Post: #1

"I get butterflies when I think about myself."

That's a quote taken from a female 10's Instagram bio.

When you think about what makes men attractive to women, it really comes down to having hardcore self-belief in everything that you say and do.

Most women are really good at this because they naturally come from a place of abundance.

But in the world of masculine game, most of us have to start out by practicing irrational self-confidence, because we might be the equivalent of a male 7 (random example). We don't have the mindset of a female 10 by default.

Do you guys have any practical, real-life tips for becoming irrationally self-confident?

This is a topic that can easily delve into woo-woo pseudoscience, so I'm hoping that you guys with hardcore self-belief can write a bit about what has actually worked for you in real life.

Here are some things I'm already doing:

- Starting to view myself as the hero of my own movie
- Lifting
- Doing daygame
- Approaching hotter girls
- Being more sexually aggressive
- Running own business
- Developing my personality
- Working on my charisma
- Reading books
- Creating more exciting life stories and memories

Thanks guys.

Post: #2

(07-12-2018 06:34 AM)stefpdt Wrote:  "I get butterflies when I think about myself."

Stealing that.

Post: #3

OP, look up a book called "What to say when you talk to yourself."

I think his methods might be good for what you're describing.

Another one that comes to mind is "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" by Kamal Ravikant. The concept he used could easily be adapted to brainwash yourself into greater confidence, I reckon.

Post: #4

I'd say one thing that helps is when you get your game up to a point where you honestly stop giving a fuck. That's when you sorta become charmingly odd in the way that irrationally self-confident people are.

Maybe you say some things that aren't "good game" but you still end up pulling a girl because she senses how little her opinions matter to you.

That's why I'm not a big fan of telling guys to drop their "geeky" hobbies. That sorta shit sets you apart and adds a little flavor to you that other guys will lack.

Post: #5

I’ve got a friend who sorely needs this right now. I try to help him but nothing works. You’d think him seeing me get laid would provide inspiration, but apparently it’s made him hesitant to split an apartment with me, as it somehow furthers his depression.

If being shown an example of how to get laid doesn’t inspire him, though, I don’t know what will. All I know is he needs to get his head straight.

Post: #6

^ Guys like that sometimes need to go out on their own. I was that way for a long time. I didn't truly snap out of my haze until I moved to the other side of the earth and was forced to sink or swim. I think it's just some innate male drive to 'conquer' and explore foreign lands.

Side note: I would not actually suggest throwing away everything to move to a new country and teach English. Some guys can do it, but I do think most guys are better served seeing what they can do in their home country. Perhaps moving to a better economy in your home country is a smarter move.

Post: #7

Self-talk was a key sticking point for me. All of my self-talk is positive, I'm only "negative" when I'm critical of myself for wasting time. For me wasting time = thinking about things like rejection or other people's opinion.

I've managed to become my own mentarl reference point. I still listen to other people's opinions and advice, but I don't really "take" their advice.

Doing things I am / was afraid of: taking cold showers, approaches, learning foreign languages and sounding awful speaking them but really not caring etc. When I notice myself saying something like "I can't", then I have to analyze why it was that I said that.

Going to the gym, nutrition etc. (though I don't lift for aesthetics, I don't do stuff like curls). It's more about overcome mental barriers and fighting through pain.

Travelling. This was key for me, because I saw how I was perceived by different people around the world and well sometimes I'll be in places where I'll be considered ugly boohoo and then in other places girls will approach me, but those places can be 200km apart in the same country. So yea whatever.

If I'd have to some it up with one sentence, I'd simply say that life is too short to not be confident and love yourself. I've seen multiple family members pass away and they all had in common that they would have liked to have more time and to do certain things that they were too afraid to do or that they thought others would judge them for doing. Knowing that, I can't continue making that same mistake.

Post: #8

Your methods are great and the foundation of action. Whatever your course of action, a positive feedback loop must be established.

Eliminating stress is very underrated for confidence levels and they go hand in hand. The less stressed you are, the more confident you are and vice versa.

As for the mindset, you can obtain your confidence externally through feedback from your actions:
- Gymming and being healthy/fit -> looking good
- Good style -> feeling good
- Being successful in a sphere that you deem important -> resilience and confidence

The list goes on and on and we are well aware of these. This is why we seek to increase testosterone, eat clean, minimize drugs (short term fix) and go forth.

For me, irrational self-confidence is built in your mind. I have mentioned elsewhere, I did NLP for 2 weeks and came out feeling bulletproof and able to communicate confidence and sexuality.

Now, it's the main thing girls compliment me on, the 'presence' and the 'way I carry myself'. I took MDMA and the thrill and confidence was life changing that I spent a few years trying to emulate the feeling of clarity, endorphins and lack of inhibitions. The confidence is unwavering and supreme. I would occasionally go back to it (and still do) to compare and to take mental notes while enjoying the rush.

The presence and confidence were achieved and are maintained with some 'woo woo' techniques and I would like to paraphrase my notes from Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement who does a better job at covering it than me.

Firstly, you need to embark on a diet of positivity. Not just positive news but positive thinking, feeling and consistency. This is probably one of the hardest things I've attempted and still didn't manage to succeed. He says 21 days, I reckon a week is hard enough.

Techniques:

1. Visualization - think about what you desire, all day every day. Be vivid. Be intense. Want it.

2. Affirmations- positive, present tense and personal -> do these daily.

3. Verbalization - say it loud in the mirror, look at yourself in the eyes and mean it.

4. Acting the Part - be the person you want to be. This is related to the Law of Reversibility - when you feel positive and optimistic, your feelings will generate actions and behaviors consistent with them.

5. Feeding your Mind - digest as much as possible toward the desired outcome; read, study, work.

6. Associating with Positive People - be around winners. Stay away from negative people and losers


The above is a 'blueprint' for succeeding in certain domains and such success spills over in to the rest of your life and your confidence is unshakable after this.

A true man has ambition and the realization of ambition through smaller checkpoints manifests itself into confidence.

It's a cycle.

Confidence -> Patience -> Feedback -> Confidence -> Patience -> Feedback and so on.

The Subconscious Mind is powerful enough to respond to any self-talk and negativity, so eliminate that. The more you focus on something the more real it becomes so think about your desires 24/7. Now this is some real woo woo shit.

I am told I am arrogant, confident, delusional, grandiose and inspiring. All of these are the same, the context and choice of words depend on the person wielding them.

What's changed in my life is that I now have vision. I am calm and I know what I want. I wake up every day knowing what I want, have to do and I am resilient with any obstacles faced. Acceptance of obstacles in my career gave me perspective with women, no matter what booby traps they might set up, it's not important to worry about.

Women find that attractive and it's what we call, having your own mission.

You cannot be confident if you are not willing to accept full responsibility for who you are and for everything that you become.

If you cannot take responsibility, it's evident you are reliant on others and have limited control over your life.

We feel as good about ourselves to the extent we feel we are in control of our lives.

As you may have gathered, my post focuses on the two parts of gaining control of your life:

a) accomplishments
b) mental state

They go hand in hand and spur each other on.

The above is a starting point for happiness, confidence, clarity and positivity. All of these are complimentary.

Stop hiding behind others or putting things off.

When unhappy or feeling shitty about yourself, grow a pair and ask yourself, "What am I avoiding in my life? What needs to be dealt with right now?"

Start picking them off and carry with the momentum and never look back.

Bring out the best in yourself and enjoy how you feel with yourself because you come into this world alone and you depart alone.

Write this down. Affirm it. Be woo woo. Discard it if you wish. It doesn't matter. You are a better person every day. Understand the why, enjoy the process and you will achieve every thing you want.

It all boils down to one thing:

The person who is confident is more invested in his own idea of himself rather than other's idea of who he is or should be.

The above steps are what worked for me and why I stopped giving a fuck about others and became selfish for myself. If I am the best version of myself, it lifts those around me.

edit: formatting

Post: #9

A lot has been explained in literal detail but some people are visual people.

If you remember the late Zyzz who may or may not be the greatest example to follow but his confidence is portrayed in sheer physical appearance but many channel that vibe into inner confidence.

Then of course usually comes the rejection. I have this picture ingrained in my head which is one of my favourite animated GIFs is the rejection one



Not all girls will accept your advances.
Turn around in a steady manner and find it funny she's missing out by rejecting you.
Have a quick talk with your wing if present then move on.

Post: #10

(07-12-2018 08:23 AM)Noir Wrote:  Your methods are great and the foundation of action. Whatever your course of action, a positive feedback loop must be established.

Eliminating stress is very underrated for confidence levels and they go hand in hand. The less stressed you are, the more confident you are and vice versa.

As for the mindset, you can obtain your confidence externally through feedback from your actions:
- Gymming and being healthy/fit -> looking good
- Good style -> feeling good
- Being successful in a sphere that you deem important -> resilience and confidence

The list goes on and on and we are well aware of these. This is why we seek to increase testosterone, eat clean, minimize drugs (short term fix) and go forth.

For me, irrational self-confidence is built in your mind. I have mentioned elsewhere, I did NLP for 2 weeks and came out feeling bulletproof and able to communicate confidence and sexuality.

Now, it's the main thing girls compliment me on, the 'presence' and the 'way I carry myself'. I took MDMA and the thrill and confidence was life changing that I spent a few years trying to emulate the feeling of clarity, endorphins and lack of inhibitions. The confidence is unwavering and supreme. I would occasionally go back to it (and still do) to compare and to take mental notes while enjoying the rush.

The presence and confidence were achieved and are maintained with some 'woo woo' techniques and I would like to paraphrase my notes from Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement who does a better job at covering it than me.

Firstly, you need to embark on a diet of positivity. Not just positive news but positive thinking, feeling and consistency. This is probably one of the hardest things I've attempted and still didn't manage to succeed. He says 21 days, I reckon a week is hard enough.

Techniques:

1. Visualization - think about what you desire, all day every day. Be vivid. Be intense. Want it.

2. Affirmations- positive, present tense and personal -> do these daily.

3. Verbalization - say it loud in the mirror, look at yourself in the eyes and mean it.

4. Acting the Part - be the person you want to be. This is related to the Law of Reversibility - when you feel positive and optimistic, your feelings will generate actions and behaviors consistent with them.

5. Feeding your Mind - digest as much as possible toward the desired outcome; read, study, work.

6. Associating with Positive People - be around winners. Stay away from negative people and losers


The above is a 'blueprint' for succeeding in certain domains and such success spills over in to the rest of your life and your confidence is unshakable after this.

A true man has ambition and the realization of ambition through smaller checkpoints manifests itself into confidence.

It's a cycle.

Confidence -> Patience -> Feedback -> Confidence -> Patience -> Feedback and so on.

The Subconscious Mind is powerful enough to respond to any self-talk and negativity, so eliminate that. The more you focus on something the more real it becomes so think about your desires 24/7. Now this is some real woo woo shit.

I am told I am arrogant, confident, delusional, grandiose and inspiring. All of these are the same, the context and choice of words depend on the person wielding them.

What's changed in my life is that I now have vision. I am calm and I know what I want. I wake up every day knowing what I want, have to do and I am resilient with any obstacles faced. Acceptance of obstacles in my career gave me perspective with women, no matter what booby traps they might set up, it's not important to worry about.

Women find that attractive and it's what we call, having your own mission.

You cannot be confident if you are not willing to accept full responsibility for who you are and for everything that you become.

If you cannot take responsibility, it's evident you are reliant on others and have limited control over your life.

We feel as good about ourselves to the extent we feel we are in control of our lives.

As you may have gathered, my post focuses on the two parts of gaining control of your life:

a) accomplishments
b) mental state

They go hand in hand and spur each other on.

The above is a starting point for happiness, confidence, clarity and positivity. All of these are complimentary.

Stop hiding behind others or putting things off.

When unhappy or feeling shitty about yourself, grow a pair and ask yourself, "What am I avoiding in my life? What needs to be dealt with right now?"

Start picking them off and carry with the momentum and never look back.

Bring out the best in yourself and enjoy how you feel with yourself because you come into this world alone and you depart alone.

Write this down. Affirm it. Be woo woo. Discard it if you wish. It doesn't matter. You are a better person every day. Understand the why, enjoy the process and you will achieve every thing you want.

It all boils down to one thing:

The person who is confident is more invested in his own idea of himself rather than other's idea of who he is or should be.

The above steps are what worked for me and why I stopped giving a fuck about others and became selfish for myself. If I am the best version of myself, it lifts those around me.

edit: formatting

Post: #11

@Noir What an epic post. +1 from me.

I don't think anything you mentioned is woo woo. I've spent some time studying the "secrets" used by high performers (pro athletes, entrepreneurs, quality PUAs) and most of these guys use some variation of the tips you've mentioned.

I'm willing to consider anything that can be used to achieve real-world results. That's all I'm interested in.

Thanks again.

BTW, did you take your NLP course in person, or online? Did you find a good instructor beforehand?

Interestingly, Mike Cernovich also recommends taking MDMA once in a while. It's probably been like 5+ years since I've dosed.

Post: #12

Unfortunately I can't rep Noir twice...

That being said, if I can add something, it would be to never be complacent with what you achieve, always look up to something bigger, greater! In this way you will always have a vision and a goal towards which you are working to get to!
Cheers!

Post: #13

Thank you for asking a great question

Edit- I don't have much to add after Noirs comprehensive post, except for saying that you can literally will yourself into becoming irrationally self confident. When shit hits the fan, when it seems you've failed so many times or youve fallen so low that you see no out, when you look up at the heavens above and shake your fist at how the fates have cursed you... You just say a literal fuck you to your current station in life and will yourself into believing that only you can get yourself out of your misery. It feels a little crazy at first, I admit. Your own theater of the absurd.
But that's all it takes... To laugh at your circumstances and and know that you'll come out of your funk and survive. It's a state of mind, not predicated on logic.

It's not like there is a logical progression of I'll do 1-2-3-4 and become better slowly... Bit by bit (that is the foundation of true confidence though). You believe that you've already arrived... That you already are better than what everyone else perceives you to be... Almost like character acting. Actually almost exactly like character acting - you become a better stronger more capable person because fuck everyone that is what you are they just don't see it yet.

Post: #14

(07-12-2018 11:24 AM)stefpdt Wrote:  BTW, did you take your NLP course in person, or online? Did you find a good instructor beforehand?

I started with Paul McKenna's Instant Confidence mp3 for 2 weeks and that was life changing. It's guided visualizations combined with hypnotherapy. It was recommended by a person who had progressed heaps and bounds over a year since I last saw them so I gave it a go.

It definitely pulled me out of a low space which I had drifted into over a few months, 6 years ago.

For in person courses, you will need to research and do some due diligence in your area.

It's not a requirement though, try the other steps and go for it.

(07-12-2018 11:47 AM)Wahawahwah Wrote:  It's not like there is a logical progression of I'll do 1-2-3-4 and become better slowly... Bit by bit (that is the foundation of true confidence though). You believe that you've already arrived... That you already are better than what everyone else perceives you to be... Almost like character acting. Actually almost exactly like character acting - you become a better stronger more capable person because fuck everyone that is what you are they just don't see it yet.

This is on point and related to my answer above, in this post. Start taking steps and believing in it.

The first few months will be faking it until you make it.

Refer to my cycle above. You fake it until you get feedback which lets you know where you are at and what needs tweaking. If you're acting on it, then you're in the patience phase.

Time passes and you realize you are confident and have progressed. It's the same with exercise and physique, being good with women or your job. Other people may comment. You may notice you perform better than you did the last time you actively noticed.

There are signposts all around which will let you know how you are doing. It's all belief though. If you believe it, it will manifest.

I was a fat 16 year old reading The Game and I was hitting on 18 year olds who were 'way out of my league'. I faked it for a while and this manifested into unapologetic arrogance. With age, failure and scarring came humility.

You realize that confidence lies somewhere in between but it's also latent. You are as confident as your familiarity with a situation and anything unfamiliar relies on your internal, irrational self-confidence.

They are linked so if you get anything out of this post, it's just act.

Wahwahwah explains it well with the 1-2-3-4. It's not linear.

Post: #15

Shadowbox to Superfly

Seriously

Post: #16

You have to grow in your natural direction, within the framework of your faculties.

Become what you feel you have it in yourself to become; being honest with oneself is an important part.

Confidence comes naturally whith excellence and excellence comes from raw talent that has been refined. You must suffer before you find power—to get to know yourself you must be pushed to your limits.

Post: #17

In Daygame Mastery Krauser offers relatively good advice on how to build actual, realistic self-esteem.

Quote:Dig deep into your identity and learn to accept yourself. Become so strongly internally-referenced that the feedback of reality can be seamlessly integrated without challenging your core self-worth.

Quote:Always be aiming to reach a place of complete acceptance and internal referencing. Two axioms that help me are:

- I am more invested in myself and my opinion of myself than in other people's opinions of me.

- I would like to be better at X, Y and Z but I'm still happy with who I am right now.

Look deep into yourself to find what you truly value and what is the core essence of your identity. Burn away all the fat, all the trappings, all the clutter. Burn it all down until there's only a small hard rock left that is the real you. That's your internal reference point. Nothing else matters. That is you. Those are your values. You will live by those and no outside factors will change that. You know who you are.

Now when you walk up to a girl and hit on her, it doesn't matter how she reacts. She laughs, titters, and two days later you fuck her? Great! She gives a po-faced stare and excuses herself after thirty seconds? Big deal. Neither the highs nor the lows change that hard rock of identity that is You.

Quote:So now we can go back to my opening statement about Mystery being wrong. Why is that, and why was his erroneous explanation accepted for so long? Most people enter this community with low self-esteem and a whole slew of buffers to prop up their self-image. Mystery was no exception.

Narcissists react to low self-esteem by denying it and overcompensating for it. They can't accept themselves so they create a False Idealised Self (the Super-Player) and then construct a delusional world to support it. What is the one thing a narcissist can never accept? What is the one thing that will lead to a complete unravelling of his FIS and the mental meltdown that results? His kryptonite:

Confronting his own low self-esteem.

Mystery knew approach anxiety was real, so he had to construct an explanation within his system and deal with it in his own in-field adventures. But he could not trace its cause to the real root - a lack of self-acceptance resulting from low self-esteem.

To have done that would have checkmated himself and triggered the very meltdown he entered the Game to avoid. Same with all the other noob players with similar issues. It's far safer for the ego to rationalise away approach anxiety with some plausible comforting evo-psycho babble. It's the ultimate meta-weasel because it diverts you from finding the real path to reducing AA.

Post: #18

I am thinking there might be a connection between agreeableness levels and self confidence, so I am reposting this from the thread on aggreableness.

/thread-69184...pid1818656

(07-12-2018 04:23 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  Jordan Peterson talks a lot about agreeableness, and for him this is a strictly objective academic category that he uses to identify traits in individuals.

It comes from the Big Five personality inventory that you can take here for free. You don't have to go to Peterson's website and pay:

http://www.personal.psu.edu/~j5j/IPIP/

One of the things that psychologist assume but that most people don't usually think about is that a person's personality can be, in many ways, a mystery to that person.

That is the problem with self reporting, that people report the personality they wish they have instead of the personality they have.

I took this inventory, and there were a few surprises, one of which was that I was very high in agreeableness, which was not something that I wanted to hear, since this trait falls more on the feminine than the masculine side.

At the same time, it explained a lot, and since then, about 4 months ago, I have been making a conscious effort to be less agreeable.

I am not saying it is a bad trait, because if you are agreeable, you are basically living the Biblical command to turn the other cheek. You don't sweat the small stuff, and try to see things from the other person's side, and you want everyone to be happy, so you don't look for undue conflict.

I have found that where agreeableness trips you up is that you are living in a very disagreeable world, and many people take your self control and concern for their welfare as weakness, and as a result, they are all over you.

Agreeableness, I am sure is prized in Heaven, but on earth? Not so much.

I haven't taken it sitting down though, and have put the best positive spin on it I can, that I have figured out how to be agreeable, it is one of my strengths, so now I can work on my weakness, which is being disagreeable.

It is very hard to change your ways, especially when you have been doing things one way for years, but learning how to be disagreeable has been very valuable to me.

Basically, I have taken the time to think how I want people to treat me, and if someone tries to engage without living up to those standards of conduct, I either ignore them or call them on it. Funny thing is, it is almost as if they can tell I am an agreeable person working on being disagreeable, because very often, they get really really mad, even over small things, which doesn't bother me because it is more practice being disagreeable, as in, not caring if they are mad.

What I have found is that I get a lot more respect from men and women, and interest from women. If I look at someone, I just look at them, not smile to let them know I am a friendly person, and you know what? It has made them a lot friendlier and smiley to me.

I don't cede space on the sidewalk, not to be a dick, but if I make room for others and they cross over and walk straight at me, I don't move out of their way. If someone interrupts something I am doing to ask for something, I say, "Excuse me would have been nice." and wait for them to say it or apologize. If they don't I say, "I think you want to talk to someone else."

It took me a while to calibrate this, and I have found that saying things, firmly, but in a neutral or friendly voice to take the sting off works wonders and puts people on notice not to fuck around.

Being disagreeable is not being a dick, I have found, it is having boundaries, enforcing them, and letting people come to you.

I would advise taking that test though to figure out what's what. you may already be disagreeable enough and need work in other areas.

Post: #19

@The Catalyst Great points made, yet the most important thing is that your self esteem be based on tangible reality.

Your can only be confident if you are actually valuable underneath. Simply accepting yourself is not enough, you must actually bring value to the table, and according to the worth of that value is your self worth calibrated.

What we think of ourselves is remarkably accurate given we aren’t delusional.

People with low self esteem actually lack key skills, have some sort of trauma that weakens them, or have an appearance that makes them low value. Acceptance is not the answer—you must first correct what is wrong at the root.

Post: #20

(07-12-2018 08:23 AM)Noir Wrote:  Your methods are great and the foundation of action. Whatever your course of action, a positive feedback loop must be established.

Eliminating stress is very underrated for confidence levels and they go hand in hand. The less stressed you are, the more confident you are and vice versa.

As for the mindset, you can obtain your confidence externally through feedback from your actions:
- Gymming and being healthy/fit -> looking good
- Good style -> feeling good
- Being successful in a sphere that you deem important -> resilience and confidence

The list goes on and on and we are well aware of these. This is why we seek to increase testosterone, eat clean, minimize drugs (short term fix) and go forth.

For me, irrational self-confidence is built in your mind. I have mentioned elsewhere, I did NLP for 2 weeks and came out feeling bulletproof and able to communicate confidence and sexuality.

Now, it's the main thing girls compliment me on, the 'presence' and the 'way I carry myself'. I took MDMA and the thrill and confidence was life changing that I spent a few years trying to emulate the feeling of clarity, endorphins and lack of inhibitions. The confidence is unwavering and supreme. I would occasionally go back to it (and still do) to compare and to take mental notes while enjoying the rush.

The presence and confidence were achieved and are maintained with some 'woo woo' techniques and I would like to paraphrase my notes from Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement who does a better job at covering it than me.

Firstly, you need to embark on a diet of positivity. Not just positive news but positive thinking, feeling and consistency. This is probably one of the hardest things I've attempted and still didn't manage to succeed. He says 21 days, I reckon a week is hard enough.

Techniques:

1. Visualization - think about what you desire, all day every day. Be vivid. Be intense. Want it.

2. Affirmations- positive, present tense and personal -> do these daily.

3. Verbalization - say it loud in the mirror, look at yourself in the eyes and mean it.

4. Acting the Part - be the person you want to be. This is related to the Law of Reversibility - when you feel positive and optimistic, your feelings will generate actions and behaviors consistent with them.

5. Feeding your Mind - digest as much as possible toward the desired outcome; read, study, work.

6. Associating with Positive People - be around winners. Stay away from negative people and losers


The above is a 'blueprint' for succeeding in certain domains and such success spills over in to the rest of your life and your confidence is unshakable after this.

A true man has ambition and the realization of ambition through smaller checkpoints manifests itself into confidence.

It's a cycle.

Confidence -> Patience -> Feedback -> Confidence -> Patience -> Feedback and so on.

The Subconscious Mind is powerful enough to respond to any self-talk and negativity, so eliminate that. The more you focus on something the more real it becomes so think about your desires 24/7. Now this is some real woo woo shit.

I am told I am arrogant, confident, delusional, grandiose and inspiring. All of these are the same, the context and choice of words depend on the person wielding them.

What's changed in my life is that I now have vision. I am calm and I know what I want. I wake up every day knowing what I want, have to do and I am resilient with any obstacles faced. Acceptance of obstacles in my career gave me perspective with women, no matter what booby traps they might set up, it's not important to worry about.

Women find that attractive and it's what we call, having your own mission.

You cannot be confident if you are not willing to accept full responsibility for who you are and for everything that you become.

If you cannot take responsibility, it's evident you are reliant on others and have limited control over your life.

We feel as good about ourselves to the extent we feel we are in control of our lives.

As you may have gathered, my post focuses on the two parts of gaining control of your life:

a) accomplishments
b) mental state

They go hand in hand and spur each other on.

The above is a starting point for happiness, confidence, clarity and positivity. All of these are complimentary.

Stop hiding behind others or putting things off.

When unhappy or feeling shitty about yourself, grow a pair and ask yourself, "What am I avoiding in my life? What needs to be dealt with right now?"

Start picking them off and carry with the momentum and never look back.

Bring out the best in yourself and enjoy how you feel with yourself because you come into this world alone and you depart alone.

Write this down. Affirm it. Be woo woo. Discard it if you wish. It doesn't matter. You are a better person every day. Understand the why, enjoy the process and you will achieve every thing you want.

It all boils down to one thing:

The person who is confident is more invested in his own idea of himself rather than other's idea of who he is or should be.

The above steps are what worked for me and why I stopped giving a fuck about others and became selfish for myself. If I am the best version of myself, it lifts those around me.

edit: formatting

Good stuff. I've brought similar up to my friend, but he keeps saying he can't think of himself that way. Even if he tried, he says he feels it would be a lie, and he couldn't look at himself in the mirror.

I've struggled with depression (like most men who went through puberty), and all I can think to say to him is "you are not your thoughts." The physical reality is the only reality that matters. Feelings and thoughts are ephemeral. The material is what matters.

Post: #21

My confidence started when I went to a sport's psychologist, as the role that I played in my sport was one necessitating deep mental focus, belief, and strength. Now that I think about it, the differentiator of the good and the best in all sports is a mental toughness that allows you to let go of the bad, and believe in yourself.

The recommendation from him? "Fake it til you make it. Walk around your high school like you have the biggest cock and balls, and your confidence will come."

Before this advice, I was always a bit of a shy kid, I knew I was good, but the shift into thinking that "I am the best" completely caused a change in my life. This completely changed my life when it came to women, business, and just talking to other people.

As men, our confidence comes from within. We don't generally have people telling us how amazing we are, unlike women in today's social media world. Our confidence comes from failures, successes, and realizing that we are all we have in this life.

When did my confidence reach its peak? When I realized that I am dying. Every single day, I am one day closer to the end of my being. That I am but a blip in this universe. That's where you find irrational self confidence.

You realize that life is so short, that any chance not taken is a waste. That being curled up in a shell of self doubt is a waste. That not talking to the girl you think is attractive is a waste. That not picking up the phone and calling a prospective client is a waste. That not being the best you is a waste. You start to not give a fuck about what others think, or even care about anything other than your life.

Realize that you have less time on Earth every second that goes by, and you will become confident, I can assure you this.

Post: #22

‘Irrational confidence’ sounds like running away from your problems. Compensating from a lack of worth instead of actually becoming.

In the end it’s a delusion. An organic confidence level that reflects your actual value is what is healthy and sustainable, and that comes from doing good things in the world. Being helpful to others through your strength.

Post: #23

(07-12-2018 04:33 PM)BadKing Wrote:  Your can only be confident if you are actually valuable underneath. Simply accepting yourself is not enough, you must actually bring value to the table, and according to the worth of that value is your self worth calibrated.

What we think of ourselves is remarkably accurate given we aren’t delusional.

People with low self esteem actually lack key skills, have some sort of trauma that weakens them, or have an appearance that makes them low value. Acceptance is not the answer—you must first correct what is wrong at the root.

Why?

Creating value is difficult and effortful and often takes a lot of time, changing your mentality is much less so. Why should you have to wait until you're where you want to be before you accept yourself?

Post: #24

EDIT: I want to put aside the "good vibe/pat on the back" and other shit like that, nobody will benefit your irrational confidence except yourself.

(07-12-2018 04:57 PM)BadKing Wrote:  ‘Irrational confidence’ sounds like running away from your problems. Compensating from a lack of worth instead of actually becoming.

In the end it’s a delusion. An organic confidence level that reflects your actual value is what is healthy and sustainable, and that comes from doing good things in the world. Being helpful to others through your strength.

Not at all because there are no problem to be solved to begin with, living in delusion can do you bad or real good but there is no in-between.
You are confident when you know that you're good at what you do and that you can get the job done but you're irrationally confident when you don't know what the fuck you engage yourself into but still think, delusionally, that you can get the job done.

Post: #25

You can accept your situation and work towards creating value and repairing your traumas/insecurities. But accepting yourself will be impossible because there is clearly something wrong with you. You cannot accept the degeneracy within you, that would be denial of your situation and a betrayal of your ideals.

Your body doesn’t want you to accept it and delude yourself, it wants to correct itself. Work with your body.