Post: #1

As a kid, I used to love the excitement of seeing a new place with my parents in a jet plane in my precocious little head. I viewed airplanes as time machines and airports as a convergence of people who like time machines. That little fantasy still exists in my head, as I'm still astounded that I can go in a metal tube and wake up in another reality. However, as I've gotten older and more traveled, that tin can of wonder has turned into the sardine can. Perhaps fighting my own little obsession with making flying as exciting as possible, I've worked hard on how to make my flight experience as positive and ballerific as possible. Let me drop some knowledge on how to end up in first class seating, exit rows seats, rows where you are the only traveler, obtain free beverage tickets on domestic flights, and in first class lounges.

Before I go into this, I'm sure many of you know of the forum flyertalk.com, and while they are an invaluable source of information from time to time, fuck 'em. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life eating at Applebee's fo 2x miles, or creating an excel sheet to keep track of how many CC offers I've signed up for to accumulate miles. Let's fly like a baller the way it should be done.

1. Find an airline alliance and fly with them unless absolutely necessary. I'm with Star Alliance. They cover the globe pretty well with high quality airlines. Thai, Turkish, Asiana, Air Canada, Lufthansa, Swiss, and Singapore are all high quality airlines internationally, with direct destinations to places I want to go. United and USair,while not great are also part of it and cover me domestically. Loyalty to an alliance is often the difference between you and some other well dressed schmuck that has figured this out as well. Which leads me into...

2. Dress for the occasion. The night before a flight,I always think about what I'm going to wear and I've settled into two go to outfits. The theory is simple. Every airline in the world wants to give off the impression that they are high quality,and attract well-heeled clientele. They absolutely do not want a scraggly backpacker in their first class lounge, in their best seats, or drinking for free on their flight. The clientele flying that airline who have actually paid for that business seat, or are sitting in that first class lounge do to want you there, as your scraggly ass isn't going to offer them any networking value. Dress like you're going to the classiest club or restaurant in your city when flying internationally. I have a flight to China tomorrow, and while there is going to be a severe language barrier when I check in, I'm wearing neatly pressed custom trousers, Ferragamo loafers, and a dressed shirt that oozes class commingled with trend. My best color is blue, so of course I'm going to clash the navy blue trousers with sky blue checkers on the shirt, mixed with brown loafers, a brow belt, a brown leather band Omega watch with a white back and blue hands, and a pair of ray bans that fit my face like a fucking glove. I'd throw a picture up of my outfit, but I'm on an iPad and can't upload. Nonetheless,the outfit oozes exactly the type of client they want interacting with their first class passengers. I've now flipped the game on them. They want me to be treated like a king because my ass in a good seat provides more value to their brand than the cost of my ass in that seat.

3. Ditch the backpack. Here's where we get to really have fun. I made a major investment this year, and this half of the game might not be for everyone. But fuck it, buy a fake if you have to. I bought Vuitton luggage. I bought it used, but it was certifiably real. It will never go out of style, and it is going to last a lifetime. If Mick Jagger swears by LV luggage, then I can too. I have a Vuitton suitcase and carry on bag. You walk into an airport with LV and you own the place more than a Russian fucking oligarch.

4. Arrive early. Many seats in fact are not assigned until an hour or two before a flight. They say you get to choose seat when you buy an airline ticket, but ever notice why most seats toward the front of the flight and all emergency row seats are always taken? They're not taken, they're simply held back for the people they want to sit there. Show up early ready to ball, and it's likely to be you.

5. Find a female to check in with. Game if she speaks English. If her English is poor, your outfit and luggage will do the talking. I flew BRU - JFK on a Saturday morning before a long weekend in April. A flight full of diplomats and government officials jumping either to the UN or going home from the EU to visit family. While I didn't fly business, guess who sat row 1 of economy in the exit row and drank moët?

6. Ask if there are upgrades to purchase. No, you won't pay, but it adds to the fantasy that you are the most important motherfucker on that flight. Chumps who think they can sit first class, ask if there is extra room for free, and will never sit there. Ballers who offer to pay will oftentimes be upgraded by offering to pay and running game. It's not the fact that you'll, but merely e offer that you have the cash to pay if need be. If there are none, which many times there aren't, then....

7. Explain why you need the first class lounge. I haven't been denied the first class lounge the last four times I've flown internationally. Remember, the mentality you must take is that your presence adds to the quality of their airline. Gaming an airline is a lot like gaming an American girl. Unprepared betas fail. Desperate men fail. Actions speak louder than words.

Falling to bang a girl means jerking off. Failing to game an airline means 10 hours of crying babies and hellacious jet lag. Prepare well boys and live the dream. Flight report coming after I touch down PVG.

Post: #2

This is well-written and informative, but I'd rather just focus my energies on the destination instead. The chances of gaming on a flight entirely depends on who you're sitting next to, which is completely random. This seems like a pointless, waste of energy, designed to give you "baller" status in your own mind. True "ballers" in an airport don't have to plan things out like this.

PS- Spend more time in poverty-stricken areas in some of the countries like Rio, and maybe you'll gain more perspective on meaningful things in life. Instead of worrying about fitting in with the "elite" in order to maybe get all of the comforts of first class, spend the money on doing good or in the destination, rather than on expensive suits and LV luggage.

Post: #3

This has little to nothing to do with gaming women. This is making traveling enjoyable rather than a hassle. I'd rather be refreshed to game women when I arrive at my destination than to be jet lagged and absent-minded for 2 days.

This is traveling and gaming life. Success on an airplane means more success on the ground.

Post: #4

(07-23-2012 12:17 PM)MaleDefined Wrote:  I'm still astounded that I can go in a metal tube and wake up in another reality.

I am still amazed by this as well.

Traveling takes on such a surreal quality for me because I sleep like a baby on flights.

I fall asleep in Miami and wake up in Colombia.

Or fall asleep in NYC and wake up in Barcelona.

It's a trip. (So to speak).

So yeah, that is what I do when I fly: catch up on much need sleep.

Post: #5

Interesting post MD, though the overall likelihood of being upgraded is still small. The only two people I can think of off the top of my head who I know have been upgraded out of the blue were both females. Both hot. Both young (17 and early 20's). One very classy/chic.

Business class, especially, is a gigantic sausage party since almost all the jobs in the world that require international business class travel are held by men. Female execs don't like jobs that involve a lot of travel.

Agree with your point 5. As men were not going to get anywhere with a male check-in attendant. Also, never ask directly to be upgraded for free. They'll likely be so annoyed that they'll stick you in the worst seat on the plane.

Another option is to actually PAY for the damn ticket in business/first. I don't know about Star Alliance, but OneWorld has a great round the world fare I hope to make use of. The cost ratio Economy:Business:First on this ticket is around 1:2:3, whereas for normal tickets it is usually somewhere around 1:5:15 I think.

Post: #6

(07-23-2012 12:41 PM)Bad Hussar Wrote:  Interesting post MD, though the overall likelihood of being upgraded is still small. The only two people I can think of off the top of my head who I know have been upgraded out of the blue were both females. Both hot. Both young (17 and early 20's). One very classy/chic.

Business class, especially, is a gigantic sausage party since almost all the jobs in the world that require international business class travel are held by men. Female execs don't like jobs that involve a lot of travel.

Agree with your point 5. As men were not going to get anywhere with a male check-in attendant. Also, never ask directly to be upgraded for free. They'll likely be so annoyed that they'll stick you in the worst seat on the plane.

Another option is to actually PAY for the damn ticket in business/first. I don't know about Star Alliance, but OneWorld has a great round the world fare I hope to make use of. The cost ratio Economy:Business:First on this ticket is around 1:2:3, whereas for normal tickets it is usually somewhere around 1:5:15 I think.

Damn right, the true chance of an upgrade from Econ to bus or 1st class is small. However, I've consistently found myself improving my situation when flying, whether it's the first class lounge, free drinks at the airport, free transport to my hotel, exit row seats, free drinks, my own row of seats etc. The cost-benefit of hitting an airport in style is so beneficial. Traveling isn't cheap, no matter what budget you're on, and to waste a day, living the life you've dreamed of, as HD Thoreau wold say, seems like a terrible idea.

Additionally at the end of the day, you're still making your flight. It's inot like you're going to end up in the lavatory if you play your hand and still lose.

Post: #7

Good post and a good read.

(07-23-2012 11:46 AM)MaleDefined Wrote:  7. Explain why you need the first class lounge. I haven't been denied the first class lounge the last four times I've flown internationally.

What kind of explanation do you use/have used to gain access to the lounge?

I can't quite think of one that would make sense without looking like I'm just fishing for some free improvement. Though I reckon that if you're looking sharp and valuable, they might just bend the rules for you.

Post: #8

Great advice by maledefined.

@ringo - If u want into the lounge, do what he said while flashing the blackberry / laptop and looking rushed. What airline counter girl is gonna tell u that u can't use their Lounge Internet connection to close that million dollar deal?

I've found that even looking a little classier than the average guy can pay off with better seats. So even if u don't wanna bring the ferragamos to some beach town in Thailand or the DR, u can still get free or discounted upgrades, especially if you're frequent flyer on a corporate ticket

Post: #9

Down in Shanghai. And guess what I did it again. I followed my own advice and ended up as the big fish in the ocean while the rest of the plane shot me disdainful looks while packed in like sardine cans. I flew some frumpy ass affiliate of China Eastern air outside of my airline alliance and did better than business class seating. I ended up with my entire row of seats. In business you get some decent recline, well I kindly asked for 3 pillows and a blanket, 1 Ambien later I laid all 6' feet of me flat across three seats and woke up four hours later in China.

I even took a fucking picture of it to prove to the doubters that I can have my cake and eat it too. I may have access to a laptop tomorrow so I can throw cold water on those who still don't believe me.

Post: #10

We'll be glad to see it.

Post: #11

One more simple tip. Always carry gum or chewing candy to chew during take off and landing. This makes a perfect icebreaker with the cute girl sitting next to you. Or the potential business contact, or old lady who will be happy to hook you up with her granddaughter when you get off the plane, haha.

Post: #12

I would appreciate a sample script for the airport counter (ala Gio game routine) for the upgrade.

I cant even picture this going down, show me the light!

Post: #13

I forgot about this thread! I promised to post a picture, which I never did. I'll have to go back through my photos and find it.

I've also become increasingly bold about just walking into first class lounges. If you're dressed well with a nice looking piece of luggage in tow just walk right in. The girls at the front won't even say anything usually. If they ask for the ticket, turn it into this huge hassle and search to find the ticket. Shuffle through your bag like a madman for 30 seconds and it's likely they'll just smile you through. You can also flat out lie. At PEK I remembered the name of the girl at the front desk who checked me in, so when I was questioned upon entering the first class lounge I said:

Nihao! LuWei at the front check in desk told me to just pop into the first class lounge. She said to give her a call if there were any issues.

At that, I picked up my bag and continued my walk into the lounge without giving them a chance to respond.

Post: #14

(06-28-2013 02:16 PM)MaleDefined Wrote:  I've also become increasingly bold about just walking into first class lounges. If you're dressed well with a nice looking piece of luggage in tow just walk right in.

Wait.

Wouldn't this only be "alpha" if you did this is a T-shirt, Teva Sandals, Jorts and a big backpack?

Maybe some mustard stains?

Post: #15

Wouldn't higher-end Amex card accomplish the same thing for airport lounges (obv minus style points)? Funny enough, Ive snuck into a few airport lounges but I had a fat UM (unaccompanied minor) sign hanging around my neck.

What I was asking is how did the coach--->biz/first go down?

Post: #16

(06-28-2013 03:59 PM)DVY Wrote:  Wouldn't higher-end Amex card accomplish the same thing for airport lounges (obv minus style points)? Funny enough, Ive snuck into a few airport lounges but I had a fat UM (unaccompanied minor) sign hanging around my neck.

What I was asking is how did the coach--->biz/first go down?

Yes, their annual fees are quite ridiculous however. For someone who is frequently traveling with layovers then I suppose the AmEx makes sense.

Post: #17

(07-23-2012 12:24 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

(07-23-2012 12:17 PM)MaleDefined Wrote:  I'm still astounded that I can go in a metal tube and wake up in another reality.

I am still amazed by this as well.

Traveling takes on such a surreal quality for me because I sleep like a baby on flights.

I fall asleep in Miami and wake up in Colombia.

Or fall asleep in NYC and wake up in Barcelona.

It's a trip. (So to speak).

So yeah, that is what I do when I fly: catch up on much need sleep.

I talk to more and more friends that tell me they can't sleep on planes. I've never had this problem. I generally fly very early morning, or overnight. I make sure I stay up, guaranteeing that the moment I get comfortable, I pass out. I fight to stay awake until they come through with the snack, but I'm often out before take-off. I'll stir awake usually an hour or less before landing. I pretty much always hit the ground running. Granted, the longest flight I've ever taken was about 10 hours. I'm curious as to how I'd manage a flight to Asia.

Post: #18

This is gold. I realized the difference in using game on female checkin agents a long time ago but for some reason the idea of actually dressing up for a flight never occurred to me.

It took me HAVING to dress in business casual because of the rules surrounding my companion status to realize how much differently you get treated by....well everyone.

Also, I used to bodyguard for a wealthy designer in LA and he collected antique LV luggage. The old school sets that people would take on trains. The trunks fold out to be mini closets and they just emote class, taste, and substance.

I think having a suitcase or a "satchel" is a great idea.

I definitely would like to hear your routine getting comped into the lounge.

Post: #19

Similar rules can be applied when your bags are overweight, last two times that happened I flashed a big smile, asked how their day was and continued the conversation, by the time they looked at the scales they were to happy that some charming chap had taken an interest in their wellbeing to charge me the extra.

Am flying long distance tomorrow so will try for a free upgrade.

Post: #20

No free upgrade for me. But I did charm the stewardess into giving me twice as much wine as everyone else. Baby steps in the game of life.

Post: #21

To me, it's less about dressing well on the flight and more about collecting credit card points and frequent flyer miles, although I dress reasonably well, not like a scruffy backpacker. Collecting miles and points is an art in and of itself. It takes time to learn, but basically I spend money and buy airline tickets anyway, so I might as well get the most benefits out of it. I would recommend web sites like flyertalk and thepointsguy for those who are not familiar with the subject.

Post: #22

Good advice overall, but there are some flaws.

Upgrades for all the big airlines are determined by the computer. It goes first by elite membership status, then a series of other variables, but a gate agent can't upgrade you over another passenger who is higher on the computer-generated list than you. So someone who bought a coach ticket on orbitz and has no elite status is not getting upgraded to business, period.

Same goes for lounge access. The computer determines whether you're allowed in or not. If an agent lets people in who aren't allowed in they can get fired. Perhaps your game is that tight so she places your value above her employment, I don't know.

Now as far as getting an exit row, entire rows to yourself etc, your advice is valid. Though dressing well is part of game anyway.

For me, getting an exit row seat is a bartering chip. You can game the hottest chick in the gate area and then trade your exit row seat with the person sitting next to her (who is likely a middle seat).


Here is my gameplan for swooping in the gate area:

Since girls are often stressed or in a frenzy at the airport, they're generally not in a flirtatious state right off the bat. So I'll sit next to her and play with my phone for a minute, while gauging how approachable she is. If it's not easy, I'll ask her to watch my bag for 30 seconds while I go to the bathroom. I'll go the the airport lounge and get a vodka/soda for myself and a mojito or mai-tai for her, and give it to her to thank her for watching my stuff. If I didn't have lounge access, I'd buy them at the bar and bring them over, but I'd tell her they were free from the lounge anyway.
Now the ice is broken and she's a bit relaxed, and I trade my exit row seat to the guy sitting next to her.


I have a couple tactics on getting legitimate lounge access and also free drinks in economy, I'll create a data sheet within the next week on that.

Post: #23

Get the LV carry on bag, forget the suitcase its shit quality, it also helps your daygame it status/label obsessed russia and asia, just pls don't buy a fake one, only assholes do that.

Post: #24

(06-28-2013 09:03 PM)Fisto Wrote:  This is gold. I realized the difference in using game on female checkin agents a long time ago but for some reason the idea of actually dressing up for a flight never occurred to me.

It took me HAVING to dress in business casual because of the rules surrounding my companion status to realize how much differently you get treated by....well everyone.

Also, I used to bodyguard for a wealthy designer in LA and he collected antique LV luggage. The old school sets that people would take on trains. The trunks fold out to be mini closets and they just emote class, taste, and substance.

I think having a suitcase or a "satchel" is a great idea.

I definitely would like to hear your routine getting comped into the lounge.

I never walk into the airport wearing any less than jeans, blazer, and boots. I carry a Coach laptop case for effect, and usually wear my sunglasses inside, with a lot of bling. The difference of how you're treated is day and night. The airlines staff have to dress professionally, so it's a respect they recognize.

I'm still dating a stewardess. She says the majority of the people they interact with are negative/poorly dressed/complainers. They are authorized, but do NOT have to give you shit if you're inconvienced. Having the right attitude will get you so much more. The girls at the baggage claim for US Airways in ATL know me by name, and hold my luggage separate from the normal stack. I figured this out long ago. My last flight home I missed 4-5 flights, lost a cowboy hat, among other things, and became "infamous" with the carrier and TSA. It was so bad I got a free ride from the cops to a hotel. Had I been a dick, things wouldn't have been in my favor.

Dressing well and treating people with respect in the airport will up your chances of getting comped. Last time I went to London, the weather sucked on both sides, and I was forced an overnight layover in Chicago. A group of sexy exchange students, dressed like a slumber party, and others, were forced to stay in the airport overnight. Because of my attire and attitude, I was given a pimp hotel and upgraded to biz class on the first available flight.

Post: #25

So true Aliblahba. Same applies for most people working in the service industry, they are generally treated badly and would prefer properly presented people in their establishments. Dressing well and giving them some respect goes a long way.