Post: #1

As a divorced 40 year old, I started catching interest from local women when word was out I was single. The issue is that I have 4 generations of history in this community and I work a pretty high profile career in the community. Pretty much everyone knows each other and of course at my age everyone has "history".

So the cute yoga instructor that gave me her number is my customer's ex wife. The exercise freak girl at the gym was dating a guy who is the caterer for all my events. The cute redhead sending me selfies owes my company 6 grand.... The hot motorcycle girl's dad is a big customer of the company....the 25 yo that was rubbing my shoulders at the basketball game dated an acquaintance and my daughter went to school with her sister. Her dad is maybe only 5 years older than me...

As a result I developed a social circle in the next city of 125,000 and a few long distance options to get out from under the gossip.

1) how do you deal with the local rumor mill and not get a fuckboy reputation?

2) if that can't be avoided then how do you develop that into an undercover lover reputation?

3) how do you keep from having the local community that is your clientele be your dating pool and potentially affecting your business?

Post: #2

This is difficult. I was in a similar situation and managed to get quite a reputation, even among people who didn't know me. And in this case I wasn't even doing anything extreme.

I think it works okay until something goes wrong. If the wrong person doesn't like you and starts spreading rumors--true or false--about you, it could really be devastating. I'd say pick your companions carefully and really emphasize quality over quantity.

Post: #3

I feel your pain.

About 15 years ago, when we were getting ready to retire, we sold a house in a suburban academic type neighborhood in a large university town, and bought a farm in a small town of 15,000. It's one of only two major mistakes I've made in life. The nature is fantastic - herds of deer, hawks, foxes, the occasional eagle or blue heron, bears, bobcats - but socially it's stifling. People here all know each others business, the gossip never stops, they're still feuding and holding grudges from 40 years ago in high school. Long established cliques based on old alliances or quarrels make it difficult to be involved or contribute to the community. When we want to socialize we drive the 45 minutes back to the same college town we moved out of.

In my opinion, you can't change your situation and are doing the right thing by extending your social circle to the larger next city. My town, I enjoy my house and land, I'm happy to be here overall, but it has none of the social graces of small town life and all of the problems. I think what you're experiencing is typical town life where everybody knows your business

Post: #4

I don't evny you OP.
Rough position to be in.

I'd date long distance. Take trips out of town and visit girls from ok cupid/tinder/pof
It's the only way you can make yourself decently free to date and make the mistakes you need to take.
OR
Just move out of the town and start a new life in a bigger city.


No matter how you play it, once you start dating around women will talk and you'll become the town gossip. And considering what we've seen in the news about sexual hookups now turning into rape/sexual assault 15+ years from now. And people will remember the gossip about and so and so dating for 3 months back in the spring of 2019.

Nothing good can come from this.

Post: #5

I lived in a Rural college town for 3 years and it was hell for me socially coming from a city. In a city I can just fade into the background, date outside of my social circle, and no one really cares about you-That tiny ass town I lived in was impossible to be private in, everyone was in my business. I think you did the right thing by going to do your relationship stuff in another city.

Post: #6

Man in a situation like that I wouldn't fuck with anyone in that town - especially if you aren't looking to settle down or even get into a serious LTR with.

Even with a serious LTR- so much bullshit can come back to you - it's best not to shit where you eat.

Especially if people owe you money, their your clients, etc.

You made the smartest move by keeping it outside your city.

Post: #7

This was all settled by Oscar Wilde in the 1880's.

Invent a younger brother or sick friend as excuse to disappear from small town for shenanigans.

And blame butler when there are no cucumbers for the sandwiches.

Post: #8

You might just need to have a dedicated LTR in your home town.

If you want to fuck around then don't shit where you eat.

There is also another option that men use for privacy but it's not to be discussion on this forum.