Post: #1

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. Maybe it’s because I’ve dealt with many sub par people over the last decade of my life. Maybe it’s because I realize that I’m going to die one day; that anything but the deepest of experience is a waste of time.

Whatever it is, over the last little while, I have been looking to get to the depths of interaction that I don’t think I have ever wanted to consider possible. I am seeking to touch the soul, and be touched in return.

I feel that if we are not delving to the depths of human experience, than what is really the point of having a relationship? I understand that we start surface level, seek out similarities, and then go from there. But, something I’ve realized about failed relationships is that things stayed there, and didn’t progress to the depth that really matters when knowing a person. We could talk about the weather, but we couldn’t talk about the vastness of the universe. We could touch, but not really feel.

I say this for both romantic/intimate relationships, and with friends. At some point, if the people don’t feel their souls intwined, then the relationship cannot progress, and likely will dissolve.

I used to believe that the conversation should remain quite surface level. Nobody should know what makes me tick. I used to think that women specifically couldn’t touch deep topics. And, it remained shallow. Depth was out of reach with all but my closest friends and family, and maybe one or two women in the past.

What I’ve started to feel recently is an unbelievable open mindedness, and a desire to seek depth in all my interactions. I have seen that a person’s viewpoints and beliefs are shaped by personal experience. And, I want to talk about them, and feel what they’ve felt. The people that I can successfully do this with I can get to know in a shorter time than you would believe. They will talk about their past loves. Their failures. Their successes. Their dreams. What drives them. What makes them feel. What challenges they are living with, and what they have overcome.

We’ll talk about the meaning of life. We’ll see where eachother is coming from, and where they are going. I’ll begin to understand why someone is the way they are. I’ll see how a person feels about some of the most out of bounds topics: sex, religion, love, death, I feel nothing should be left untouched.

On one date recently, I felt like I was physically vibrating with this energy, and I could see in her eyes she was feeling the same thing.

Perhaps it’s a way to filter out the dumb people. If a person is closed minded, then there is nothing for me. If all someone can talk about is how often they get drunk, I don’t want any part of it. If they don’t wonder about anything, there’s no way that I could ever talk to them about anything.

I’ve started to cut off dates and meetings if there is none of this intimacy. I don’t see any point in going further if the person doesn’t want to expand their mind, and learn about everything. If the person doesn’t travel and seek out new experiences, or at least want to, I grab the cheque. And, if the person has never really lived, what is there to share?

My time is better spent reading a book, making money, or meeting new people, than blabbering on about what we do on weekends, how much of an idiot your friend is, and why you should’ve got that promotion at work instead of Suzie. Christ.

And, it’s worked out pretty well so far. The people that I’ve always had a connection with were adventurers, seekers of knowledge, self-improvers, and driven to learn everything about everything. People who are actually living. I’ve realized my friends are all like this. The girls that actually hook are like this. The people that matter to me, that make me better as a man are like this.

It’s an overwhelmingly powerful feeling. I’ve met people on a three hour flight that have become close friends. It’s helped me deal with clients, and help them in the best way I could. The women that I meet are women that I actually want to be around, instead of club rats with no sense of humanity. I have more energy now than ever before, I don’t interact with people unless they have the same desire to live.

You can sense a person’s insecurities, their shortcomings, and what makes them tick. And, you can see where they are better than you, why they are the way they are, and what led your paths to cross on this fateful day.

If you aren’t seeking depth in everything you do, and in every person you meet you are wasting your time. I have wasted so much time, dealt with so many people that weren’t on my level, that it would lead me to drink. But, it’s made me the man I am today, and isn’t that what it’s all about?

Have you guys felt this way? Do you leave interactions if they aren’t transcending the superficial and moving into the Devine? When did this change happen for you, or have you always felt this way? It’s been fairly recent for me, I would say the last 6 months have led me to a different type of thinking, to be more open minded, and to look for connection above all else. I would be interested to hear your stories about your deepest connections, and how it makes a difference in you relationships and overall life.

Post: #2

So well articulated. Makes a life worth more than what we are materially, probably the only thing that matters in life ultimately: connection. Without some form of it, you can't ever win for every victory will feel like a hollow bell, happiness and peace are multiplied when shared with good people.

Materialists and marxists will never understand this. It was never about the money and never will be. The sharing of happiness and life experiences not material wealth is what brings meaning, as a stoic defence against futility.

Post: #3

I have shifted my focuses in business to actually helping people and this is making the biggest difference. I think that too often we can look at the negative side of capitalism, where the best side is left alone: you can actually help other people, and both parties can gain.

Instead of being this Darwinian cynic, I am starting to see that each and every interaction can be utilized for both sides to learn, grow, and in the business sense, profit.

It's this amazing feeling when you seek to learn from another person, connect with them on an experiential basis, and see how your perspectives may be different going through the exact same things.

Post: #4

Not to diss anyone personally here, but Americans, Canadians and Anglo - Saxons in general are hard to form connections with. Discussions among "friends" here even are so superficial that it's absurd. Talking about weather, where their kids went to college, how much their car costs etc.nobody is really interested in each other and if you try to play the role of "active listener" they still won't open up. So paranoid and suspicious.

I've formed very meaningful bonds with people from abroad, including women.

Post: #5

(07-21-2018 06:57 PM)TigerMandingo Wrote:  Not to diss anyone personally here, but Americans, Canadians and Anglo - Saxons in general are hard to form connections with. Discussions among "friends" here even are so superficial that it's absurd. Talking about weather, where their kids went to college, how much their car costs etc.nobody is really interested in each other and if you try to play the role of "active listener" they still won't open up. So paranoid and suspicious.

I've formed very meaningful bonds with people from abroad, including women.

I have experienced this as well, that it takes longer to get to know someone that has only lived in the most Western of countries.

I feel that those conversations are a pure waste of time however, I won't really entertain them any more, for my own sanity. This is probably why I could never work in a conventional workplace, this is the sort of thing that people discuss over Happy hours and at the water cooler. I would sooner blow my brains out.

Post: #6

the deepest connection you can probably have with another person is taking a girls virginity/being her first real relationship. You will constantly be in the back of her mind especially if you gave her a notable experience. You will be the one she compares everyone else to moving forward.

Post: #7

(07-22-2018 09:18 AM)rotinz Wrote:  the deepest connection you can probably have with another person is taking a girls virginity/being her first real relationship. You will constantly be in the back of her mind especially if you gave her a notable experience. You will be the one she compares everyone else to moving forward.

Perhaps. I think that in our society today that this connection is heavily devalued however, to the point of triviality.

I also believe that if we are talking about touching the soul of another person, that sex is not necessarily a requirement. Far from it. Have you ever sat down over a coffee with a friend and just vibed based on the conversation, and felt that you truly understood where they were coming from, or felt their pain or happiness as your own?

This is more what I am talking about in deep connection, it doesn't have to be romantic. I would enjoy more romantic encounters that felt like this, in fact, I will probably filter women out based on this. I just don't have time for superficiality anymore, I don't want shallow thinking around me.

Post: #8

(07-22-2018 12:38 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

(07-22-2018 09:18 AM)rotinz Wrote:  the deepest connection you can probably have with another person is taking a girls virginity/being her first real relationship. You will constantly be in the back of her mind especially if you gave her a notable experience. You will be the one she compares everyone else to moving forward.

Perhaps. I think that in our society today that this connection is heavily devalued however, to the point of triviality.

I also believe that if we are talking about touching the soul of another person, that sex is not necessarily a requirement. Far from it. Have you ever sat down over a coffee with a friend and just vibed based on the conversation, and felt that you truly understood where they were coming from, or felt their pain or happiness as your own?

This is more what I am talking about in deep connection, it doesn't have to be romantic. I would enjoy more romantic encounters that felt like this, in fact, I will probably filter women out based on this. I just don't have time for superficiality anymore, I don't want shallow thinking around me.

It's not even just the physical aspect of the sex and taking a girls virginity. But just being her first real relationship and if it's a really notable relationship that will form a deep connection, so it's really not just about the sex.

Post: #9

I saw another post on another forum that sort of touches on this.

"(Title)I Asked a Female Just Now if Girls Never get Over the Guy Who Took Their Virginity

I was talking to a very blackpilled fellow last night who has had a lot of sex. He said the girls whos virginites he took still never forget him and always text him. Furthermore, I know a female who is getting back with the first dick that entered its pussy after around 3-4 years apart. All that time passed, and the female never got over it (Said female once TOLD me that girls take a really long time to forget their first guy.) That is what I have been saying for over a year on these forums. VIRGINITY IS VITALLY IMPORTANT.

So I asked a separate female friend about this just a few minutes ago via snapchat. I asked if girls NEVER forget their first guy. Her response? I quote: "Deff, like I still feel lowkey connected to my first guy and I can't stand him". Notice how she describes herself as being "CONNECTED" to him. This is 4 years later, btw.

I'd screenshot it but I feel like that's getting out of my lane. Daily reminder that if you are not a female's first sexual experience, there is absolutely zero point in entering a "relationship" with said femshit. Human beings are hardwired to be monogamous, used garbage will not cut it, nor will I ever "settle" for used garbage."

By taking a girls virginity and also having a loving relationship with her that is the deepest connection you can form with another person, nothing else probably even comes close. That girl will remember you for the rest of her life.

Post: #10

I don't want to discourage OP but will point out that a lot of things in life get further from you as you search for them. Happiness, for an example, is not a goal you generally can attain directly, but only indirectly.

I do think its a sign a maturity that eventually you seek higher quality in your relationships.

However, there seems to be a negative theme above which suggests that you cut people off. Ironically, I suspect that the best way to go about it is to give higher value. I agree with the person above who mentioned that in business, he felt the removal of success when he focused on serving his customers. A lot of successful entrepreneurs report the same thing - they did it for the challenge, or for the user community, rather than for the money, and then the money came in spades.

Think about ways that you can improve your interpersonal relationships. Rather than cut people off, try to take the first step. Plant seeds.

Dale Carnegie said to be genuinely interested in other people. Try to determine what challenges they face; merely knowing these is the first step to empathizing. Do an unsolicited favor for someone; this could be something simple, like making an introduction.

Finally, check out the community service thread. There are a lot of unexpected benefits that flow to you when you serve others.

Post: #11

Experiencing deeper connections with others I think is more random and temporary. It is hardly ever permanent. You see a momentary glimpse of depth in someone or something and then it goes back to the shallowness of daily living. Even those party hard girls acting wild- you might be surprised with some of their depths.

But depth and meaning if it gets too much can also get superficial. If that is all you seek.

Real depth can only come from your relation with your higher self and and the higher power. However you experience and relate to that.

I guess it is all about balance and moderation.

Post: #12

Interesting perspectives on here, I don't think anyone is right or wrong in what they're saying, it all comes from your personal perspective.

Quote:It's not even just the physical aspect of the sex and taking a girls virginity. But just being her first real relationship and if it's a really notable relationship that will form a deep connection, so it's really not just about the sex.

Potentially, I do know that the virgins I have been with were a little more connected, and had a harder time getting over the relationship. I'm not necessarily speaking about this sort of connection however, I think what I am more getting at is the ability to talk about anything and everything with a person, and feel their experiences as your own. I get where you're coming from, I think I'm just speaking about something more universal than a relationship with women, but also with friends and family.

Post: #13

(07-23-2018 05:10 AM)Hypno Wrote:  I don't want to discourage OP but will point out that a lot of things in life get further from you as you search for them. Happiness, for an example, is not a goal you generally can attain directly, but only indirectly.

I definitely agree with this, when you only look for money, it alludes you, when you only look for a relationship with a woman, girls feel it and it doesn't ever seem to come to fruition. I think that you have to look internally for a lot of things in life, happiness being one of the most significant. Perhaps what I'm talking about with regard to connection is being comfortable with opening up (to the right people at the right times) in order to reach a deeper level.

Quote:I do think its a sign a maturity that eventually you seek higher quality in your relationships.

However, there seems to be a negative theme above which suggests that you cut people off. Ironically, I suspect that the best way to go about it is to give higher value. I agree with the person above who mentioned that in business, he felt the removal of success when he focused on serving his customers. A lot of successful entrepreneurs report the same thing - they did it for the challenge, or for the user community, rather than for the money, and then the money came in spades.

I have started to work towards helping people find their own success, and in return, am finding success along with them. As for cutting people off I will talk about a past relationship briefly.

After much introspection, and a couple months outside of the relationship, I realized that this level of connection was one of the major things missing. I am equally to blame as she is, in that I've been told in the past by many people that I am a closed book, that getting to know me is like pulling teeth, et cetera. However, there wasn't any digging deep on either side, and by the end, it was just all surface level.

We knew each other, but didn't really know each other if this makes sense. I found her parents very much the same way, in that every topic of conversation was just pointless filler. "This happened at work today", "oh did you hear about this news article". I was absolutely exhausted when I had to have a conversation with them, I felt like I had to dumb myself down, it was obvious that I didn't want to be there. There was no talk about where we were going. There was no spiritual connection. And that's part of the reason I cut it off. It wasn't going anywhere, it wasn't touching my soul.

I have also been cutting off people that don't talk about ideas, they will talk only of other people. I can talk about events for a little while, but when it is only talk of other people, I feel like a 14 year old girl gossiping. It's a complete waste of time. If we aren't having intelligent conversation, I'm out.

I don't think it's a bad thing to cut these people out of your life. It's a drain on your energy to have them around, they don't make you better in any way, and your time is exceptionally valuable. I think that there are some people that are just incapable of creating a connection, or are too far gone, and it's not my responsibility. I have a mantra that I follow every day and with every person and that is to "try to leave everyone better than you found them" in that I can make people laugh, smile, and generally brighten up their day. But, that doesn't mean that we are going to connect on the deep level that I'm seeking.

Quote:Dale Carnegie said to be genuinely interested in other people. Try to determine what challenges they face; merely knowing these is the first step to empathizing. Do an unsolicited favor for someone; this could be something simple, like making an introduction.

I 100% agree with this. "There's no place else I'd rather be, there's no one else I'd rather see". I think that it's been the thing I've been working on the most out of anything in my interactions and relationships, in that I have been taking a genuine interest in the people I meet. Some people aren't at all interesting, they don't make the cut. Some people take a little bit of time to open up, but when they do, they're a treasure trove, those are the people you want in your life. Some people open right up if you're willing to listen. 90% of people don't listen. You become an amazing conversationalist once you learn to shut up, stop talking about yourself, and listen to the other person.

Post: #14

(07-23-2018 09:24 AM)Bain Wrote:  Experiencing deeper connections with others I think is more random and temporary. It is hardly ever permanent. You see a momentary glimpse of depth in someone or something and then it goes back to the shallowness of daily living. Even those party hard girls acting wild- you might be surprised with some of their depths.

Can you elaborate more on this?

Post: #15

TheFinalEpic Wrote:As for cutting people off I will talk about a past relationship briefly.

After much introspection, and a couple months outside of the relationship, I realized that this level of connection was one of the major things missing. I am equally to blame as she is, in that I've been told in the past by many people that I am a closed book, that getting to know me is like pulling teeth, et cetera. However, there wasn't any digging deep on either side, and by the end, it was just all surface level.

We knew each other, but didn't really know each other if this makes sense. I found her parents very much the same way, in that every topic of conversation was just pointless filler. "This happened at work today", "oh did you hear about this news article". I was absolutely exhausted when I had to have a conversation with them, I felt like I had to dumb myself down, it was obvious that I didn't want to be there. There was no talk about where we were going. There was no spiritual connection. And that's part of the reason I cut it off. It wasn't going anywhere, it wasn't touching my soul.

My musings…

Different types of compatibility:
- physical – physical attraction, is she your type, does she get you hot and bothered from a distance
- sexual – does she tick your boxes in the bedroom, fulfil all your sexual needs, etc., or are you left wanting more
- emotional – empathy, picking up on each other’s emotional states, and being able to pace and lead her
- cognitive – can you have stimulating conversations with her, are you interested in similar topics (history, theatre, fiction, movies, quantum physics )

Love languages:
- Gifts
- Quality time
- Verbal affirmation
- Acts of service and devotion
- Physical touch

That bolded part in your post above resonates with me as I’ve heard the “pulling teeth” verbatim…almost like these girls read from the same script. The reality is, while there was physical attraction, you were left wanting in the other departments, particularly in the cognitive stimulation. If you’re not in the same ballpark on the things important to each other, it’s not going to fly.

If you know you'll have to choose your words very carefully when explaining things that caught your eye, you're probably going to "open up" less to begind with.

In my case...this came up every time my ex and I had an argument about the latest <social issue that didn’t matter>. She was in a creative profession, very emotionally driven, and a bleeding-heart liberal, and I’m a highly logical, analytical minded conservative.

Her: <blah blah, current event that impacts me as a young minority woman>
Me: <grunt of disinterest about current event>
Her: can’t you see why this affects me?
Me: <holding back, short logical response to why it doesn’t emotionally affect either of us in the slightest>
Her: this is important to me, why isn’t it important to you?
Me, <after a failed emotional attempt to derail conversation…> alright, you asked for it…give short summary of my POV…goes over her head and has too many variables for her to track
Her: so you don't think <current event> should matter to me?
…escalates from there…

There’s a theory that beyond a gap of more than two standard deviations in IQ (about 15 points), communication becomes more challenging – the high-IQ person gets frustrated at the other person’s lack of interest or ability to understand the same subjects, while the low-IQ person gets frustrated at the other person’s complexity and perceived arrogance.

Here is a couple of quick reads on the subjects...
http://voxday.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-excluded.html
http://voxday.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-iq-delta.html

Vox Day Wrote:Members of high IQ societies, especially those that require D15IQs above 145, often comment that around this IQ, qualitatively different thinking emerges. By this they mean that the 145+ D15IQ person doesn't just do the same things, intellectually, as a lower IQ person, just faster and more accurately, but actually engages in fundamentally different intellectual processes.

To make this short...your experience just shows that when in doubt, find a smarter chick to chill with.

Post: #16

(07-21-2018 06:57 PM)TigerMandingo Wrote:  Not to diss anyone personally here, but Americans, Canadians and Anglo - Saxons in general are hard to form connections with. Discussions among "friends" here even are so superficial that it's absurd. Talking about weather, where their kids went to college, how much their car costs etc.nobody is really interested in each other and if you try to play the role of "active listener" they still won't open up. So paranoid and suspicious.

I've formed very meaningful bonds with people from abroad, including women.

Yes. Americans tend to be more friendly but also more SURFACE level, even if not superficial.. harder to bond more in depth.

(07-22-2018 12:38 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

(07-22-2018 09:18 AM)rotinz Wrote:  the deepest connection you can probably have with another person is taking a girls virginity/being her first real relationship. You will constantly be in the back of her mind especially if you gave her a notable experience. You will be the one she compares everyone else to moving forward.

Perhaps. I think that in our society today that this connection is heavily devalued however, to the point of triviality.

I also believe that if we are talking about touching the soul of another person, that sex is not necessarily a requirement. Far from it. Have you ever sat down over a coffee with a friend and just vibed based on the conversation, and felt that you truly understood where they were coming from, or felt their pain or happiness as your own?

This is more what I am talking about in deep connection, it doesn't have to be romantic. I would enjoy more romantic encounters that felt like this, in fact, I will probably filter women out based on this. I just don't have time for superficiality anymore, I don't want shallow thinking around me.

Most people do not have the introspective, cognitive, reflection oriented "mind-intellect-sensory" systems. And like me, if you meditate & ponder on deeper life truths and spirituality then even if you can get some folks going there, mostly they are full of "bull shit reading" they've done (Over Intellectual Bibliophile girls & guys - who think their excessive crap reading without contemplation matters) and not really pondered over. They'll ramble about Freakonomics or Sapiens blah blah! blabber..

Its not so much their content but the SPACE from where their content is coming is shallow.

Depth is EXPERIENCED in Life. PAIN, ADVERSITY, SENSITIVITY, AWARENESS, INTROSPECTION brings DEPTH & vice versa.
An Easy Shallow life does not bring depth.
Even Siddhartha was a Prince in India, when he saw suffering & people outside of his Palace he felt & contemplated the the Meaning of Life & Suffering.
That's when he left the Palace overnight in a Seeking... deeper & deeper..
Which eventually led to his Self Realization.. as Gautam Buddha.

I'd drifted away from a lot of people because of this.. but now I have a few, and dont expect most people to go deep.. Enjoy each in limited amounts.

(08-04-2018 12:49 PM)polar Wrote:  

TheFinalEpic Wrote:As for cutting people off I will talk about a past relationship briefly.

After much introspection, and a couple months outside of the relationship, I realized that this level of connection was one of the major things missing. I am equally to blame as she is, in that I've been told in the past by many people that I am a closed book, that getting to know me is like pulling teeth, et cetera. However, there wasn't any digging deep on either side, and by the end, it was just all surface level.

We knew each other, but didn't really know each other if this makes sense. I found her parents very much the same way, in that every topic of conversation was just pointless filler. "This happened at work today", "oh did you hear about this news article". I was absolutely exhausted when I had to have a conversation with them, I felt like I had to dumb myself down, it was obvious that I didn't want to be there. There was no talk about where we were going. There was no spiritual connection. And that's part of the reason I cut it off. It wasn't going anywhere, it wasn't touching my soul.

My musings…

Different types of compatibility:
- physical – physical attraction, is she your type, does she get you hot and bothered from a distance
- sexual – does she tick your boxes in the bedroom, fulfil all your sexual needs, etc., or are you left wanting more
- emotional – empathy, picking up on each other’s emotional states, and being able to pace and lead her
- cognitive – can you have stimulating conversations with her, are you interested in similar topics (history, theatre, fiction, movies, quantum physics )

Love languages:
- Gifts
- Quality time
- Verbal affirmation
- Acts of service and devotion
- Physical touch

That bolded part in your post above resonates with me as I’ve heard the “pulling teeth” verbatim…almost like these girls read from the same script. The reality is, while there was physical attraction, you were left wanting in the other departments, particularly in the cognitive stimulation. If you’re not in the same ballpark on the things important to each other, it’s not going to fly.

If you know you'll have to choose your words very carefully when explaining things that caught your eye, you're probably going to "open up" less to begind with.

In my case...this came up every time my ex and I had an argument about the latest <social issue that didn’t matter>. She was in a creative profession, very emotionally driven, and a bleeding-heart liberal, and I’m a highly logical, analytical minded conservative.

Her: <blah blah, current event that impacts me as a young minority woman>
Me: <grunt of disinterest about current event>
Her: can’t you see why this affects me?
Me: <holding back, short logical response to why it doesn’t emotionally affect either of us in the slightest>
Her: this is important to me, why isn’t it important to you?
Me, <after a failed emotional attempt to derail conversation…> alright, you asked for it…give short summary of my POV…goes over her head and has too many variables for her to track
Her: so you don't think <current event> should matter to me?
…escalates from there…

There’s a theory that beyond a gap of more than two standard deviations in IQ (about 15 points), communication becomes more challenging – the high-IQ person gets frustrated at the other person’s lack of interest or ability to understand the same subjects, while the low-IQ person gets frustrated at the other person’s complexity and perceived arrogance.

Here is a couple of quick reads on the subjects...
http://voxday.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-excluded.html
http://voxday.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-iq-delta.html

Vox Day Wrote:Members of high IQ societies, especially those that require D15IQs above 145, often comment that around this IQ, qualitatively different thinking emerges. By this they mean that the 145+ D15IQ person doesn't just do the same things, intellectually, as a lower IQ person, just faster and more accurately, but actually engages in fundamentally different intellectual processes.

To make this short...your experience just shows that when in doubt, find a smarter chick to chill with.

Oh! I feel you on this.. Feeding on her own soul and my soul with BULLSHIT CHATTER.

"When Buddha got enlightened on that full moon day in the month of May, he maintained #silence for a whole week.
All the angels in the heaven got frightened. They knew that it was only once in a #millennium that someone #blossoms like Buddha. They requested him to say something.

He said, “Those who know, #know even #without my #saying it and those who do not know will not know even by my saying it." Buddha said, "Words cannot #convey it. As many #scriptures in the #past have #revealed, #truth begins where words #end.” The angels said, “What you say is right. But consider those who are in between, who are neither fully enlightened nor totally ignorant. For them, a few words will give a push. Please speak for their sake. Every word of yours will create silence.” The purpose of #words is to create silence. If words create more noise, they have not reached their goal."

--------------------

Head-to-head communication is through thoughts & words. Heart-to-heart communication is via feelings. Soul-to-soul communication is silence.

There's nothing deeper than the silent depths within..

PS: Hoping to find & run into more such people.

Post: #17

Last year was turning point for me, I left my career, broke up with my fiancee and turned 26, which is closer to 30 then to 20. Of course that let me to point, when I started to question everything.
Those notorical question about meaning of life or rather how to give my life a meaning still became unanswered. But I gained some kind of direction, that at least hopefully doesn´t lead me nowhere. I cut off a lot of friends and started to ignore all the people, who doesn´t have anything to offer me. That made me a lonewolf. My whole life I´ve been surrounded by people, whose life´s are heavily touched by alcohol. Both family and the most of friends. I am not sure, if I am capable of making a deep connection with someone, but definitely these people are not worth trying. On the other hand, between those people I have few "chosen ones", who I still keep in touch with, because of some bonds, that were formed between us by long friendship.
I recently started to read Dale Carnegie and I believe, that applying his rules really help making connections. But on the other hand, the majority of people I meet are not worth wasting my energy.

I have one older friend and I would say that we have depper connection. We often talk about "life". Sometimes he´s nihilistic and even maybe cynical, and it´s probably caused by life experiences and his natural inclination to this thoughts.
And honestly I would love to have more friends like this, but this kind of people can´t be found at every corner.
The second deep connection I had was with my ex-fiancee. This goes in contradiction with what I say right now: It´s not possible to maintain the same deep connection with women as with men. Women only make environment for men´s thoughts, but their minds are different and deal with different issues. Actually only important issue women deal with are children.
So yes, if you have a good woman, you can deeply connect with her, but it will be totally different connection, than a man needs from another man. She will never really understand issues you are dealing with, but if she´s good, she will form kind of connection with you, that will make you good environment for dealing with the issues.

Post: #18

Went out yesterday.

Wasn't seeking a deep connection.

But a bit of human decency would have been nice.

No dice.


Fucking bores. Drunks.

You can be drunk and not be a bore.
You can be sober and be a bore.

I can't even.

In this vacuum, it gives the perfect environment for the truly vulnerable to get fleeced and taken in.

Oh, I did meet one guy. We got to talking about the latest advancements in marijuana horticulture. Not that either one of us has ever grown, of course. No way. Definitely not.

His missus called him up and asked where he was. He was having such a great time talking to me he ordered another pint. We chewed the fat a bit more. But when his pint was done he was gone. I was sad to see him go. He was good company. I got talking to him by asking him the time and seeing his reaction. I did genuinely want to know the time though.

We talked about growing, we talked about Jesus and the Lord (he was a believer, I was a seeker), we talked about Cocker Spaniels and dog breeding. It was fun.

I came back from my day out with greater contempt for people. I hate the cunts really. Stuck up bitches. Fucking ponces and nancy boys.

I got mine. Fuck everyone else.

I can go as deep as any motherfucker will.

But you know, time and a place.

I hope you find yours...


People are fucking beautiful, men and women (no homo).

Find the right one. And just bask in that shine.