Post: #1

After reading threads such as "I Got Played" and "I feel like my new GF of 2 days has upper hand already", I couldn't help but feel like this:



I don't say this to diss the posters of those threads, this is a community full of guys who want to learn, and fortunately, there's a lot of material here to learn from and both of those threads are great examples that provide teachable moments -- thank you to the OPs for being willing to share your stories.

I previously discussed some of the themes from "I Got Played" in another post entitled Stop Taking L's, so I will concentrate on the most recent thread in which one of our member's shared with us the situation he's facing with his new girlfriend at the moment.

The heart of the matter is "exclusivity", so we're going to discuss here the exclusivity game by defining and outlining it.

What Is Exclusivity?

Exclusivity doesn't mean you're no longer attracted to other women nor does it mean she's no longer attracted to other men. It doesn't mean you own her nor does it mean that she's owns you. It doesn't mean you no longer have a life or certain facets of it that are just yours nor does it mean that she no longer has a life or certain facets of it that are just hers.

Exclusivity is about self-policing and cooperation.

If the choice is to be exclusive with someone, then the choice is to self-police from other temptations and to be a cooperative person in the other person's life and the life that you two choose to lead together.

That means that while you do have a life that you share with her, there are certain aspects of your own life that she may not be a part of, e.g. fantasy football, the manosphere, etc., so you respect that she has her own life as well. As long as whatever that is hers isn't disrespectful to you and the relationship that you want to have, then it shouldn't be a problem -- most girls are boring as shit, they call/text each other when they come across new coupons and share with each other pictures of shit they can't afford, you don't need/want to be a part of that.

When Should You Be Exclusive?

I can't say this enough, exclusivity is earned. If you are a desirable man, you have options. If she wants you to put your options aside, then she has to earn that. I once had a girl ask me to stop sleeping with other women before she and I had sex for the first time, I laughed at her, but told her if she wanted that to even be a possibility, we needed to consummate our relationship, which we did about an hour after we got off the phone.

When a girl wants to lock a guy down, you'll get a certain level of effort from her without asking, I call it "make you feel special" game. She'll say and do things that will at least make you think she's down, she wants to be on the team, and she wants to be the star player.

What else will she do?

She'll also self-police.

Stepping out on a relationship requires opportunity and desire.

As long as a girl is breathing and exposed to other men, she will have plenty of opportunities, but she won't have the desire if she's down for you and thus is self-policing without thinking twice about it. She'll tell guys, even ones she finds physical attractive, and there are some, that she's not available.

Contrary to what appears to be popular belief around these parts, not all girls are sluts and you're not making girls do what you want them to do.

Some guys honestly believe that game makes a woman do whatever fits their desired outcome, like your game made her fuck you, date you, call you, whatever. Game didn't do that, her desire to do that did that. She makes you feel special because that's what she wants to do. She gives herself to you because that's what she wants to do. She self-polices because that's what she wants to do.



This is a classic example of a girl doing what she wants to do. She has a guy in her life, but she's still playing the game with other dudes. Maybe her dude does have good game, maybe he's bringing the pipe like she wants it to be brought, but maybe he isn't, maybe there's something else that she wants that he doesn't give her, regardless, even though he's in her life, she still wants to talk to other guys, because that's what she wants to do.

When you let go of those two fallacies, you can really start getting somewhere with females.

So when you are at a point where you're willing to put your options aside because you're down for her and you can see she's making an effort to show you she wants to be down and you can reasonably believe she's self-policing, and she's done that for an extended period of time, then maybe you're ready to be exclusive, because at the end of the day, that's what you both want.

Being exclusive means that the time for auditioning potential teammates is over, now the game is one-on-one.

What To Do When You're Ready
I believe in allowing things to happen organically. An exclusive relationship is one that happens organically. Hell, it happens without you two even realize that you're being exclusive. Thus, it is my belief, that you don't have to have a sit-down with your chick and talk about exclusivity, if anything, you can have a general conversation about the relationship, one that let's her know that you feel that you two are in a good place and as long as things continue in the manner that they have been, then there's a great possibility that you two will find the relationship in an even better place.

Communication is key, but formalities tend to scare people off. She can be the star player, but she doesn't need to know that she is, at least not in a verbal manner, let her analyze your actions and figure that you're all hers, besides, this allows for there to remain a little mystery about your ultimate intentions, which is good, so while she's on the team, that doesn't mean she gets exposed to the whole playbook.

About The Poster Who Inspired This Thread
I'm not sure what happened in his relationship that led him to drop three chicks from his rotation just to rock with one, but he needs to know that. Chances are she didn't really earn his exclusivity, she did something, and he just granted it to her. Now she is NOT his girlfriend. Your girlfriend doesn't play your texts to the left and figure she'll responds when she's good and ready. Your girl is a willing and cooperative teammate in your life, if she's not being that, she's not your girlfriend, she's just some chick you should be gaming for your own needs, if she's even worth that, I'm a player about mine, so I say:

Post: #2

My first post on the RVF forum (long time lurker)... and this is the reason why I signed up. Amazing and Insightful post. Very well put, brother.

Post: #3

(11-16-2014 02:01 AM)jariel Wrote:  When a girl wants to lock a guy down, you'll get a certain level of effort from her without asking, I call it "make you feel special" game. She'll say and do things that will at least make you think she's down, she wants to be on the team, and she wants to be the star player.

Good post, any chance you can expand or drop another thread on the bit I quoted above?

Looking back my ex ran heavy "make you feel special" game, and this isn't the first time I've had chicks run this one me. I don't know what it is, I guess I'm a sucker, but I've been very susceptible to this, especially when it's a beautiful girl showering me with praise and affection.

When we first got together right off the bat, she was trying to act like we had this great cosmic attraction and connection to each other, she was saying that I'm her "king", and that I'm the greatest guy she's met, and blah, blah, blah.

She was definitely impulsive and emotional, so maybe on some level she genuinely thought and felt that way, but I think a lot of it was that she thought I was a guy who was doing really good and had my shit together, and she wanted to seduce me, to make me fall for her, so she spun her little web and ran some real heavy "make you feel special" game on me.

Now I know this may be purple pill or newbie shit, but since Jariel is a bit of an old school player or at least seems like he's got shit figured out, it would be cool if he could drop some more knowledge on the subject of women running this style of "make you feel special game", and how we as men can identify it and the best course of action to take when we realize they're running this game on us.

Post: #4

(11-16-2014 05:43 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

(11-16-2014 02:01 AM)jariel Wrote:  When a girl wants to lock a guy down, you'll get a certain level of effort from her without asking, I call it "make you feel special" game. She'll say and do things that will at least make you think she's down, she wants to be on the team, and she wants to be the star player.

Good post, any chance you can expand or drop another thread on the bit I quoted above?

Looking back my ex ran heavy "make you feel special" game, and this isn't the first time I've had chicks run this one me. I don't know what it is, I guess I'm a sucker, but I've been very susceptible to this, especially when it's a beautiful girl showering me with praise and affection.

When we first got together right off the bat, she was trying to act like we had this great cosmic attraction and connection to each other, she was saying that I'm her "king", and that I'm the greatest guy she's met, and blah, blah, blah.

She was definitely impulsive and emotional, so maybe on some level she genuinely thought and felt that way, but I think a lot of it was that she thought I was a guy who was doing really good and had my shit together, and she wanted to seduce me, to make me fall for her, so she spun her little web and ran some real heavy "make you feel special" game on me.

Now I know this may be purple pill or newbie shit, but since Jariel is a bit of an old school player or at least seems like he's got shit figured out, it would be cool if he could drop some more knowledge on the subject of women running this style of "make you feel special game", and how we as men can identify it and the best course of action to take when we realize they're running this game on us.

if she's treating you better than your mother, you should know something is up.

Post: #5

I've been seeing this girl for about a month, roughly 2x per week, besides banging just an occasional grabbing a drink. We met off of Tinder.

She texted me last night asking whether we're dating other people or are exclusive. I've never spun plates, so she's my only girl at the moment. My past "relationships" ie fwb, usually drag out, where after multiple conversations about dating and exclusivity with me honestly answering/dodging questions ("I'm not ready for a relationship, but I like you, I like hanging out with you obviously")...ultimately she ends up getting pissed to where if I wanted sex, I'd have to put forth effort. Even if it's a year later, I could go back if I wanted to, but it's not worth the effort. I do feel bad for the chics, but ultimately they knew what they were getting into.

This situation is different because between her texting me the question and other context, it feels she's being very pragmatic about it. I responded with "let's get together this week and talk about it".

I think she looked at my Tinder and saw I had been on there throughout the day yesterday. In the future, after hooking up with a girl on Tinder, I will unmatch or block her or whatever so she can't see my "last online date/time".

I could probably be an asshole/narcissist and be disingenuous, lie, not respond, and whatever it takes to ignore her inquiry, and drag this out a lot longer. Narcissism has always been the main driver for me being able to get more sex out of a girl before she ends it.

Part of me wants to do this, to lie and be totally asshole about it, to create drama sometime in the future where she blows up at me in the bar and I'm stone cold, aware of all the chics around watching and getting wet. I may do this in the future. I am way more stone cold and narcissistic than I used to be.

Naturally I'm honest and proper about this stuff. I'd say the only thing stopping me from flipping that asshole switch is a very large social circle in a not so large city. Or...part of me thinks getting that asshole rep isn't a bad thing. People, friends, will run your name down, but single girls get wet over that shit.

Post: #6

Quote:Now I know this may be purple pill or newbie shit, but since Jariel is a bit of an old school player or at least seems like he's got shit figured out, it would be cool if he could drop some more knowledge on the subject of women running this style of "make you feel special game", and how we as men can identify it and the best course of action to take when we realize they're running this game on us.

How to keep it going? I've had exes pull out the stops before, but usually in order to secure some measure of commitment (exclusivity, I love you's) with the red carpet treatment rolling off unless we had a fight where I read her the riot act

Post: #7

Preach Brother

Post: #8

Excellent post jariel.

Post: #9

(11-16-2014 05:43 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

(11-16-2014 02:01 AM)jariel Wrote:  When a girl wants to lock a guy down, you'll get a certain level of effort from her without asking, I call it "make you feel special" game. She'll say and do things that will at least make you think she's down, she wants to be on the team, and she wants to be the star player.

Good post, any chance you can expand or drop another thread on the bit I quoted above?

Seems to me that it's actually pretty simple: she does nice things out of a genuine desire to please you. Of her own accord, she works hard in order to make you happy.

E.g., cooks you meals, buys you gifts, asks about how to fulfill your wants better, &c.

You can think of women's "make you feel special" game as the opposite of alpha male game. They basically act like beta males--CH has a post on this: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/03/...eta-males/

Post: #10

the make you feel special game is all they have now that pussy dont mean shit.

i fell victim to this game once upon a time. never again.

i've recently been seeing a girl that runs the same game - or so i thought - six months in and she has only stepped up even more, showing me she is down for the cause and a team player.

still every day i doubt it is real and expect the other shoe to drop at some point. maybe after a year i'll believe.

be wary of it because its the mack daddy game of them of all for the girls.

Post: #11

(11-18-2014 11:51 AM)Donkey_Riding Wrote:  

(11-16-2014 05:43 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

(11-16-2014 02:01 AM)jariel Wrote:  When a girl wants to lock a guy down, you'll get a certain level of effort from her without asking, I call it "make you feel special" game. She'll say and do things that will at least make you think she's down, she wants to be on the team, and she wants to be the star player.

Good post, any chance you can expand or drop another thread on the bit I quoted above?

Seems to me that it's actually pretty simple: she does nice things out of a genuine desire to please you. Of her own accord, she works hard in order to make you happy.

E.g., cooks you meals, buys you gifts, asks about how to fulfill your wants better, &c.

You can think of women's "make you feel special" game as the opposite of alpha male game. They basically act like beta males--CH has a post on this: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/03/...eta-males/

Yeah in my experience it's simple little things, like constantly texting u and asking how your day is, trying to always plan ahead, cooking and doing nice things here and there for you. And they are done out of a genuine desire to please you and be feminine. By women who actually want a man and to settle down eventually, not your typical US player girl who's looking to "have fun" and YOLO.

It can be a little annoying at times but in this day and age also kind of nice as well since women giving a sh*t and wanting a guy actually means something these days. I guess you just have to manage it and essentially avoid the "so where are we in this relationship" sort of discussion.

It hasn't been what OGNorcal had with this last live-in GF whereby she seems to be over the top in her comments and treatment of him. I haven't really had much of that in my life but it screams of her fitting you into her preconceived "OMG I have SUCH an amazing boyfriend" sort of role so that she can tell her friends and post it on FB and Instagram to both maker her look good and fill out a role in her life, as opposed to really being that into you or one particular guy.

I think the "self-policing" thing is also key whereby she'll set aside tons of time for you and not do too much on those nights you're not together.

Post: #12

Thanks for this post.

Despite my increasing value and game over the past couple years, I think I still had it in my mind that even though I know most girls are not worth much of my time, there are certain girls I am looking for that I am willing to establish exclusivity with. This helped me realize that those girls are definitely the ones you need to focus on, but it has to be the other way around - don't have any expectations, let things happen as they may, and if it's worth being exclusive with her she will let you know by putting the work in.

Wow, after writing that out it's a big difference from the average mindset isn't it. I mean, a few years ago I used to think 'I gotta do this this and this to get a cool girl and make her happy.'

Hell, a week or so ago I heard the following conversation in the gym locker room:

Guy 1: 'man, I'm so glad to be back in the gym, I've been away for a few months'
Guy 2: 'How come you took a break? It's about momentum bro'
G1: 'Ya yeah I know but I got a girlfriend so I stopped coming. Now since we broke up I gotta get back into it.'
G2: 'I know what you mean. Right now I'm going to put on some muscle, help me find a girl ya know, then I can lay off a bit'
G1: *something about gym being important to get girls, but that's where it ends*

Post: #13

Call it what you will but:

Main HB 8 in a 10 month relationship:

She is aware that I've been "exclusive" with her, 4-5 months ago we a had short confrontation of how I was caught on tinder with a friend of hers, she asks the standard "what are we ?" question.

I deny till I died, said it was a crazy ex that stalks me and catfishes me. She understood, I tell her I'm currently not with anyone else and if she needs to take what I say for what it's worth or move on.

I denied, I maintained my frame, I didn't give in, she hasn't brought anything up since, and she's been the same as she's always been.(This does NOT mean I trust her fully or pedastalize her).

I DO hunt new pussy and spin plates on the side (3 new bangs recently and 1 more on the way), fortunately my main doesn't live near the same city as I do and we only see each other 2 days week.

The "love" word hasn't come up yet, but yes I do have feelings for her (but I keep them in check).

Some may look at my relationship and side pieces and frown upon it, others might applaud me finding a nice balance, others would say it's incoming drama waiting to happen.

My Detroit Playas explained my reasoning behind what I'm doing succinctly:

Quote:Of course it helps

Takes the edge off a bit & keeps you in a composed, logical frame of mind

Nothing like outside pussy to help keep your perspective straight, and keep the stench of neediness from creeping in with your main squeeze

I have no regrets, I might actually stick only to her in a LTR but I'm still evaluating her. Only time and actions will tell.

Post: #14

(11-16-2014 02:01 AM)jariel Wrote:  

I'm having a tough time understanding what this caption means. Can anyone translate it?

Post: #15

He wants to check all her social media accounts to see if she's talking to any dudes. If she isn't talking to any, she gets to keep the $5k.

The female, however, declined and he stated that all women would decline that offer.

Post: #16

Defining the relationship should be the woman's job, it is the man's job to plan the dates, get the woman out in the first place, and keep escalating, if she wants exclusivity, she should ask for it.

If she asks for it too soon, like in the above case, where you haven't even fucked her yet, you should not give it. If you don't want exclusivity, you can say "wait six months and if we still want to keep dating, sure I will give it to you" or some variation. I usually wait about 3 months but whatever you want, its your life. I would not suggest agreeing to it if you don't want it. Why lie if you don't have to?

Post: #17

(11-18-2014 10:52 PM)eradicator Wrote:  Defining the relationship should be the woman's job, it is the man's job to plan the dates, get the woman out in the first place, and keep escalating, if she wants exclusivity, she should ask for it.

If she asks for it too soon, like in the above case, where you haven't even fucked her yet, you should not give it. If you don't want exclusivity, you can say "wait six months and if we still want to keep dating, sure I will give it to you" or some variation. I usually wait about 3 months but whatever you want, its your life. I would not suggest agreeing to it if you don't want it. Why lie if you don't have to?

Yup, when I got called out by my main, I told her I wasn't going to make a decision right then and there and that we would see what happens because I don't want to make a rash decision.

She understood and we kept dating.

NEVER EVER RELENT FRAME !