Post: #1

I think the title says it all but I've haven't seen this topic discussed here and I think that the subject is worthy of its own thread. I know that some of you fellas have found yourself in similar situations before, as I have, but I've never to the extent that I'm in now. Basically, I'm looking for some advice on how I should play this situation that I'm in. While some of my circumstances may be a bit unique to Colombia, I'm sure that other guys on here have found themselves in similar situations, here's what I"m dealing with:

I arrived in Colombia about three weeks ago and went about setting up shop, I already had a girl lined up who I had met on a previous trip several months ago, we had already hooked up so it was in the bag and we've continued to hook up since. She is an Afro-Colombian chick, 21 years old and while I hesitate to rate her on the now defunct 1-10 scale, let's just say that she would not be out of place in this thread nor this thread. We get along well, she's in uni and seems to have her shit together, as much as a 21 year old Colombian can anyway.

The problem is that I've made some upper crust friends here since I've arrived and I'm not sure if I should bring her around them. I managed to weasel my way into a social circle of upper class Colombians who all speak English well, went to bilingual IB schools and several of them studied abroad. Last week I went to a finca (country house) with a group of friends and we rolled up in late model imported truck that was bullet proof, the chica's parents are quite wealthy and apparently that SUV cost 100K+, so that's the kind of people I'm dealing with. Tonight I went to a night club which is owned by one of the guy's I was introduced to. I should mention that my initial encounter with these upper class guys involved one of them asking if I smoke weed within a minute of meeting them, he smoked me up and it turns out that all of his friends are huge pot heads and they gather frequently at his place to get high and that's how I met them all, they've taken quite the liking to me as I'm able to smoke with the best of them.

Anyway, there are definitely some cultural nuances (and probably racism) at play here and I'm not sure whether or not I should take this girl around these folks as she's definitely of a lower class than them and I'm not sure if by doing so, in this context, in could cause problems or maybe these people would diss me. I would like to cultivate strong friendships with these people as they are educated, wealthy and could possibly be interested in business opportunities in the future. At the very least, I would like to visit their fincas and get VIP treatment at the night clubs that they own, maybe even date one of the girls in their inner circle. So far, I've been pretty chill around their women, like I say, I have a pretty cute side piece I'm seeing a couple of times a week so my sexual needs are being met, but I'm considering cutting her off to get further into this upper crust circle, which in the long run, is probably in my best interest.

Any thoughts fellas?

Post: #2

If you have to ask - don't do it.

They'll sniff her out quickly.

For better or worse, you're judged by the company you keep.

It's not fair - but no one ever said it was.

Post: #3

This rule is so underrated, keep you family and business completely separated. © Biggie Smalls.

The reality is that you're going to break this chicks heart eventually. No fucking way that you'll voluntarily give up your privilege. It's too valuable.

WIA

Post: #4

She'll probably also be uncomfortable if you bring her around people way above her usual standing.

Post: #5

I know exactly what your saying, and I had always gone the fuck you route and take the girl out anyway. However, this was a bad strategy for girls I actually cared for, because then you start to make the girl feel ike your using in the opposite way, like an object to show your friends how 'hip' you are for not caring about class. If you actually like this girl, what I do, is have a very direct conversation and simply ask her opinion. "I know my friends are upper class, and I have no problem dating you, but if you feel uncomfortable bc of it, you dont have to come with me tonight/to the dinner/whatever...." I have found the main issue is just communication. Shes goiung to be super insecure about it, cause she is wondering what your thinking about it, and we all know that usually our own minds are way worse than reality, so you just re-assure her and that goes a long way.

I hope it works out for you.

Post: #6

Unless you are real serious with your 21 year girlfriend and not open to the idea of meeting up with any new chicks I wouldn't bring her around the high society friends. If you keep dabbling around in that circle theres a good chance you are gonna get introduced to some top talent.. and you don't wanna have other people in the circle tell her you are dating a girl from the hood.

They are two different worlds, keep them separated.

An enjoy Colombia!!! .... Man I went to a bar Thursday night that this guy had told me was full of hot Colombians here in Peru.... It ended up being a hooker bar but fuck my life there was 40 of the hottest bitches I had ever seen in there. I literally thought my head was gonna explode. I was losing my shit, I just kept rubbing my head and face and cheesin like a kid at Christmas.

Post: #7

...

Post: #8

I say go for it, but as another poster suggested maybe talk to her about it first. There was this one time in Colombia when I went to this incredible finca, such to the point that even my jaw was dropping. The girl I was with lived in a house, which living conditions were next to deplorable (no doors exc). I was shocked at her ability to act totally normal, I mean its an entirely different world, but she did. Inequality is normal, people are born into it and people live in it and most of them accept it. They will say something like si dios quiere and then be done with it.

I guess the better question is intellectually if she will get along with them. Since shes in university and kind of put together I'd guess yes.

Post: #9

It wouldnt be fair for her, she would be unconfortable. Or the, they would be unconfortable about her, and thus about you.

Keep them separated. If you fell guilty about not bringing her, perhaps you should reconsider putting her on the "side-piece" status.

Post: #10

I think the big thing is what if anything is the upside of bringing her? Is she the jealous type and wants to know where you go? Do you just want to take her because you enjoy her company? One thing I’ve found about people who are the worst racists and bigots is that they are quick to make exceptions for people they perceive to be of equal economic class, to a degree. I’ve also found that the younger generation of wealthy latinos is pretty tolerant, especially if they have been abroad and look more Hispanic than white.
If she can look the part and act the part then they might not even show any opposition to her being there. Of course if you’re a lot older than 21 and so are they you run the risk of getting labeled as a certain type of tourist. Depending on what they want from you and what you want from them, it’s probably not worth rocking the boat.
Some questions more that come to mind are:
Are there any darker skinned people in the social circle?
Do they view you as a cool foreigner or as their socio-economic equal?
Do they say derogatory things about the black part of the population?
Do you have the places they take you to on lock without them there?
Does your girl even want to go?

Post: #11

If you're thinking of cutting her off to get into their circle, then why risk taking her? If you're considering dropping her anyway, then you obviously don't want anything serious.

As much as I hate the classism in Latin American countries and would feel like forcing them to get along together, it's not worth it if it's going to get in the way of your goals (upper tier ladies and connections).

I've experienced classism from both sides and while I don't like it, it is somewhat understandable. I don't want to hang out with people who can't afford to do the things that the rest of the group wants to do; it makes everyone in the group feel like they have to help the person out.

On the other hand, in my poorer days, I couldn't afford to hang with people dropping $60-80 a night, since that was more than my salary in a day. More recently I've hung out with people who drop $10k on a night out. I could afford my portion (although it would hurt), but they insist on paying and for them it's nothing so I go along with it. While they're cool to hang out with, I've only done it on the rare occasion because it's uncomfortable to me that they are picking up my tab.

However, if it's racism, then I wouldn't want them as friends anyways. Since you're in Colombia, I'm guessing it would probably be more of a class problem than a race problem. Colombia is one of the least racist places I have ever been, although I haven't hung out with the estrato 6 types yet, so I could be wrong about racism.

Post: #12

Don't do it. Keep your circles different.

Class is a big thing among foreigners. I couldn't get it for the life of me, but I do it out of respect for my foreign friends.

Post: #13

I am usually a ''don't give a fuck'' person but I agree with the other posters, don't do it.

If she is a black Colombian, I am assuming that she is from a poor background. Colombians are usually colourist and look down on blacks in general.

They tend not to mix with blacks, if they are wealthy, this stigma becomes even worse.

See these friends as a business and networking opportunity. Don't mix it with pussy.

Post: #14

Are you planning on making this a serious relationship? Why bring around a girl to a potential group of friends who you won't be keeping around?

I personally like mixing my LTR with my larger social circle, but I don't do it is getting serious.

Post: #15

48 Laws of Power.

Your reputation is everything. Guard it with your life.

No need to lose reputation for a few inches of pink mucus tissue.

Post: #16

Wow homey, on the real, I don't think you deserve this girl. I used to be a corporate slave and cared a lot about what "higher class" people thought. I came from a poor (financially speaking) background and am now a self made man setting life on my terms. I suggest you do the same. It's very liberating not caring about what other people think and focusing on what makes you happy. You'd be surprised who will vibe with your true self. How do you know that none of those"high class" people don't have a black girl they're also into. To me"high class" people are just like chicks. There's tons of them so don't let their opinions or your stories of their opinions influence you bro.

Peace man

Post: #17

I won't even go into the class issue (being from a Latin American country myself I would say you have a pretty valid concern there), but why would you take any girl you're not willing to get remotely serious with for social gatherings with your friends? Unless she has hot female friends you can hook up with your rich male friends, it's pointless and sends the wrong message to the girl IMO.

Post: #18

NO NO NO

A lot of posters on here ask why a rich, upper class high-value guy would get married rather than keep playing the field. The answer is because it's rare to find a girl who can HANG with the upper class social strata of wealthy guys. When they meet a girl who can hang and be accepted by the upper echelon of society they marry. Most girls would make an idiot out of herself, and of YOU because it's you who brought her there.

Post: #19

(11-29-2014 05:45 AM)scotian Wrote:  and while I hesitate to rate her on the now defunct 1-10 scale

Post: #20

Wow this is such a pathetic mindset to have.

Being a self improving man isnt just about getting hotter notches. Its about having character and dignity.

You running around worrying what your new masters might think, and even worse, letting that decide the fate of your relationships is truely sad.

You are viewing and treating yourself as inferior to them. She may be lower class moneywise but youre definitely lower class since its so engrained in you to think of yourself as inferior.

I doubt any of your new friends worry about what you think of anything in their lives, yet here you are.

Be your own man.

Post: #21

If you're posting this thread then you already know the answer. Leave her ass home.
I like to believe that coolness>class but not everyone thinks that way.

Post: #22

Uhhh, if you have to ask, then don't do it. Sadly, a lot of hispanic cultures are VERY classist, so you're right to question bring that chick around. For her sake (and your sake) don't bring her.

Post: #23

(11-29-2014 11:16 PM)Fortis Wrote:  Uhhh, if you have to ask, then don't do it. Sadly, a lot of hispanic cultures are VERY classist, so you're right to question bring that chick around. For her sake (and your sake) don't bring her.

Lots of cultures are classist. It is the USA that is unique in that respect.

For example, there is a saying in England that someone can tell your class as soon as you open your mouth (accent)...which is true.

As for the OP: If you have to ask, then you know the answer. Leave the bitch at home.

Post: #24

^ of course, but I think Latinos are especially sensitive to class, as are some asians. I say this as a man of partial hispanic descent.

Post: #25

(11-29-2014 11:25 PM)Fortis Wrote:  ^ of course, but I think Latinos are especially sensitive to class, as are some asians. I say this as a man of partial hispanic descent.

Don't buy it. Lots of cultures are classist. Indians (from India), Chinese, Koreans, Japanese, Europeans, Latin Americans, etc.

American is also not a totally "classless society," it is just less prevalent here. After all, poor people are referred to as "welfare queens", "moochers", "white trash," etc...

The only difference with Latin American classism is there is a racial issue to the classism as well since the poorer classes tend to be darker.