Post: #1

One of the girls I'm casually dating I asked to come see me last night. Her friend just text messaged me that she got into a serious accident as she was driving back home from me.

I feel really bad and kind of guilty. I was really tired last night after a long, long chaotic weekend and despite this asked her to come over last night. She comes over but about an hour before she arrived my body just crashed and I was pretty lifeless. We hung out for awhile & had a glass of wine but she sensed how tired I was and sweetly excused herself so I could get some sleep.

Now I get this text message that on her way back she got in a serious accident that requires facial and hip surgery.

I guess I'll visit her tonight. I feel pretty guilty about this. But I'm pretty conflicted emotionally about this. On the one hand, I feel its partly my fault for drowsing off on her and her leaving early, but on the other hand this randomness can happen to anyone at anytime.

This situation is pretty knew to me, especially since we've only casually hung out 10 or so times...what do I say to her when I visit her in ICU? Do I bring any gift like a card or anything?

Post: #2

White flowers, if they are allowed.

Dont blame yourself man, it was not your fault, and there was probably nothing you could have done.

Show her your support, help her whenever and however you can, and be a friend, but dont feel like you owe her anything, or that will eat you up inside.

Her life is not over, so neither is yours.

Post: #3

That sucks.

Don't feel too guilty. Even though feeling guilty may be what you are feeling naturally, things like this happen more than you would think.

I would visit her and if a card is your style then go for it but what is more important is to not apologize.

Post: #4

I've gotten this as a grade school shit test when they wanna see if you really like them.
Usually a friend will call you or tell you in person.

I'm not saying she's bullshitting you. Verify the info as best you can before you respond.

Post: #5

yeah you should feel guilty. u asked her to come over and then flaked

u fuck a girl 10 times she's your girlfriend

Post: #6

(08-27-2013 03:31 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  I've gotten this as a grade school shit test when they wanna see if you really like them.
Usually a friend will call you or tell you in person.

I'm not saying she's bullshitting you. Verify the info as best you can before you respond.

Yeah, this I'm kinda ashamed to admit was my first thought too. But I called the hospital. She's there.

Post: #7

Include a nice card:

"Baby, you are GUARANTEED a spot back in my rotation once you are healed up enough. Call me after the surgical scars heal."

Post: #8

Was she tired? Did she fall asleep at the wheel? If yes, then I would feel a bit guilty if I were you.

But if it was some other dude who nailed her, then you cannot be held responsible, and yes the situation is tragic. I would support her if I were you.

Post: #9

That sucks, but you are not responsible. Could she not call a cab? It was her choice to drive.

Don't feel guilty. You can be there for her and I can't think of anything else that would be appropriate.

Post: #10

Not your fault. She came over to see you on her own free will. Accidents can happens anytime, anywhere. It just so happened that it was that night.

I can understand why you're hurting, and I would be upset too. The fact you're hurting is a good thing, because it shows you aren't some sociopath. If you didn't care, then there would be something wrong with you.

But do not beat yourself up about it.

As for a response, I second everything Germanico said.

Good luck to you, and her.

Post: #11

Why do we still treat females like innocent little fragile creatures that can do no wrong?

She made the choice to leave. She was there just for cock that you couldnt provide so she took off. She could have stayed with you anyway. Maybe she was on the way to some other dudes house to fuck him since you werent up for it. Maybe she was even texting him when the crash happened.

Her decisions (and possibly poor woman driving) led to the crash. It had nothing to do with you.

Post: #12

(08-27-2013 05:54 PM)Jaylow Wrote:  Why do we still treat females like innocent little fragile creatures that can do no wrong?

She made the choice to leave. She was there just for cock that you couldnt provide so she took off. She could have stayed with you anyway. Maybe she was on the way to some other dudes house to fuck him since you werent up for it. Maybe she was even texting him when the crash happened.

Her decisions (and possibly poor woman driving) led to the crash. It had nothing to do with you.

Come on man, you can be a player without being devoid of any humanity. A person got hurt badly in a crash, for every thing that you said was a possible cause; the opposite is also possible. Thats not putting a girl on a pedestal, no one is saying he should now marry her.

To the OP, theres nothing wrong with feeling for a person. It wasnt your fault, you didnt cause the accident, just horrible timing, circumstance....all the usual ingredients.

One word of warning though, i had a friend who was causally dating a girl when she got in a bad accident too. He was at her side in hospital and it really helped her, but to the point she became really emotionally dependant on him. He went out with her for a long time through sympathy, her family labeled him her saviour and rock but he wasnt even that into her......led to a messy break up. Dont need to be cold over it, but dont feel you owe her anything, it could have happened if she was drving to or from anywhere else....can happen to anyone. nothing wrong with caring a little though.

Post: #13

Im not a player. I dont see why he should feel guilty for her getting into an accident when she left on her own accord. Feeling bad for her is not the same as blaming yourself for something you didn't do.

Post: #14

Go and see her, just do what you normally do with women, you'll feel better as will she, no need to feel guilty as accidents happen.

Post: #15

Don't trip dude; accidents happen and blaming yourself will only impede your growth as a person.

Visit her in the hospital; no flowers or cards (will only make you feel and look like you're bearing some guilt), and see how she is.

Not to sound hardened, but life goes on. Be strong and keep walking.

Post: #16

Not your fault at all. She could get in an accident on the way back from the grocery store.

You asking her to come by is irrelevant.

It also sounds like you don't know the circumstances of the accident.

You do know the girl and if it were me I would go by and see if she needs anything.

If her friends start blaming you explain calmly that you had nothing to do with it.

Post: #17

How much wine did she drink? I probably would have said "hey you are welcome to crash here and leave when you are ready if you aren't up to driving just yet".

if she was fine to drive, then no reason to feel guilty.

Post: #18

Was this a single vehicle accident? Was she at fault? Was she tested for being under the influence?

Context is everything as far as what the true nature of the situation is. But regardless of that, don't be a dick and go completely ghost. Whoever texted you must be a mutual friend, go make a visit with a few people to the hospital to provide some emotional support as a group.

Post: #19

she didn't deserve it but beware how conciliatory you are. send a gift with your regards and leave it at that--radio silence. she's gonna be laid up awhile

Post: #20

I'd ad that if any of the girls I'm currently banging got in accident, I'd definitely go see them in the hospital.

Think about how boring it is in the hospital. Maybe you can fuck her there or do something really kinky.

Post: #21

If any of the girls I'm currently banging got in accident, I'd go visit them.

Think about how boring it must be in there. Maybe you can fuck her or do something kinky.

And, think about the opportunities for day game that a hospital presents.

We all know that nurses are horny as fuck.

If you aren't a doctor, and you bang a nurse, in a hospital room, then you get a rep point from me. This is the basis for many porno plots.

Post: #22

I know a slut who banged a married doctor in a new hospital wing under construction

OP, it's natural to have guilty feelings in this situation but rationally it wasn't your fault

Go visit her and bring her some food she really likes- hospital food sucks and she will appreciate that much more than flowers

Post: #23

You should visit her in hospital and do this:

Post: #24

Not your fault. Definitely should go visit her.

Post: #25

I would second taking her food, but if she needs facial reconstruction maybe she won't be able to eat it, and that might look bad. Flowers seem safer. You could call the hospital and ask.