Post: #1

A British Airways flight had to return to Heathrow because someone dropped a duece so foul people couldn't breathe.

Of course, the plane was enroute to Dubai...

Quote:This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

A British Airways flight was forced to turn around and land over the weekend because somebody did a shit so bad the plane was essentially rendered useless. Imagine living your life in the knowledge that you once turded so appallingly that a 747-400 had to turn around and land. Your liquid shit bought a £360-million ($533-million) airplane juddering out of the sky. Imagine looking your loved ones in the face after that. Imagine hugging your mom. You couldn't. Your asshole is essentially a terrorist.

Anyway, the BA flight from Heathrow to Dubai on Saturday had to turn around and flop back down again at Heathrow just 30 minutes into the seven-hour flight because somebody did a toilet crime.

Hertsmere Tory councillor Abhishek Sachdev—who has clearly not heard the "he who smelt it, dealt it" directive—happened to be on the flight, and, as well as tweeting his response ("Insane! Our BA flight to Dubai returned back to Heathrow because of a smelly poo in the toilet! 15hrs until next flight... #britishairways") also spoke to the Daily Mail about the ordeal. Again: imagine making a smell so bad a Tory councillor talks to a national paper about it.

"The pilot made an announcement requesting senior cabin crew, and we knew something was a bit odd," he said. "About 10 minutes later he said, 'You may have noticed there's a quite pungent smell coming from one of the toilets.'

"He said it was liquid fecal excrement. Those are the words he used."

Two things:

i. The informed knowledge of the liquid state of the turd in question sort of suggests the pilot actually went and looked at the mess himself, and, in which case, did he hold his special pilot's hat over his nose?

ii. This question always comes up when someone does a shit so appalling that it might as well not be human. We've all seen a bad shit. We've all been to a pub. We've all traveled on a bus at least once in our lives. Everybody in Britain, at some point, has had to piss at a train station. We've all lifted a toilet seat and, like Pandora's Box, stared into the abyss-like doom of someone else's medically inadvisable droppings. But the question is this: how, and more specifically why, is it possible to shit up and around the rim of a toilet and, side-question, how does one shit up a wall?

Ask me to shit up a wall and I would not know where to start. If I was trying, I do not think I could shit along a vertical pane. But there are people out there who seem to manage it on the regular. Do they go to the doctor immediately after? When you "deposit" something so forcefully that it ricochets right back out again, do you go straight to A&E and say, like, "Hello, doctor, something is very wrong with me," or do you, like, try and walk it off? Also, why does this always happen in public toilets?

Anyway, the flight was rescheduled for the next day, and British Airways made a statement saying, "We're very sorry for the discomfort to our customers," before providing everyone on the flight—including the rogue shitter, presumably, whoever they may be—with overnight hotel accommodation.

Safe travels, rogue shitter. Peace be with your lower intestine.

Someone On a British Airways Plane Took a Shit So Bad That It Had to Turn Around and Come Back Again

Post: #2

Quote:Your asshole is essentially a terrorist.

Post: #3

We've all been on those flights, four hours in on a full 747, floors on the toilets are wet, bad smells.

Post: #4

100 quids this was a woman. A fat one obviously!

Post: #5

(03-17-2015 05:13 PM)Vacancier Permanent Wrote:  100 quids this was a woman. A fat one obviously!

Post: #6

Damn, I feel for the ground crew member that had to clean this up. They should get combat pay for situations like this.

Post: #7

EDIT: I didn't add the link correctly.

Someone On a British Airways Plane Took a Shit So Bad That It Had to Turn Around and Come Back Again

Post: #8

What likely happened is that someone shit explosive diarrhea all over the bathroom and the flight attendants refused to clean it up, forcing the plane to return.

Post: #9

(03-17-2015 04:27 PM)RIslander Wrote:  A British Airways flight had to return to Heathrow because someone dropped a duece so foul people couldn't breathe.

Of course, the plane was enroute to Dubai...

That was a waste of a perfect Cleveland Steamer. Some Sheikh jumped the gun.

Post: #10

Hilarious. Can't be too hard to figure out who brought the plane down - just look around for the guy (or gal) with the dark purple face.

Can you imagine them listening to the heckles, curses, and complaints not just on the way back but then again the next day on the new flight? And not saying a word?

That is comedy.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #11

The sixth sick Sheikh's son was taking a practice run before landing in the kingdom of porta potty.

Post: #12

Shitting on walls can be done. The person likely did not sit down. Explosive diarrhea will do that. However if that passenger was obese and was taking a 10 pound diarrhea dump and threw in her tampons in addition to that to clog it all, well then it's officially Game Over.

Post: #13

I've had the misfortune of occasionally being in the stall at work next to my boss at the same time, who is morbidly obese.

Some of the sheer acoustics I hear (and feel), sees me block my ears (and nose).

I feel like wrapping my knuckles on the plywood partition and saying “you probably think your shit is normal - I’ve got news for you, it’s because you eat like a fucking pig”.

Post: #14

Someone may have pissed off a flight attendant and had some eye drops put in their drink.