Post: #1

I read through a lot of threads, posts, just trying to get an understanding of how guys think about the game, what their ultimate goals in it are, etc.

I've noticed in a lot of people's personal stories that they have really cared about some of the people that they've dealt with.

I understand. I've had people in my life who I can say I've genuinely cared for, but the common theme I've noticed in others' stories, is simply that they've cared too damn much.

They've cared so much that it's hindered their ability to not only move forward in their personal development as a man, but it's affected their ability to go out and have relationships with others.

My personal philosophy is rather simple:

If I've haven't married a woman and/or she hasn't given birth to my child, I can't give that much of a damn, because at the end of the day, what has she really done for me?

Think of all the people who have cared for you in your life. Think about the sacrifices they've made, the real love they've shown, all the things that have proven to you that they really give a fuck about you.

Now compare that to that girl that you can't get over.

There's no comparison.

I understand we have feelings, memories, sexual experiences, a variety of things that we have shared, but you know what?

Who the fuck cares.

There are plenty of women who have had feelings for me and vice versa; I have memories with all of them. I've had different types of sex and have been attracted to all of them in a variety of ways.

There is no "one".

Get over caring so damn much about your ex, the ex before the ex, or the present girl who you know it's over with, but you're still hanging around with her and hurting because your relationship with her is not fulfilling, all because you're too afraid to go back out into the world and find another woman who will accept you.

When things aren't right, change is good.

When things aren't right, change is necessary.

Don't care so much about a woman who probably not only hasn't cared as much about you, but she's actively working to kill your spirit which ultimately damages your self-esteem. That's why you can't move on. You're not holding to her because of love; you're holding on to one certain failure because it's more comforting than moving on to the unknown, the uncertain.

If you're going to care too damn much about anything, care about embracing the challenge of moving forward in life and improving yourself in the process. These women you care too damn much for are holding you back. If you can let them go, and move forward, then you will find a number of things in your life that are truly worth caring for, including a higher-quality woman who will also truly care for you.

Post: #2

I have great memories with several different girls. A few of those I wish I could have had more time, or done things differently, before things came to an end, by my initiative or just by natural conclusion. In the end, they are all good memories.

Sometimes it's nice to take a break and spend sometime reflecting about how far you've come.

As soon as you take a break and accept that it's all in the past and it won't be no more, there comes another cool girl around the corner. Fast forward, and more great memories with her for you to look back on, reflect, and another cool girl comes, and the cycle continues..

Girls come and go. That's a major game lesson that must be learned.

Post: #3

This is an interesting question. Sometimes you can get so enveloped with a girl that your emotions do cloud your judgment, and your previously-ironclad beliefs about your life. That's an issue and it needs to be addressed and avoided.

But what if a girl is "worthy" of your caring? Do we only draw the line at marriage/kids? Is it just pedestalization to think it for other reasons? Right now I have a girlfriend who loves me, devotes herself to me, cooks and cleans for me without asking, comes from a great family, doesn't even have a Facebook account and hates American women... But at the same time, I don't feel completely satisfied with a serious, monogamous relationship right now. Should I "care" about hurting her? In a sense. As men we should acknowledge the good and harm we do to others. But that doesn't have to dictate our actions. It can just inform our future actions and help us learn, and improve.

It was helpful for me to read your post, and be reminded of the fact that ultimately, our journey as a man is solitary, and even if "the right girl" comes along, every relationship in life is still transient. You are the ONLY constant in your own life.

Post: #4

(09-26-2014 12:36 PM)Dagonet Wrote:  But what if a girl is "worthy" of your caring? Do we only draw the line at marriage/kids? Is it just pedestalization to think it for other reasons?

I use marriage and kids just as a stark contrast to what most guys say a girl has done for them.

I think it's a mistake to give girls props for doing their part in the relationship, things such as cooking, cleaning, sex.

If you've had a number of girls in your life, most of them have probably done all of those things, so how has she set herself apart?

What has she done for you to care so much?

Also, you're in a current relationship that seems to be healthy, my words were more directed at guys who are stuck in bad relationships or they're having a hard time getting over girls who they are no longer with.

It's rough, and I don't want anyone to think I'm looking down on them because they're in that position, this is just meant to be helpful advice for guys who are in that place, to find the light to get out of the dark.

Post: #5

It's simple: Don't put pussy on a pedestal, put it underneath it.

Post: #6

I think your words are spot-on, Jariel. It's a great point that any woman would be expected to contribute in a relationship. Probably the fact that I've had very few relationships in my life contributes to me pedestalizing my girlfriend. Recently, I've gotten a little off track and felt a lot of self-imposed pressure to force things to work if my heart isn't in it. But I need to step back and look at the big picture of my life and my needs. Thanks for helping to keep it in perspective, for myself and any other guys reading it.

Post: #7

It is always a challenge to get full abundance mentality. Once you become intermediate in Game, you will be able to bang women you never though before.

However, once in a while you will bang a girl which will be the hottest in your life up to that point. You will get oneitis, even if you have other girls in your rotation. You should not care. If she is the hottest you ever had, you should not care. If you fuck her once or twice, you should not care. If she goes cold and doesn't return texts, you should not care. If she returns all texts, you should not care. If she ends up as your girlfriend, you should not care. If she nextes you after 2 dates, you should not care.

Post: #8

(09-26-2014 01:45 PM)Ternarydemonite Wrote:  It is always a challenge to get full abundance mentality.

You need an abundance reality to have the abundance mentality.

That's what I've found.

WIA

Post: #9

Being able to screen out and bury girls quickly if they show any signs of being able to negatively affect my self esteem has probably been the biggest gain game has given me other than more self esteem and confidence.

There was a girl I really liked recently felt tiny red flags that built from date 1 onward.

By date 4 I found out she was a hardened slut. The past me could have ignored all this for months and really gotten blind-sided. I was smart enough to keep spinnng plates and had literally 3 near bangs (dammnit!) inbetween all these dates. This helped me hold frame when tossing her.

Took me about 2 days to stop thinking about seeing her. I just went out and lined up more prospects.

It'd be great to notice to red flags sooner, pump and dump, and not waste a day.

Post: #10

Caring is an emotional thing.

You can't choose whether to care or not to care.

Post: #11

(09-26-2014 06:25 PM)OnlyMarryInTajikistan Wrote:  Caring is an emotional thing.

You can't choose whether to care or not to care.

I believe you CAN keep your feelings in check....that is of course once you're aware that you're caring and have feelings.

Post: #12

(09-26-2014 01:45 PM)Ternarydemonite Wrote:  However, once in a while you will bang a girl which will be the hottest in your life up to that point. You will get oneitis, even if you have other girls in your rotation. You should not care. If she is the hottest you ever had, you should not care. If you fuck her once or twice, you should not care. If she goes cold and doesn't return texts, you should not care. If she returns all texts, you should not care. If she ends up as your girlfriend, you should not care. If she nextes you after 2 dates, you should not care.

(09-26-2014 05:24 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:  Being able to screen out and bury girls quickly if they show any signs of being able to negatively affect my self esteem has probably been the biggest gain game has given me other than more self esteem and confidence.

There was a girl I really liked recently felt tiny red flags that built from date 1 onward.

By date 4 I found out she was a hardened slut. The past me could have ignored all this for months and really gotten blind-sided. I was smart enough to keep spinnng plates and had literally 3 near bangs (dammnit!) inbetween all these dates. This helped me hold frame when tossing her.

Took me about 2 days to stop thinking about seeing her. I just went out and lined up more prospects.

It'd be great to notice to red flags sooner, pump and dump, and not waste a day.

I can actually relate this to my latest bang. While I had no intention of a relationship from the get go, and had ruled her out as girlfriend material within an hour of knowing her, after we slept together I was actually hoodwinked into thinking we were going out.
It didn't really help matters that she was an 8, was pretty clingy (liked to cuddle, hold hands while walking and make out randomly), got me to bond emotionally and that the sex was more romantic than anything. Maybe you do get overly attached after a massive dry spell.

The red flags started to show, the morning after. Apart from her history of mental health issues; after telling me that I was the first Asian guy she'd had sex with, she revealed having ridden the carousel hard -- before and after a 5 year LTR. Looking back, I noticed a couple of signs that she had no intention of making this last either, contrary to her words.

She dropped me via text message not 20 minutes after I last left her (having pecked me on the lips). Framed it as being an issue of me. It took me a day to get over her.

I thought I would simply soldier on after with a stiff upper lip. I'm still relatively new to game, so having pulled as easily as I did really got to my head, not realising that I'd eventually hit the ground hard once I was back on the road again.

I'm still working on creating that abundance mentality, such that caring will get to me less. Not maintaining my frame must've hurt me too.

Post: #13

(09-26-2014 01:19 PM)jariel Wrote:  I use marriage and kids just as a stark contrast to what most guys say a girl has done for them.

I think it's a mistake to give girls props for doing their part in the relationship, things such as cooking, cleaning, sex.

If you've had a number of girls in your life, most of them have probably done all of those things, so how has she set herself apart?

What has she done for you to care so much?

Also, you're in a current relationship that seems to be healthy, my words were more directed at guys who are stuck in bad relationships or they're having a hard time getting over girls who they are no longer with.

It's rough, and I don't want anyone to think I'm looking down on them because they're in that position, this is just meant to be helpful advice for guys who are in that place, to find the light to get out of the dark.

Just a few thoughts that your latest words inspired, not trying to put words in OPs mouth:

I believe what you're saying is that guys are putting an inordinate amount of caring into a girl whose actions don't really add up to the rose-colored view these guys are getting. They're putting the girls on a pedestal, they just don't realize it.

One of the things that guys miss, is that they attach too much value to the positive things a girl does and not enough to the negative.

I absolutely love how my girl supports me, is thoughtful, helps me clean, helps me do shit that would normally be really boring to those cold sluts that might think they're better than everyone.

However, if she were doing things that negatively impacted me, I would care a LOT less about her positive actions.

Once you realize you don't have to deal with all the negative bullshit that a lot of girls put out, you realize that this is equally if not more important than the positive things they add to your life.

Maybe your thread title has better meaning as, "You Care Too Damn Much About Her Positive Qualities, Not Enough About The Negative"

If guys had better calibration for weeding out the girls with too much negative (despite the positive aspects), they wouldn't be in those relationships, they wouldn't be pursuing the wrong type of girl, and they wouldn't be anywhere near as thirsty.

Post: #14

I disagree with Jariel - not the part about most simps caring too much though!

Marriage is simply a legal [or religious] construct. I've had multiple girls propose to me, the fact we didn't get married is irrelevant to the amount of 'caring' I had for them. Maybe I was a fool for not picking one of them.

What if she's infertile? Care less for her? Seems odd to blame her for something she cannot control. Just my opinion.

Calibration is key. Perhaps because I am older and put up with zero bullshit whether she's 19, 25 or 29 it's easier for me to do so.

Care about the ones that are worth you spending your time, effort and money to care about. There are girls I've dumped that I still care about.

Everyone else is overkill, agreed.

Post: #15

^ How long did you see those girls before they proposed to you?

Were they official girlfriends bedorehand, met your family etc. ?

Post: #16

2 were 4-6 months of regular dating in the city, one of whom I had met her family. The other was a LTR who had met my family and vice versa. They were all in that 'marriage age-zone' of professional girls in NYC, call it 26-30.

I'm 99% sure I made the right choice never settling down. But one of the 6 month ones I sometimes wonder. Hot, sexy, fairly feminine, rich, cooked, very very fit, only a little bitchy, smart as hell....hmmmm. Oh well. Maybe I'd re-think that one if I had a time machine, lol.

Jariel is certainly right to say don't dwell on it. You gotta move on.

But I still care for 2 of my ex-gfs. Ending on a good note is definitely part of that. The rest I never ever think about.

Post: #17

I stick to younger girls.

Out in Montauk a week ago I met a 29yo VP of Finance for some capital firm based out of London with NYC offices.

I am going back in about a month for wedding.

We only made out in the bar "The Sloppy Tuna". Logistics fucked me.

She initiated text as I had flown back to CA.

She texted she is "blocking off" the days I will be back.

I lied and said I was looking for work in NYC through recruiters to try to get laid easier.

I have not encountered this type of being chased. She must want some real bad or is starving for a LTR.

I could see this type of girl proposing because she fears work will eat her soul soon enough without companionship.

Post: #18

Man Jariel just keeps dropping quality thread after thread in the Game forum lately. I think you must be reaching that age where you're ready to give back more than you take. Keep it up man I'm loving your threads.

Post: #19

People get frustrated or even get mad because they Give Out Unasked Caring voluntarily and they feel like they didn't get it back in return.

This is the mindset I have now.

People won't give a Damn if you Die tomorrow. Care about your own personal feeling and well being first before offering any.

Post: #20

(09-29-2014 11:24 AM)JWLZG Wrote:  I'm still working on creating that abundance mentality, such that caring will get to me less.

Try abundance mentality on the other side i.e know that most girls are exactly like her. She's nothing special lol

Throw a rock down Swanston St on a nice day and you'll hit a parade of white girls with mental health issues who flip from romantic good girl mood to crazy bitch mood as often as Melbourne changes its weather and would tell you you're the first Asian guy they've slept with (and I leave out another 200 features they all have in common).

That way, when you meet your next girl, you'll know exactly what to expect and stop caring too much.

Post: #21

(09-30-2014 04:31 PM)Samseau Wrote:  Man Jariel just keeps dropping quality thread after thread in the Game forum lately. I think you must be reaching that age where you're ready to give back more than you take. Keep it up man I'm loving your threads.

Agreed he is on fire. Would give another +1 if I could.

But re this thread 'not caring' is the single biggest thing you can do to get better at game I think (combined with abundance mentality and you cannot be defeated EVER!!).

Post: #22

I agree with the ideas of abundance and not pedestalizing women that are advocated here. I agree in theory and have implemented practically in my own life. I have spent so much time in gaming, dating and with many women the last few years that I sometimes question if I feel and care too little. Have I become to jaded, past a point of return?

I was a bit of a romantic in my younger years, believing in the one. I have long since abandoned that but every now and again (not often) I do feel and care for a woman. I am actually grateful for those feelings.

Post: #23

I am grateful for the very few times I meet a women worth caring for.

Post: #24

Men are like fat girls. So starved for attention that they get attached at the slightest acknowledgement of their existence. The less options you have ...the more attached
you become.

Post: #25

When you have banged multiple girls over many years you really start to notice the differences between them and can make accurate comparisons in terms of quality. Suddenly, you really notice those few you remember, and the many you forget. Despite having achieved abundance, I find it difficult not to care when I think of a girl who was genuinely better than the rest…otherwise I would have already forgotten her.

Do any of you think it’s possible to apply “fake it until you make it” in terms of showing a girl you already know, that you don’t care/don’t give a fuck ?

“Fake it till you make it”, is how I improved many aspects of my game over 3 years.
But I’m not sure if it’s possible to fake not caring.