Post: #1

Hey alphas. I've been lurking these forums for the last few months. First time poster.

I've been with my girlfriend now for one year and 11 months. I'm a single father and she's a single mother. I'm 33 and she's 29. When we met a couple years ago (a month until we were official) She had her own place that she was paying for with welfare and child support from her kids father. She was also working.

5 months in, she got pregnant. 5 months after that, I moved her and her kid out of her place and moved them into my place (with my son.) Our baby was born shortly after. We then got a house together which is where I am today.

I've done everything to provide for our family. I work over 60 hours weekly. She hasn't worked in over 2 years. She's a stay at home mom, tending to the kids. She says she wants to start working...when that will be, I have no clue.

There was always an issue with her seeking attention from other guys pretty much since the start of our relationship. It happens in spurts, I'll notice her Liking other guys pics on FB or IG. Then I wont notice it, then a couple months later I'll catch it again. She even follows a couple of her exes on IG and they both have moved on and have other girlfriends now. There was a time she was consistently Liking one of her ex's pics. She does it on IG and she conveniently thinks that I don't have an IG (when I really do.)

She once mentioned in a FB comment to one of our friends that she didn't see a marriage happening, despite us living together and having a baby together. This was months ago. She makes fun of my looks from time to time.

A few days ago, we went to a friends wedding and she posted a pic of us on FB and wrote "I guess we can clean up well sometimes"... didn't say that with much conviction.

What do I do from here?

Post: #2

Dump her.

The relationship sounds toxic, and I think she knows that you're too commited with a house and kids and everything to leave either.

There is no probable way of fixing a relationship this bad with a damaged american woman. You're better off just leaving and starting again. She will probably try and be nice after that, it's just an act, don't fall for it. Go find yourself a nice girl. Life is too short. You can still be a good dad to your kid.

Also 'Hey Alphas'? lol.

Post: #3

Since you have a kid with her and live together, I would advise couples counseling and everything you can do to see if things can improve. My marriage with my ex ultimately didn't work, but as gay as this sounds we got a lot of usefulness out of a book called The Five Love Languages.

If it were as simple as a girlfriend living with you, then yeah I'd agree with others and say to NEXT! her. But having the kid with her, to me that makes the relationship worth working on. I'm assuming you're already maximizing your looks/attractiveness, have cool hobbies and are in the gym religiously.

Post: #4

Most guys will tell you to sacrifice your happiness and work on your relationship with some evil bitch who has you by the balls because of the kids. If you don't pay for expensive counselling and do everything possible to make it the bitch haaaappy you're kids will grow up to be drug dealers and crack whores. Even here on RVF you will get that advice.

I don't agree with that, and the problem with that kind of advice is you end up with more problems to deal with. At some point it's better to just cut your losses and accept you fucked up and start again. If you're in a hole and you keep trying to dig your way out of it. You're falling victim to 'sunk cost fallacy' It happens to everyone who's been in a long term relationship, you think you've invested so much time, money, energy that you need to fix it, you can't just throw it all away, even when that is the better option.

Post: #5

(09-12-2018 11:04 PM)RedPillUK Wrote:  Dump her.

The relationship sounds toxic, and I think she knows that you're too commited with a house and kids and everything to leave either.

There is no probable way of fixing a relationship this bad with a damaged american woman. You're better off just leaving and starting again. She will probably try and be nice after that, it's just an act, don't fall for it. Go find yourself a nice girl. Life is too short. You can still be a good dad to your kid.

Also 'Hey Alphas'? lol.

They don't have kids together. They are both single parents. Nonetheless I agree with you

Post: #6

(09-13-2018 01:14 PM)quaker13 Wrote:  

(09-12-2018 11:04 PM)RedPillUK Wrote:  Dump her.

The relationship sounds toxic, and I think she knows that you're too commited with a house and kids and everything to leave either.

There is no probable way of fixing a relationship this bad with a damaged american woman. You're better off just leaving and starting again. She will probably try and be nice after that, it's just an act, don't fall for it. Go find yourself a nice girl. Life is too short. You can still be a good dad to your kid.

Also 'Hey Alphas'? lol.

They don't have kids together. They are both single parents. Nonetheless I agree with you

Yes, they have a kid together.

Quote:5 months in, she got pregnant. 5 months after that, I moved her and her kid out of her place and moved them into my place (with my son.) Our baby was born shortly after.

They aren't married, but this makes things a fuck ton more complicated.

Calling a girl out on social media or having her delete hers is a tough sell especially if you don't have shit for frame.

This dude works his ass off but it isn't enough - he needs to start working out (if he isn't already), start eating clean, and start dressing better.

When a bitch notices more girls talking to her man, she starts making changes so her man will notice her.

If a girl ever made fun of me, she'd get her ass nuked, girls know better with me. If they wanna play that game, they'll get burned, it's happened before and they learned their lesson.

You ALWAYS have to be putting it down when it comes to girls.

Unfortunately the OP was tough sell and a weak frame, he needs some inner game help here.

While counseling might help, not sure if it's a save all.

What's more complicated is their kids being attached to the opposite sex parent.


Honestly I don't have kids, never been engaged, nor married, so I can't give much else as far as input.

Post: #7

Its hard to change the rules, since OP has been letting her disrespect slide.

He is also in a hole because she has the power (via courts) of the house and kids to wield against him.

Sure, he can increase SMV (lose weight, dress better and learn game).

But I think the bottom line here is, are you willing to risk it all to fix this? I agree with other poster, in that ultimately you probably have to leave this relationship unless she changes.

That being said, its worth a shot.

Sit down with her and lay down the new rules:

She quits all social media, she stops disrespecting you. No more flirting with guys.

You tell her either shes does this, or you walk out. You have to be prepared to walk out.

I think there is a high chance this will work.

Post: #8

(09-12-2018 08:13 PM)TimFromDC Wrote:  ...She makes fun of my looks from time to time....

Maybe she better looking than you? If this is the case you need money to keep her!

Post: #9

I am sorry to say that you are the Beta Bucks part of “Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.” This is probably not salvageable, but since you have a child together you should at least make an effort.

While he eventually went purple pill and then disappeared, Athol Kay’s first (and much more red pill) book Married Man Sex Life Primer might be worth a read for you. Also take a look at Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy.

I wish you luck. You’re in a very tough spot right now.

Post: #10

(09-12-2018 08:13 PM)TimFromDC Wrote:  Hey alphas. I've been lurking these forums for the last few months. First time poster.

I've been with my girlfriend now for one year and 11 months. I'm a single father and she's a single mother. I'm 33 and she's 29. When we met a couple years ago (a month until we were official) She had her own place that she was paying for with welfare and child support from her kids father. She was also working.

5 months in, she got pregnant. 5 months after that, I moved her and her kid out of her place and moved them into my place (with my son.) Our baby was born shortly after. We then got a house together which is where I am today.

I've done everything to provide for our family. I work over 60 hours weekly. She hasn't worked in over 2 years. She's a stay at home mom, tending to the kids. She says she wants to start working...when that will be, I have no clue.

There was always an issue with her seeking attention from other guys pretty much since the start of our relationship. It happens in spurts, I'll notice her Liking other guys pics on FB or IG. Then I wont notice it, then a couple months later I'll catch it again. She even follows a couple of her exes on IG and they both have moved on and have other girlfriends now. There was a time she was consistently Liking one of her ex's pics. She does it on IG and she conveniently thinks that I don't have an IG (when I really do.)

She once mentioned in a FB comment to one of our friends that she didn't see a marriage happening, despite us living together and having a baby together. This was months ago. She makes fun of my looks from time to time.

A few days ago, we went to a friends wedding and she posted a pic of us on FB and wrote "I guess we can clean up well sometimes"... didn't say that with much conviction.

What do I do from here?

its hard to say because I can tell you love her. maybe you can throw some responsibilities her way and get her involved than ur current routine of working 60 hours a week. working 6 days a week is brutal.

Post: #11

in almost all LTRs the girls end up disrespecting the guy in some way or form.. either she starts to flirt other guys or she refuses to do sex frequently like in the begining of the relationship. you have to sit down and tell her you cannot tolerate that nonsense
if she says she will stop but still does it or finds a new way to disrespect you. then get a new girl and let her know you cheated (last attempt) or end the relationship.

Post: #12

(09-14-2018 11:17 AM)MikeInRealLife Wrote:  I am sorry to say that you are the Beta Bucks part of “Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.”

Howso?

Post: #13

He means because you are the provider but your girl is disrespecting you and appears to be liking pics of other guys.

What is your feeling about this rel, do you want to keep her? Do you love her? Could you stand losing her?

Post: #14

Hate to say it, but get a DNA test on the kid you had with her.

Post: #15

(09-18-2018 10:19 AM)Jefferson Wrote:  He means because you are the provider but your girl is disrespecting you and appears to be liking pics of other guys.

What is your feeling about this rel, do you want to keep her? Do you love her? Could you stand losing her?

I really do love her. She knew that from the beginning. I seem to be carrying most of the weight in the relationship (being that I work and got us this house.)

Post: #16

(09-18-2018 08:36 PM)Dr Mantis Toboggan Wrote:  Hate to say it, but get a DNA test on the kid you had with her.

The kid is most definitely mine. Looks very little like her and is a splitting image of me.

Post: #17

(09-28-2018 08:56 PM)TimFromDC Wrote:  

(09-18-2018 08:36 PM)Dr Mantis Toboggan Wrote:  Hate to say it, but get a DNA test on the kid you had with her.

The kid is most definitely mine. Looks very little like her and is a splitting image of me.

Based on what you said in the OP, the kid is about 9 months old. Thinking an infant is the "spitting image" of an adult man is your subconscious mind picking out details that resemble yours. Now consider that since she is or was physically attracted to you, she likely is also physically attracted to other guys who have similar physical features to yours.

I'm not saying the kid isn't yours, I'm saying you need to find out for sure. And you need to do it now, for three reasons--first, the kid is young enough that when he gets older he won't remember or ask questions about the time you took him into a strange office and a lady swabbed the inside of his mouth with a Q-tip. Second, if the kid isn't yours, you need to cut that emotional bond off now for your own mental health (as well as the child's and your other kid's), before he starts to get old enough to really develop a personality. Third, financial reasons; not only are you obviously paying every day to raise the kid, but most states have a cutoff somewhere between age 2-4 which is a deadline for a man to dispute paternity. If you miss that deadline and later find out the kid isn't yours, you're on the hook for child support to age 18 even if you can prove with 100% certainty that the kid isn't yours.

Seriously, the very next time your girlfriend leaves you alone with the kid you need to get him tested. Have the documentation sent to an address your wife doesn't know about (your work or a friend/family member's house if you feel comfortable doing that). If it's yours, great, go about your life and your wife never needs to know you even checked. If it isn't yours, you are infinitely better off knowing that. You have absolutely nothing to lose by doing this (aside from the relatively minimal cost of the test) and an absolute shit ton, maybe even your life if you find out when the kid is older and it drives you insane, to lose by not doing it. On the other hand, since you guys aren't married, if the kid isn't yours then there is absolutely nothing keeping you there and you can be out of the relationship as quickly as you can figure out how to handle the house (assuming both of your names are on the deed, if it's only yours then even easier).

And the thing is, if you've read this whole post then you'll never be able to get it out of your head anyway unless you can force yourself into denial--so you may as well just go do it and save yourself a lifetime of wondering.

Post: #18

Was she following the exploits of her exes on social media before you became serious with her? Or is this a recent development?

Post: #19

Sux to hear you aren't happy. I know the aforementioned advice seems harsh and you probably just want the best for your small blended family, but take the advice. Make sure the kid is yours, file for joint physical and legal custody, though you'll likely be on the hook for child support because she has little incentive to work.

TBH, seeing that her last baby-daddy along with the tax payers, were subsidizing her livelihood, I'd go for for full-custody. She's unlikely to ever get her act together after having a free ride for so long.

OP's story should be a lesson for all you blokes not to ignore red flags no matter how good the poosy is.

Post: #20

(09-29-2018 01:42 PM)Dr Mantis Toboggan Wrote:  

(09-28-2018 08:56 PM)TimFromDC Wrote:  

(09-18-2018 08:36 PM)Dr Mantis Toboggan Wrote:  Hate to say it, but get a DNA test on the kid you had with her.

The kid is most definitely mine. Looks very little like her and is a splitting image of me.

Based on what you said in the OP, the kid is about 9 months old. Thinking an infant is the "spitting image" of an adult man is your subconscious mind picking out details that resemble yours. Now consider that since she is or was physically attracted to you, she likely is also physically attracted to other guys who have similar physical features to yours.

I'm not saying the kid isn't yours, I'm saying you need to find out for sure. And you need to do it now, for three reasons--first, the kid is young enough that when he gets older he won't remember or ask questions about the time you took him into a strange office and a lady swabbed the inside of his mouth with a Q-tip. Second, if the kid isn't yours, you need to cut that emotional bond off now for your own mental health (as well as the child's and your other kid's), before he starts to get old enough to really develop a personality. Third, financial reasons; not only are you obviously paying every day to raise the kid, but most states have a cutoff somewhere between age 2-4 which is a deadline for a man to dispute paternity. If you miss that deadline and later find out the kid isn't yours, you're on the hook for child support to age 18 even if you can prove with 100% certainty that the kid isn't yours.

Seriously, the very next time your girlfriend leaves you alone with the kid you need to get him tested. Have the documentation sent to an address your wife doesn't know about (your work or a friend/family member's house if you feel comfortable doing that). If it's yours, great, go about your life and your wife never needs to know you even checked. If it isn't yours, you are infinitely better off knowing that. You have absolutely nothing to lose by doing this (aside from the relatively minimal cost of the test) and an absolute shit ton, maybe even your life if you find out when the kid is older and it drives you insane, to lose by not doing it. On the other hand, since you guys aren't married, if the kid isn't yours then there is absolutely nothing keeping you there and you can be out of the relationship as quickly as you can figure out how to handle the house (assuming both of your names are on the deed, if it's only yours then even easier).

And the thing is, if you've read this whole post then you'll never be able to get it out of your head anyway unless you can force yourself into denial--so you may as well just go do it and save yourself a lifetime of wondering.

As far as the kid being mine, I have no doubt. It's not me being in denial. I have a distinctive look. I have reddish hair and bright blue eyes. My girlfriend has brown hair and brown eyes. The baby has my color hair and eyes. Looks just like me when I was a baby.

Post: #21

Some good advice on this thread. If you didn't have a baby together, I'd definitely say next her.

But the kid ...

If you aren't living with your baby, being the father figure ... somebody else will be. And you don't know who they will be or what they'll be like, but you can be sure they won't love your kid the way you do. Step-fathers and boyfriends are the source of a lot of abuse.

It'd be hard for me to walk away when my own kid is involved. I'd consider working on things to the extent that I could, and then maybe leave. Or maybe just start finding some side-pieces and mentally/emotionally distance myself from the girlfriend.

That's not fully red pill. But I have not seen the red pill fully account for kids being in the picture.

Post: #22

A couple things jump out right away.

She wants you to take better care of yourself. This is the age of instagram bro, if you don't lift, keep fit and dress like a 5'2" Spaniard (for instagram) on holiday she will hold her own insecurities against you. Sucks, but this is the social media generation, so you have to work in this system to some degree.

I proof all my wife's social media before she posts. At first she thought I was a controlling psycho but now actually likes it. It means less responsibility, and also that she actually posts only about 4 times a year. I can't stop her from liking other peoples posts, but she knows I can see that so she also acts accordingly.

Your wife has been on welfare and child support before, so she will do this again. Perhaps the best thing for you is that you were a single father before, and could easily convince the judge that you want full custody of the new baby as well. There is some advise on here from an OG - El Mechanico - that outlines how to go full silverback on getting custody of your kids.

To recap. If you have your life together - work, fitness, health, fashion, game - and she is still treating you like this; Get the fuck out, but take your kids.

If you still have work to do on yourself, and do love her despite her flags, work on yourself like a madman and watch her poosy flow back in your direction.

Post: #23

I have some anecdotal evidence that may of be of use here. I'd have to request more details to give a better picture of how things went.

I know a guy. He isn't much on the SMV scales, though he has quite a good social bag and good status in our circle. He didn't have a girlfriend and has only bedded one girl, the women he is now married to.

When he first got with her, it was a common topic of conversation to talk about how under the thumb this guy was. When ever I saw the two together it was clear she was running the show and he was just tagging along to her whims.

This went on for maybe as long as three years. He wasn't allowed to go out unless she had gone out. But it's apparent that a great degree of that was his epic gamma worrying. The only time I ever saw him for years was when she went out with her friends. He would call me up and tell me she's gone and he has a few "golden hours". It was beyond the pale cuckoldry, but I was too BP at the time to fully understand.

As the result to the lack of direction he provided, the girl did what women will do in that situation - she became extremely ratty and tryanised over him. I remember being round at their house once when she didn't know I was there; and she screamed for him to tend to whatever she wanted as if he was a piece of shit.

The relationship was her not able to direct and wobbling over the place, and him constantly walking on egg shells around her.

Then in 2016 I began splitting the guy's psyche with info. I remember his first baby-steps of admitting to me and himself that he has politically incorrect opinions. The video that red pilled us both in terms of women was this. At first he was horrified by the chauvinism, but he was drawn in and began watching all sorts of RP videos.

One night he came home drunk and she was home alone. He plops into bed and she tells him he has to go and sleep on the sofa. "No." was his reply. She wheels out the ratty behaviour to try and get him to go. "No." There was no emotional feeding. No positive, or negative for her to latch on to and go nuts. The law was being laid down and that was it.

So she goes to sleep on the sofa down stairs. He wakes up and she confronts him. He gives her nothing. He doesn't engage is her histrionics. She continues to try her ratty, unpredictable domineering behaviour. "No." He won't feed any of the bullshit.

This went on for four days. And much of the time the girl was broken down in tears, asking, "What's going on?" "Why is this happening?" and "Why are you being so mean?".

Since then. The ratty controlling side of her has been broken down and she's been provided with what she needs - a mate who won't take her shit and is providing direction. The guy has taken on quite a lot of patriarchal info and as a result she now says she just wants to say at home while he brings in the bacon.

So, it is possible to re-frame the relationship after years of gamma behaviour. But that's going to require you smashing away some parts of yourself. Somewhere behind your beta provider veneer are male impulses you are probably suppressing for some reason. Get in touch with that, then one day drop in the new frame that you're in charge.

With that said, I think he had a somewhat easier task then you. There were no kids and she wasn't addled on social media validation.

Take away: You turn up and provide with seemingly no expectations.
This needs to change to you provide and you make all the decisions, such as no Instagram at all. You're raising our kids not fuck boys.

Post: #24

(10-01-2018 12:47 AM)Alpha_Romeo Wrote:  Was she following the exploits of her exes on social media before you became serious with her? Or is this a recent development?

Well we've been together for 2 years. I noticed since the very beginning of our relationship she had been doing this kind of stuff with some local guys on/off. Some of whom I don't think she's ever even met before. I would notice it, then it would stop for a while, then it would happen again.

As far as this ex of hers, I noticed she was liking his pics about a year ago. And now again, one year later.

It might be worth noting that she does this on Instagram, and she thinks I don't have an Instagram. I have an account I use just to see what people are up to on Instagram, but there's nothing on my account. I noticed she follows some local guys on there whom she's not friends with on Facebook. And she's not friends with this ex of hers on Facebook. Almost seems like she tries to separate our relationship (which she puts on Facebook) with these men (who she seems to interact with on Instagram. She has almost no pictures of me on her Instagram at all.)

Post: #25

(10-01-2018 03:35 PM)TimFromDC Wrote:  

(10-01-2018 12:47 AM)Alpha_Romeo Wrote:  Was she following the exploits of her exes on social media before you became serious with her? Or is this a recent development?

Well we've been together for 2 years. I noticed since the very beginning of our relationship she had been doing this kind of stuff with some local guys on/off. Some of whom I don't think she's ever even met before. I would notice it, then it would stop for a while, then it would happen again.

As far as this ex of hers, I noticed she was liking his pics about a year ago. And now again, one year later.

It might be worth noting that she does this on Instagram, and she thinks I don't have an Instagram. I have an account I use just to see what people are up to on Instagram, but there's nothing on my account. I noticed she follows some local guys on there whom she's not friends with on Facebook. And she's not friends with this ex of hers on Facebook. Almost seems like she tries to separate our relationship (which she puts on Facebook) with these men (who she seems to interact with on Instagram. She has almost no pictures of me on her Instagram at all.)

Always keep in mind that instagram is the ultimate dating fantasy site for women. Reading this forum should put that to rest.

If she is gonna have instagram, it should be for things that make both your lives better. She should only be using it for fitness tips, home improvement DIY, kids crafts and healthy recipes.