Post: #1

What would you guys do if you were in my situation?

I'm in my 30s and:

1. Knocked up a girl (from Eastern Europe) and we have a 2.5 year old kid together. We live in Eastern Europe. I am financially well-off and can live anywhere I want.

2. The girl is loyal but definitely not someone I would have picked as a long-term partner if it wasn't for the kid. In fact, I find my life largely joyless these days except for the joy that having a kid brings of course

3. We are not married -- but I've felt obligated to be the good dad by supporting the girl and the kid for the past several years

4. Still have lots of women after me -- including most recently a STUNNING 20 year old blonde -- who I hooked up with and am tempted to close the deal with this week. Some women know about my personal situation, others do not. I usually don't mention it right away.

5. Breaking up would mean lots of bad things, largely becoming an absent dad as I cannot see myself in this particular city for much longer if it wasn't for the kid.

It seems the only options left for me are:

1. Get mistresses and somehow endure a somewhat joyless relationship until the kid gets older

2. Realize I'm getting older, have a few secret flings here and there, then try to make it work out with what I have & keep the family together

3. Break-up once the kid is older and endure until then

4. Break-up now (my least favorite option for a variety of personal reasons)

Post: #2

wow. u have quite the dilemma.

i would tell the mother of the child that things are just not gonna work out. id try and find a nice female in the town that you like and have a good time with. do this till the child gets older and then re-examine the situation......

good luck and by the way if you dont mind me asking what kind of work do you do in EE?

Post: #3

Your number one obligation now is to the kid and not yourself. I'm not sure what to advise you, but once you have a kid, it's no longer about looking out for #1. That's why I don't want any kids until my selfishness level diminishes to the point that I'm willing to trade in my freedom for changing diapers. Not sure if that'll ever happen though.

Maybe tell the girl that you don't want to be in a relationship, but you want to still raise the kid.

Post: #4

Yeah, no doubt on raising the kid. The question is -- realistically -- how to do it effectively if I'm not together with the girl and we live in separate countries?

I'm wondering if a better compromise might be for me to stay put in the current situation and find a 2nd home in another country where I could go for a few months every year to get it away from it all. The stress of being in a lousy relationship is taking a toll on my health these days.

Post: #5

Option #2

Keep the family together, have mistresses. This is the old school way.

Post: #6

I second option #2. Put your kid on a good track where he has a decent shot of having a good life.

I know you're thinking that you want to be free to fool around, but after a short time doing this the end result will be something that may not be all that much better than your current situation. The grass always seems greener, etc.

Post: #7

Thanks for the advice. You guys are probably right.

It appears #2 becomes a lot more feasible as one gets richer, more powerful, and just as important, remains discreet (I'm thinking French Presidents vs Tiger Woods).

Post: #8

Is the mother of your child possibly into swinging?

That works for plenty of people.