Post: #1

So I set up a date at my place with a girl, she says she'll be over at 7. She sends me these texts, at 5:30:

Her: "Hey"
Me: "Hi I just got out of the shower."
Her: "Headed home to shower. Do you drink?"
Me: "Of course."
Her: *bla bla bla about drinking*
Me: "Oh you mean at a bar? Bars aren't my thing. (Not letting her out of my frame, plus I hate bars.)"
Her: "Well no, we could get drinks to drink there, at your place. It's cool, don't sweat it."
Me: ""That would be ok yeah. What do you drink?""
Her: "Everything"
Me: "As long as it's not beer."
Her: ""I'm not gonna come over till later... I need to shower eat and all that jazz."
Her: "Is vodka cool? Anything you like it mixed with?"
Me: "Vodka is great, I like it with lime."

So, seems like it's going well. Then at 6:30...

Her: "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..."
Her: "I don't know how late I'll be able to stay awake tonight, I'm just about to pass out right now lol."
Me: "Probably not. I have stuff going on. Aaand flakey people bug me, sorry. "
Her: "Fine then we don't have to hang at all then. Sorry I have a job, a sport, and school."
Me: "Naw its ok. I understand. No need to be upset. I just have stuff going on too, and you said you were busy this week anyway. Maybe some other time. But dont say you want to hang out and cancel a half hour before you say youre going to, its really rude."
Me: "if you change your mind let me know later"
Her: "Like I said... Im not going to be around till maybe 8. My life isn't a set schedule, I just now got back to my place. I wouldnt be able to eat or shower "
Her: "if I had to be there by 7... I just guessed a time, nothing in stone. I'm not upset and I kinda think you are rude. I'm fucking sick! Sorry to cancel plans that were just set last night, but get used to it; it's life..."
Me: "Ok goodnight. Figure out when you want to come over."


Actually after this, I blew her off and told her to either come and hang out tonight or fuck off, because I don't waste time on flakey and rude people.

Is there anything I specifically did wrong, or is she just a crazy bitch?

Post: #2

Maybe she found it odd that you don't do bars. I wouldn't have argued about the flake past her first reply. Made you sound angry about her behavior as opposed to being cool about it and letting her know you don't put up with flakes. I would have said let me know when you're coming after your flake callout.

Was this her first flake?

Post: #3

when she said:
Her: "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..."

why didnt you just say:
"8's what I had in mind."

Post: #4

when she said:
Her: "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..."

why didnt you just say:
"8's what I had in mind."

I think you played it wrong. She suggested to hang at 8PM and you were like "you're a flake! I don't hang out with flakes!" There's a precarious balance between LEADING and GOING WITH THE FLOW.

Post: #5

(10-10-2012 07:09 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  Maybe she found it odd that you don't do bars.

That too. Don't be a dork like "I don't DO bars" because, you know what, everyone else does and you don't want to be that weirdo. You could have suggested a very low-key lounge bar where there aren't distractions, or just say, "I'm thinking more low-key, like XXX"

Post: #6

Thanks guys, also the context of this is, I live in a rural area, no car, and there's no way I'm going to any bar out here. I know you guys do the bar hangout dates but I just don't, I refuse, and I'll work on my game in other ways. I know it handicaps me a lot but for now it's not an option. I don't think she was suggesting a bar in the first place actually, was my mistake. I'm pretty new with game, is it common for girls to flake literally a half hour before they say they're going to hang out? I also didn't want to seem too weak willed, but now I see I was going too strong and needy sounding.

Post: #7

(10-10-2012 07:09 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  Maybe she found it odd that you don't do bars. I wouldn't have argued about the flake past her first reply. Made you sound angry about her behavior as opposed to being cool about it and letting her know you don't put up with flakes. I would have said let me know when you're coming after your flake callout.

Was this her first flake?

How exactly do I show that I'm cool with it, but also don't tolerate that behavior, without seeming angry? I wasn't angry, just annoyed, but it seems like it came out wrong.

Post: #8

LOL if you're gonna live in the sticks you better get a car. Girls who just randomly come out to the country to you for a first date will be one in a million.

And quit being so stubborn and learn to do bars. Because you know what? When you get a girlfriend, she's gonna wanna go out occasionally to the bar with you. And if you can't hang in a bar, that's gonna be a huge red flag to her and you ain't gonna have a girlfriend for much longer.

Post: #9

Well since I've been gaming online (since the end of August) I've had 5 girls over here (one actually picked me up to go to her place, smoked me out, I imbibed a bit too much and blew it), and fucked 3, it must be much more than one in a million. But yeah, car isn't going to work since I'm only in this shithole another 2 months, and I'm not interested in a girlfriend anyway. My current game is all OKC. It's working OK, this particular one just pissed me off.

Post: #10

Lots of bad text game at work here. I'm not saying I'm the king of text game but I'll go line-by-line here with what I would have done:

Her: "Hey"
Me: "Whats shakin."
Her: "Headed home to shower. Do you drink?"
Me: "Ya."
Her: *bla bla bla about drinking*
Me: "No bars tonight. I'm settled in w a glass of my favorite wine"
Her: "Well no, we could get drinks to drink there, at your place. It's cool, don't sweat it."
Me: ""Yep come on over. Whats your drink""
Her: "Everything"
Me: "Cool I got that."
Her: ""I'm not gonna come over till later... I need to shower eat and all that jazz."
Her: "Is vodka cool? Anything you like it mixed with?"
Me: "Bring whatever."

So, seems like it's going well. Then at 6:30...

Her: "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..."
Her: "I don't know how late I'll be able to stay awake tonight, I'm just about to pass out right now lol."
Me: "Ive got plans the rest of the week. "
Her: "Fine then we don't have to hang at all then. Sorry I have a job, a sport, and school."
Me: "*radio silence*."

As you can see, in my scenario it's also likely I wouldn't have hung out with her. Why? A flake is a flake. But if you want any chance of banging a flake, the last thing you do is call her out. You can put your foot down, maintain your frame, and establish your boundaries without calling her out.

Calling a bitch out is something you do after you've fucked her.

In my scenario, it leaves things open to restart texts and is also the scenario that's most likely to trigger a restart text from her.

Post: #11

(10-10-2012 07:52 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  Lots of bad text game at work here. I'm not saying I'm the king of text game but I'll go line-by-line here with what I would have done:

Her: "Hey"
Me: "Whats shakin."
Her: "Headed home to shower. Do you drink?"
Me: "Ya."
Her: *bla bla bla about drinking*
Me: "No bars tonight. I'm settled in w a glass of my favorite wine"
Her: "Well no, we could get drinks to drink there, at your place. It's cool, don't sweat it."
Me: ""Yep come on over. Whats your drink""
Her: "Everything"
Me: "Cool I got that."
Her: ""I'm not gonna come over till later... I need to shower eat and all that jazz."
Her: "Is vodka cool? Anything you like it mixed with?"
Me: "Bring whatever."

So, seems like it's going well. Then at 6:30...

Her: "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..."
Her: "I don't know how late I'll be able to stay awake tonight, I'm just about to pass out right now lol."
Me: "Ive got plans the rest of the week. "
Her: "Fine then we don't have to hang at all then. Sorry I have a job, a sport, and school."
Me: "*radio silence*."

As you can see, in my scenario it's also likely I wouldn't have hung out with her. Why? A flake is a flake. But if you want any chance of banging a flake, the last thing you do is call her out. You can put your foot down, maintain your frame, and establish your boundaries without calling her out.

Calling a bitch out is something you do after you've fucked her.

In my scenario, it leaves things open to restart texts and is also the scenario that's most likely to trigger a restart text from her.

Thanks, some of that text stuff didn't fit my personality and would be a lie, but the advice at the end seems solid.

Post: #12

Calling out a girl before having sex with her doesn't work. You kind of having to semi-tolerate it or drop her.

Post: #13

(10-10-2012 07:21 PM)Barbarossa Wrote:  I'm pretty new with game, is it common for girls to flake literally a half hour before they say they're going to hang out?

for me, yes. a date is never certain until you are staring her in the face.

I don't think this girl flaked, I think she just seemed hesitant, and you freaked out. just take the loss and move on.

for example, I had a date scheduled last thursday. the girl texted me wednesday night at 9pm. I knew that if I responded, the chance of a flake was high. so I just ignored it until noon the next day, at which point she seemed pumped to go out. tread lightly before the actual date happens, because girls will find any reason to cancel. sometimes they like you but are nervous, are on their period, feel fat, don't feel like showering, etc. - you get the idea.

Post: #14

your problem is not texting or bad bitch on the other side of the phone but that you reek of scarcity/neediness. like you NEEDED her so much that you got cranky getting no for an answer.

her text "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..." was quite obvious singnal that the date would not happen (provided that you didn't want to reschedule).

i think at this point you should have asked yourself "shoud i negotiate it in a fun cool way or tell her it's ok and forget about her for some time".

your response "Probably not. I have stuff going on. Aaand flakey people bug me, sorry." was straightforward but the way you wrote it indicated being butthurt/needy and angry. if you wanted to "punish" her lame behaviour you should have ignored her completely (i feel like that's what you wanted). the biggest punishment for women self esteem is no attention, not getting dissed.

calling a new girl out won't do anything good to you. and giving her lessons how about how she disrespect your time is even worse. it just conveys all the bad things about you. a girls expect you to be cool and non needy from first meet all the way down to the sex.

so... you could have just rescheduled or texted back something short like "it's fine maybe next time".

Post: #15

The whole "flake" phenomenon really pisses me off, I'm not needy, I actually have other girls coming down the pipe, but to cancel plans she made, a half hour beforehand is really fucked up to me. I guess I just have to deal with it, if it's a common thing.

Post: #16

Her: "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..."

You: Cool

Then radio silence

Post: #17

(10-11-2012 10:07 AM)Barbarossa Wrote:  The whole "flake" phenomenon really pisses me off, I'm not needy, I actually have other girls coming down the pipe, but to cancel plans she made, a half hour beforehand is really fucked up to me. I guess I just have to deal with it, if it's a common thing.

get it out of your head that that's "flaking." That's normal. It's how normal friends are in casual social (non-work) situations.

I know there have been plenty of times when I made plans with either girls or guys, and an hour or so before something either came up or I just didn't feel like meeting up. Sometimes I chalk it up and go anyway, sometimes I just say 'fuck it.' A lot depends on the value you place in the other - is the other person going to give you drugs, get you a better job, or is just some chumpy coworker from work? You just weren't high value enough in this case.

Post: #18

Quote:Me: "Probably not. I have stuff going on. Aaand flakey people bug me, sorry. "

Butthurt to the max.

If you had other girls "coming down the pipe" and I'm sure you do, why on earth would you bother replying at all to her flake? You're subcommunicating to her the exact opposite, scarcity. Think about that.

Post: #19

(10-10-2012 07:55 PM)Barbarossa Wrote:  

(10-10-2012 07:52 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  Lots of bad text game at work here. I'm not saying I'm the king of text game but I'll go line-by-line here with what I would have done:

Her: "Hey"
Me: "Whats shakin."
Her: "Headed home to shower. Do you drink?"
Me: "Ya."
Her: *bla bla bla about drinking*
Me: "No bars tonight. I'm settled in w a glass of my favorite wine"
Her: "Well no, we could get drinks to drink there, at your place. It's cool, don't sweat it."
Me: ""Yep come on over. Whats your drink""
Her: "Everything"
Me: "Cool I got that."
Her: ""I'm not gonna come over till later... I need to shower eat and all that jazz."
Her: "Is vodka cool? Anything you like it mixed with?"
Me: "Bring whatever."

So, seems like it's going well. Then at 6:30...

Her: "Do you just want to hang out later this week? I probably won't be around to chill till like 8. Plus I'm pretty tired and still recovering from my cold..."
Her: "I don't know how late I'll be able to stay awake tonight, I'm just about to pass out right now lol."
Me: "Ive got plans the rest of the week. "
Her: "Fine then we don't have to hang at all then. Sorry I have a job, a sport, and school."
Me: "*radio silence*."

As you can see, in my scenario it's also likely I wouldn't have hung out with her. Why? A flake is a flake. But if you want any chance of banging a flake, the last thing you do is call her out. You can put your foot down, maintain your frame, and establish your boundaries without calling her out.

Calling a bitch out is something you do after you've fucked her.

In my scenario, it leaves things open to restart texts and is also the scenario that's most likely to trigger a restart text from her.

Thanks, some of that text stuff didn't fit my personality and would be a lie, but the advice at the end seems solid.

That text stuff doesn't fit my personality either, that's why it's called game. In real life I'm smarter than that. I won my elementary school spelling bee for fucks sake. I'm into astronomy and philosophy and classical music. But none of that gets translated through text, intentionally so. I've learned, like so many decent men before me, that the more personality you reveal through text the more likely you are to fuck things up. It's been said many times before, read Gmac's posts on it...texting, at least texting PRE-BANG is about keeping things neutral, even cold, and all about logistics. You can let the occasional cute comment come out but the less the better.

PRE-BANG:
Dry
Cold
To-the-point

POST-BANG:
Cocky
Arrogant
Sexual
Abusive
El Mechanico

Post: #20

(10-11-2012 10:07 AM)Barbarossa Wrote:  The whole "flake" phenomenon really pisses me off, I'm not needy, I actually have other girls coming down the pipe, but to cancel plans she made, a half hour beforehand is really fucked up to me. I guess I just have to deal with it, if it's a common thing.

Here's what I think about flaking. It all depends on the way you treat the girl. If you play the cool dude who doesn't care, then she will play the cool bitch who likes to flake. That goes hand in hand. If through all your interactions you suggest you have many plans, that you're busy, and that she's just a random plan in your week, then she will act accordingly.

The only time you can call a girl out for being a flaky bitch is when you've shown genuine interest in her, you planned a date for her and booked her in advance THEN she cancels last minute. Now then it would be right to be angry. But if you didn't care all along, why do you all of a sudden care? Not all women are stupid, they can figure out things, especially when screening you.

Whenever I can call out a girl on her bad behavior is because I don't do that bad behavior myself. Then I can punish her, and I don't like to hang out with people I don't like. Otherwise I'm just bullshitting and tolerating her toxic shit to get her in bed, and in the realm of bullshit there is little space for feelings and authenticity...

Post: #21

I'm a firm believer of giving off the vibe that nothing really bothers you..

When she sent that message saying she would be late or might not come at all, simply reply "no prob. 8 is good. if not we'll do it another time"..

then just see where it goes from there.. I agree with the consensus that you don't call a girl out before you've banged.

Post: #22

Quote:Here's what I think about flaking. It all depends on the way you treat the girl. If you play the cool dude who doesn't care, then she will play the cool bitch who likes to flake. That goes hand in hand.

No, it doesn't. You have it backwards.

Quote: If through all your interactions you suggest you have many plans, that you're busy, and that she's just a random plan in your week, then she will act accordingly.

Again, a basic misunderstanding of female sexual psychology.

Quote:The only time you can call a girl out for being a flaky bitch is when you've shown genuine interest in her, you planned a date for her and booked her in advance THEN she cancels last minute. Now then it would be right to be angry

This just shows you have invested a lot more into her than she has into you. When you get angry you can forget ever banging her.

Thursday night I was sitting at a venue awaiting the arrival of my date. The date had been set a week in advance and confirmed that day. Five minutes after she was supposed to arrive I got a call from her canceling. Some problem with her kid. I told her don't worry about it- and I meant it-I wasn't angry. I immediately started texting girls and within 30 minutes an online girl i had never met showed up and we had a good date that ended with a makeout. i have another date with her tonight and the bang is looking probable. The girl who canceled? She texted me the next day and pleaded with me not to "delete" her! If I had gotten pissy with her I would have ruined my chance to bang her in the future and ruined my mood for that night. Instead i kept her in the mix and had fun with another girl.

Quote:But if you didn't care all along, why do you all of a sudden care? Not all women are stupid, they can figure out things, especially when screening you.

Not sure what this means

Quote:Whenever I can call out a girl on her bad behavior is because I don't do that bad behavior myself. Then I can punish her, and I don't like to hang out with people I don't like. Otherwise I'm just bullshitting and tolerating her toxic shit to get her in bed, and in the realm of bullshit there is little space for feelings and authenticity...

I suppose to some guys "punishing " a girl out of a sense of righteous indignation is satisfying. Personally, i would rather be jackhammering her pussy as she writhes and squeals, but that's just me

I wonder why the OP liked this post when several of the best posters on this forum have commented here to tell him this is the wrong approach.

Post: #23

(10-13-2012 10:11 AM)MrXY Wrote:  Thursday night I was sitting at a venue awaiting the arrival of my date. The date had been set a week in advance and confirmed that day. Five minutes after she was supposed to arrive I got a call from her canceling. Some problem with her kid. I told her don't worry about it- and I meant it-I wasn't angry. I immediately started texting girls and within 30 minutes an online girl i had never met showed up and we had a good date that ended with a makeout. i have another date with her tonight and the bang is looking probable.

When I make a plan with somebody, woman or man, and they cancel 30 minutes before, that's disrespectful. And I don't care who she is, I'm not gonna set a plan with her again unless she had a really good reason.

(10-13-2012 10:11 AM)MrXY Wrote:  If I had gotten pissy with her I would have ruined my chance to bang her in the future and ruined my mood for that night. Instead i kept her in the mix and had fun with another girl.

You're in the businness of pump and dump. I'm in serial monogamy, where I build relationships. It's 2 totally different worlds. In pump and dump whenever something goes bad with a woman you just move to the next. In relationships you have to establish rules from the start and stick to them.

(10-13-2012 10:11 AM)MrXY Wrote:  I wonder why the OP liked this post when several of the best posters on this forum have commented here to tell him this is the wrong approach.

Because I think this guy wants a girlfriend, so I gave him advice to get a girlfriend, not just a bang.

Post: #24

(10-13-2012 11:10 AM)Pappy Wrote:  Because I think this guy wants a girlfriend, so I gave him advice to get a girlfriend, not just a bang.

The more I focus on getting bangs, the more girls try to negotiate into being my girlfriend.

When I was looking for a girlfriend, I was getting no girlfriends, and no bangs.

Probably the most valuable thing I've learned from this forum is that going for bangs as fast as possible is the only approach that brings me any type of satisfaction with women. In my life, it's proven science.

Post: #25

I'm not looking for a girlfriend at all. It's hard to get into the "I don't give a fuck" mindset. I generally don't, but I also have a strong sense of what's polite and what isn't. Even being not into a girl, it pisses me off being flaked on. The next time I'll definitely go with the more laid back response though.