Post: #1

So here's the deal. I come from a tight knit family. Born and raised in church, the kind of environment where if you don't go to church, you get an ass whuppin. As kids we were forced to go 3x a week.

That being said, everything that was indoctrinated in us at a young age made me and my brothers wimpy Betas for quite some time. Be nice and respectful to the ladies was the mantra. I sat back and watched my old man get walked all over by my mother.

Even as I learned game later in life, "morals" were stuck in the back of my mind. Escalation and bangs felt awkward for awhile. It never seemed right doing what I should be doing, or taking what I wanted as a man. I guess you could say that we were brainwashed by our upbringing.

Fastforward a few years and I find myself in a complicated situation. I got laid off from my corporate job, and the student loan debt and everything else began piling up. My folks offered to bail me out. Only issue is that the drama that goes with it is unreal. I'm basically just gritting my teeth until I can find something else to take care of the bills.

I am just tempted to ditch the folks all together. Delete them from facebook, etc. My sister, who was married and divorced in three weeks, showed the rest of the family my facebook. I get calls from my half crazy german mother sobbing and reading the riot act.

That being said, it's all bs and it's all nonsense. Have any of you ever had to do away with your family?

Post: #2

(06-18-2013 06:21 PM)HedoRick Wrote:  So here's the deal. I come from a tight knit family. Born and raised in church, the kind of environment where if you don't go to church, you get an ass whuppin. As kids we were forced to go 3x a week.

That being said, everything that was indoctrinated in us at a young age made me and my brothers wimpy Betas for quite some time. Be nice and respectful to the ladies was the mantra. I sat back and watched my old man get walked all over by my mother.

Even as I learned game later in life, "morals" were stuck in the back of my mind. Escalation and bangs felt awkward for awhile. It never seemed right doing what I should be doing, or taking what I wanted as a man. I guess you could say that we were brainwashed by our upbringing.

Fastforward a few years and I find myself in a complicated situation. I got laid off from my corporate job, and the student loan debt and everything else began piling up. My folks offered to bail me out. Only issue is that the drama that goes with it is unreal. I'm basically just gritting my teeth until I can find something else to take care of the bills.

I am just tempted to ditch the folks all together. Delete them from facebook, etc. My sister, who was married and divorced in three weeks, showed the rest of the family my facebook. I get calls from my half crazy german mother sobbing and reading the riot act.

That being said, it's all bs and it's all nonsense. Have any of you ever had to do away with your family?

Don't "divorce" them completely. Just keep them at a distance so you can make the decision of how much of your life they see. Delete them all from your Facebook and make your profile private - consider even changing your name.

There are all sorts of ways you can keep your social life private and still maintain a healthy relationship with your family.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #3

Whatever you do, do NOT let them bail you out financially or you'll never hear the end of it. Your pride has no price! Accept the short term financial hardship, go leave on your own, if you have to, move to another city, delete your FB account or create a new one with none of the toxic people in your life and get back on your feet. Short term financial hardship is infinitely better than a lifetime of being nagged for what they did to you when you were in need.

Good luck man!

Post: #4

Quote:Even as I learned game later in life, "morals" were stuck in the back of my mind.

Morals are for women. Men are about honor and respect. Both of which must be earned.

Post: #5

(06-18-2013 09:25 PM)Vacancier Permanent Wrote:  Whatever you do, do NOT let them bail you out financially or you'll never hear the end of it. Your pride has no price! Accept the short term financial hardship, go leave on your own, if you have to, move to another city, delete your FB account or create a new one with none of the toxic people in your life and get back on your feet. Short term financial hardship is infinitely better than a lifetime of being nagged for what they did to you when you were in need.

Good luck man!

This is good advice.

If you are a White American with a bachelors and speak fluent English, know that there are literally hundreds of cities across Asia that would put you up with room/board/salary/visa as an English Teacher. It's a portable profession that you could use to check out Korea, Thailand, Vietnam, China, and explore business opportunities or transition into other careers.

This option would have you not really suffering financial hardship and would put some geographic distance between you - if that is what you are aiming for (not saying it's right/wrong, just saying you would accomplish that).

That is, if the money and financial independence thing seems to be an issue for you.

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Physically moving to a new geographic spot can have amazing benefits for your psyche and overall well being. I was in a bit of a personal hell was I was living in Phuket because I had just surrounded myself with all the wrong kinds of toxic people. Simply packing up and hitting up a new city did wonders for me.

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I don't know how much student loan debt you have. But here are two options for hacking that:

1. 20,000 USD or under - Teach English in Korea or Thailand - I know of people who have kept their living expenses down and paid off about 20K of student loan debt in two years. If you are coming from the corporate world it is going to feel like a bit of a downgrade in terms of prestige but moving abroad and being independent and away from all this turmoil sounds like it wouldn't be a bad thing.

2. 20,000-100,000 USD - Get in touch with Scotian - he's helped people get high paying jobs in the Oil Sands and pay off their student loan debt and make some cash. It's defintiely not going to be as nice as being in Asia teaching English but you'd pay off your debt faster, leaving you free to pursue other things.

This story isn't precisely the same but shows how you can use unorthodox frugal lifestyles to pay off debt and be free:

http://www.businessinsider.com/ken-ilgun...013-6?op=1

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Don't forget that if you decide to take the English teaching route for just one year (to create some physical distance, open a new chapter/journey in your life, and start paying off those loans) - with your current corporate work experience it is likely that you can build a local network and transition into a full time job elsewhere. It'll take some work and clever networking but it's absolutely possible.

Or, like the guys at http://www.theelevatorlife.com you can explore business opportunities in your free time. That is probably the best option IMO, as it would not require you learning a foreign language.

Geoarbitrage can solve a lot of your problems IMO.

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Post: #6

I'm lucky, my mom is awesome. The only time she ever said anything to me was that I slapped some girl on the ass too hard at the bar. She was the one who wanted me to hook up with the chick in the first place. Being the good son that I am, I obliged.

Post: #7

HedoRock,
Print that great post by YMG and follow it to the letter. If you're a Canadian citizen, then moving to oil sands in Alberta is your best bet. In one year, you will be able to make/save 70-80K. If you're a US citizen, then the North Dakota is where the oil sands are located. Regardless of how big your debt load is, the oil sands is the ideal move. It'll allow you to wipe out that burden and to build a nice capital in a relatively short amount of time. And to learn a new valuable and portable skill.

Once you've cleaned that debt and have about 50k in the bank, head over to Asia. Find a teaching gig to get you in the door and use that to get into a better job/career. Or you could use that 50k to live it up, travel and build a business in China. That 50k will buy you anywhere between 2 to 5 years depending on where in Asia and your lifestyle. Plenty of time to figure out what you want to do, building a business in China, while living it up.

Good luck man!

Post: #8

Thanks for the advice. I am an American Citizen, Caucasian, English Speaker.

I decided to not take the handout. I have had several job interviews lately, and it's looking likely that I may land one soon. I might actually hear from them tomorrow. Student loans are a bitch, I got my bachelor's but also plenty of debt that goes with it.

Deleting the family off facebook ASAP... I like to call the shots in my own life but the drama and bs don't help. Financial hardship also help to cloud one's judgement.

I have also considered traveling. American chicks in the south are decent but I am starting to become bored of them as well.

BTW here's a nice little "going away" card for the fam...

Post: #9

I agree with YMG and Vancier.

Overall there is no need to completely destroy your relationship with family, you wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for the mom and pops, but if they are not dragging you up they are dragging you down.

Make the right move for your long term physical and mental health. Many times your family can be the worst part of your life.

@vancier & ymg where are you located again/what are you guys doing? I just came across your threads while flipping through biz idea stuff on here. (Also on the MBA thread ha!).

Post: #10

My family is very religious as well, so I understand exactly where you're coming from. I'm an atheist now, but I used to be deeply rooted in that religious lifestyle.

Religion teaches you that you are a piece of shit for being human. Feminism teaches you that you are a piece of shit for being a man. You lack an alpha father figure, yet you see all these buff superheroes in the movies. They are supposed to be heroes, but our society tells us that meatheads are all insensitive, brutish rapists.

No wonder men of our generation are confused. It took me a while before I realized that it's OK to be a man. I also finally understood that my parents are NOT as smart as I thought they were. They are as human as anyone else, and they make the same mistakes.

I firmly believe that the worst thing you can do is stay attached to your family. That's not to say that you should dump them entirely, or "divorce" them, as you say. Keep a line open for them, don't just fall off the map.

But don't be a slave to their whims. Become your own person, decide how you want to live. If they are coddling you, they are only holding you back. Conflict is the flame that forges a strong man. If your family doesn't challenge you to become better, you have to challenge yourself.

Post: #11

From when I left uni I've always worked in a different town to where my folks live. Seems to work well.

Now I'm living in a different continent. Maybe this an even better solution.

Post: #12

(06-18-2013 08:54 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Don't "divorce" them completely. Just keep them at a distance so you can make the decision of how much of your life they see. Delete them all from your Facebook and make your profile private - consider even changing your name.

There are all sorts of ways you can keep your social life private and still maintain a healthy relationship with your family.

By the way, just saw this got bumped and realized my post may have been misleading - I just wanted to jump in here and reiterate that I did not mean to legally change your name. LOL I just meant change your Facebook username to something arbitrary (like a nickname) after you remove them from the friends list.

Again, you can maintain a relationship yet preserve your own personal space in life. Be in control of your own bubble and choose when and if they can step in and out of it.

No reason to burn bridges.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #13

(08-09-2013 01:32 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Again, you can maintain a relationship yet preserve your own personal space in life. Be in control of your own bubble and choose when and if they can step in and out of it.

This is good advice if there is value in that relationship, and for most people I imagine there is. For myself, I cut all ties with my family fifteen years ago, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I do find that I miss having family relationships, though.

Glad to read that you didn't take the handout, HedoRick. Have you looked into deferrment or forebearance options for your loans? You might be able to buy yourself some time if you are unemployed.