Post: #1

I am an expert in this field.

Here is a technique that I recently added to my arsenal.

As soon as you feel it coming on, start sipping warm water. Tea is great. I like my lemon water.

Any form of warm water will work. Cold water works but its not as good in my opinion.

Thats it. When you go gotta take a sh*t, start sipping warm water. Sip it -- before, during and after. This will help clean you out.

Other basic tips are:

1) Deep breathes
2) Relax your hands
3) Go as soon as you feel it. Don't wait.
4) Eat more vegetables and fruit.
5) Stay hydrated

Post: #2

Post: #3

Anyone use one of those stool-type things that let you squat over the toilet? In my experience that position really facilitates the movement with very little strain.

Post: #4

Are we talking constipation cures?

A big ass salad with a few hard boiled eggs in it for dinner followed by a big cup of coffee with sugar and half and half the following morning usually does the trick.

A glass of prune juice before bed works too but it ends up coming out slow and creamy instead of a nice solid power dump like a manly man should have.

Post: #5

When I poo on December 25th this is what comes out?

Post: #6

Guide is incomplete, does not include toilet tissue or bidet recommendations

Post: #7

Forgot to mention the analysis part.

Ghost Poop ~~ You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Poop ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Poop ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Poop ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop ~~ This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop ~~ You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Poop ~~ You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Poop ~~ This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Poop ~~ This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

Wish Poop ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!

Cement Block or Oh God Poop ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Snake Poop ~~ This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) ~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Poop ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

The Bungee Poop ~~ The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Poop ~~ The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler ~~ The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Poop ~~ The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

Jack the Ripper Poop ~~ The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper ~~ The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Poop ~~ The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Poop ~~ The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Poop ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.

Oh Poop! Poop ~~ You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!

The Never Ending Poop ~~ It's the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. This always happens after eating at K.F.C.

Post: #8

Good habitual thing to do IMO is ab exercises 2-3 times a week. I remember being constipated for some days as doing those routine exercises won't just help stabilize your body & posture but tighten up your stomach as all that excess crap in your system will slide out more easily as a result.

Post: #9

Great... Now I have to take a shit

Post: #10

I take 1-2 tablespoons of whole psyllium husks everyday, it makes for huge shits and will also keep one regular. Very good for colon health, it's basically crude insoluble fiber.

Post: #11

Eat fermented foods.
Avoid foods that you might have mild allergies too.
Try to stand more during the day.
Drink lots of fluids.
Avoid overusing antibiotics. If the sickness is not bad don't take anythings. Antibiotics fuck your digestion up for a long time.

I personally avoid husks since its rough on my colon personally. I also have to limit how many salads I can eat a week to like 2 or 3 for a similar reason.

Post: #12

yams

they work so good i call them magic yams

Post: #13

(07-29-2013 05:14 PM)Hotwheels Wrote:  Great... Now I have to take a shit

I second Hotwheels, after getting to the 3rd post there was a sudden urge. BRB

Post: #14

I don't know if its coincidental or some primal urge to mark my territory but I only get the feeling to shit when I get close to home.

Post: #15

Real advice on how to shit properly.

Post: #16

Dammit DD, not the image I wanted to see lol

Post: #17

Lots of protein supplements give me a nice mushy poo that requires no effort, damn near fills the toilet to the brim, and makes me giggle when I realize how bad it smells.

Post: #18

400mg Magnesium Oxide as you go to bed will sort out your constipation.

As for the guy who recommended hard-boiled eggs, they bind me up like nothing else.

Post: #19

Eat spicy Thai food, never fails. I haven't been constipated in 20 years.

Post: #20

(07-29-2013 07:41 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  I don't know if its coincidental or some primal urge to mark my territory but I only get the feeling to shit when I get close to home.

I'll add to that- ever since I was a kid, being near a workshop I work in has made me need a leak. Sometimes even if there's not much in the bladder.

First off it was my dads workshop. Now I have my own yard and it's the same.

I definitely feel it's not just because I spend so much time there. If I go out to get supplies, I pull up into the yard and need a piss. When I was a kid, I'd walk down the garden to the workshop, open the door, then immediately have to head round the back for a slash.

Gotta be a primal thing. Mans tools, mans territory.

Post: #21

I'm glad this thread is up. I've been waiting for another good (non-troll) shit thread for a while.

/thread-8312.html

Post: #22

This is how to take a shit bro's:

http://www.naturesplatform.com/

Post: #23

I've gotten an interest in building a squat toilet-it's supposed to be much better for you

Post: #24

Baking soda has to be influential.

Somehow.

Post: #25

(07-29-2013 06:45 PM)billbudsocket Wrote:  I take 1-2 tablespoons of whole psyllium husks everyday, it makes for huge shits and will also keep one regular. Very good for colon health, it's basically crude insoluble fiber.

This.

And you left out the best detail: You don't need to wipe your ass afterwards, as the husks bulk up the stool. It comes out nice and dry.

Just use a baby wipe and you're good to go.

Guys, toilet paper is for savages. Paper just SMEARS fecal matter around your ass.

Get some flushable baby wipes and clean up properly.