Post: #1

These days a girl will give anybody her number. They love the attention, and the control that comes with it (picking and choosing whose texts they reply to), but for most guys trying to figure out what to text a girl can be very frustrating.

There's been tons of debates as to which way is right... do I text? What do I text? Or do I call? The Great G-man, has always been an advocate of the call, while yours truly had for years been all about texting. Well, it's time to mesh these two approaches together.

In my experience, the BEST way to avoid flakes, get more dates and more opportunities to show a girl that you're the next guy she wants to bang is to follow these simple steps:

1. You meet the girl (obviously) -

It goes without saying if you don't build a good rapport when you first meet (or she's completely wasted) the chances of you communicating again are slim to none. She may give you the courtesy "Who is this?" text, but that's a sign that you're likely already dead in the water.

As a way of hopefully circumventing that, WHEN I settle for a girls number, I do one of two things:

Option A: "Hey, we should hang out again, put your number in my phone [she does]. Cool, I'll call/text you real quick now so you have mine."

Option B: "Hey, you seem (like fun/cool) take my number, and then text (or call) me so I have yours."

Let's move on though, because building attraction and getting a number, is not what this topic is all about.

2. Unless she EXPLICITLY ASKS OTHERWISE, ALWAYS TEXT FIRST!

Calling first is idiotic, there's a way higher chance she doesn't answer your call vs her not responding to a text (eventually). When you call, she might be doing something where she's not even able to answer the phone, and then it just gets awkward. Trust me, you don't want to leave some dopey message that she's going to listen to and wonder why the hell she ever gave you her number in the first place. Plus if you call her, and then try a desperation text later, you'll look like an idiot, and I highly doubt you'll get a response. So just start with a text.

If you've read my newbie guide (link) your first text should be simple, don't be a dildo and try and tell her some joke, or whatever, just go with "What's up" or "Hey, how are you?" maybe even "Hey this is X" and then play that fun waiting game... If she texts back, cool.

Now, here's where I used to think the best move was just keeping it simple, logistical and that was that. I was wrong. Instead, be slightly playful (not stupid or sexual) and maybe make a sarcastic joke that even your 6 year old nephew would understand. The point isn't to be funny, but to show that you're not some robot. So play her texting games a little, but don't start answering a bunch of questions, maybe a half-dozen depending on what they are, but then STOP!

Reply to one of her questions without answering, and instead send her your own question, "What are you doing in an hour?"

Wait for the reply, and say, "Cool, I'll call you around x time." Make this move later in the day, always on a weekday, when you think she'll be at home and can have a conversation. Hopefully you can lock it in, and then call her 5-10 minutes after you said you would. Trust me, that's just the way to do it.

3. The phone call!

So, now you're going to call her and really see what's up. Why are you doing this? Well basically to show your personality. Talking to a girl over the phone, you get the chance to make a joke or two, show her how intelligent, funny and quick-witted you are, and sell her on you. You can tell a much better story here to get her more interested in you, and ideally, you can even get her talking and telling you stuff, showing that she's interested in you getting to know her too. Even if she isn't talking so much about herself, if she's asking questions, you're headed in the right direction.

Trust me, this is the way to go. It'll build so much more of a connection than if you just text a couple times and say, "Ok, meet me at X bar, at Y time."

The more she knows who you are (or present yourself as), and the more she hears your voice, the more invested she'll be, and the less likely she is to flake/cancel plans. Hearing your voice is key, because she'll become more comfortable with hearing you talk, even before you hang out again face to face.

Ultimately though, it's a style choice, what works best for me, might not work best for you. However, I've given this some field testing and I think it can work for everyone, so why not give this method a try and see if it helps you secure more bangs!

Post: #2

the only problem with this is 'what are you doing in an hour?'

I think it might be better to just say "hey I will try calling you in about a half hour" if you have a few texts back and forth. If she doesn't feel like typing out exactly what she is up to in an hour, she might just go silent.

Post: #3

interesting idea

Post: #4

Addendum:

I forgot to add this, for those that aren't confident in their conversational skills over the phone: practice, practice, practice. If you follow the steps above and plan on calling a girl in an hour, call your best friend up first, and talk to them for awhile to get yourself in a really chatty mood. I could see this whole thing backfiring if you call her and have a really awkward conversation. That sort of thing hasn't happened to me in about a decade, but it has happened, and I never talked to those girls after one bad phone call. So, just make sure you've got a few things to say for the first couple minutes, and then ideally once she starts talking, you're mostly just listening.

The whole concept is so simple, and I've read G and others post about using the phone (although some said to use the phone exclusively), but I just wasn't doing it, because I foolishly assumed today's girls just text. I've been working this method in for the last couple months, and I've hung out with almost every girl I've had just one phone convo with.

(06-28-2014 04:52 AM)eradicator Wrote:  the only problem with this is 'what are you doing in an hour?'

I think it might be better to just say "hey I will try calling you in about a half hour" if you have a few texts back and forth. If she doesn't feel like typing out exactly what she is up to in an hour, she might just go silent.

Agreed; however, if she can't answer that simple question, then there's really no point in calling her. Girls that are actually interested in hanging out will talk to you on the phone. Girls that just want attention, will prefer to keep you in their text rotation.

I use hour over half-hour, because I actually started this with I'll call you in 30 minutes, but had several girls reply with, "Would an hour be ok?" I think 60 minutes is just right to build a little tension in them (he said he'd call, but will he?) and not so long that they forget, don't answer, fall asleep or start doing something else. Speaking of which...

If they don't answer:

This will happen from time to time, and sucks, but don't sweat it. Don't leave a message, and don't send another text until they do, unless you wait a couple days and try a restart. Chances are if they don't answer, they were wasting your time anyway, and would've just flaked eventually.

IF they text you with a "hey sorry I missed your call, I was doing x,y & z" just reply with a "no worries" and then see if they make the effort to keep the convo going, if not, the lead is likely dead.

IF you have to do a restart, now is a great time to try out new material or new ideas, because again the lead is likely dead.

Either way, don't offer to call again, because they will almost never answer the second time and you'll just look like an idiot. Instead, this is a good opportunity to try out new material or strategies, because you might as well get some research in.

Post: #5

Thanks CJ, I will try this and report back. I def believe talking to a girl on the phone is better than texting.

Post: #6

About a year ago I experimented with this and it worked well, not sure why I stopped. CJ this is a great idea, thanks for the reminder and the refinement in technique. One thing I would add is not to stay on the phone too long - let it run its natural course but be the one that ends it first.

I'm a little hesitant in the "what are you doing in the hour" question however...it can be interpreted as you want to hang out with them in an hour. Though I will experiment before questioning it.

Post: #7

This is the method I love to use, fuck texting hell! +1 CJ

Post: #8

(06-28-2014 10:36 AM)slubu Wrote:  I'm a little hesitant in the "what are you doing in the hour" question however...it can be interpreted as you want to hang out with them in an hour.

I definitely considered this when coming up with that question, and decided if they think I'm trying to meet up, that's fine. Either A, they'll actually want to meet up on a whim like that (hasn't happened yet) or B, feel less pressure to just talk on the phone. Oh, I guess C, can happen too, and you don't hear from them within the hour.

I should note, I don't go to this strategy during the first day I'm exchanging texts with a new girl. I'll play the "text games" I referenced above usually for two or three days before switching to the phone. It's situational though, you've got to gauge her level of interest, and calling isn't going to help if there's none to start with.

Post: #9

great thread- you can really set yourself apart from the other guys who are chasing the female in question by hitting her with a phone call.

i talk on the phone a lot at my day job, so i am able to flow really nicely on the phone so this plays to my advantage.
chicks don't talk on the phone very much unless it's with their mom, dad, siblings, relatives, etc etc.

over time, i've had a number of my fuck buddies makes comments that they like how i call them and don't just send them texts.

as CJ stated, it's good to use a mix of texts and phone calls.

when i cold approach a girl and get her number, i'll do the number exchange with her via text and then i'll often say "i will give you a call later" as opposed to saying "i'll text you later". sometimes i'll even tell them i don't like to text and i prefer to talk on the phone. this adds an air of mysterious confident charm.

i wouldn't recommend giving them an advanced warning of when you're going to call though.
telling her you'll give her a call in an hour adds too much pressure.
if she was interested in you when you exchanged numbers in person, she'll get excited when she feels her phone vibrating in the back pocket of those cute shorts she's wearing and pulls it out to see your number flashing on the screen.

she will likely answer with: "hello" (with a slightly confused tone).
to which i respond with: "hello miss (insert name here), this is General Butt Naked.
then i proceed to spit my rap.

the phone call is so superior to a trail of text messages and really humanizes the process.
you begin to remove yourself from the "suspicious stranger" compartment of her mind she previously placed you in.

PRIME EXAMPLE:
last week, i was riding my bike to a sandwich shop down the street and hit a red light right before my destination.
as i began to slow down, i and saw a cute indian chick standing on the corner of the street.
i pulled up next to her and came to a stop.
i was wearing a helmet and sunglasses so for the most part, she couldn't really see what i looked like.
i looked her up and down, said hello and she returned my hello with a smile.
i asked her what she was up to and she pointed at the bus coming down the street and said she had been waiting for it. she looked young so i asked how old she is. she says 19. i tell her she's cute. more smiles.
i ask her if she wants to hang out sometime- she says yes.
she says her phone is a piece of shit and that she has to take my number.
she calls my phone and now i have her number- cool.
she gets on the bus-- interaction was no longer than 1 minute.

fast forward three hours, i call her and we talk for 30 minutes.
conversation flows easy and towards the end, SHE ASKS ME when i free to hangout.
we arrange to meet on friday at no place in particular.
on thursday she texts me asking where we should meet.
i call her phone five minutes after i received her text and tell her that if she is comfortable with it, she should come over to my apartment at 1p (i had the day off). (the key words here is 'if your comfortable with it'. adding that bit greatly increases your chance of getting them over because it shows that your aware that she is entering a potentially dangerous situation by coming over some random guys house.

friday comes and it's now 1pm... my doorbell rings.
show her around the place and we kick it for a bit/ get to know each other a little better.

the kicker here is: she tells me she couldn't remember what i looked like and was relieved to see an attractive guy answer the door. she told me the phone calls made her feel like she knew me better and could trust me and that i wasn't going to turn out to be a serial killer... i playfully told her not to jump to conclusions because i've got a meat locker full of young indian women in my basement.

if i had texted her all along and not spoke with her on the phone, there is no way this chick would have came over to my place after having only talked to me for a minute in the street.

she also told me no one ever calls her so she was happy that i did.

a strong text game coupled with a strong phone presence will make you an unstoppable force when it comes to turning cold approach phone numbers into first dates.

Post: #10

Does it strike anyone else funny that people need practice to have a phone conversation now?

Taking on the phone used to be as normal as speaking in person. Men & women alike, have atrophied this basic form of communication (phone chat), to the point that we need advice on how to do it.

These days young people only make calls when its somebody older, or that they don't want to get to know (prospective jobs, support line, etc.), and choose to text when its someone they do know, or want to get to know (friends, potential lovers).

Isn't this backwards from how it should be?

Post: #11

I often ask girls under 25 if they actually use their phones for talking. Mainly Tinder/OKC connections I haven't met in person yet. Talking on the phone seems to be a DHV in some weird way.

Post: #12

A friend of mine advised me to do the same thing.

Approached this girl on Saturday, did the customary nice to meet you text the following day followed by a short texting back and forth.

I want to get her out for a drink tonight or maybe on Wednesday to build some more rapport. These were my friend's exact words:

Quote:They text with their girlfriends and relegate guys who text them to the status of desperate emasculated chump. A lot of guys are afraid of calling them because its much more personal and intimate than an impersonal text. You will stand out in her mind if you call her and don't sound scared. I'm sure she gets a million texts a day from all sorts of dicks she meets, this is a way for you to stand above the heap.

I think these words were relevant and are very much so to this thread.

(07-06-2014 02:54 PM)Courage Reborn Wrote:  Does it strike anyone else funny that people need practice to have a phone conversation now?

Yeah, it really is weird.

I'm great at talking in person, but not so much on the phone.

It really shouldn't be that different.

Post: #13

Worked like a charm. I recommend everyone try this.

Less beating around the bush, direct and masculine.

Post: #14

I've never had much problems simply callling girls and arranging a date on the first call. Half the time they haven't saved my number and they'll ask who is it as the first thing (I still always start by assuming they know it's me), so it's not just about me. Finnish girls just must be much better than the norm at responding/returning calls it seems. If there's no response I'll usually try to call again the next day, if still nothing I'll just drop her.

Even if I might get a better rate of success by using text messages, I still wouldn't switch - texting is such a hassle to get anything done, the convo could on over hours/days whereas calling gets you to the point in a few minutes.

Post: #15

I agree with everything said so far. I just got a number off Tinder of a 21 year old girl in a nearby city. I basically had to explain to her that I wanted the number so we could talk on the phone. I had to explain that I preferred a real conversation on the phone, since we are not nearby enough to meet in person right away. Finally she gave me the number after she understood my "weird" logic.

A few points to make:

1. Young folks today are scared of talking on the phone with anyone who is not a close friend. They are afraid of their call not being answered. They are afraid of answering a call that they don't know the purpose of.

2. If we are able to get a girl talking with us on the phone, it's a very intimate thing. 20 years ago it was normal to talk on the phone even if you didn't like someone. Now it's basically foreplay if you get a girl on the phone.

3. It's a great stepping stone to the meetup. It makes you stand out as a strong and different type of man. It builds enormous comfort. It shows enormous confidence.

4. you should not be afraid to talk with a girl on the phone. Otherwise you are just another beta AFC.

5. some girls will just never want to talk on the phone. It might be easier to meet them in person than to get them on the phone. It's just such a weird thing to these girls, or they are too busy to be bothered with it. They would rather just meet up in person. I got a lay once from an older chick who just wanted to text to arrange a meetup. Though younger chicks are more likely to be completely uncomfortable talking on the phone.

This is a great article about the Texting Generation and how they don't call anymore:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/con...02848.html

Post: #16

This is a great thread that deserves a bump and intertwines perfectly with soup's Fresh Direct and BlurredSevens Zero Date Bang strategies of:

Starting with text banters and feelers then building up enough comfort over days or even weeks that leads to a phone call which gets you from flake to a high chance of a girl being ready to bang.

Post: #17

I figured out recently that it's best not to ask more than once to talk on the phone. If it doesn't happen within a day or two of asking, then it's best to just go for the meetup. She can get bored trying to arrange a phone date. Obviously if she is too far to easily meet then you might want to try harder.

Post: #18

Don't ask to call her, tell her you're going to call her!

I've also tried just calling randomly in the middle of a text convo, to admittedly mixed results (they don't always answer, but usually will resume texting). The reason I give is always, "I got tired of texting."

Post: #19

So you would say "I'm calling you tonight" or "I'm calling you in a few" and how successful is this?

Post: #20

I start with, "What are you doing later/tonight/in an hour?" Because sometimes this turns into hanging out instead, and if not I just go with my original plan and say cool I'll call you at 9 (or whatever time).

I don't get every girl on the phone, but the ones I do I almost always end up seeing again... unless I decide I don't want to.

*I should note that almost all of my experience is with girls I first met in person, so if you're doing this with online girls you haven't met yet, then you may need to make adjustments.