Post: #1

There is a simple logic I use to handle rejection that may also help you guys. The logic goes like this:

Only a Yes has the power to change my life. A No does not.

If you approach a girl and she says No nothing in your life changes. You are exactly the person you were before you approached her. Only if she says Yes does she then has the power to potentially have an impact on your life. But this is not just about girls, it's about everything in life.

Now, a lot of us, take a rejection personally like the girl is rejection us because we are not good enough as a person. But again, logic does not support this. A girl could reject us for any number of reasons and there is no way to know what the exact combination of reasons are. She could be a lesbian (I met three last night), she could be married, have a bf, be asexual. She may only be attracted to old, bald guys and you are young and have hair. The list goes on and on.

Things get much easier once you have gotten some girls. Then you realize hey, it's not about me after all. Getting a girl to say yes, is not only about finding the right girl, it's about finding the right girl AT the right time.

Post: #2

Good thread Nomad. I find that a lot of guys new to game take rejection a little too personally because they never had the courage to approach many girls before in their lives for fear of being shot down. When they finally get over it and begin approaching like mad and get shot down repeatedly they begin to build an immunity to it over time to the point where it becomes nothing but a short sting that quickly passes.

Post: #3

Thanks!

Post: #4

This is by far my biggest stumbling block. I take rejection personally. Ugh.

As of now I am shifting my paradigm a bit and uprooting a lot of the inner nonsense that is making rejection for me so painful. I can see that I don't guard my inner space very well.

I've stepped up to the plate quite a few times, and have survived some harsh blow outs (even getting punched in the face), so I know I can handle rejection.

It sure doesn't stop that "RETREAT RETREAT RETREAT" feeling that washes over me every time I see a girl I want to approach. Fortunately, I know it is what I am thinking and how I interpret my environment that is causing the fear in the first place. I need to readjust my perspective for sure.

Post: #5

Rejection is a gift. It means she respects you as a man.
She could have said "I have a boyfriend but you seem nice.
Let's be friends!!"

Post: #6

@Captain Someone once told me that every failure just brings them one step closer to success. (I think Roosh mentions someone like this in Bang too.) If you know that you have to go through X number of girls to find a good target then the more quickly you go through that number the more quickly you are to lock into your target.

I am at a point now where I deliberately do shit to get rejected just for fun. (Never with a girl I am really into though...)

Post: #7

I've noticed a trend on this forum where newbies tend to post hi-concept threads instead of nitty-gritty stuff. I did this a lot here when I first came, but I think my more recent posts are more down to earth.

Post: #8

Well, feel free to add some nitty-gritty stuff to the concept Soup. It would be a great addendum.

(11-28-2012 09:10 PM)soup Wrote:  I've noticed a trend on this forum where newbies tend to post hi-concept threads instead of nitty-gritty stuff. I did this a lot here when I first came, but I think my more recent posts are more down to earth.

Post: #9

Rejection is part of the game. Actually, it's more often than not a big part. But it's par for the course, however. I stopped letting rejection hold me back a long time ago. Good thread, Nomad.

Post: #10

I think it's good for guys getting into this to hear it from people that have gone through it themselves. Then they don't feel it's something they are struggling with alone. Even after all these years, there are many times, when a beautiful girl will make me freeze up or become speechless. It is not something that you every really get over, it is only something you learn to deal it.

Post: #11

I strongly disagree.

I truly believe rejection can change your life. The more you are rejected, the more you are likely to succeed. Rejection gives you balls, it gets you used to tough situations, your "willing power" becomes stronger.The best players i have ever met were the guys that got rejected the most, if you adapt yourself for uncomfortable situations, chances are high that you will succeed as a player.

I enjoy being rejected. Nothing makes me stronger than being rejected. And the majority of time i think to myself "is this bitch serious?''

If rejection is not making you a better man, you need to think again.

Post: #12

Well, it's another way of looking at it that works in this case too.

Post: #13

Personally, I like getting shot down and rejected somet.imes. It gets me going.

Post: #14

Yep, me too but I guess it depends on your personality...

(11-29-2012 12:33 AM)houston Wrote:  Personally, I like getting shot down and rejected somet.imes. It gets me going.

Post: #15

(11-29-2012 12:33 AM)houston Wrote:  Personally, I like getting shot down and rejected somet.imes. It gets me going.

It's like I told Alpha Hunter recently. There's no better feeling long term than making an approach, getting shot down, then working it to the point where a week or two later after some extensive gaming that very same girl is sucking your dick or dropping you off lunch at work. It's happened to me. It made it all the sweeter.

Post: #16

(11-28-2012 10:05 PM)pitt Wrote:  I strongly disagree.

I truly believe rejection can change your life. The more you are rejected, the more you are likely to succeed. Rejection gives you balls, it gets you used to tough situations, your "willing power" becomes stronger.The best players i have ever met were the guys that got rejected the most, if you adapt yourself for uncomfortable situations, chances are high that you will succeed as a player.

I enjoy being rejected. Nothing makes me stronger than being rejected. And the majority of time i think to myself "is this bitch serious?''

If rejection is not making you a better man, you need to think again.

x2

It was actually a very brutal rejection that happened over 3 years ago that has made me become the man I am today. Before then I was not confident in anything, socially awkward and soft spoken. I decided that it was pretty much the last straw and it was either time to improve for the better or choose a life of solitude. Now I admit, I ain't on the level of some of you guys on here yet, but I'm consistently improving.

Game pretty much saved my life.

Post: #17

(11-29-2012 01:06 AM)NYJ Wrote:  Now I admit, I ain't on the level of some of you guys on here yet, but I'm consistently improving.

Game pretty much saved my life.

This is what matters in the end. Good to know that rejection can also indirectly change your life!

Post: #18

(11-29-2012 12:33 AM)houston Wrote:  Personally, I like getting shot down and rejected somet.imes. It gets me going.

To be honest, rejection has absolutely zero effect on me. Except for bad blowouts, because I find them extremely amusing.

Not approaching when I could have however does bother me a fair bit

Post: #19

I know the feeling. Nothing pisses me off more than knowing I had a clear shot and I didn't take it. I can handle being turned down, much more difficult to handle being a chicken.

(11-29-2012 01:34 AM)P Dog Wrote:  Not approaching when I could have however does bother me a fair bit

Post: #20

Somebody once gave me this advice:

Every time you get rejected - Understand that its because you got unlucky ; chick had a bad day, had a bf, got heart broken by a guy that looks like you... etc.

Every time you succeed - Understand that its because you're style is impeccable, your defense impregnable, your game amazing, your looks sharp.

Consciously acknowledge that the win is because of you, something you did - take the wins personally (you personally made it happen) but rationalize away the rejections (some outside circumstance made it happen)

Consciously doing this over time made me feel more and more confident as I became more and more successful.

Apply in all areas of life.

Post: #21

Rejection actually changes your life HARDCORE. It shapes your character. People who experience no or little adversity in their life are soft as fuck.

OP means that he's not butthurt when it happens and that's a good thing.

Post: #22

I was out Saturday with a chick who brazenly approached other girls told them they were pretty and asked them for a snog, she literally does not give a fuck. Best approaching lesson ever, her game was weak but as a way to highlight the pointlessness of approach anxiety it really worked.

Post: #23

I agree when it comes to approaches but I've had a few rejections lately where I've been on a few dates etc, girl seems crazy about me then says bye bye out of the blue. It's hard not to take that personally.. Im trying to use these experiences to toughen me up as my heart is totally on my sleeve.

Post: #24

What happens with a lot of guys is that they lose their game mindset on a date because they get happy and loose. They are like wow, I finally did it, she's here with me. I can relax now and take it easy. And what happens is that they slip back into their old behavior patterns which kills the girl interest.

The more attracted you are to a girl that MORE you need to be wary and conscious of how you are acting. For example, once a girl agrees to go out with me. I immediately go out and pick up a few more girls simply not to focus on her anymore and to not seem too needy when I meet her. The only time you can relax a little bit is AFTER you've bang her and then only just a little bit.

Post: #25

(11-29-2012 09:17 AM)lush1 Wrote:  I agree when it comes to approaches but I've had a few rejections lately where I've been on a few dates etc, girl seems crazy about me then says bye bye out of the blue. It's hard not to take that personally.. Im trying to use these experiences to toughen me up as my heart is totally on my sleeve.

I lost some bangs becasue i didnt escalate fast enough. If she is crazy about you bang her as soon as possible.