Post: #26

I’ve been married for a while and recently decided to refocus on building new male friendships since we moved cities and left our old social connections behind. I think male camaraderie is important - it’ll never be the same as with people that you literally grew up with but I’ve found that since I’ve focused on it it hasn’t been hard to build reasonably good friendships. Definitely you’re more discerning when you’re older - if someone doesn’t bring the right type of energy and direction to your life why put the effort into building a new connection. But I disagree that it has to be about material things. I’ve taken the approach of meeting people through interests - sports, lifting, music, work, local politics and it’s been relatively successful. Don’t want to self dox but I’m living in a pretty large metro area in the US. NYC in general is the last place I’d want to live

Post: #27

If you live somewhere where you have no history (i.e. you didn't go to school there) all that happens as the years go by is that you just become more familiar with the place. After some time you start recognizing some faces when you're out and about, but you don't really know anyone. The longer you spend there, the more comfortable you get, and you feel like you have a connection to the place but really you don't.

Even if you join some club I don't think that helps much. And you won't really make friends at work because in most workplaces no one knows anyone and it's rare to find someone you have something in common with. It will be cordial at best.

And even if you stay in your home town, people are going to move away. And if you come back to your home town after years away, you'll have the spooky feeling of familiarity (because you know the place well, even if it may have changed a bit) combined with alienation, because new people will have arrived, people you knew will have left, and overall it won't be the same place, spiritually. It will be like you arrived in a brand new location. The old place won't exist any more, except as a memory.

The best thing to do is to move somewhere where the culture puts a lot of emphasis on community, and then make yourself known and liked. Raise your kids on a street where there are families living their lives in close proximity and visibility to each other. You shouldn't have to rely on artificial constructs such as clubs and associations if the culture is already a social one. If you hear people talking about how so and so just got married, or so and so just had a kid, or you notice that people tend to be a bit nosy, you're probably in a good place. The nosiness is a small price to pay.

Post: #28

Plato's thing about not having more than 5 friends is true. Friendship is hard to maintain, but it's much easier for guys. New York is a pretty brutal place, you'd find things different in a less wealthy city.