Post: #1

Just had to vent to you guys about what happened earlier today. It seems like I've mastered the art of blowing opportunities with girls. Short story long, I got to my job early today. At a retail grocery store. It's 24/7, so customers wander in at all hours. It being early, I wasn't expecting much.

I was talking to a coworker, this older lady, at the back of the store. All of a sudden, this girl, probably in her 20's, walks in. To say she was hot is an understatement. I don't mean to swear, but G*d, this chick was straight beautiful. Not in a flashy way, but more like in an unassuming, shy kinda way. She was black (like myself), had long hair, real pretty face (11 on a scale of 1-10), nice body, the whole nine. Even though I like to mix it up due to me having dated black, white, and spanish girls in the past, when it comes to settling down and getting married, she's the type of girl I want. Me and her held eye contact for what seemed like a while. As she was walking, she stared at me for 3-4 seconds, looked away, stared at me again for 3-4 seconds, looked away, and this happened about a couple more times until she walked out of my field of vision. Immediately, I was like oh sh*t, don't blow this, find her and walk up to her. I've done it before many times in my life. My roommates used to ask me how I had the courage to just walk up to random girls like that. But unfortunately, I also get shy many times in my life and this particular morning, I f****n froze up.. again. Despite a couple of my coworkers being there why I bowed out, that's just excuses. I know myself, I could have still found a way to start up a convo. Worse case, done it outside after she left.

Now I am completely bummed out and pissed at myself. I'm thankful that I've come across some really attractive girls that check me out, but what difference does it make, I have nothing to show for it at 30 years old except memories of dates I've gotten on the moments I decide to be brave. This is reinforcement that next year when my lease is up, I need to go through with relocating. No place is perfect, but to put myself in a new city, new environment where even though family and friends won't be near, it will force me to break myself out of this lull and be like how I am when I'm not shy. Every person is different, but I know for me, this is the best thing. Anyone relate to girls they've missed out on?

Post: #2

next

Post: #3

(11-15-2012 04:35 PM)dly267 Wrote:  I don't mean to swear, but G*d, this chick was straight beautiful. Not in a flashy way, but more like in an unassuming, shy kinda way. She was black (like myself), had long hair, real pretty face (11 on a scale of 1-10), nice body, the whole nine.

Sounds like you had the all-clear, but with a mindset like this, even if you had approached I doubt it would have gone well.

Put her RIGHT up on the pedestal, putting way too much pressure on yourself. Just remember her shit still stinks! Treat her like a 7, until she proves otherwise. Strongly recommend reading day bang as well.

Post: #4

(11-15-2012 04:50 PM)Prophylaxis Wrote:  ...Just remember her shit still stinks! Treat her like a 7, until she proves otherwise...

Lol. Very true, bro. Oddly enough, the times when I have approached girls, I've had that mindset subconsciously. Either that or I just go in with a "don't give a f**k" mentality. If I did that more consistently and not sporadically, I probably wouldn't be typing this right now. Damn.

Post: #5

Happens to the best of us. To be ON all the time is rough. Sometimes you push through but fuck up on the approach because you're just not ON. But this is life, same goes with your job and everything else. Just to make you feel better her is my last major freeze. I walked into a little hole in the wall pizza place and was waiting in line. There were three girls standing close by with their backs to me. Someone in the kitchen sneezed and this one girl just turned around and look dead at me and she was drop dead gorgeous. For some reason she locked eyes with me for like 5 seconds and I just froze. It was just so unexpected that I couldn't react. I just literally stood there looking at her. It was the perfect opportunity to say something, anything, but I literally could not even think. After a while she smiled and said something to me, which I didn't hear or understand, and then turned back to her friends. I was literally so mesmerized by her beauty that I had to sit down. She then walked by me to other side of the table to look at some photos on the wall and yet I couldn't say a single word. In the back of my mind I understood the opportunity was there but I couldn't move or speak. I got up and went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face to wake up, looked at myself in the mirror and said now you are going to go out there and talk to this girl or I am never going to let you forget this! I walked outside and looked around and she wasn't there. I looked out into the parking lot and she and her friends where getting into a car. They were waiting for a takeout pizza and it came while I was in the bathroom waking myself up

When we go out looking we are mentally prepared but when we are presented with an unexpected opportunity it's difficult to always raise to the challenge and this goes for everything in life.

Post: #6

wash, rinse, repeat my friend

Post: #7

(11-15-2012 07:19 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  ...For some reason she locked eyes with me for like 5 seconds and I just froze. It was just so unexpected that I couldn't react. I just literally stood there looking at her. It was the perfect opportunity to say something, anything, but I literally could not even think...

I can definitely relate, man. When girls are out and about in pairs or in threes, whether it's the mall, grocery shopping, or McDonald's, seems they get more flirty and more bold doing the whole eye contact thing. Like us guys, they feed off their friends and get more social. Probably can happen when they're alone too, if you're quick enough to catch them when they're not rolling their eyes or staring at the ground. Lol. Also seems like even when a girl is checking us out, sometimes, she probably hasn't even thought about what to do next if we really took her up on approaching her, especially if her girls are around. I guess chicks don't have all the answers either, but once they give us the green light, the rest is not their problem. It's up to us to figure out what to do at that point. And it's either sink or swim.

Post: #8

I've posted about this before, calling it "getting ambushed". It's like just when they're the last thing you're thinking about some idealized woman just suddenly is in your face cuing you. It's not much of an exaggeration to say I hate it, even though it's when I'm meeting the type I seem to like!!!

What I mentioned then, is that I wanted to have some canned "emergency opener." something you've coached yourself to say when you are absolutely floored, when you meet a girl that really throws you. It would be best to be a phrase you can say in any situation. Like when you can't THINK!

It's easy to SAY , "well just don't be thrown, just don't pedestal her" , but before I'm at that level I'm sure I'll have that experience again.

It just happened today!! I was on my way to the university gym on my bicycle, and a tall, well built girl was picking something off a tree on the bike path. I was so curious I did blurt out "What are you picking?" -- she was totally friendly, they were olive trees! I had never noticed, there's dozens of them all along the path. ..I slowed down on the bike and looked a little closer, and suddenly I could see thousands of black olives!

BY this time I was 10 yards away.

"There's thousands of them, that's amazing!" I said.Here's where I get the "extra dumb" points.

This beautiful girl half my age at most tried to keep the conversation going!!

"Online there's a place where they tell you how to pickle them."

""that's great" said but continued moving away. I have that sick feeling now-- rosy cheeked, enthusiastic, no high heels, nature-loving, tall- everything I love, and I'll never see her again, probably.

Walking to a girl and saying "You're beautiful and I had to meet you"-- saying ANYTHING -- may be the most beta, uncool thing in the world, but it's still has a lot better chance than saying nothing if that's what's going to happen

Post: #9

Thing was, she couldn't have seen me until she turned around. It was just one of those instant attraction things. Actually, I think you are right, girls do get more bold when they are out with their friends. It's very rare to get a girl all alone doing that but it does happen.

(11-15-2012 08:22 PM)dly267 Wrote:  

(11-15-2012 07:19 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  ...For some reason she locked eyes with me for like 5 seconds and I just froze. It was just so unexpected that I couldn't react. I just literally stood there looking at her. It was the perfect opportunity to say something, anything, but I literally could not even think...

I can definitely relate, man. When girls are out and about in pairs or in threes, whether it's the mall, grocery shopping, or McDonald's, seems they get more flirty and more bold doing the whole eye contact thing. Like us guys, they feed off their friends and get more social. Probably can happen when they're alone too, if you're quick enough to catch them when they're not rolling their eyes or staring at the ground. Lol. Also seems like even when a girl is checking us out, sometimes, she probably hasn't even thought about what to do next if we really took her up on approaching her, especially if her girls are around. I guess chicks don't have all the answers either, but once they give us the green light, the rest is not their problem. It's up to us to figure out what to do at that point. And it's either sink or swim.

Post: #10

Well, your situation was way better than mine. She was alone! And you could have turned around and go back!

(11-15-2012 08:27 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  I've posted about this before, calling it "getting ambushed". It's like just when they're the last thing you're thinking about some idealized woman just suddenly is in your face cuing you. It's not much of an exaggeration to say I hate it, even though it's when I'm meeting the type I seem to like!!!

What I mentioned then, is that I wanted to have some canned "emergency opener." something you've coached yourself to say when you are absolutely floored, when you meet a girl that really throws you. It would be best to be a phrase you can say in any situation. Like when you can't THINK!

It's easy to SAY , "well just don't be thrown, just don't pedestal her" , but before I'm at that level I'm sure I'll have that experience again.

It just happened today!! I was on my way to the university gym on my bicycle, and a tall, well built girl was picking something off a tree on the bike path. I was so curious I did blurt out "What are you picking?" -- she was totally friendly, they were olive trees! I had never noticed, there's dozens of them all along the path. ..I slowed down on the bike and looked a little closer, and suddenly I could see thousands of black olives!

BY this time I was 10 yards away.

"There's thousands of them, that's amazing!" I said.Here's where I get the "extra dumb" points.

This beautiful girl half my age at most tried to keep the conversation going!!

"Online there's a place where they tell you how to pickle them."

""that's great" said but continued moving away. I have that sick feeling now-- rosy cheeked, enthusiastic, no high heels, nature-loving, tall- everything I love, and I'll never see her again, probably.

Walking to a girl and saying "You're beautiful and I had to meet you"-- saying ANYTHING -- may be the most beta, uncool thing in the world, but it's still has a lot better chance than saying nothing if that's what's going to happen

Post: #11

(11-15-2012 08:42 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  Well, your situation was way better than mine. She was alone! And you could have turned around and go back!

Yes, this is true, but:

1) Going back after a minute or so is extremely awkward and looks cowardly, and almost like you're deranged. If it's just like 5 seconds after you walk away it's not as bad I don't think
2)The point I'm trying to make is each of us might benefit if we have an "emergency line" that we choose and practice in our minds in advance, so we blurt something out BEFORE leaving the scene, so when we are "ambushed" and are struck with a girl, we know we have a fallback Beta move to at least don't act like a little bitch and fade away-- like we both did !!hhahah no offense bro..

ANY kind of plan is better than hoping for luck...here, I could try this:

"Hi, you seem to have some kind of positive energy, I just wanted to talk to you."

Haha, my new catchphrase, "Better Beta than a bitch." I mean in this situation, you should at least say SOMETHING, yes?

Post: #12

Ye, anything would be better than that...lol

Post: #13

Sounded like she felt it was love at first sight

Bummer, dude.

Post: #14

Sometimes though they get you not at the beginning but somewhere in the middle and it's usually with younger girls. I met this guy younger sister at a party as his house and she was there with a friend of hers. We were just chatting BS but I knew she was digging me but I was just flirting with her, didn't want to make any moves on her because it was my buddy younger sister. Anyway, out of the blue she goes: hey, me and my friend is going to this party after, want to come? I was like oh, shit, so I said, don't you think I'm a little too old for you - to blow her off. But she came back with this one, that just left me speechless again: well, if you add both of us together I am sure we would be old enough for you (And she did have a smile on her face.)

I didn't have a comeback and I didn't go to the party and ye, I felt like shit the rest of the night.