Post: #1

Pretty depressed with how my life is going.

I've decided to try some new things, going to try to force/robot myself because a lot of these go against my lazy urges:

1. Sleep earlier
2. Get up and workout first thing
3. Quite using social media and my phone in general so much
4. In free time work on work, cleaning, etc (instead of gaming and stuff)
5. Be more confident/outgoing/put up with bullshit less
6. Stop masturbating
7. Eat less+eat healthier

Got any other suggestions? Wish me luck.

Post: #2

Pace yourself with the self improvement, all that is good stuff but this shit doesn't happen overnight. It is a long term struggle, you will slip from time to time, be ready for it, good luck

Post: #3

That’s good stuff, buddy. I was there for a few years for myself, but luckily I’ve been out of it and doing really well for about 5 years now. Hang in there. In my experience consistent effort was the key. Make yourself do these things for 6 months and one day you will realize that something like NOT going to the gym with fuck your day up. If I can do it then so can you. And #5 usually comes along with the rest.

Post: #4

Good luck on this new road bro.

I wouldn't go all in since the first moment because usually people stop doing it in 2-3 weeks, when lack of motivation appears
I would start doing one or two things on the list and whenever you feel totally ok doing it (1 month or so) you add one or two more. If you do this you can focus totally in change some areas of your mindset and when you don't feel like doing it you can force yourself easily. This is like diet, if suddenly you change totally your habits probably you will fail. That is why most of the people fail dieting, they start so motivated but in 1-2 months (or even less) they eat bad again because the discipline is the key and if you change your whole world...most likely you wont be able to force yourself to do everything.

However is just my opinion and how would i do that

Good luck

Post: #5

Read "Awaken The Giant Within". It really helps in trying to re-wire your mind to have positive values and references that help you achieve your goals consistently. The idea of using pain & pleasure as motivation can also give you ideas on how to keep up with your list until all the things become habits.

Post: #6

Your forget about most important part: Learning Game and approaching girls.

Post: #7

Inner Game , Inner Game . here list of books for inner game :
1- The Rational Male
2-The Rational Male-Positive Musicality
3- The manual

Post: #8

Thank you for the advice.

And the idea was when I’m happy with myself girls will come naturally

Post: #9

(12-02-2018 03:32 PM)Quays2 Wrote:  Thank you for the advice.

And the idea was when I’m happy with myself girls will come naturally

This is true given you are in a situation where you can interact with women.
If this not the case, then you have to approach .

Post: #10

Also - Every day do one thing that you usually procrastinate:
Approach, work out, read, walk, see a place you haven't seen, call someone you wanted to talk to.
Or write.

Post: #11

1) As others have alluded to...Don't beat yourself up when you fail, accept it happened, learn what you can from it, and continue on in the right direction.

2) YOU HAVE TO TAKE CHANCES. Get out of your comfort zone and feel some pain.

3) Get into some sort of martial art. More specifically, get into something MMAish, be it MMA itself, boxing, Muay Thai, bjj, wrestling, judo. It's an uncomfortable opinion for some, but there's nothing more that identifies with masculine essence than violent capacity. Not only will it get you physically where you need to be at, there's nothing that gives you the proper mindset for life than a little violence. I'll even take this a step further and be more specific, you can choose whichever you want to do, but at the very least, you must do 1 striking art with sparring AND wrestling. While you don't get punched in the face with wrestling, it's grueling in its own right, and in a lot of ways it's the most grueling. But you need to do something with striking (with actual sparring) to get these mental benefits. I love jiu-jitsu, it's fun, but if you ever go to a MMA gym or any gym that has striking vs. BJJ there is definitely a different mentality with the guys that do striking. In most these gyms, pretty much all the guys that do striking have also done or currently do some grappling (wrestling, BJJ). The reverse is not true.

4) Go to Boldanddetermined.com. He's got some good stuff on good habits for men.

5) In essence, don't fixate on the mental stuff too much. DO the things that you need to do and the mental stuff will happen naturally. After all, being a man isn't about spending all your time in self philosophical debate, it's about taking action. DO, DO, DO, FAIL, ASSESS WITHOUT OVERDOING IT, DO, DO, FAIL, REASSESS, DO, FAIL, REASSESS, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, SUCCEED.

Post: #12

^ nek gave good advice.

I'd recommend this thread on REBT by Dusty: /thread-28873.html

It has helped me maintain some semblance of sanity and I refer to it often. In particular, the thread provides solid & actionable advice regarding two of the points nek mentioned:
1. Don't beat yourself up when you inevitably fail.
2. You have to take chances.

While I'm always hesitant to recommend more stuff for people to read, I strongly endorse this REBT thread and think that anyone who has to deal with very stressful job or just wants to have a very solid and robust mentality will get a lot out of it. In my case, I had to learn it out of necessity and if I hadn't stumbled onto it some years ago I'd probably be way more miserable right now.

As such, I think there's a lot of benefit to be had by at least reading the first page & taking it seriously. If you feel it's good, then go from there and slowly work through it and come back to it often.
-

Lastly, you can check out this thread for some ideas about beneficial habits: /thread-53201.html

On the topic of habits, one thing Beyond Borders mentioned that really stuck with me is that you should have at least 5 reasons for WHY you're doing something. This is because with just 1 or 2 reasons it's easy to forget about them or make an excuse, but if you have 5 reasons staring you in the face, you're much less likely to stray.

Anyway, you've got a lot on your plate for now. I'll leave off with a post from Nemencine in a thread very similar to yours: /thread-36809...#pid745893

Quote:Habit. Habit formation. There is no other cure. Habit formation = auto-piloting

I am guessing you know this already. As such, your problem is not knowledge, your problem is implementation. This is true for a lot of things in life. Even picking up women.

So, how do you establish habit formation?

You choose something that is easy to do, and then do it repeatedly, over and over again. To build the force of habit.

I dont care what it is. It could be anything. It doesnt matter. Just something that is easy, then setup a time for it, and repeat it everyday for a month. Every day.

Whenever you break this rule, start all over again. Repeat this until you generate complete consistency for a solid month. Trust me, if you cannot do something that is thoroughly easy, and do it everyday at a specific time for a month, you wont be able to do something difficult or complex at an allotted time, everyday, for a month either.

This is the key.

If you cannot be bothered to run this exercise, then you can simply forget it, because nothing will change.

The reason why most people fail in follow-through with their goals and objective is because they are trying to do two things at once: They are trying to (1) accomplish difficult tasks, and (2) they are trying to establish habit formation at the same time. This is why they fail. If you are not an already disciplined person, this multi-pronged approach(goals + habit) will task your willpower beyond its limits; hence, failure. Better to create habit -- as a foundation, and then slowly stack the difficult task on top of that strong foundation.

For example, here is some people's new year resolution: Go to the gym everyday, exercise for 2 hours, and eat healthy. Most likely, they will fail to accomplish this because they are trying to accomplish a difficult task and create a habit at the same time. That is why they fail after the initial enthusiasm has died.

How can they succeed? Simply this way: The first thing they should do is just go to the gym first and exercise, then after consistency with that; they should then increase the range of exercise and time to 2 hours... then, after consistency with that, change their diet. One step at a time. Instead of trying to do all 3 at the same time. Embedded in that is the subject of segmenting your task into mini-tasks. Also, doing your task at the same time, every day, creates a pattern, which builds momentum. Momentum is harder to stop.

This why it is paramount to focus on habit formation first. Set up an easy task, and went about doing it repeatedly to get into the groove of habit formation... this will give you the mentality to then be able to setup a difficult task and do it repeatedly. You lay the foundation, then build upon it.

Another thing is goal setting: If you think you can accomplish 3 things per day. Cut it in half and do 1.5 things a day instead... and do it consistently, day in, day out for a month. Do not go over and below that 1.5 things per day, regardless of how strong or weak you feel. This kind of consistency is critical. Be strict about it. I cannot emphasis this enough. If you are feeling like a million bucks and think you can take on the world and do 9 things that day, dont do it: stick to that pattern of 1.5 things per day. Why? If you can control your feel good moods and stick to a plan; you will be able to control your bad, lethargic moods and stick to a plan. This is the core of auto-piloting. This is mastery. This also trains your mental discipline and teaches you patience. Trust me, the day will come when you will be able to do those 9 things per day; you will eventually build to that level. One essential part of discipline is being able to tolerate those small baby steps. Be patient, and take your time.

regards,

Nemencine

p.s. a good book is called "the disciplined life" by richard taylor. (dated, christian; but effective.you are not interested in the christian preachings, but the lessons inherent in there.) I am sure you can find the PDF somewhere online.

All the best!