. In these cases I do my best to focus on what's within my control. I'm actually pretty horrible at this and my temper can be out of control sometimes.

But I still actively do my best to focus on what I can do to progress my career and better the lives of my partners and other people I work with including close friends.

Most times this means taking the focus off of me during those times of depression.

I'm currently battling some regulatory bullshit in Eastern Europe. It's depressing me right this moment. But I've been sitting back some nights reflecting on my past and thinking I'm a pretty lucky mother fucker to even be sitting here dealing with this bullshit.

It's not bad. But always remember. Wherever you go there you are.

Do you have a brother who works for NASA by chance?

Post: #6

TheDuncan, I remember when I was in my late 20s, right about 28/29, and I was feeling a similar dissatisfaction while having a good job, nice car, and dating a pretty good girl. But, I didn't know who I really was.

Wim Hof is inspiring and every man needs to know about him. He is 'The Ice Man', multiple world-record holder in feats requiring insane endurance to cold and pain. He's capable of regulating his body in ways western science can't understand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np0jGp6442A

The cold will wake you up out of a malaise right quick. Treat the cold like God, as Wim Hof, says. The cold is every man's guru if he's willing to face the pain and discomfort.

You can stop here because if you actually watch / listen to Wim Hof and try what he's suggesting, both with cold and his fire breathing you'll shift your energy state and consciousness out of a depressive funk. It is transformative.

===

I also found great value working through 'Is Your Genius At Work?' by Dick Richard, available on amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Your-Genius-Work-...0891061940

It helped me tie all my different interests and activities together to come up with a unique expression, like a personal motto. It's extremely powerful - and if I'd known about it when I was going through the period you are now, I'd be 'farther ahead' than I am now. But I'm damn glad I finally did it in my 40s.

===

The Light Box / bright light therapy helped me A LOT - kudos to TLOZ for his thread and H1N1 for referencing it. There is great science behind it and many of us aren't getting sufficient light of the proper wavelengths especially as we're getting into stranger weather / cloudier days. A light box is a great investment.

Exercise more, spend less time inside, even less time with your woman as you need to find yourself without her influence, even if it's largely positive. Trust me, banging more women won't make you happy if you don't know who YOU are. Consider a vipassana or similar silent retreat. While cold water is a guru for your body, silence with an awakened teacher is the guru for your spirit. I've done about 6 silent retreats with Adyashanti (also the real deal) which have each provided gifts I could never have imagined, or predicted. Meditate - spend time sitting in silence and ask your questions inside. If your mind is in a receptive space to ask an honest question, your soul will offer guidance.

Or create your own walk-about. You'll get your answers. But don't sit still or spend too much time online. Push your body and mind and spirit a bit more each day and you'll find answers.

Good luck.

Post: #7

(05-20-2018 03:06 PM)H1N1 Wrote:  [...] make sure you are getting enough sunshine during peak hours over the spring and summer. The combination of all of these things could really help you out. It's not glamorous, but it really has done good things for friends with the same listlessness.

In terms of more specific, practical advice I agree with the immensely. I left New England and moved to Florida for this very reason.

The incredible power that consistent sunshine and warmth has on your mental state is definitely not placebo.

Post: #8

This feeling is not "depression."

This is "dissatisfaction." Huge difference. I wish people would stop confusing the two.

Post: #9

delete

Post: #10

(05-20-2018 03:39 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

(05-20-2018 02:41 PM)nola Wrote:  We all feel like we should be doing a lot of things.

When I got into MIT I thought I was going to be the next Bill Gates, Ray Stata, Tom Perkins, or Eli Broad, I ended up in a Lab in the suburbs of Massachusetts building optics and programming tactical data systems for the DOD making 32k per year..... I was depressed...

When I got into contracting for the Navy and USMC overseas in a war zone. I thought I was going to be a thought leader for what I was working on. I lived in a shipping container and spent 27 months getting fucking screamed at about quotas... I was depressed....

When I left that job and joined a startup, I thought I was going to be the guy that made out like a bandit on my options package in two years. The company took 7 years to IPO..... I was depressed...

After 3 vesting periods for the aforementioned startup I left the USA and joined the French Foreign Legion. I thought I was going to become a soldier of fortune. I broke my leg 20 weeks into training jumping out of a plane and went back to the US.... I was depressed...

I took up training as a saturation diver in the Northwest thinking I was going to become the next Jacques Cousteau. I ended up doing demolitions and pipeline NDT testing on oil rigs for 1.5 years.... I was depressed...

I went back to the French Foreign Legion fully recovered and commenced training again. I completed it and was assigned to a regiment. I was ready for combat. They sent me to Djibouti where I sweated my balls off and entered South Sudan with a loaded rifle I could not use during a Genocide.... I was depressed...

I left Djibouti to go to Afghanistan. Finally it was my chance to become Rambo... 47 operations later I got shot.... I was depressed...

I rehabbed in Germany got my shit together and went back to my regiment. Did two operations and I got severely shot (again) which ended my military career... thus my Rambo fantasies were over... I was depressed....

Started my own business and today make very good money and am location independent.... I still get depressed...

My point is no matter your goals, if you're highly motivated nothing you ever do will be enough for you. Anyone that tells you they are 100% happy no matter their station in life are full of shit.

During the aforementioned, I was married once, bought 3 condos, lost one and paid alimony. I made money and lost money. Contemplated killing myself many times during this time. I survived some pretty fucked up shit and still have not had a great nights sleep since.

But my father drove into my head when I was a kid... no matter what someone always has it worse than me.

I'm in my mid 30's now... I live abroad and very financially secure. I still get depressed.

Mostly I get depressed over shit out of my control. In these cases I do my best to focus on what's within my control. I'm actually pretty horrible at this and my temper can be out of control sometimes.

But I still actively do my best to focus on what I can do to progress my career and better the lives of my partners and other people I work with including close friends.

Most times this means taking the focus off of me during those times of depression.

I'm currently battling some regulatory bullshit in Eastern Europe. It's depressing me right this moment. But I've been sitting back some nights reflecting on my past and thinking I'm a pretty lucky mother fucker to even be sitting here dealing with this bullshit.

It's not bad. But always remember. Wherever you go there you are.

Do you have a brother who works for NASA by chance?

^ no my brother works for the DOD (civil service). My 1st cousin was a space shuttle pilot and we are from the same town. He passed away years ago though.

Post: #11

(05-20-2018 03:58 PM)nola Wrote:  ^ no my brother works for the DOD (civil service). My 1st cousin was a space shuttle pilot and we are from the same town. He passed away years ago though.

He was making a joke. Disregard. It was pretty funny, but it wasn't disrespectful. He was making fun of another forum member, unless I'm completely off kilter.

Post: #12

(05-20-2018 01:15 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:  I simply never feel satisfied with my life, I am at the best spot in my life right now, have a decent woman by my side, have a decent car finally, have a decent job that pays the bills and plus some..but at 28 years old, still feel like something is missing, I feel like I should be out in the world traveling and banging chicks, drinking and having fun (I guess thats my idea of fun), instead of seemingly slaving away at a job to pay bills and have extra for some stuff here and there, I have love for my woman but I rather be on a beach somehwhere with some random chick I can bang and move on from, I feel like I should be accomplishing more in life than what I am..

Every few months or more I get this feeling (right now) and it will go away for a few and come back, it sucks because I have regret, I could have done some things in life that could have put me in a much better position than I am and I wasted them, I feel like I will be another cog in the wheel never truly living life in my terms..

Its nice to fantasize about being a world traveler banging chicks and seeing new places but reality is different, I cant do much for now accept work at my job and pay my bills, save some money, it just feels shitty sometimes and I can never shake this feeling..

Perhaps I have never truly grown up and want to still party and live carefree but that doesnt pay bills, being an adult sucks but I am still 28, no kids and no major responsibility's per say so its nice to say I still have hope but...how?

I was about your age when i visited Thailand and SEA for the first time. I had similar thoughts and feelings to what you are going through now. "Why can't I just stop being a fucking wage slave and move to Thailand or just travel around the world and bang a bunch of chicks? What stands between me and fun?". Then I realized that what prevented me from living my life on my terms and having fun was (and still is to some extent) lack of money.

The truth is that you are not entitled to the lifestyle of a traveling playboy. Neither am I or anybody. This has nothing to do with America and the government trying to keep you down. In fact, as somebody who grew up in a poor country and moved here as an adult, I can tell you that this is the best place to achieve financial independence if you are smart, motivated and focused. Most guys in the world will never become perpetual traveling playboys no matter how hard they work. Many can't even afford a big international trip once a year.

If you want stop being a cog in the machine and start living life on your terms, you have two options, in this order of preference:
-Financial independence (enough money to never work again).
-Location independence (a job or your own business that can be run from anywhere).

There are many RVF threads about both. There are many websites and forums that describe these topics in even more detail.

However, unless you are a trust fund kid, it takes a lot of work to become location independent and especially financially independent. There are no shortcuts or magic tricks. You either achieve independence and live on your terms or you keep wage slaving until you're too old to enjoy life. Not because some government is trying to keep you down, just because nobody else really gives a fuck. You are 100% responsible for setting and achieving your goals.

Post: #13

In regards to the original post...

You can't say I have a great life, a great job, a wonderful girlfriend whom I love and respect, but I'm "depressed."

"Depression" is a serious condition in which you could feel none of those things. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel, Brother. That's life. That's ambition. That's you wanting more/different/exciting things. Your current state of affairs is not providing that for you. But, you're not "depressed."

You are not suffering from a mental disorder. You're just a normal guy who wants more and maybe you don't have the means or more importantly, the balls to go for it.

I'll give you a more scary alternative: wait until you're married--perhaps married and divorced--perhaps married and divorced and in a custody battle for kids--perhaps all these things and your occupation has been replaced by a robot--all this and you're now approaching 50 years of age and you've lost the ability to do or be successful at all those things you once longed for.... Yikes. In that scenario, I can see you becoming, actually, "depressed."

Post: #14

Compare to a computer game.

You're on level five, you're kicking ass, you're enjoying yourself.

But a month later you still can't complete it. You're frustrated.

It's the same with life. When you level up, you get a dose of neurochemicals. But once you do, it quickly becomes normal.

To give yourself a constant sense of satisfaction you need to be constantly leveling up, which gets harder and harder as you have to conqueror new ground and compete with bigger players.

I agree with Investment Bro. Get a plan to level up and stick with it. You need to plan, organise and assess on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis.

So you have a few options, realise this is what's going on and accept your current level. Or get a plan of how you are going to get more than you currently have and don't drop if it it doesn't instantly work.

On wanting to shoot off to foreign countries etc.; my take on that from what you've said it's probably too late to be a sensible decision. You could find a way to go off for a few years. When you get back you're 32 and at square one. Your capital is down for some things that happened in the past.

If you're not going to do it, it has to go from your mind; just as porn has to go from your life and sugar from your diet.

Post: #15

Gework dropped some science right there. I hope you read it and take to heart, OP.

I'm gonna give you a little different scenario to think about. You're 28. You have a successful job. You're probably only putting away a fraction of it, which is completely normal. If you work hard and save and live like a Spartan (no luxuries, no new cars, keep the same phone for years until your friends make fun of you, no bullshit), save every extra cent you earn--by the age of 48 you will be be debt free and have a small fortune to go and do all those things that you just said you wanted to do in your OP.

There's the alternative... You're from the US, or I presume so for the flag by your name; you could join the military right now and retire completely in 20 years, still at the 48 years of age. You may have to fight a few wars between here or there, but then you could rack up some disabilities which pay over time as well. Two shitty roads that lead to the same place. Tough choice.

Or, you just put your nose to the grindstone and work. If you work hard and don't ride the clock like a shitbag, you'll be promoted. Maybe you'll become a manager or a senior executive, who knows? You could own the company one day. You may win the lottery.

You could always say, "fuck it," (which I've seen members of this forum do) and just run off and be a hippy/wanderer guy. You could spend all your time on beaches with girls you could (presumably) fuck and leave. But, you'll, in all likelihood be a bum and fuck the quality girls that being a bum can provide. Tough call.

At 28... You still have options, but that window is closing. Fix it.

Post: #16

Do it then! I was in the same position as you and saved some money, went abroad, failed, went home, got another job and saved some more money, did it again and now 2 years later, am in an infinitely better situation than I could have been if I had stayed working jobs in the West. Many other forum members have done it too!

Post: #17

(05-20-2018 08:39 PM)the-dream Wrote:  Do it then! I was in the same position as you and saved some money, went abroad, failed, went home, got another job and saved some more money, did it again and now 2 years later, am in an infinitely better situation than I could have been if I had stayed working jobs in the West. Many other forum members have done it too!

See there, OP?

Post: #18

There are a couple of stages were the depression can come from:

1. Physiologically:
- enough sunlight
- good testosterone
- healthy dopamine levels (no porn, no drugs ..)
- healthy food and sufficient minerals & vitamins
- and so on

2. Socially:
- good friends and family
- trust in your partner
- being valued at work / hobbies

3. Motivational:
- realistic life goals to reach (career, hobbies)
- are you improving in areas or are you stagnating

All 3 areas can cause depression. The first category is the easiest to fix. Would make my way down from top to bottom and see what curses the problem.

Normally adults who had to move to another city because of work don't have a good social circle. There are various threads about this. If the problem arises from motivational issues, then you need something in your life that's really important to you. Probably I will get bashed for this, but a child (either real child or your own business) that you really care about and that you want to see to grow, could be a solution.