Post: #1

Hi guys,

I experienced that situation with a girl recently. I know I should not care too much about one girl (because there are many more options out there), however I feel like I always get into the same pattern when I'm meeting a certain girl for a while and want to know how to get out of it/gain control over the situation.

I met her about 2.5 month ago. In the beginning I was behaving super alpha, made her crazy about me, didn't show any dependence of her and I was even dating and banging other girls at the same time.
She basically did what I suggested to do and came over to my place when I wanted her to come over.
However, things got more serious recently I kind of slipped into a relationship with her. I am not dating other girls anymore.
We spent a lot of time together (too much) since we're both students and even study together. I am aware that I developed feelings for her and that I act dependent of her. Even though I banged her well she started denying sex and it takes a lot of effort and energy for me (she is somewhat difficult to turn on) to get a bang. I started acting super beta at times (even though I'm fully aware of it!! That's crazy, I even have you rooshvforum guys' quotes in the back of my mind while acting controversially beta) such as begging her to stay at my place (if she denied I showed my disappointment), asking her what is wrong and why she doesn't want to have sex and almost always being available when she wants to meet me/talk to me. I started talking about emotional bullshit and got grumpy.

It really sucks and it seems like she starts playing with me and getting the upper hand in our "relationship".

How can I reframe myself in that situation and regain power and control over that girl again? It seems like the longer I'm dating a girl, the more beta I become (no matter what girl). How can I stay alpha even if I develop feelings for a girl?

RedGuard

Post: #2

Easy. Keep banging other girls. Lie about it if you have to.

Post: #3

Drop her. Its easier to start fresh than fix situations like this.

Uni is the most accessible place on earth for young girls. Enjoy it.

Post: #4

Don't call her or text her again. Call the girls you had been banging and start banging them again.

If it takes her one week or two months....don't call her. She'll probably call you. If she does....say "hey great to hear from you....love to see you....bring over a bottle of wine I'm cooking dinner tonight...we'll catch up."

Make her call you. Make her come to you. Make her earn you back. If she does...make her chase you by letting her doing 70 to 80 percent of the texting and calling. It's the only way you'll keep her and she'll fall for you.

She comes over with the wine....take it from there. It's restart. If she never calls again....oh well....like Atlantic said....just move on.

Post: #5

Been there , done that . I know exactly how you feel , however :

Stop initiating contact IMMEDIATELY .

If she does initiate contact , maintain frame at all costs.

Mentally prepare of the imminent break-up by :

- Start talking to other girls
- Do daily approaches
- Send restart texts to your old fuck buddies

The more you act beta the more you push your girl to continue toying with your emotions . It's in their nature .

Once you've shown a weakness , she'll repeatedly test you in that area and so far you've failed.

The truth is your girl is probably thinking about cheating on you right now .

Detaching from her emotionally by chilling with other girls will help you to re-establish frame if she eventually comes back around.

Post: #6

"Make Her Obey Again"

That word pretty much says it all. Once you lose a girl's desire for you I don't think you ever really get it back in full, and that's assuming you get it back at all.

It sounds like you are young and need to focus on being more independent IMO. Dealing with girls is a lot easier when they are never your number 1 priority.

Post: #7

I disagree with the guys saying you can't back up situations like this. You can. I've done it multiple times, even with one girl. It's emotional warfare out there, and you can always win the power back.

As we know, a woman's attention is fleeting and she only thinks of how she feels right at this very moment. It's as simple as pulling away from her without explaining why. Hanging with friends more. Not returning phone calls. Getting her hamster spinning and not getting drawn into a conversation about it.

Then just use a new attitude and set of standards for dealing with her once she's emotionally reaching towards you. The whole dynamic will change.

Wthen a woman is suddenly emotionally involved again, cringing and wondering what your brain is doing and hanging on your every word, she doesn't give a shit what stupid things you said or did two weeks ago. In fact, knowing the dependency you're capable of will frustrate her and confuse her. Dysfunction can be powerful and addicting.

Now is all that matters. Get her imagination going again.

It can seem like you're two different people in a whole new relationship after you change the cycle.

In fact, relationships go through dynamic shifts all the time. Your challenges are learning to direct those shifts rather than just getting swept along and maintaining your stronger more indifferent frame once she's back in step.

I'd say you've got your work cut out for you, but it's not rocket science.

And if you've already lost her, well, I guess you'll find out.

Play games and go back to acting right. Simple as that.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #8

As others have stated, you need to withdraw contact. If you make it too obvious, you'll come off even weaker. Just make it as though you're getting super busy: you've got new friends, joined a new club, got a part time job, are training for a marathon, etc.

It seems like you're too available, and that's a big turn off to women. If there is less supply of you, she will likely demand more.

Post: #9

Thanks guys for all the advice. It's amazing how a few tips on rooshvforum can change a whole situation. I'm fully aware of my mistakes now.
Withdrawing contact, not acting clingy and being indifferent is the key to fix this situation I think.

I started contacting her less and making her contacting me. I realized that it usually takes less than a day until she gets back to me if I don't contact her. She wants to come over to my place often, however she isn't sexually confident somewhat. I can make out with her, however if I make a move down there, there is always a lot of resistance from her side. It's hard to get a bang from her recently.
I'm trying to regain and maintain my alpha frame, however it seems like she has more power sexually and she knows I want it. She has the upper hand in terms of sex.

How can I avoid girls getting power over deciding whether I'm gonna smash her or not?

When I push through escalation she keeps saying "Nooo, not now" in a kind of playful way. Afterwards she tells me like "I kept saying No but you never listen to me." How am I supposed to respond to that?

Maybe moving on is not a bad idea

Post: #10

(12-09-2014 11:03 PM)RedGuard Wrote:  She has the upper hand in terms of sex.

How can I avoid girls getting power over deciding whether I'm gonna smash her or not?

She will always have the upper hand when it comes to sex.

Your first impulse, to keep pushing to get what you want is a sure fire way to put your life and liberty in her hands.

What you do is tease her, and be the first to pull back. The old adage that girl wants sex fifteen minutes after you do is true.

In terms of the physical, you telegraph a kiss, and just before you plant lips, give her the cheek. Continue that sort of treatment all the way up the escalation ladder. So you put her hand on your crotch, and then you move it "No more for you"

You also have to plant seeds in her mind by what you say and don't say. I'm going to assume you've talked dirty to her already, whisper that same stuff in her ear. And then accuse her of being the perv, accuse her of seducing you.

"Why are you making me feel like this"

You seduce almost by confusing her. If she's sharp, then she's playing the game with you.

You want to start warming her up through her clothes.

Push her to the brink by taking two steps forward, and one step back.

When the clothes start to come off, either
Make her undress you, or you get undressed last. You don't want to be buck naked and she's fiddling with her bra.

You have to keep heating her up, getting her wet, until she can't contain it.

Alcohol makes the process easier, but you'll be a better player if you don't rely on that, plus safer legally.

Push and pull, tease to death

Or you can do the massage

Or you can do the nervous game.

The main thing is that as a player, you're fucking her mind way before you fuck her body. That brute force thing can get you thrown in the pokey, and you might get poked.

WIA

Post: #11

If you are prepared to lose her (which you might do anyway) you might tell her what you feel and want.

Tell her that you care for her but that you feel that it might not be mutual or at least she is not acting like she cares. Make it clear that if she doesn't care then you will walk away even if you don't like that outcome.

All this will be congruent with your previous actions yet she will know that your presence isn't for granted.

If she hesitates you might want to give her a day, two or three tops to figure it out. After that, she will probably be dry as a desert or will be all yours.

Just my two cents.

Post: #12

Hi guys, I thought my following issue still fits in this thread since it concerns the same girl and is basically an update of the situation.

I've come across a major problem recently. I got into a relationship with that Korean girl and it was even me who was pushing it forward. I'm fully aware of what I'm doing and that it might not be the right thing, but I'm just doing it. She took the plane and visited me at my place after we got separated due to me returning from studying abroad. I promised her she can trust me and even said that I love her. I like her attention and her not meeting other guys. But a long distance relationship without meeting other girls is ridiculous for me even though she's probably expecting excactly that from me. There is no doubt I will meet and bang other girls if I have the chance. And there is also no doubt that lying on her is the only way to keep the relationship alive. What's wrong with me... Why I even got into this situation?

The question now is whether I'm going on a southeast asia trip for a few weeks (where there will be tons of opportunities) or visiting her in Canada for a few weeks (where I've been been studying abroad) and having a good time with her without seeing other girls.
It seems like my decisions and state of mind are guided by my emotions towards her since we've spent a lot of time together recently. I have to admit that it was a good time though.
I need some sober suggestions.

Thanks!

RedGuard

Post: #13

I'm fully aware of what I'm doing and that it might not be the right thing, but I'm just doing it.
^^^
From experience, I can tell you this is a dangerous attitude to have

You are knowingly placing yourself in misery's way, why are you doing what she is expecting of you

I've seen many guys squander their youth like this unknowingly

You seem like an enlightened guy, but even after the above advice and your own self talk you knowingly are going down a path that ends badly for you both

Post: #14

@MDP I know that it won't end well for both of us, especially for her but we can still enjoy time together. I'm always on the knife's edge and don't really know what I want in terms of relationship with girls. On one side I like commitment, full attention of one girl and being loved by her. After a while this always gets lame though and I'm craving for some more pussy.
Even if I try to be in a commited relationship, I could never be monogamous. I'm born to be a player. Sometimes it sucks, this constant need of more girls. Should I tell this to her and future girls straight away or better lie?

I need to make a decision as soon as possible. Travel SEA mostly alone for about 1 month or visit her in Canada. These are my two options right now (free until mid-end of February).

Post: #15

Be honest with yourself first

There's a lot of us who can't fathom banging the same women for the rest of our natural lives, but the killer part is that you also crave closeness to woman which is totally natural. Once you're on 1 side of the fence for awhile, the other side seems appealing. Ebb & Flow

It's also natural for unsuspecting Alpha types to "slip" into relationship mode because of ease of sex and comfort. She flipped the script though when she pinpointed your soft spot and started denying you sex. That's when the ultimatums/guilt trips/BS starts. Around these parts, they call that falling into her frame

Only you can decide if you want to continue swimming upstream against your carnal desires, or live the life of your own choosing

All the RVF advice in the world can't make that call for you man

Post: #16

(12-07-2014 09:25 PM)RedGuard Wrote:  Even though I banged her well she started denying sex and it takes a lot of effort and energy for me (she is somewhat difficult to turn on) to get a bang.

I reread your original post. Something stuck out like a sore thumb.

Even though you're likely not going to listen to me, I read the above and immediately think, "pass, move on, she's not that into you."

It's true. A girl who is way into you will NOT be difficult to turn on and start denying you sex and make it a lot of effort and energy if you are banging her well.